back to article Pope's PR says Vatican in grip of WikiLeaks-style scandal

The Pope's top PR man has declared that the Vatican is in the midst of its own "WikiLeaks" scandal after a flurry of confidential Papal documents were fed to the media by apparently disgruntled cardinals. The leaks have ranged from documents covering allegedly murky operations at the Vatican bank, to an investigation into a …

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  1. This post has been deleted by its author

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    In God's Name...

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/Gods-Name-Investigation-into-Murder/dp/1845294963

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Catholic church

    Isn't it time this rancid, discredited, corrupt international child abuse organisation was dismantled?

    1. Audrey S. Thackeray

      Absolutely not. They look after a tremendous number of very lovely buildings.

      I think a far better approach would be to subsume them into the National Trust.

      1. c3
        Mushroom

        Aren't people who look after other lovely buildings less child-rapey, though ?

        Also less people-burny, book-burny, contraception-fighty, ignorance-spready ....

        1. Audrey S. Thackeray

          I couldn't possibly say; the National Trust seems to have remained relatively free from those scandals to date but whether this is due to a superiority of morals or a superiority of discretion I do not know.

          1. Mike Richards

            Perhaps the Catholic Church would be less objectionable if it followed the National Trust and sold more tea towels?

          2. Scorchio!!
            Childcatcher

            I think it's because the only children in National Trust properties are being supervised by appropriate adults. Granted some of them may be a little child rapey and some not, but I think they will do this on a 'take home' basis, rather than in a National Trust building. I mean, *the people*, the *noise*.

    2. BillG
      Flame

      Not dismantled, but reorganized. The Catholic Church is a hierocracy (a holy caste) where those on the top have all the power. No consensus, no voting, no democracy. In such an environment, a few small vipers can create complete chaos.

      "Devil himself was stalking the corridors of the Holy See and was ultimately behind the wave of scandals convulsing the Catholic Church" = "People are seeking power for power's sake and the Church is just a vehicle"

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Ahhhhh.....

        So that explains Tony Blair's conversion then.... He has converted hasn't he?

        If I was a significant member of the Catholic Church of Rome I'd be very careful of your Mr. Blair.

        As I'm not then I'd still be very careful because the RC Church is quite a bit more international and powerful than the Labour Party ever was.

        1. Scorchio!!
          Thumb Up

          Re: Ahhhhh.....

          The sad pity of it all? I didn't see the Hunt for ToniBler. Didn't he and his Catholic wife make a child in Balmoral, and then regale the nation with some of the tawdry details of how this came to be? Then there is Cherie's description of how they became lovers, on a London bus. Oh bliss. A Catholic education from the mouths of unelectable, unrepresentative stupids and their Barrister/Recorder wives, or do I mean bi0tches, I rhetorically ask. From that to ruining a country, and its culture and the thing that rankles most? We're blessed. Pah.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Who said Religion was being treated differently than others was clearly wrong

    So there PR man is afraid of truth's about them leaking out - oh noe's. This is what happens when your leader (aka the Pope) hides behind diplomatic imunity to call non believers Nazi's.

    Kara 1 Pope 0.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Facepalm

      KarMa 1 Pope 0

      oh to be able to edit posts :}

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Yeah. You could fix that "there", as well.

      2. Pan_Handle
        FAIL

        Re: KarMa 1 Pope 0

        What about the apostrophe transgressions?

    2. c3
      Mushroom

      Surely you mean diplomatic impunity

      And no, I won't stop calling you Shirley

    3. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
      Coat

      May I be the first to say...

      ..."It's just been revoked!"

  5. JohnG

    "...the pope will be bumped off by November this year."

    It sounds a bit like the plot of "The Pope Must Die", a film with Robbie Coltrane.

    1. Steve Evans

      It also has more than a passing resemblance to Terry Pratchett's Unseen University where promotion is via "Dead man's shoes".

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. Mephistro Silver badge
        Coat

        @ Steve Evans

        You hit the nail there!

        "..more than a passing resemblance to Terry Pratchett's Unseen University..."

        Let's see...

        - Funny hats (check)

        - Robes (check)

        - Mystical powers (check)

        - Hidden/captive books (check)

        - Misanthropy (check)

        - Gluttony (check)

        - ...

        I wouldn't be surprised if the next Pope's name was Mustrum

        1. P Saunders
          Happy

          Don't forget the orangutan running the library

          I'm pretty sure they have more than a few of those in important positions.

  6. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge

    Sir

    "remaining capable of using our reason."

    ..and ending over a thousand years of tradition.

  7. Graham Wilson
    Angel

    Nuh, not possible.

    "The Church's top exorcist, Father Gabriele Amorth, declared two years ago that the Devil himself was stalking the corridors of the Holy See and was ultimately behind the wave of scandals convulsing the Catholic Church".

    Nuh, not possible. Devil's actually stalking the corridors of M$ and Google!

    (We IT types all know that.)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @Graham

      And has already got an inside member or two on the inside of the Ubuntu design team from what I can tell.

    2. TeeCee Gold badge
      Coat

      Bollocks! The Devil doesn't skulk corridors these days, his minions do that. He wears a suit, has an office and heads up Apple's legal team.

      1. Graham Wilson
        Go

        @TeeCee -- Right, I stand corrected.

        Yuh can't even blink these days w/o all going topsy-turvy. Blink twice, and you'll be a has-been.

        Advise when he moves elsewhere.

    3. Peter Simpson 1
      Mushroom

      In the US

      Dick Cheney's right here, planning more mischief, not stalking the corridors of the Vatican

    4. Paul Crawford Silver badge
      Devil

      Suddenly it all makes sense

      Devil + "the dark arts of selective press leaking"

      I wondered what Mandelson was doing these days...

    5. Peter Rathlev

      Yeah, Father Gabriele is right. The devil's been walking those corridors for the last millennium and a half, m-kay.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Shock horror!

    Leaks to reveal that god does not exist, and they knew it all along, sneaky fuckers...

  9. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Coffee/keyboard

    "The steady stream of embarrassments are being seen as evidence of a power struggle within the church as one group of elderly men pits itself against another group of elderly men to replace an even more elderly man. Possibly with an elderly Italian."

    Loved that bit to bits! It almost sounds like the bad old days at the Unseen University (dead men's shoes and all that).

    On the plus side, if we wait just e bit longer, maybe nature will take its course and all these elderly men will start falling over from old age. Whether or not they will meet the maker they would expect (or would have us believe to expect) is another matter entirely

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hmmm...

    So the Devil himself is stalking the corridors of the Holy See... Hmmm, Can anyone remember how long it is since Tony Blair became a Catholic?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      So what you're saying is that the old posters were true?

      http://politics.guardian.co.uk/election2001/images/0,9350,449562,00.html

  11. M7S

    Ah, the James Murdoch defence is deployed

    "Maybe somebody’s sending things to me in emails and so on, but I don’t read those things"

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Trollface

    Baroness Warsi for Pope!

    Please read her article in today's Telegraph if you're wondering why.

    1. Flugal

      Given the pope is apparently going to pop their clogs later this year that sounds like a great idea.

      1. Pan_Handle
        FAIL

        Their clogs?

        That is all

  13. Oninoshiko
    Joke

    "The possibility that the very personification of evil has now extended his armoury to include the dark arts of selective press leaking is truly terrifying."

    Now extended? I thought he wrote the book on it!

  14. Alex C
    Holmes

    Is it just me?

    Or does it seem like the church has started really missing all the attention Dan Brown was giving it? A wise man once said there's no such thing as bad publicity.

    It's almost like they've got him working with them to heighten intrigue.

    It's better for them than the otherwise endless trickle of kiddy-fiddling after all.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Burn them all as witches

    /joke

    I never understood the difference between witchcraft and miracles. If they can prove the difference I would love to see it...

    1. Peter Simpson 1
      Flame

      Turnabout

      *is* fair play, in this case, certainly!

    2. Paul Crawford Silver badge

      Re: difference between witchcraft and miracles

      I think it went a bit like this:

      It helps the church's image = miracle

      Thinking woman, or unpopular = witch

    3. Syldra
      Devil

      RE: Burn them all as witches

      Miracle power is granted by God to one who prays fervently and live a holy life respecting God's commandments.

      Witchcraft power is gained by a mix of orgies, sacrifices of virgins, using all kinds of drugs and worshipping the Devil.

      I for one prefer the latter, much less hassle...

    4. Wombling_Free
      Mushroom

      viddy well then:

      Man did it = miracle

      Woman did it = witchcraft BURN HER! BURN HER! And the LIBRARY over there, just to be safe!

      come get me God; I ain't afraid of bullies, especially make-believe ones!

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Devil

    All these Hundreds of years

    And the RC church has not changed at all

  17. Shagbag

    The Pope should go on trial for his despicable, conscious disregard for the victims of child abuse while he was in charge of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. He is an enemy to anyone who believes in the criminal justice system.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "...He is an enemy to anyone who believes in the criminal justice system..."

      Believing in the criminal justice system is nearly as silly as believing in God.

    2. TimeMaster T

      Criminal Legal System. The rare trace of "Justice" it may contain is just a fluke.

      I'm still wondering whether the Pope may have killed the investigations because anyone following the trail of child molesters in the Church would have ended up at his doorstep.

  18. ukbabz
    Trollface

    Murky banking deals

    Bit father ted isnt it? "The money was just resting in my account" excuse comes to mind..

    1. Pan_Handle
      FAIL

      Re: Murky banking deals

      Beautifully rigorous logic there

  19. David Haig

    @Burn them all as witches (AC)

    Miracles - Boring stuff about raising the dead, visions of fully clothed virgins, occasional wedding with water cabernet sauvignon.

    Witches - Fully undressed virgins in the flesh, significant amounts of herbal stimulants, boring stuff about raising the Devil ...

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "The Cabinet minister has warned that British society is under threat from the rising tide of “militant secularisation” reminiscent of “totalitarian regimes”

    To think this bitch has the nerve to call atheists intolerant.

    This type of thinking is exactly why we need to keep religion out of public life.

  21. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Dear Mr. Bank Manager

    I was quite shocked to read your letter describing your problems balancing our bank account. I suggest we meet up to discuss same. How does Blackfriars Bridge on the 18th sound?

    So mote be it!

    PS please bring some bricks, if you can, on the off chance that we may chuck them at the ducks.

  22. Winkypop Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Hello, the 21st century called

    You, the men in dresses with pointy hats and invisible friends.....time to grow up.

  23. c3
    Mushroom

    Damn Satan, disguising himself as hot altar boys to discredit the church

    I mean, a holy man can only take that much hotness till he breaks and rapes someone.

    As for fraud, how would they get the money to pay off the families while hiding traces, as god intended them to ?

  24. BigUglyDean
    Mushroom

    Let's all sing along...

    ... With Tim Minchin:

    http://www.secularnewsdaily.com/2010/04/30/tim-minchins-pope-song-fuck-the-motherfucker/

    1. John H Woods

      Absolutely ace ...

      ... O/T - don't forget to check out 'Storm' by the same genius

  25. This Side Up
    Coat

    Just pontificating...

    "a flurry of confidential Papal documents were fed to the media by apparently disgruntled cardinals."

    Does that make it a cardinat sin?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Just pontificating...

      I've always wanted to know: just how many elements are there in the set of all cardinals? If they were to line up would they become ordinals?

  26. This Side Up
    Mushroom

    For 'create confusion' read 'reveal truth'

    "There is something very sad in the fact that documents are dishonestly passed from the inside to the outside in order to create confusion..." he added. "We must, therefore, stand firm, not allowing ourselves to be swallowed up by the vortex of confusion, which is what ill-intentioned people want, and remaining capable of using our reason."

  27. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
    Coat

    You have to watch out for that Vortex of Confusion

    It can really sting.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    ".....seen as evidence of a power struggle within the church....."

    Or may be some is genuinely shocked at the Church's actions, they wish to expose them!

    That can only be a good thing!

  29. Psmiffy
    Mushroom

    Wikileaks

    Oldest documents mistranslated: it said CELEBRATE, not CELIBATE!!

  30. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
    FAIL

    "One Australian Archbishop told a Catholic blog that he was not aware of any crisis" -

    "Paedophilia in the church, no, never heard of that!"

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