back to article Life-size Portal gun to shoot onto shelves soon

Despite the fact they generally sit on the mantlepiece as a decorative reminder of where one's interest lies, replica weapons are a big business and gaming enthusiasts are an eager audience to target. Fans of Valve's Portal franchise are the latest group in sight. They're being pitched with this 1:1 scale model from the series …


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  1. jai

    oh i want one, i want one!!!!

    where's the cake?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      There is no cake.....;)

      1. g e

        Ohh but there WAS cake!

        Right at the end where the robohand snuffs out the candle on one....

        Cake was not lies!

  2. Lord Elpuss Silver badge


    Holy moley? HOLEy moley, surely?

  3. CADmonkey

    Does it come with a Potato accessory, or do we have to use our own?

    speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out

  4. This post has been deleted by its author

  5. Rob Quinn

    The cake is a...

    Ok i'll be going, mines the one with Aperture Science on the back.

  6. Southern

    In related news...

    Burglar uses portal gun to burgle houses while leaving no trace of entry/exit. Police advise people to live in metal houses.

    1. Greg J Preece

      Just make sure your walls aren't grey, you'll be fine.

      1. Kane Silver badge

        or covered with ground up lunar rock.

    2. Doc Dish

      Nice job breaking it, hero.

  7. stucs201
    Thumb Up

    This is a triumph...

    ...making a note here: huge success.

    1. Kane Silver badge

      It's hard to overstate my satisfaction

      1. Lupus

        Aperture Science; we do what we must, because we can.

        1. TimeMaster T

          For the good of all of us.

          Except the ones who are dead.

          1. Kane Silver badge
            Thumb Up

            But there's no sense crying over every mistake.

            You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.

  8. Kane Silver badge

    Does it make shoes for orphans?


  9. TechnicianJack

    So will they keep producing these until they run out of cake? Or until VALVE makes a copyright claim?

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

      I'm sure Valve gets its cake from this.

      Also, is that cheap plastic I spy? Cave Johnson wouldn't be pleased.

      1. g e

        When life gives you cheap plastic...

        Need I say more?

  10. hi_robb


    You can buy this from the usual online portals..

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  12. Greg J Preece

    April, you say?

    Guess when my birthday is. :-D

    1. toxicdragon

      17th topperuary?



    " could be used to startle any burglars into leaving a rather smelly DNA depositary behind as they dash for the window in which they entered."

    Not only is this a horribly-formed sentence, but 'depositary' is an incorrect spelling of the wrong word.

    It's also worth mentioning that faeces do not reliably contain DNA, as such comprises waste products from food, and not necessarily cells that have been made in the body.

    1. mhoulden

      <-- strangely appropriate icon

    2. Dcope


      Surely the only human DNA would be yours?

  14. Z-Eden

    What? No potato add on?

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Where did they get an original to take measurements from?

  16. The Axe

    Airport security

    Since airport security theatre is all geared up to confiscate devices that look like a gun, I wonder what they would do with this "gun".

    1. Lockwood

      As you pass through the Airpor Unauthorised Item Emancipation Grid, your Apeture Science Handheld Portal Device may be emancipated. Aperture Science would like to apologise for the incovenience this may cuase to your continued testing.

      Loss of valuable equipment will result in an unsatisfactory test result.

  17. Mark Reed

    Long Fall Boots?

    Better ask GLaDOS when the Aperture Science Long Fall Boot is being released as one would want to protect ones investment at that price :)

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  19. Crisp Silver badge


    Now everyone can do science!

  20. perlcat

    Meh. Old tech.

    Prior art developed and exploited by B. Bunny and W. E. Coyote in the fifties.

  21. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

    Waiting for Friday

    Thus related:

    Portal: No Escape (Live Action Short Film by Dan Trachtenberg)

  22. Jambo Widetrousers

    Google Translate FTW

    The page translation is fun, but the page title even better:

    "Beans torpedo head office: Store Figures - / Neka system portal / portal device Prop Replica (s) and / or game"


  23. YARR

    One for the lawyers...

    So what legal steps are required to lawfully make and sell replicas of fictional objects like this? Would you need some kind of license / written agreement from Valve or can anyone do this?

  24. FozzyBear Silver badge

    Time to get my mind out the gutter

    Reading the Headline and subheading I thought this was some new Glory Hole fetish and the Reg had forgotten the NSFW tag. Opening the article and seeing the picture I was still going with the NSFW.

    I'm leaving. The coat with the tissues in the pocket... thanks.

    1. MJI Silver badge

      Had a search - what a yuk idea

      Keep up with the rest of us!

      Glory holes - I'm sticking with portals.

      Only good use for glory holes is playing whack-a-mole.

  25. Gareth 18


    One thing I have always wanted to know is...where's the trigger?

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