back to article Boffins uncloak G-rated teledildonic breakthrough

A team of robot reseachers have developed a prototype of internet-based remote kissing devices that – for reasons unexplained – comes in two versions, one a cartoonish bunny, the other a cow. The bunny, well, The Reg can accept, seeing as how a juvenile oryctolagus cuniculus domesticus might be some folks' idea of kissable …

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  1. No such thing as an Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    The cow...

    Haven't people married cows: http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/830794-man-forced-to-marry-cow-faints-at-wedding

    There, the confusion is over...

  2. Dick Emery
    Joke

    If it breaks will it be...

    ...kiss kiss bang bang?

  3. LaeMing Silver badge
    Alert

    Then a software glitch

    switches from a recording to a live webcam and you see your kissing partner was using the device at the other end of their anatomy.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I guess a tongue attachment is an extra $50

  5. Pypes
    Stop

    So...

    If it stick a pair of hobby servos in a football and cover it in silicone sealant do I get a research grant too?

    I honestly think the rotating straw was a better idea, and that's saying a lot considering how hilariously bad it was. This is what happens when you let design students attempt something best left to (lonely) engineers.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    oryctolagus cuniculus domesticus

    Sorry, but I keep reading a completely different word in the middle there. Something to do with kissing certainly.

  7. Graham Marsden

    Didn't Howard and Raj....

    .... experiment with something like this in the Big Bang Theory...?!

    1. Michael Duke

      Yes they did to allow Leonard and Priya to maintain their long distance relationship, the demo however was fairly disturbing and in my mind confirms Leonards mothers theory. about those two.

  8. It wasnt me
    Unhappy

    Wow...

    There is too much money in the world, and too many people with too little to meaningfully do.

    Really, is the very, very best way that money can be spent? Malaria anyone? Aids?

    F.F.S. I despair.

    1. Semaj
      Thumb Up

      Aids

      Well this COULD evolve into something of an AIDS prevention device if people end up "making love" by proxy rather than directly ... I'd think it'd take the fun out of it somewhat personally but hey, some people will like it.

    2. bob 46

      wow also

      So you live in a one bedroom flat devoid of decoration, without television or music. You own no consumer electronics except those required for you to do your job (which is directly related to aids and malaria relief) You eat only the cheapest food you possibly can, don't own a car, walk everywhere, wear only clothes from second hand shops and spend every spare penny on aids and malaria relief?

      Because every penny not spent on aids and malaria relief is wasted isn't it.

      That was quite sarcastic, but its because I strongly disagree with your comments. This may not be a world changing way to spend money, and honestly it looks quite pants to me, but I'm glad R&D is being done, because I work away from home a lot and sometimes a phone call isn't enough.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ah, final proof, if any more was required.

    Obviously the developers of these devices have only the most tenuous grasp of sexual technique. Real men can make love using just ASCII.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      ASCII?

      Who needs your wimpy 7-bit lowercase stuff ? Real men can make love in Baudot.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Baudot?

        Baudot? Morse code is the language of passion.

        1. Kubla Cant Silver badge

          EBCDIC

          It's all in the name

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Morse-code willy waving contest.

          According to the graffiti in the ladies toilets, you're all dot and no dash!

  10. JDX Gold badge

    Big Bang

    Yes and theirs actually looked more believable (no idea if it's made up or real).

    My main issue with the video is that she looks about 12 and he about 35. Presumably for the type of men buying this, that's an on-target advert?

  11. g e

    At last

    Jordan may have a business model.

    (No not the Middle East Jordan you fools, the one with the comedy fake tits and too much makeup)

  12. Bert 1
    Facepalm

    Design failure

    I love the fact that its been so badly designed, that even in the promotional video, they've got to stand it on a Styrofoam cup!

  13. umacf24

    Security

    I am concerned about the risks of a man-in-the-middle attack.

  14. Simon Blakely
    WTF?

    So, how long before someone interfaces this with a Roomba...

  15. Rampant Spaniel

    It's only a matter of time before there is a sheep version!

  16. k9gardner

    Further on security...

    My only concern is, how wide does the mouth actually open, and is there a safety catch to keep it from closing too quickly?

  17. Bartlomiej Kochan
    Coat

    Next step in pron evolution ?

    We all time to time notice some new "trends" or "categories" in online porn, some call it simply perversions.

    Well to me the next obvious step in online porn is remotely controlled robotic arms.

    All this live cam workers could have a simple robotic arm(s) which can picku up ex. a dildo or a lube or a webcam and so on. This can also work in the other direction eg. robotic arm mounted on observer side which is controled by the "sex worker".

    Easy way to make some dosh from off the shelve equipment. Simple robotic arm is 50 quid in maplin.

    Porn industry is a pioneer in many ways so lets see what happens. To me simple handshake with online conversation partner would do ;)

    P.S. Mine is the one with thai and arabic number 4 in the pocket.

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