back to article Playboy, Virgin Galactic tout zero-grav nookie in spaaaaace!

Quality journalism bastion Playboy has teamed up with boffins at Virgin Galactic to create the one thing missing in the universe - a Playboy Club in space. Enlisting the help of futurists as well as rocket scientists from the civilian space company of Richard Branson, Playboy has envisioned what it calls a "celestial mecca" …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So that's why he was after the .xxx domain

    and now he's got it back.

  2. tirk
    Paris Hilton

    Zero gravity sex-suites?

    Pity the poor cleaners!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Zero gravity sex-suites?

      So that's what the vats of "organic material" are for.

      1. Thomas 4

        Re: Re: Zero gravity sex-suites?

        Would there be a problem with....fluids?

        Although the idea of zero-G breasts sounds pretty cool.

        1. Mike Flugennock
          Childcatcher

          Re: Re: Re: Zero gravity sex-suites?

          "Would there be a problem with....fluids?"

          Probably, except for a certain fluid which is excreted... shall we say... under pressure?

          "...Although the idea of zero-G breasts sounds pretty cool..."

          Sure would preclude the need for push-up bras, huh? Aaahhhh-wrrroooooooo.

  3. Mike Flex
    Alien

    How youthful

    > The ship, which clearly owes some design inspiration to Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, will be a stationary, zero-gravity superstructure and an outer ring that spins centrifugally, thereby creating artificial gravity.

    ST:DSN? Try 2001: A Space Odyssey.

    1. patrickhenry

      Re: How youthful

      Agreed...

      Also, what's with the windows on the exterior of the rim in Playboy's fantasy orbiter? Aren't the boots supposed to walk on that? At least in 2001 A.S.O., the windows are on the side where they make sense...

    2. Ryan 7

      Re: How youthful

      Thanks - I came here to say that.

    3. Annihilator
      Coat

      Re: How youthful

      I could have accepted a reference to Deep Space 9 if they'd at least tried for some humour and referred to Deep Space 69 instead, but sadly another punning opportunity missed. Though points for the "in spaaaaaaace" headline.

      1. Mike Flugennock
        Coat

        Re: Re: How youthful

        "I could have accepted a reference to Deep Space 9 if they'd at least tried for some humour and referred to Deep Space 69 instead..."

        Could be some copyright issues... I understand Deep Space 69 is the planned name for the Hustler space station.

  4. Ralph B
    Stop

    Three Words

    Exploding Bulgarian Funbags.

    1. James Micallef Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: Three Words

      zero gravity != zero pressure

      1. Stevie Silver badge

        Bah!

        If the atmosphere inside is to American standards is does. About 5psi if I remember correctly. Makes the engineering of the seals and hull easier.

        If they go with the Russian model you are right.

        I'm wondering what the place will smell like after a couple of shifts of bonking plutocrats have been cycled through it, and whether this will be seen as a plus or a minus to the whole experience.

        The Americans used to make their astronauts sit in a rubber dinghy while a helicopter churned up a nice, deodorizing salt spray around them. The Russians were careful to bring their cosmonauts down in rural areas where no-one else would catch a whiff of them until they had a chance for the desert breeze to work its magic.

        There's a reason why the shuttle used to sit for half an hour before anyone went near it, and anyone who thinks it has to do with hydrazine more than an opportunity to crack the hatches and air the place out before any of the press got near is fooling themselves.

        I commute using the trains of the Long Island Rail Road, and the chemical toilets in them are unbearable after only eight hours. Imagine what it will be like in a place where the air cannot be changed, ever.

        And I wouldn't want to be the poor sod changing the air filters in the PODs.

        1. Annihilator
          Paris Hilton

          Re: Bah!

          Potentially missed an attempt at sarcasm there, but the shuttle, ISS etc were all ~14.7psi, same as here on earth - it's 5psi in a space suit.

          As for the shuttle or ISS smelling bad, the air might not be "changed", but it's sure as hell scrubbed. Hygiene is as important in space as it is here - if anything its more so.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Alien

            Re: Re: Bah!

            Ever been on a plane, bad smells abound but they dissipate.

            In the old days of smoking on planes, the air was circulated even more than it is today.

            Dunno about space, but probably something they have thought about since there is enough 'farted in my space suit' scenes in modern sci-fi (albeit humour based sci-fi).

        2. Jason Ozolins
          Unhappy

          Re: Bah!

          5psi was when they ran a much higher proportion (pure?) oxygen atmosphere. At higher oxygen concentrations, the pressure can be lower without you becoming anoxic.

          100% oxygen turned out to be pretty awful if a fire started in the cockpit before launch. Grissom, White and Chaffee died in the Apollo 1 command module during a test on the launch pad, where the oxygen was pressurised to slightly *higher* than 1 atmosphere.

          14psi and 20% oxygen is what the Russians use, so someone had to change in order for the ISS to handle both the Space Shuttle and Soyuz. Boring old 14psi air won over scary pure oxygen.

          1. Decius
            Flame

            Re: Re: Bah!

            A partial pressure of ~3 PSI of oxygen burns equally well regardless of the partial pressure of nitrogen. A partial pressure of about 18 PSI oxygen (what you would get if you added pure oxygen to test the seals on Apollo 1) is toxic, while the fact that the door opens inward (to make it possible to open the door in the ocean if it is partially submerged) means that it is impossible to open while pressurized or in space. The fact that the door can't open also makes the capsule a deathtrap if it catches fire while pressurized.

            1. Mike Schwab

              Re: Bah!

              A 2 ft by 6 ft airplane door is 12 * 144 =1728 sq inches.Say 12 psi inside and 7 psi outside, about 8640 pounds holding the door closed. A 2 ft round hatch is about 576 * Pi / 4 about 450 sq inches * 3 psi would be 1500 pounds.

        3. Mike Flugennock
          Thumb Up

          the smell of space

          "There's a reason why the shuttle used to sit for half an hour before anyone went near it, and anyone who thinks it has to do with hydrazine more than an opportunity to crack the hatches and air the place out before any of the press got near is fooling themselves..."

          Well, a lot of really did have to do with draining remaning propellants, though I wouldn't doubt it also had to do with airing the cabin out. I recall interviews with Shuttle astronauts who commented on how "whiffy" the cabin got, especially after some of the longer missions.

          Oh, and don't forget Gemini ViI, the famous Borman-Lovell endurance flight. Lovell, as I recall, described it as "two weeks in the men's room". As your sense of smell tends to get accustomed to certain odors after a while and the brain filters them out, it's easy not to notice just how rancid things are getting. After Gemini VII had returned to Earth, and the CM hauled aboard the carrier and the crew had a shower and a shave, Borman had forgotten he'd left a book he'd been reading on the flight under a seat aboard the spacecraft. He mentions that when he stuck his head inside the spacecraft to look around for his book, the smell almost knocked him out.

          http://www.astronautix.com/flights/gemini7.htm

  5. The Man Who Fell To Earth Silver badge
    Trollface

    Just what the world needs

    A way to squander even more natural resources at an unprecedented rate, just for a tiny fraction of the billions of humans infesting the planet can have even kinkier sex.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Alien

      Re: Just what the world needs

      Look at it this way, it's cannon fodder for when the inevitable extraterrestrial invasion occurs. Will give several new meanings to "blown out of orbit"

    2. Mystic Megabyte Silver badge

      Re: Just what the world needs

      The good news is that half the elderly punters will croak on take-off.

      The bad news is that then we will have deep frozen billionaires falling out of the feckin' sky.

  6. Kubla Cant Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    Zero gravity...

    ...commonly induces vomiting. How sexy!

    1. Magnus_Pym

      Re: rotation around small circumference...

      ...commonly induces vomiting even in zero gee background environment. How sexy!

      1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

        Re: Re: rotation around small circumference...

        Plus the panic-inducing sensation of falling.

        If they're thinking that panic + nausea = sexy, maybe their target market is Woody Allen characters?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Zero gravity...

      Well, some people like that!

  7. Kevin Johnston

    What?

    Spins centrifugally? centrifugally?

    Why oh why oh why do people keep falling for the same mistake. There ain't no such thing as centrifugal force, never has been, never will be

    Are you referring to the effect that combines straight line motion with a bit of string pulling you towards a centre of rotation (often mentioned as CENTRIPETAL force)?

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Re: What?

      NO!

      Once again, galilean and non-galilean reference frames are mashed up and confused in a pretend-physically-correct hodgepoge of ignorance.

      SIT DOWN! YES, YOU!

    2. DragonLord

      Optional

      Are you referring to this (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centrifugal_force) centrifugal force, which is very real, and can refer to 2 separate things. 1 where your frame of reference is in the rotation of the object, and the other as the reactive force against centripetal force.

    3. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

      Re: What?

      Meh. An indignant tone is unnecessary: xkcd.com/123/

    4. Ian Stephenson Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: What?

      No mention of coriolis force either.....

      (ducks and runs).

    5. Natalie Gritpants
      Thumb Down

      Centripetal, schmentipetal

      It's redundant, you just need to say spins.

  8. Ian Ferguson

    If Playboy still exists as a misogynist business by the time we can live in space, humanity isn't worth saving.

    1. perlcat
      Go

      Cry me a river

      ...so somehow, you expect that the culture that is devolving from Playboy to Donahue to Jerry Springer to Survivor to Paris Hilton to the Kardashians will suddenly stop being a freak show in order to go to space?

      Hysterical.

      Me, I *want* Playboy to go to space for the sheer amusement value of seeing what happens when this gloriously dumb idea that comes from reading too much science fiction during a rough puberty "comes" to fruition. Should be a blast.

  9. S Larti
    Coat

    In space

    no one can hear you scream "Yes! Yes! Yes! OH GOD YES!!!"

    1. ravenviz Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: In space

      One presumes there'll be air in there!

  10. Ian Rogers
    Paris Hilton

    Drinking what?

    Floating around with globules of random "liquid"...

    1. perlcat
      Coat

      Looking at it all wrong.

      Swallowing now becomes a vital eployment criteria.

  11. Yag
    WTF?

    "psychedelic experience"?

    I guess the writer of the original article was on one heck of a schroom-induced-psychedelic experience...

  12. TheProf
    Thumb Up

    Frisky Jetpack Bunnies

    I just like the sound of "frisky jetpack bunnies".

  13. Jim Carter
    Gimp

    Brings a whole new meaning to...

    "Open the POD bay doors HAL"

  14. The Indomitable Gall
    Coat

    Surely shome mishtake...?

    "...indeed any other celestial bodies."

    Heavenly bodies, surely...?

  15. Graham Marsden

    "We might create guns big enough to shoot things into space"

    I'm sure I've seen prior art on this...!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxB2x9QzXb0

    1. 100113.1537
      Boffin

      Re: "We might create guns big enough to shoot things into space"

      Try Heinlein's "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress"

      1. Graham Marsden

        Re: Re: "We might create guns big enough to shoot things into space"

        "The first mass driver known in print was actually called the "electric gun" and described in detail as a way to launch vehicles into outer space from the Earth's surface in the 1897 science fiction novel A Trip to Venus by John Munro and published in 1897 by Jarrold & Sons, London"

        Heinlein's story was good, but not the first.

        1. phil2580

          Re: Re: Re: "We might create guns big enough to shoot things into space"

          Or even Jules Verne's 1858 novel 'From the Earth to The Moon'....although that was a cannon sunk into the ground...

  16. Christoph Silver badge

    “You could literally swing around the dark side of the moon,”

    Well you could if the moon had a 'dark side'.

    Zero gee nookie? Go easy on the retrojets!

    1. Mike Flugennock

      ...matter of fact, it's ALL dark...

      " 'You could literally swing around the dark side of the moon,'

      Well you could if the moon had a 'dark side'."

      Besides, I prefer the sound of the phrase "swing around the back side of the Moon."

    2. Mike Schwab

      Half is dark, the far side at full moon, the near side at new moon.or solar eclipse.

  17. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    Satyrs and Nymphs ...... This AIWay for Confection and Lasting Satisfaction

    " think of the fact that if you give something a slight shove in zero-gravity, it tends to fly across the room and you can see how hanky-panky might take a bit of practice."

    Volunteers no problem for that exquisite mission/pioneering venture, is a sure fire bet if ever there was one. :-)

    And what of the Private Pirate XSSXXXX Sections/Fields/Red Hot Zones? By Recommendation and Invitation of SMART Members Only?

  18. TRT Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Frigs in spaaaaaaaaaaace!

  19. Stuart Castle

    Excellent..

    Excellent idea. They spend billions of pounds building a huge circle in space, then lob cargo containers at it. Nothing can go wrong there...

  20. Matthew 17

    If you build it....

    they will come.

  21. Matt Collins
    FAIL

    Hmm... zero g effects

    Puffy face, nausia, hairdo all over the place, disorientation, dehydration, flatulence, nasal congestion, sleep disturbances. Still feeling sexy dear? Oh...

    1. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
      Gimp

      Re: Hmm... zero g effects

      Just a typical Sunday morning then...

      Hang on will I get my special outfit on.....

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hmm... zero g effects

      "Sorry dear, I've got a headache" times >9000?

  22. bobbles31

    You guys are no fun. I for one welcome barbarella as our new heavenly overlord.

    1. Mike Flugennock

      Barbarella?

      Barbarella was hot, but a bit overdressed for me. I kinda dug the chicks at the Moonbase in "UFO", myself.

  23. Graham Bartlett

    Prior art?

    Anyone know whether this has actually happened yet? Of course it's possible to check crew rosters on Spacelab, Mir and ISS - although that doesn't help if it was two male astronauts decided to play hide-the-rocket, and the physical motions are much the same either way. But last I heard, no-one had definitely established whether they had actually been there, done that.

    1. Mike Flugennock
      Thumb Up

      "Hide The Rocket"? D'ahhh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...

      Sad thing is, even if anybody _had_ done it, they'd never admit to it for fear of being bounced out of the astronaut/cosmonaut corps.

      Besides, as I recall the relative layout and equipment configurations of the Shuttle, Spacelab, Mir and ISS... seems like ISS would be the only one large enough to have odd little secluded spots where a couple can be alone and relax (as it were).

      Speaking of which... does anyone recall if the Psychotically Jealous Long-Distance-Driving Space-Diaper-Wearing Woman Astronaut had ever served aboard a flight with her Cheating On The Woman He Was Cheating On His Wife With Space Stud Muffin Astronaut boyfriend?

  24. Dom 3

    Re: Prior art.

    Prior art? Unlikely:

    http://articles.sun-sentinel.com/1992-09-07/news/9201200295_1_soviet-space-station-space-shuttle-program-space-agency

    meanwhile... it's all a bit 1950s vision-of-the-future, isn't it?

  25. Pete the not so great
    Thumb Up

    Orbital knocking shop

    Oh yeah baby

  26. sisk Silver badge
    Trollface

    First a .xxx domain and now this. Perhaps it's time to rename the company. 'Virgin' seems to be becoming less appropriate all the time.

  27. Miek

    Is it April 1st already?

  28. Volker Hett
    Happy

    Dear El Reg

    Centripetal force is NOT gravity! How will LOHAN succeed with physics blunders like this?

  29. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge
    Happy

    "you can see how hanky-panky might take a bit of practice"

    Seeing as how NASA uses a large "swimming pool" for zero-g astronaut training and in-pool (lake, ocean, etc.) hanky panky is already established art, so to speak, I'm sure the logistics have already been pretty well worked out. It'll be better, what with the elimination of masks, tanks and associated breathing apparatus, weights, buoyancy compensators, etc.

  30. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

    Virgin Galactic? In orbit?

    Considering VG have yet to even launch their first paying customer to the edge of space in what is basically sub-orbital ballistic rocket, Playboy might be better off looking for a slightly more ambitious partner.

    Oh, and Jules Verne had the idea of shooting things into space before most (all?) others. His patent has probably lapsed though.

    1. Mike Flugennock
      Facepalm

      Re: Virgin Galactic? In orbit?

      "...Jules Verne had the idea of shooting things into space before most (all?) others. His patent has probably lapsed though."

      Also, it turns out that his method really wasn't the safest or most efficient. However, in the course of that failure, he did discover a quick new way to make raspberry jam.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Do you know what the difference is...

    Do you know what the difference is between the subject of this article, and a triple-breasted whore?

    Making a triple-breasted whore could be done for a reasonable amount of money with our current level of technical knowledge.

    Seriously: This is such "pie in the sky" (double entendre intended).

  32. Lars Silver badge
    Pint

    Rockets are in

    Submarines are out, still I would rather make a trip in the deep oceans than in space. What is there to see in space that we have not already seen.

  33. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Alien

    Brings new meaning to the age-old question....

    Did the Earth move for you too?

  34. jake Silver badge

    That has got to be ...

    ... the stupidest press release bit of advertising that ElReg has ever been duped into running.

    I mean, c'mon ... Does anyone really think that this thing, or anything even remotely like it will be built in anyone living today's lifetime? Grow up and get real.

    Furrfu!

  35. Wombling_Free
    Thumb Up

    Nice to see Syd Mead is still alive and painting.

    If those aren't Syd Mead paintings, it's someone who is channelling him.

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No James Bond fans then?

    "I think he's attempting re-entry, sir."

    Paris Hilton angle? Well, the Shuttle had flaps, a beaver tail, plenty of curves and spread itself wide open while in orbit...

  37. h4rm0ny

    So many questions...

    What is the legal jurisdiction up there? The USA has different laws about prostitution than does much of Europe, so is the club intended to be Bring Your Own or are the bunnies included (and do they provide boybunnies for girls, or those whose tastes merely run that way)?

    And what's with the line about not having a casino? That would seem to be a big money opportunity for the place.

  38. Crisp Silver badge
    Boffin

    It's been done.

    Silvia Saint did it in zero-g about 15 years ago if I'm not mistaken.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Virgin ...

    Not by the time you get home ...

  40. Slabfondler
    Joke

    Arrrr Billy...

    "Have 'ya ever ben to sea?"

    "No sir, but I've been blown ashore"

    becomes...

    "Have 'ya ever ben to space?"

    "No sir, but I've been blown out of orbit."

  41. Mike Flugennock
    Paris Hilton

    zero-g rumpy-pumpy

    "But mind how you go, zero-gravity friskiness could be a bit tricky, since for every action, there will be an opposite reaction - think of the fact that if you give something a slight shove in zero-gravity, it tends to fly across the room and you can see how hanky-panky might take a bit of practice."

    One word: HARNESSES. Ooooh, la la.

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Eeeewww!

    What about all those post coital body fluids floating about in zero G environment?

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