back to article Cockfighting Reg hack cursed with cancer

My piece last week on a chance encounter with the film Cockfighter didn't go down to too well with one anonymous animal lover. Hiding behind the safety of a Tor Exit Router, the evidently unhappy bunny flamed away: For promoting cockfighting, I hope Lester Haines entire body gets riddled with cancer and dies a slow and …

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  1. slith
    Thumb Up

    PUTA Indeed!

    1. Andrew Moore Silver badge

      Indeed- someone knows a little Spanish

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I'd have sub-titled it "Maiming And Death Recreational Entertainment"

      1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

        Muy bien.

    3. icetrout

      8 week's & counting for Deer Season to begin here in Maryland... Shake & bake those Bambi steaks ...

      1. jake Silver badge

        @icetrout

        It's always deer season ... if you're friends with your local sherriff, that is. Most road-kill deer are at least 50% usable, if you get to them in time. I don't hunt anymore, but thanks to clueless tourists, I always have venison in my meat locker here in Sonoma, CA. Waste not, want not.

        Shake & Bake? Are you ill? A little salt & pepper, and a very hot grill is all you need ... and indeed, any more ruins the flavo(u)r of wild game. IMO, of course.

        1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

          Re: @icetrout

          Our local butcher dresses game for a lot of the hunters around here, and also makes some fine venison sausage and the like. So we can get fresh venison in season, and frozen or otherwise preserved much of the rest of the year. Just one of several reasons why a good local butcher is so much better than the meat counter at the local gigamart.

    4. Rovindi
      Coat

      ¿Títulos? ¿por qué?

      Hijo de puta would be more accurate, as given it is dearest El Reg, chances are it is a bloke!

      Slightly off-topic, but what drives someone to post such bile? We can all get angry and throw our toys out of the pram, from time to time, but FFS, that is a seriously disturbed individual.

      I`d get my coat, but it`s 32 here and, in my terrible Spanish, es demasiado caliente para un abrigo

  2. Rameses Niblick the Third (KKWWMT) Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Best. Response. Ever!

  3. Martin 47

    pish

    What no kittens versus Rottweilers?

    ..... or should that be kittunz?

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: pish

      You need a licence for kittens versus rottweilers.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: pish

        My Rottie is currently acting as babysitter for the first litter[1] of kittens we've had here on the ranch in years. Gut feeling is that they will be pushing the big softie around in a couple months ...

        [1] Stray came in *very* pregnant ... All our cats are spayed & neutered. She will be. Currently, she's in my lap, on a "kitten break" ... My main whippet is miffed that the Rottie took the nursemaid's job, but he'll deal with it :-)

        1. Thomas 4

          Re: pish

          Put me down for a fiver on the piranhas and a tenner on the badger - those things are vicious little bastards.

          1. Mr Temporary Handle
            Thumb Up

            Re: pish

            "...those things are vicious little bastards."

            Oh yes indeed!

            I was once bitten *through* a pair of heavy duty gloves while trying to assist an RSPCA officer. The contractors had just dumped the old barbwire they were replacing and it had become tangled in it.

            Ungrateful sod didn't seem to appreciate the fact we were trying to help...

      2. Evil Auditor Silver badge

        Re: pish

        Lester, I have a licence for kittens vs hammer. I'm pretty sure if you hold the rottweilers by their hind legs and hammer them down on the kittens that would be covered. Alternatively, you could just paint a hammer on the rottweilers. Or on the piranhas (take waterproof colour in that case). Or on about everything that is willing to tear up kittens.

        1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

          Re: Re: pish

          Sounds good. Let's do lunch. My local bistro does a nice "Endangered Species Mixed Grill". I can recommend the Siberian tiger and Iberian lynx kebabs, in a Hawaiian monk seal fat sauce sprinkled with powdered Sumatran rhino horn.

    2. Arthur the cat Silver badge
      Boffin

      Re: pish

      Read any Cordwainer Smith? I'd back Mother Hitton's Littul Kittons against rotweilers any day.

      1. andreas koch

        @ Arthur the cat - Re: pish

        You misspelled it.

        Oh, wait, what's that? AAAAAAArrrrgghhhhh......

        1. Psmiffy

          Re: @ Arthur the cat - pish

          You must be related to Hodgesaaaarrrgghh then?

          (Thanks Terry Pratchett)

      2. Martin 47

        Re: pish

        ...... although if I remember correctly, and it is a long while since I read it, were the Kittons actually Mink?

  4. jake Silver badge

    FOTW?

    Shirley us commantards can come up with something better before next weekend?

    It's only Tuesday. And it's foggy. Good poaching weather ...

    1. Denarius Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: FOTW?

      R U just down the road ? Very cold and foggy here, just like the inside of the Oz labour party headquarters.

      Better quality comments are required.

      Where is Paris lately BTW ? oh wait, she must be an advisor on that new TV thing, The Shire, without Bilbo, his offsider and Orcs to lighten the story.

  5. DF118
    Thumb Up

    Oh god

    You *do* know how humourless and militant some of these fannies can be?

    Oh hang on, of course you do. Lol, play on!

    1. theModge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Oh god

      Yes, however he is in Spain, which I feel keeps him fairly safe from the English \ American nutters who make up the bulk of the problem.

      Also People for the Eating of Tasty Animals need to feature on future posters!

    2. Thomas 4

      Re: Oh god

      Yeah, he really fell fowl of them this time.

  6. Big Al
    Joke

    Save the Whales!

    Collect the whole set :P

  7. wowfood

    The annaconda

    I'll take it, and the chihauhau puppies too (need something i can feed it)

  8. dotdavid
    Flame

    PETA

    People for the Eating of Tasty Animals?

    Cockfights are such a waste of precious chicken meat.

    Flame icon for BBQ flame-grilling. Mmm.

    1. The Indomitable Gall

      Re: PETA

      Eating cockerels? Sorry, too stringy. They're only good for soup.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Only soup? (was: Re: PETA)

        I'm fairly fond of most variations of Coq Au Vin ... none of which are soup.

  9. Colin Brett
    Flame

    Quote Steven Wright

    "I love defenceless animals ... especially in a good gravy."

    Flame icon because we can barbecue them as well.

    Colin

  10. Z80
    Headmaster

    Flaming idiot

    "Lester Haines' " or, if you must, "Lester Haines's".

    Tchoh.

  11. A Dawson
    Coffee/keyboard

    <claps>

    Its not even Friday ... you owe me a new keyboard.

  12. Roger Varley

    ROFL

    Yet another good day for keyboard manufacturers. Nice one Lester.

  13. ukgnome Silver badge
    Pirate

    Can I have....

    Badger please - the cows in the field next to me make too much noise and I am hoping a bit of TB will sort them out!

  14. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Pint

    Me gusta!

  15. david wilkes

    MEAT

    Futurama: mankind for ethical animal treatment :-)

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: MEAT

      or Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back: Coalition for the Liberation of Itinerant Tree-dwellers.

  16. Paul Woodhouse

    Preserve wildlife

    Pickle an Otter..

  17. hugo tyson
    Coffee/keyboard

    That's right up there with...

    Mega-Shark vs Giant Octopus!

  18. Bit Brain
    Trollface

    I'll take the chihuahuas please

    My pet rats could do with a light snack.

  19. JayB
    Coffee/keyboard

    We here at People Against Total Horribleness & Extreme TormentIng of Cuddly Critters, or PATHETICC for short are horrified at the viciousness of setting Piranhas on Chihuahua.

    Piranhas have none nothing wrong and are a lovely animal, unlike those little rat bastard fake yappies!!!

    Won't someone think of the Fish?????

    Seriously however... awesome response LH but you owe me a keyboard.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Carry On Cagefighting

    Much depends on the size of your anaconda (as the actress said to the bishop).

  21. MJI Silver badge

    Animals

    Livestock should be raised in really good conditions and treated well, lots of room, no stress, they then taste better!

    Kittens vs dog - hmm cats can do a lot of damage.

  22. schnide
    FAIL

    To be fair..

    ..you are a bit of bell-end for promoting cock fighting in the previous article.

    You basically seem like the Jeremy Clarkson of the IT world. And just to be clear, that really isn't a compliment.

    1. TheRealRoland
      Childcatcher

      Re: To be fair..

      How snide...

    2. DF118

      Re: To be fair..

      Was he though? Since when did talking about something automatically constitute "promoting" it?

      1. Thomas 4

        Re: To be fair..

        If it wasn't for Lester's article I wouldn't be on my way to Devon to pick up a load of chickens *right this very second* and looking for a small out of the way arena.

        1. Martin Budden
          Thumb Down

          @Thomas 4

          "If it wasn't for Lester's article I wouldn't be on my way to Devon to pick up a load of chickens *right this very second* and looking for a small out of the way arena."

          If you are saying that you are about to hold a cockfight then I hope you get caught and go to jail: there is no excuse for animal cruelty, which is why it is illegal.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: @Thomas 4

            Humour.

            Its an old style thing.

            Go research....

          2. Trokair 1
            Mushroom

            Re: @Thomas 4

            Boo whoo, more bleeding hearts. If you jerks spent half the time and energy that you expend helping people instead of animals this world would be a much better place. But I guess chickens are worth more to you than a human life right (since that is what you seem to be promoting).

      2. Martin Budden
        FAIL

        Re: To be fair..

        "Since when did talking about something automatically constitute "promoting" it?"

        Lester told us he actually went to a cockfight and put money on it: that promotes it for sure.

        1. DF118
          Meh

          Re: To be fair..

          @ Martin Budden: So exactly how many of the n thousand people who read that article do you think sat back afterwards and thought to themselves: "Do you know what? I've had a change of heart. Cockfighting isn't the absolute embodiment of every single thing that's wrong about humankind after all"...?

  23. ZanzibarRastapopulous

    How would the tank work?

    I mean, surely if there's enough water for the piranha then the chihuahua's would drown?

    Or maybe the legs are long enough?

    Snorkels?

  24. Ben 50
    WTF?

    Oh, the sophistication of your whit! You have truly attained new heights of humour!

    ... for a five year old.

    People, what's wrong with you? This stuff *was* funny in the playground, but then, as time goes by, you ought to have:

    *) started developing a sense of empathy for the suffering of other children (around the age of 7, generally)

    *) as educated adults exposed to Science rather than unfettered religious human centric superiority, bigotry and ignorance, cottoned onto how closely related all animals are to one another - both biologically, and psychologically. This is where your empathy ought to be kicking in a bit to cover other living creatures - our only companions on this little pebble spinning through space.

    People that are indifferent to other people's suffering are psychopaths. If you are indifferent to the suffering of living creatures then I'd say you're suffering the same malady - which seems to be common among a lot of reg readers.

    "Oh, it's just a joke". Really? What you find funny says a lot about your values. Propagating the idea that the world is ours to do with as we please because it's our god given right - and that sadism is fine as long as it's not people that are being bated and made to fight to the death - is about as funny as the cancer our anonymous contributor wished on Lewis Page.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Oh, the sophistication of your whit! You have truly attained new heights of humour!

      You obviously need this:

      http://www.onlineauction.com/index.php?page=auction:view_item&auction_id=992342

      1. Ben 50
        FAIL

        Re: Oh, the sophistication of your whit! You have truly attained new heights of humour!

        That come as a personal recommendation does it?

        If that's your most original comeback, I don't think it's done you much good though has it.

        Got anything grown up to say?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Devil

          Re: Oh, the sophistication of your whit! You have truly attained new heights of humour!

          Ben 50:"Got anything grown up to say?"

          OK, how about "F**k off"?

          1. TheRealRoland

            Re: Oh, the sophistication of your whit! You have truly attained new heights of humour!

            No, he said 'anything grown up'...

            Both of you in timeout, now!

        2. JayB
          FAIL

          Re: Oh, the sophistication of your whit! You have truly attained new heights of humour!

          Oh get a grip Ben 50.

          1) Nowhere does the author say "I love cockfighting, I think it's ace" so at no stage does he promote it. In his article he promotes 1970s film making. Yes he says he went to one, but anyone who refuses to experience local culture because "it's wrong" is a narrow minded eijit and a tad judgemental. I'm guessing you've never been on a Fox Hunt, but I'd lay money on you being pro the ban on it.

          2) When a "raving foam-at-the-mouth loonie" launches for you and wishes a long slow painful death riddled with the most horrific disease we know... it's only polite to display your contempt. When the world presents you with a toy that requires no batteries, it should be played with.

          3) This is the Register, it has journos like Lester and Lewis, I suggest if you don't like their articles you should probably avoid reading them and go off and write reviews for the Christian Action Project or some other such group.

          4) You're on fairly shaky territory telling others to grow up.

          1. Ben 50
            WTF?

            Re: Oh, the sophistication of your whit! You have truly attained new heights of humour!

            @JayB

            1) The "local culture"? Really? Know much about the origins of fox hunting do we?

            2) mmm.... long slow painful deaths to be treated with contempt. I think you've just about summed up why fox hunters are treated with contempt for their treatment of foxes. But I guess, other animals don't count for much in your world.

            3) Really. That's so stupid. Didn't you get the bit about Christian bigotry, arrogance and ignorance? I'm not in whichever prettily painted little pigeon whole you've put me in. I can guarantee it.

            4) Shaky? Why? Care to address any of the arguments I made? Care to say why?

          2. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
            Big Brother

            That slope is slippery. Ouch!

            CONSIDERING THAT

            "People that are indifferent to other people's suffering are psychopaths. If you are indifferent to the suffering of living creatures then I'd say you're suffering the same malady - which seems to be common among a lot of reg readers."

            THIS GOVERNMENT HAS DECIDED THAT

            There shall be put into operation by the Ministry Of Reeducation a mission whose purpose shall be to reeducate the reg readers as to their proper place in nature. Drones will be sent off to capture or dispatch members of this fellowship forthwith.

            1. LateNightLarry
              Pint

              Re: That slope is slippery. Ouch!

              THIS GOVERNMENT HAS DECIDED THAT

              There shall be put into operation by the Ministry Of Reeducation a mission whose purpose shall be to reeducate the reg readers as to their proper place in nature.

              You mean some unelected, lard-assed twat filling a chair in the Ministry of Education has decided to give himself a promotion and corresponding raise. He'll probably get away with it because his boss is too busy watching the cockfight in the basement of the Education building.,..

              Where's my wine glass Lester, It's wine o'clock here...

        3. I Am Spartacus
          IT Angle

          Re: Oh, the sophistication of your whit! You have truly attained new heights of humour!

          We got off Cock Fighting and seem to have moved on to Ben 50 Baiting.

          Either: Don't feed the troll

          Or: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT (and Can I have a monkey on Ben to loose? No, not money, I have this monkey I want to bet)

    2. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

      Re: Oh, the sophistication of your whit! You have truly attained new heights of humour!

      Lester, Ben. That was actually Lester, who was promised cancer, not Lewis.

      On the subject of empathy:

      How many do you think of those posting here would actually do what they joked about given an opportunity? Now, please tell me how many of PETA activists would give Lester cancer if they suddenly got the ability to do so?

      If you want to know my opinion - I'd say 0% of the former and 100% of the latter. And in there lies the true reflection of human empathy.

    3. Kubla Cant Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Re: Oh, the sophistication of your whit! You have truly attained new heights of humour!

      @Ben 50

      The exclamation marks in your headline, and its inconsistency with the body of your comment, suggest that it is intended to be ironic.

      Have you considered the possibility that there was an element of irony in the article and posts you're commenting on, or do you think you are the only person capable of irony?

      Halfwit.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Oh, the sophistication of your whit! You have truly attained new heights of humour!

      "Oh, it's just a joke". Really? What you find funny says a lot about your values. Propagating the idea that the world is ours to do with as we please because it's our god given right - and that sadism is fine as long as it's not people that are being bated and made to fight to the death - is about as funny as the cancer our anonymous contributor wished on Lewis Page.

      --

      Yes, really. No need to bring imaginary deities into this discussion. I don't recall anybody mentioning an exclusion for human-on-human action either. Ahh, the Romans; now they knew how to party!

      Everything is an acceptable target for humour. Everything. There are no sacred cows here, nor should there be. The easily offended can go find a rusty iron spike to bugger themselves with.

      I do not agree with cock-fighting or similar animal abuse, but that doesn't mean it can't be made light of.

    5. NumptyScrub

      Re: Oh, the sophistication of your whit! You have truly attained new heights of humour!

      quote: "People that are indifferent to other people's suffering are psychopaths. If you are indifferent to the suffering of living creatures then I'd say you're suffering the same malady - which seems to be common among a lot of reg readers."

      Homo Sapiens is an omnivore. As such, we are conditioned to eat animals when the opportunity presents itself. An organism that is overly empathic to its prey has reduced effectiveness as a hunter, and will eventually starve and die.

      So no, I would argue that any Homo Sapiens that is indifferent to the suffering of animals is actually a standard member of the species with good survival prospects, and therefore (scientifically) good for the gene pool. I shouldn't even need to point out the sheer numbers of Homo Sapiens that are not just capable, but willing and eager to "defend their country", which generally involves the deliberate slaughter of other Homo Sapiens that have been classed as "Enemies". There are a startling number of psychopaths around in everyday life (not just military and banking circles), I'd recommend you take the time to look for them so you know how many you are dealing with.

      Also, I hope the irony of someone condemning a human to a slow and painful death, because they have no empathy for animals, is not lost on you regarding your definition above of psychopathic bahaviour. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

      Bootnote: the harm was wished upon Lester Haines, not Lewis Page. Lewis is the climate denier and ex-Navy guy who disagrees with government military spending. Lester is the Iberian PARIS and LOHAN guy :)

    6. Sean Timarco Baggaley

      Re: Oh, the sophistication of your whit! You have truly attained new heights of humour!

      @Ben 50:

      I suggest you look up the word "sanctimonious", "prejudiced" and "little tit" in a dictionary.

      And look up "wit" as well, while you're at it.

    7. Trokair 1
      Facepalm

      Re: Oh, the sophistication of your whit! You have truly attained new heights of humour!

      Get ye off yer horse you lummox. The empty can rattles the most.

  25. Shonko Kid

    "Any reader who needs an anaconda, a badger, 20 chihuahua puppies and a tankful of piranha, drop me a line."

    Surely that's just a tankful of _well fed_ Piranha?

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Well yes, but not on the chihuahuas. There's been a noticeable drop in the local stray cat population recently, though...

    2. MJI Silver badge

      chihuahua

      Am I the only person who cannot stand them?

      Horrid little things.

      If I had a dog Collie or Labrador would be near top.

      Smething small and furry - kittens are probably best, small rabbits are miserable and Guinea Pigs wee everywhere.

      As to cock fighting - should we really play with our food?

  26. AndeckVee

    Bandwagon?

    not sure how to take this one... http://www.padcatsanddogs.org/?p=3437&lang=en

  27. MooseNC
    Thumb Up

    Two please!

    I'll take two of the chihuahuas. They are still under five months old, right? They get so damned chewy when they age beyond five months...

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Two please!

      I can't split them up, it's just too much hassle. Make me an offer for the whole lot.

  28. emmanuel goldstein

    remember Bonsai Kitten?

    i think it is still mirrored at ding.net/bonsaikitten

    most amusing, if you have a sense of humour.

  29. Tom Maddox Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Meeeeemories

    Back in the day, there was the WWW Grudge Match site (still up, much to my surprise: http://www.grudge-match.com), which famously pitted a rottweiler vs. a rottweiler's weight in chihuahuas: http://www.grudge-match.com/History/rott-chi.shtml. Not sure what the point is, except that Lester's poster made me reminisce longingly for the Grudge Matches.

  30. Martin 47

    Hmmm I think as well as kittens v Rottweilers you should also feature Army Ants v Commentards who have misplaced their sense of humour.

  31. Kevin 6

    Wow just slap the word MEGA in front of the animal names and you have a made for TV movie on the syfy network...

  32. Malcolm Weir Silver badge
    Pint

    Lester, if the Piranhas are still unclaimed, there's an otter sanctuary outside Manchester (called the Chestnut Center) that may be interested in helping out. There's nothing like tossing a bunch of piranhas in an otter pool for fun and games....

    ... mainly for the otters, at least if you pick the right pool. Chestnut has a family/romp of giant otters, who think a piranha is a tasty snack.

  33. Martin Budden
    Thumb Down

    Two wrongs, and it's still not right.

    The a/c was wrong to wish cancer on someone. By all means wish jail on someone who promotes animal cruelty (which is illegal) but not cancer.

    Lester was wrong to promote animal cruelty (and before you say "oh but he just talked about it he didn't promote it" yes he did promote it by going to a cockfight and putting money on it).

  34. Nick Pettefar

    Rats On Sticks

    Having lived for a few years in Brussels, I would dearly love to have a local ordnance allowing the shooting of shitting dogs, especially the Rats-on-Sticks variety that the Brusselai seem to adore. UGH! Vile little rat-like canines straining on their leashes and covering the pavements with their poo whilst their moronic owners look the other way. Poisoning is too good for them - shoot them! Oh what fun we could have!

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: Rats On Sticks

      It ain't the dogs that are the problem. It's the owners who purchased the poor critters as fashion accessories that are the problem ... the clueless owners have trained the pooches to exhibit that behavior. It ain't the dawgs that need licenses ... rather, the owners should pass a series of tests before becoming allowed to become dawg owners. I could say the same thing about computers/cellphones, for much the same reason.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Rats On Sticks

      I agree, poisoning the Brusselai seems too kind, so lets have a hunt.

      After that we could find a recipe for rat-like canines.

      As Zaphod once said, "Oh BELGIUM".

  35. Dan Likes Spoons
    Thumb Down

    Thanks for all the fish

    I used to read 'el reg for the tech articles before slowly burning out on IT, then I started reading it mostly for the odds/sodds. This is just depressing through - Lester you've finally killed my love of 'el reg. I'll be handing my bofh mug to the office apprentice and blackholing the site. I guess I may return at somepoint in the future if ever I want to find out which companies are suing each other or which snuff films you recommend for the week, but nah probably not.

  36. pctechxp
    Thumb Up

    senseofhumour.exe has encountered a problem and needs to close

    Obviously the flamer's sense of humour process failed.

    While I'm definitely not in favour of animal cruelty I can determine humour from genuine intent which the flamer obviously couldn't.

    Love the poster.

    Really funny stuff as always Lester, keep up the good work.

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