back to article Ten... pieces of tat for Apple fanboys

Apple fans are known to take their obsession to extremes. While that often means queuing outside the Apple store for days ahead of a new product release, some push the boat out further with accessories, clothes, and even tattoos. Because telling someone you have an iPhone is never enough. Now that Apple fans have a place to …


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  1. Dave 126 Silver badge

    I do rather like Woz's specs. The rest- no ta.

    Looking at the collection of circular icons on my taskbar, I think that some Google Chrome or Google Earth shades might work, too! Or maybe some El Reg WTF?-icon sunglasses.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Woz's specs

      Specs? That should be iGlasses, no?

      1. LinkOfHyrule

        Re: Woz's specs

        I wish Apple was actually run by Woz, they'd actually be cool then - but alas probably bankrupt too as he'd no doubt piss all the money up the wall on a joke product like giant Segway riding, lazer wielding robots.

        1. toadwarrior

          Re: Woz's specs

          Yeah because it was nothing but sunshine and lollipops at apple when jobs first left but woz was there. Quite frankly I don't know if he's done much other than collect an apple pay check over the years.

          I know jobs is just too cool and any true hipster has to be a woz fan but your comment is based in reality at all.

          1. Kristian Walsh

            Re: Woz's specs

            "Yeah because it was nothing but sunshine and lollipops at apple when jobs first left but woz was there"

            This is not entirely true, and even if it were, it would not have been down to Woz, as he had already given up all management responsibilities a couple of years before Steve Jobs got booted out. While Woz did remain on the company's staff, it was in an engineering role.

            Jobs's insistence on making everything from the ground up nearly destroyed Apple the first time around, and following his dismissal, the company had much better fortunes until Microsoft started to gain a real stranglehold on the enterprise market in the early 1990s.

  2. Jeebus

    Does the Steve Jobs figure come with a variable sized mid-section extras so you can act out his final years with complete accuracy?

  3. g e

    Most excellent!

    Every fanboi that checks through that list will come across one of the items and think...

    Yeah that's awful tat but you know, that one thing is actually kinda cool, I might just order it...


    1. JDX Gold badge

      Re: Most excellent!

      I'm not a fanboi but I thought some were cool!

      The cufflinks really need to fasten magnetically though.

      1. g e

        Re: Most excellent!


        Tell us all you're joshing, surely?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Most excellent!

        Cuff-links aren't cool - fact.

        1. CmdrX3

          Re: Most excellent!

          No way in hell, I would rather have my testicles removed with a pair of pliers than buy any of that tat. (ok maybe not, but still Nooo)

        2. John Gamble

          Re: Most excellent!

          (Movie) Jame Bond would disagree with you about cufflinks in general.

          These cufflinks in particular -- I see that they're open source, with the CAD and software files hosted on github.

          Just how did you miss that opportunity for ironic commentarding?

  4. Ian Johnston

    Marketing clothes to fanbois

    Easy. You launch the black T-shirt. They all buy it. Then you launch the white one. They all buy it. Then you launch v2 (the one that works, because it has a hole for your head) in black. They all buy it. Then you launch v2 in white. They all buy it. Then you launch v3 (slighly more rounded neck opening) in black. They all buy it, Then you launch v3 in white. They all buy it. Shiny black. Shiny white. Any goddam tiny change you want - the mugs will queue for hours to be amongst the first ten thousand to have one.

    Meanwhile you patent the T-shirt and sue Marks and Spencer.

    1. Rob Beard

      Re: Marketing clothes to fanbois

      You Sir win 1,000,000 internets. Can I have a new keyboard please? I spat out coke all over it when I read the bit about T-Shirt v2) :-D


  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The power-button cufflinks are not apple-specific. This is the universal symbol for a power-button !

    Unless of course Apple thinks they invented either power or buttons !

    1. Andrew James

      ... light pulses to immitate the power button on a mac ...

    2. 1Rafayal

      but Apple did invent power buttons.

      And Australia, the concept of hyperbole and Chris Moyles.

    3. stanimir

      "either power or buttons"

      or?!! OR?!!

      You rob Apple off at least one important invention they are entitle to!

      p.s. also the title has misspelled "fanboi"

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Unless of course Apple thinks they invented either power or buttons

      No no no.... crApple KNOW they invented everything and that all the other manufacturers are ripping them off.

      Rounded corners never existed before crApple invented them.

  6. jestersbro

    Oh dear...

    I really like my Macbook Pro & I really like my, now 10 year old, Power Mac G4 and I'm kinda drawn to the cufflinks and the earrings in a bad way!

    I really need help, don't I!

    Oh dear...

    1. LinkOfHyrule
      Thumb Up

      Just visit your doctor...

      He or she will simply prescribe a few months of "Windows therapy" - probably something like two months of being forced to use Windows 95 without USB drivers. That'll soon cure you!

      1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

        Re: Just visit your doctor...

        Yes, and no Windows CD-ROM either - now try changing your IP settings!

  7. Anonymous Coward

    Just don't try sticking those magnets on a Samsung fridge. Not unless you like the prospect of being dragged into court by Apple's lawyers for copying their 'look and feel'.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I can just imagine

    A nation of 30yr old iPhone owning virgins, still living at home with mumsie and daddy with that iPhone bedspread.


    1. Steve Evans

      Re: I can just imagine

      I couldn't help notice it seems to be the single bed variety...

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: I can just imagine

        Although presumably it is multi-touch ?

  9. jai


    i've been wanting those cufflinks for ages now since they were first announced. screw you lot, i think they're damn cool, okay! :)

    but they're always quite expensive really so i just can't justify them to myself. they'll eat far too much into my savings-up for the next iPhone....

    1. Tom 35 Silver badge

      Re: cufflinks

      You could just buy the Dell Cufflinks. They are exactly the same but cost less. :P

    2. Anonymous Coward

      Re: cufflinks

      they'll eat far too much into my savings-up for the next iPhone....

      Is it just me, or is there nothing more depressing than a wannabe fanboi on a budget?

      1. stanimir

        Re: cufflinks

        it's you :)

        The true fanbois sell kidneys and stuff.

      2. toadwarrior

        Re: cufflinks

        Financial responsibility is a good thing and probably why he's not up to his neck in debt and only able to afford some POS android phone.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: cufflinks

          Fanboi financial responsibility eh? The FACTS tell a different story:

  10. Joshua Murray
    Thumb Up


    I bought a pair to wear on my wedding day last month... They are really nicely made and I personally think they look pretty cool.

    1. 404 Silver badge

      Re: iCufflinks

      You're defying Apple conventional wisdom...

      Fanbois Shouldn't Breed.


      1. Jeebus

        Re: iCufflinks

        Don't worry, they aren't.

        1. vic 4

          Re: Don't worry, they aren't.

          Aren't what? cool or breeding? (wasn't sure which message you were repliying to).

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward


        you think he married a woman?

  11. Sammy Smalls

    Slow news day?

    1. Admiral Grace Hopper

      Yes, pure click-bait*

      *Self-awareness disclosure: I clicked on the story, then I clicked on the comments to see what the Regtards** had done down there.

      ** Regtard disclosure: I am Admiral Grace Hopper and I am a Regtard. I have been a Regtard for many years now. I have tried to give it up many times, but I must be an addict.

  12. Steve I

    Poor Caleb,

    What happened to you to destroy any sense of fun you might once have had?


  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Haaa how nice

    Looking forward to a review of those plastic action toy robots, plushes and cell phones straps sold to us Android fans!

    I never quite know which ones to choose.

    1. eurobloke

      Re: Haaa how nice

      Ah, a little cuddly Andy to sleep with.

      Tux, because he is a better fanboi dream.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Got the fridge magnets ...

    just had to get those for a couple of quid from fleaBay along with a Macbook Air compact mirror and iPhone notepad. Classic stocking fillers.

    1. vic 4

      Re: Macbook Air compact mirror

      Obvioulsy not a complete fanboi, otherwise you'd have a iphone4 and use the front facing camera as a mirror.

  15. J 3


    The NotPad or whatnot actually seems like a reasonably funny joke. And that Jobs figurine actually looks much more like U2's Bono to me, but I guess it cuts on costs...

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You forgot...

    Any Mac

    Any iPod

    Any iPhone

    Any iMac

    Any MacBook

    Any iPad


  17. BristolBachelor Gold badge

    Another idea

    How about a giant blue broken lego brick poof to sit on while browsing the internet, wondering why some sites just display a blank page with a broken blue lego brick...

  18. twaffler

    Cook Teaser

    You owe me a keyboard for coining "Cook Teaser"

  19. Robredz

    Well if it makes them happy in their sad empty lives then why not?

  20. the-it-slayer

    A fandroids nightmare

    Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Doesn't hurt for a company to have a bit of cult status.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: A fandroids nightmare

      Is 'cult' a typo?

  21. Richard Scratcher

    10 items? Where's the 11th?

    One more thing...

    1. Lallabalalla

      Re: 10 items? Where's the 11th?

  22. Eclectic Man

    definitely not Apple Hiking gear

    You omitted the excellent "iPood!" creatd by Sea to Summit, for those who act like bears in the woods and wish to be tidy afterwards.

    Sadly a certain Mr Jobs objected claiming that fanbois might mistake an aluminium trowel with a retractable handle for an iPhone (or possibly the other way round) and it is now called the travel trowel. Though I did manage to acquire one under the original name (offers, anyone?)

  23. Matthew 17

    I feel slightly violated

    and not in a good way

  24. Captain Scarlet Silver badge

    No Cutlery?

    Dear dear they missed a place to sell rubbish here, come on get to it.

  25. Identity

    Single bed duvet

    Surely one could use an iPad for a double or queen-size. (BTW, can some tell a Yank how big the Queen is?)

  26. Rick Leeming

    I had one of the sweatshits, and a hat at one point. Freebies because they were in a box at a place I did work experience at 6th form. Actually quite crappy IIRC, but they'd likely be worth a bloody fortune now to some hipster gimp.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    In the interest of fairness

    10 items for Microsoft & Linux please

    1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

      Re: In the interest of fairness

      Certainly, for windows:

      9 sets of AV software + Original CD to nuke it from orbit and re-install.

      And for Linux:

      8 books on compiling a kernel for Dummies/Fun/Profit/Sysadmin/BDSM/etc, a signed posted of Richard Stallman + a Tux penguin for your desk.

  28. David 138

    the clothing line amuses me because that's Apple true image that is what alot of Apple people look like.

  29. Hoagiebot

    Why couldn't they have chosen a computer company that's cooler than Apple?

    Why couldn't they make this kind of cool clothing and merchandise based off of the logos and products of computer companies that actually were cool, like Cray Research Inc. and Thinking Machines Corporation? That's the kind of stuff that I would want to wear! And to heck with those cheesy-looking "iOS app refrigerator magnets." How about making a refrigerator that looks just like a full-size Thinking Machines CM-5 massively parallel supercomputer? (You can see what a CM-5 looks like here: ) Now that, my friends, would truly be awesome!

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