back to article 'Mobiles bake men's balls' bog ad is cobblers - new ruling

The anti-phone brigade has been ticked off by the Advertising Standards Authority for running posters declaring that a phone in blokes' jeans could ruin their genes. The posters, which ran in the toilets at service stations and shopping centres, claimed that "medical experts" are warning that a mobile phone can turn chaps …

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  1. This post has been deleted by its author

  2. Richard Wharram
    WTF?

    Seriously ?

    They don't even get fined ? Anyone can do this and just get a slapped wrist for being a lying bunch of shitboxes ?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Please do continue....

      YOU will be doing the Gene Pool a great favour by removing yourself from it.

      were not all nutters BTW.

      A lot of those suffering from MicroWave-Sickness are Techies!

      Quite a few are EX-Telecoms personnel, who have due to exposure to work related RF Emissions have been permanently disabled by it.

      The Symptoms are not pleasant and are aggravated by re-exposure to Pulsed PF fields such as 3G and WiFi.

      The Mass Push to roll out (Politically friendly front page news) so called SMART METERS is an easy (but very expensive mistake) as they are not green and wont save power in the long run.

      Poisoning everyone with ElectroSmog is not GREEN and will just increase the profits of those PharmaTek that manufacture products to fight Dementia/ADHD/CANCER/CFS/ME/Cronic Insomnia and other related degenerative conditions which are merely a symptom of a sickening population being poisoned at the Genetic Level.

      Is it our fault that the communications industry is hell bent on discrediting anyone with views that would effectively put them out of business and into bankruptcy when the real dangers are finally published in full, (which is slowly being carried out by a few dedicated scientists.)

      The DoD/MoD and other eastern and western Military have long known about the dangers through lab experiments and practical real world exposure of their Personnel whilst working with Radar and other RF weapon systems. (the Papers from such were published in the 50's, 60's and 70's, but were ignored by anyone outside of the Industry)

      The Pro-Comms lobby lot would rather these reports were burned and forgotten.

      The Seti Lot have long wondered why they cannot hear anyone out there (in space) quite simple really, an intelligent race gets to analogue RF broadcasting, then discovers digital, gets it genome burnt and either switches over to fiberoptics thereby going dark to outgoing RF transmissions or goes extinct due to too much genetic damage having been inflicted on its population.

      Looks like we are going the latter route....

      1 Fairly Harmless inhabitable Planet for Sale, Free to anyone Interested in Moving In.

      1. Mike Brown

        proof

        "The Seti Lot have long wondered why they cannot hear anyone out there (in space) quite simple really, an intelligent race gets to analogue RF broadcasting, then discovers digital, gets it genome burnt and either switches over to fiberoptics thereby going dark to outgoing RF transmissions or goes extinct due to too much genetic damage having been inflicted on its population."

        or that space is vast, and the chances of us pointing our telescopes at the exact spot to pick up weak signals are quite slim? nah, must be a some sort of conspiracy

      2. Graham 25
        Alien

        Door left open ....

        Nurse, Nurse, someone has left the door open at the asylum again and they have found their way to a computer and the comments page.

        Someone get him/her a nice drink of milk and a cookie please and get them back into bed.

        and you you are all nutters.

      3. Richard Wharram

        @AC

        Please point me to some peer-reviewed research (not quack epidemiology) which backs up these claims and posit a hypothesis for how mobile phones make men infertile.

        Or, admit you are probably mistaken. Whichever.

      4. Red Bren
        FAIL

        Technology must be KILLING us

        That's why life expectancy in the west is worse now than in the middle ages. Oh hang on...

        AC@14:06 - I assume you pushed a hand written note under El Reg's door, rather than risk exposure to the deadly interwebs.

        1. Thomas 4

          "rather than risk exposure to the deadly interwebs"

          This is spoken by someone that's never had the misfortune to go to /b/ or the SA forums.

      5. Pete the not so great
        FAIL

        just turn of the universe

        It's a radio active place.

      6. Stuart Castle

        Yes... OK..

        While you make some interesting comparisons, you appear to be totally failing to spot the major flaw in your argument. That flaw is simply this: The systems you mention all output radiation at levels that are many times greater than those output by mobiles). In the case of Radar, it can be many thousands of times greater. The human body is actually rather efficient at coping with small doses of most forms of radiation, even if they are constant. Hence we've been able to deal with the Sun for all this time.

        When using a mobile, your body is dealing with milliwatts of radiation. When dealing with Radar or Mobile telecoms base stations, your body would be dealing with Kilowatts of radation, possibly even megawatts. Levels 1,000,000,000 times higher than mobiles.

        At least compare like with like..

      7. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Do you

        also believe in the lizard people and the New World Order by any chance?

        1. CmdrX3

          Oh dear!!!

          Alex Jones called, he wants his speech notes back.

          1. Stuart Castle

            Alex Jones?

            When I saw that, my first thought was that this was a reference to the erstwhile host of the One Show. Then I thought "He? He? I must have missed something there.."

            Then I realised.

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            just because Alex Jones tells lies to make money

            doesn't make him a bad journalist.

      8. hplasm Silver badge
        WTF?

        I'm interested in this planet for sale-

        Is it where you live?

      9. laird cummings
        Trollface

        "were not all nutters BTW"

        Perhaps not. But some of you *clearly* are, as you so clearly indicate.

        BTW: Some spelling and grammar lessons might help you make your (non)case.

      10. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

        I have Proof

        I have Scientific Evidence that CELL Phone Radiation do cause Infertility.

        I never felt the need for a MOBE, so I never got one, until I was offered one last November*. Well, since November I did not have any Kids. Surely that is PROOF of Something.

        *I faked happiness of course

      11. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        SO LONG AS IT

        Vibrates when in my trouser pocket I have no problem with baking issues.

      12. peter 45
        Coffee/keyboard

        "were not all nutters BTW"

        as sane as a box of frogs

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Happy

      Cough! Splutter!

      "lying bunch of shitboxes"

      Congratulations. I will now be calling everyone this for the rest of the day.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    found in public toilets?

    probably in public houses.

    I think by the time you have been drinking and eating pub food, you're probably beyond the "I need to be careful to preserve future generations" stage.

    1. Richard Wharram

      In fact

      You're probably thinking "Great, now I can take that homely girl who suddenly seems gorgeous into the alley and not have to worry about offspring because this ad says I've baked my sperm to death."

      1. Local Group
        Pint

        Why I don't drink.

        "that homely girl who suddenly seems gorgeous..."

        After you take your sperm out of the oven, stick a fork in your liver. It's probably done, too. :-)

  4. Christoph Silver badge
    Boffin

    Idiocy

    A phone in a trouser pocket has almost the entire width of the thigh between it and the fertility bits. If there was any actual danger from that, a phone in a top pocket near the heart would be far more dangerous - enough to be noticed and confirmed long ago.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      That!

      Has already been proven in experiments.

      RF emissions DO! cause Cardio-Vascular problems.

      Especially in those with Pacemakers fitted.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        RF ... its worth treating with caution

        I once was on-site at several powerful broadcast transmitters (~ 100KW) many years ago and remember a sign which went something like this:

        DANGER

        HIGH-POWER RADIO-FREQUENCY FLUX BEYOND THIS POINT. NO METAL OBJECTS MAY BE CARRIED FURTHER. YOU MAY NOT ENTER THIS FACILITY IF YOU WEAR A PACEMAKER OR MEDICAL PROSTHESES WITH A METAL CONTENT. UNEXPECTED EFFECTS MAY OCCUR.

        Even so, the few tens or hundred milliwatts emitted by my phone isn't going to do me any harm. This advert is complete tosh.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: AC idiot @ 14:10

        Mobile phones do not cause cardio-vascular problems.

        They can interfere with pacemakers and if you have one of these you are given instructions on what to avoid. This includes:

        Mobile phones near the pacemaker (you can use one but you are recommended to use the ear opposite to the pacemaker).

        Magnets near the pacemaker.

        Arc welding.

        Airport scanners (you are given a card to show them at the airport. They can then lower the power settings or manually search you).

        etc.

        1. Arctic fox
          Thumb Up

          @AC 16:51 GMT "Magnets near the pacemaker."

          Indeed. For exactly the same reasons that we cannot allow anyone with a pacemaker near our dept's NMR, the liquid helium cooled magnet would really ruin their day.

          1. Intractable Potsherd
            Facepalm

            Re: Cardio-vascular AC

            It is probably the same paranoid loon that posted the diatribe further up the page. He probably also thinks that light is harmful ...

    2. Paul Shirley

      @Cristoph

      Surely it depends on whether you 'dress' to the left or right? Could make 10" or more difference...

      I'm sure these quacks can also inform us which side is the evil one only deviants and paedophiles hang their tackle ;)

  5. Flugal

    Well done ASA

    I wonder if the ASA are prepared to do anything about the signs at the front of some churches that similarly make claims which 'lack [the] empirical evidence that most "experts" would require', to the effect that non-believers are doomed, or that attending their services give us access to something spritual?

    Or is it one rule for product-bullshitters and another for sky-fairy-bullshitters?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Religion is protected

      It's not just bullshit, it's government sanctioned bullshit

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        No... Its Religion Sanctioned BullShit

        cos if you don't accept it, the Clerics/Muhlahs/Priests will condemn your soul to hell.

        and a large crowd of the their Faithfull followers will come round and beat you until you decide that you made a mistake in your heathen views or just kill you just to make the point.

        1. Stoneshop Silver badge
          Boffin

          ... the Clerics/Muhlahs/Priests will condemn your soul to hell

          My what to where?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        But...

        My Magic Friend thinks otherwise....

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Mixed domains

      Quote: "I wonder if the ASA are prepared to do anything about the signs at the front of some churches that [] attending their services give us access to something spiritual?"

      The problem with the EM Radiation Research Trust advertising is that appears to be making a statement of scientific fact backed up by, "empirical evidence that most "experts" would require", when, in fact, it does not. If the trust had made it abundantly clear that this was the opinion of its members, and that it was not backed up by the scientific community as a whole, then it might be accepted.

      It seems to me that any statement about anything of a spiritual nature is - by definition - not a scientific statement, given that science is concerned with the material world, which can be made manifest to our senses (in some form or other) and subjected to repeatable, verifiable tests. However, if a religious group made statements which are materially measurable, e.g. "perform [insert religious practice her] and you will become wealthy", then I think they might be exposed to the same scrutiny.

    3. Richard IV

      @Flugal - it's about expectation

      Picture if you will the offending advert from the article with "Medical experts" replaced by "Religious experts".

      I doubt that the ASA would have taken issue with that version, nor would anyone have given it any credence. Amazing thing, context - just one adjective shifts your expectation of the claim that follows.

      I've yet to see a sign outside a church containing the word expert. There probably is one, but I'm willing to bet it's used within a bad pun context (Expert Teas?) and thus will not incur the ASA's "wrath". Use of the word Jesus doesn't trigger an empirical expectation for most people.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      re: Well done ASA

      I'm pretty sure the ASA don't allow religious advertising which involves threats or material promises of salvation.

      As to services giving "us access to something spiritual", surely it's possible a service *may* give you access to something spiritual - not necessarily an objective thing, but a thought, a feeling, something personal? Well, not *you*, obviously, but someone?

      In any case surely organised religion is so tied up with notions of the collective, and the group, that assuming a given church wasn't a nuisance, no responsible lawmaker would really want to ban all that, which brings a bunch of people together and gives them a sense of community in this atomised age (Scientolologists and other cynics excepted)?

  6. Piers
    Happy

    My baby daughter...

    ...disagrees with their 'experts'.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      BUT!

      She's Going to grow up to be a CHAVette!

      So they are proven right, you just don't know it yet !!!

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Idea

    Get some stickers printed that we can stick across quack adverts, with a link to Bad Science or something.

  8. Tegne
    Terminator

    What do the people who pay for these posters hope to gain from these dubious claims anyway?

    I can't imagine they are doing it for the good of the human species.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      IT's Called Altruism

      We are the Canaries...

      We are the few that can actually feel the cancer growing (in us and in society), whilst all of you are carrying on oblivious to it, until you are diagnosed with Terminal Cancer or other Fatally Degenerative Disease, by which time its too late...

      The Sheep(you lot!) are too timid to think for themselves(or do the grunt work and research) and actually stand up and say "hang on, what if this is really true and we are on the road to hell (or the abattoir) for the false idol of high technology", but a lot of those that know the truth are afraid to stand up as they know they will be ridiculed (didn't Jesus have the same problem.)

      All your false hopes in high technology are going to see...

      is the results of your CAT/MRI scan that confirm you have an un-curable CANCER of the brain etc, and you have not long to live.........

      1. Anonymous Coward 101
        Windows

        "All your false hopes in high technology are going to see...

        is the results of your CAT/MRI scan that confirm you have an un-curable CANCER of the brain etc, and you have not long to live........."

        I would have gone for a CAT/MRI scan, but it was too high tech for me. I will wait for a CAT/MRI scanner to be developed that is made from stones and woolly mammoth pubes.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          "We are the Crazies..."

          Fixed that for you chum. No thanks necessary at all :).

      2. NumptyScrub
        Meh

        EM spectrum emissions

        quote: "The Sheep(you lot!) are too timid to think for themselves(or do the grunt work and research) and actually stand up and say "hang on, what if this is really true and we are on the road to hell (or the abattoir) for the false idol of high technology", but a lot of those that know the truth are afraid to stand up as they know they will be ridiculed (didn't Jesus have the same problem.)

        All your false hopes in high technology are going to see...

        is the results of your CAT/MRI scan that confirm you have an un-curable CANCER of the brain etc, and you have not long to live........."

        If you'd be so kind as to provide comparitive strengths between mobile phone output, and ground-level background radiation, plus average (at the planet surface) background radiation during a solar flare (solar maxima?), and show me that a mobile phone is in fact more energetic over time than the background radiation(s) that the species has been subject to for millions of years, then I will be happy to investigate further into a conspiracy theory.

        Given that every so often a large enough solar flare is predicted that "might disrupt communications and electronic equipment across the globe" I suspect that the ouput from the Sun is far more capable of destruction than the backround of anthropogenic radiation that we are certainly subjected to on a daily basis. Even when taking our "natural defenses" of a large localised magnetic field into account, we are parked 1AU away from a supermassive nuclear furnace, and have been bathed in EM radiation since life formed on the planet. I am not convinced burning my balls with a mobile will necessarily be substantially more damaging to me than just going for a stroll in the summer sun without taking sunscreen with me.

        Of course if there is substantive proof that (for instance) solar flares and cosmic radiation are in fact half as energetic at the skin as a mobile phone, then I will be far more inclined to investigate further :)

        1. Ben Tasker Silver badge
          Joke

          @NumptyScrub

          Bugger me, you've just solved the "Why" behind evolution! We must all be mutating from the constant radiation, after all if a mobe can cook balls then the sun must be capable of breeding a superrace!

          I'd actually quite like to see the comparitive strengths if anyone has them!

      3. Ben Tasker Silver badge

        @AC

        "We are the few that can actually feel the cancer growing"

        That reminds me (somewhat loosely) of the story about the entire village who complained of RF sickness following the installation of a mobile base-station in the area. Many complaints were made to the operator, who eventually had to make it clear to these hypochondriacs that the thing hadn't even been turned on yet!!!!

        Can't find the link, but the University of Essex were able to reproduce it in a study - http://www.politics.co.uk/reference/mobile-phone-masts

        Note

        "concluded that short-term exposure to a typical GSM base station-like signal did not affect well-being or physiological functions"

        is far more reasonable and balanced a conclusion than

        "cancer clusters, clusters of ill-health, depression and even suicide" had been found in proximity to the masts and other wireless sources of microwave radiation"

        which reeks of scaremongering!

        You are also well aware, I suppose, of the intense radiation and energy being hurled at the entire planet (well half at a time) by our own sun? Orders of magnitude higher powered than what we are pumping out?

        But still, don't let numerous _empirical_ studies get in the way of your beliefs!

      4. hplasm Silver badge
        FAIL

        But don't CAT/MRI scans

        cause un-curable cancer of the BRANE???!!!! eleventyone?

      5. laird cummings
        Trollface

        "We are the Canaries..."

        You're a loonie.

  9. Tom 7 Silver badge

    No need for radiation to cook your balls

    just let your work know the number...

  10. JP19
    WTF?

    When it comes to smoking, obesity, salt, speed, that 5 a day drivel etc lying is fine.

    Tell lies which piss off Telcos and the ASA will be on your case in a flash.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Telling the Truth....

      Will Piss them off even more.

      It's at that point their Highly Paid horde of over paid Lawyers, In-Pocket Scientists (who will prove the moon is made of cheese and JFK shot himself in the head in Dallas) and Spammers will be all rolled out to suppress any negative news articles or views that their glorious product or technology will not save the world.

      1. Stuart Castle

        Truth?

        Funny how all the anti phone campaigners on here are too frightened to reveal even a nickname.

        If you want highly paid lawyers, there must be a few hanging around the anti-phone campaign. After all, if you are right (not that I think you are), then the phone companies are willingly exposing millions of people to danger. Then add in all the various electrical companies (after all, cables must be leaking all sorts of radiation). Just imagine if these "victims" aunched a legal action against the Companies. Any lawyers involved would make millions.

        Finally, if you have *proof* that the phones are dangerous, produce it. Be prepared to answer questions with something other than references to sheep and vague references to companies covering up some unknown "truth" though.

      2. EyeCU
        Mushroom

        Funny

        it just seems to be the Anonymous Cowards who are screaming about the evils of technology (The irony of using an electronic device to put out these 'warnings' seems to be lost on them), not those willing to identify themselves (ok, of a fashion my name isn't really EyeCU). Who would you class as a Spammer?

        The Bomb as I suppose you lot think that is all science is good for. You do tend to point it out whenever you are decrying the evils of science.

        1. Oli Wright

          "it just seems to be the Anonymous Cowards"

          I'd hope you can drop the s ... probably only one nutter multi-posting.

          1. Intractable Potsherd

            I agree with Oli ...

            ... the styles are very similar. This one seems to appear every time the topic of mobile-phone radiation comes up.

  11. James Whale
    Meh

    Still...

    I don't imagine that having a 3G/4G/wi-fi antenna next to your balls does them any good, either.

    We know that radiation in high doses is damaging - it's kinda common sense that radiation in small doses might be *ever-so-slightly* damaging, though at levels which are much harder to detect. We've got a lot more research to do before anyone can conclusively say RF signals are 100% safe to human tissues.

    Here's a recent story about laptop wi-fi possibly affecting male fertility: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-15943816

    1. Richard Wharram

      Radiation?

      I suspect you're not from a scientific background. The word covers a broad spectrum of phenomena (I'll get my coat.) Just read the wikipedia description. First thing to think about is the difference between ionising and non-ionising radiation.

      Or, just remember not to use light-bulbs at night, just in case that extra 'radiation' may be slightly damaging you. Can't be too careful.

    2. turnip handler

      "...it's kinda common sense..."

      This is why scientists investigate even those things which are 'common sense' to some people, in order to see whether they are actually true. Because until it is investigated it is only a guess.

    3. Intractable Potsherd

      @ James

      That "research" in the BBC link is so flawed it barely counts as science. It was reported here at El Reg (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/11/30/wi_fi_reserach/) - have a look at the comments to show how many ways it is inconclusive.

  12. IR

    Let me get this straight

    They were trying to appeal to young men to not put their phones in their pocket because it means they won't get a girl pregnant? Wouldn't it actually encourage them to do so?

  13. Simon Neill

    Yeah right.

    Phones put out the most radiation when making a call or using the internet. In those cases it will be next to the ear or in the hands respectively. Hence, not damaging to fertility.

    Heck, I've yet to see any proof that talking on phones a lot causes any problems for gods sake. The last edition of this information I read said the tests were on exposed sperm. Exposed sperm don't last long even if you do nothing, never mind cooking them with a phone.

    1. Mako

      "Exposed sperm don't last long even if you do nothing, never mind cooking them with a phone."

      So...you're saying that I'm wasting my time filling my fishtank with them then? Oh well, there goes my infertility insurance policy.

      Ho-hum.

      Does, um, anyone know if it's legal to dispose of 80 litres of semen down the drain in one go?

    2. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Next to the ear

      "No damage to fertility" - quite likely, if there's any danger anyway in the first place.

      But it's clearly damaging to their hearing and to their intelligence, because most of those victims of Continuous Phone Use In Public Places seem a) to be shouting a lot, as if the phone itself isn't working and they must bridge the distance vocally, and b) to be just talking about anything at all, seemingly for the sake of talking.

  14. Lamont Cranston

    It's all a sinister plot

    by manbag manufacturers.

    1. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

      It's a SATCHEL!

      A SATCHEL, damnit!

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    we all die of something

    I'd rather it was radiation before I had to be put in a private company run carehome to be finished off by the poor hygene and even poorer trained staff

  16. Peter Simpson 1
    Coat

    Mine's in a holster on my belt (looks nerdier)

    We won't really know the truth for another 20 years or so. Still, I'm playing it safe and giving the family jewels the benefit of the doubt.

    //the copper mesh lined one, please

  17. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

    Scientists claim

    I'm a scientist and so's my wife

    So if I were to claim that true happiness could only be achieved by rolling around naked in chocolate could I advertise that as "scientists believe?"

    ps.. if you try this - avoid anything with hazelnuts in it.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Can affect sterility

    no claim of effect on potency

    BONUS! WIN!!

  19. Cliff

    Are you sensitive to blah

    The EHS Test (no, really - source http://www.radiationresearch.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=47&Itemid=30)

    Do you suffer from:

    Frequently

    Occasionally

    Never

    Numbness, weakness or prickling sensations in your joints or limbs

    Feelings of abnormal tiredness or weakness that cannot be explained by your life commitments

    Changes in your ability to think clearly or finding it difficult to concentrate, depending on where you are

    Aches and pains, cramps or muscle spasms in your joints, bones and muscles in your shoulders, arms, legs, feet, wrists, ankles, elbows and pelvis. Fibromyalgia

    Headaches

    Tenseness

    Restlessness, anxiety

    Memory loss

    Sleep disturbance, insomnia

    Feebleness, dizziness, tremors

    A tendency to skin redness, itchiness, rashes, tingling or dry skin

    Abdominal pain, digestive problems, irregular bowel movements, sickness

    Feeling too hot, fever

    A smarting, irritating sensation, a pain, or a feeling as if there is grit in your eyes. Blurred vision or flickering before the eyes

    Nosebleeds or blood pressure changes

    Heart arrhythmias or irregularities, palpitations or chest pain

    Toothache or neuralgia

    Hair loss

    Hearing clicks, humming, buzzing, hissing or a high-pitched whine

    Sensitivity to light, especially fluorescent lights or computer screens (sometimes, though rarer, even daylight)

    Bouts of unusual irritability, rage, violence, destructiveness, feeling hostile

    Thyroid problems

    A generalised feeling of impending influenza that never quite breaks out

    Depression

    ‘Missing time’, blackouts or convulsions

    This may as well be an 'are you alive' test.

    1. Ben Tasker Silver badge

      better than that

      If you fill it out, they recommend powerline adaptors over wifi. Because there have been no complaints of rf interference from powerline adaptors have there?

      Im also told dect phones are out, heaven forbid they ever come to my house!

  20. Maty

    Have that 'radiation research' bunch yet figured out that radio waves from the BBC do not in fact make the milk go sour?

  21. Greasemonkey
    Headmaster

    Greasemonkey

    Solar radiation is taken to be up to 500 W/m2 when doing sizing calculations for oil platform flares (350 W/m2 max in UK).

    API 520 has an interesting list of how long it takes to burn at different radiation intensities.

    Oh yeah, that's mostly IR rather than microwave, of course, which is more energetic (IR that is). Although IR doesn't excite the molecular bonds in water like 2.4 GHz microwaves do...

    1. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

      Re: 350 W/m2 max in the UK

      Are you sure your data is not off by a few orders of magnitude? Last time I went to Newcastle it felt more like 3.5 W/m2.

      1. Greasemonkey
        Boffin

        Updated

        I just checked. API 521 (520 is for sizing of relief valves) 5th ed. states solar radiation = 790 to 1040 W/m2. My previous nos were in Btu/h-ft2, for other criteria.

        It gives time-to pain thresholds of 1740 W/m2 for 60secs, 6940 W/m2 for 9 secs and 19870 W/m2 for 2 secs, amongst others.

        In Aberdeen yesterday the sun was acting as a heat sink, so 3.5 W/m2 for Newcastle sounds about right...

        It so happens that 790 W/m2, impacting on yer ear, gives about 2.4 W/ear

  22. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Holmes

    This comment section is a goldmine of copypasta!

    It shall be put to use in future trolling attempts.

    But really, I blame the popular press administered in unhealthy doses to people who are psychologically incapable of correctly - quantitatively or qualitatively - gauging cause-effect relationships, paired with paranoia. Something with "people with different needs" of the mind.

    I have a colleague like that, locks on to any unlikely stuff you can find as long as it flies in the face of reality. If in the quiescent phase, she tries to push bizarro ideas on why Quantum Mechanics is wrong and can actually be explained by <pet hidden variable theory that makes no use of mathematics whatsoever and must therefore be correct>. She was going full antivaxer during the last flu flap, with claims about nasty holocausty tricks to reduce population count.

    1. Intractable Potsherd

      "...nasty holocausty tricks to reduce population count."

      It's true, because the world's population is reducing, as is evident to anyone with eyes to see ... oh, wait: errrr ... 7 billion the most people ever, isn't it? Ah - the population figures MUST be false to cover up the fact that the UN/Illuminati/lizard people/Zionists/grey aliens/military industrial complex are trying to kill us all!*

      *Just in case it is needed, I swear and affirm that this is sarcasm.

  23. Flash_Penguin
    Black Helicopters

    RADHAZ is a DADHAZ

    That's the signs that used to around the upper deck exit hatches anyway....

    Might have been an order of magnitude or eight higher on the power though.

    909 Radar in full smegawatt mode never made me that keen to find out.

    And it was always the first thing to be triple checked if I was going aloft.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All I can say is, peer reviewed science or not, I get a weird tingle in my right leg if I put my phone in my pocket. It doesn't do it on the left, nor if I put it elsewhere. My belief is that this has been caused by years of carrying my phone around in my right pocket.

    As a techie, I suspect newer phones are less damaging than their older brethren, so this is less likely than it used to be. Even if the risk is 1%, I'd say that it's worth being careful not to damage your swimmers DNA, because you won't know you've done it until years after exposure.

    As for why the lack of science, well, I can't see many people queuing up for field trials, can you?

  25. Martin Maloney
    Coat

    Sensible advice

    When evaluating something like that "don't fry your balls with your mobe" poster, check to see if the information is sourced. If it's not, then it is probably bogus.

    By applying this simple standard, one should always be able to telephony.

    1. Richard Wharram
      Happy

      WORST GAG EVER :)

  26. Local Group
    Paris Hilton

    Mae West, Information Technician

    "Is that a cell phone in your pocket or are you still buying condoms?"

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