back to article Area 51 to host sci-fi knocking shop

An enterprising Nevada brothel owner has decided to cash in on the fame of Area 51 and offer alien-hungry tourists the chance to get their rocks off in a sci-fi themed knocking shop. Bordello vet Dennis Hof has acquired a "disgusting, terrible" house of ill-repute some 90 miles (145km) northwest of Las Vegas which, with the …

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  1. Bunker_Monkey

    PMSL

    That is all...

    Will they have tenctonise as well?

  2. Gary F

    The girls should dress up as Leela from Futurama. There's no better looking cyclops in the universe. I was momentarily considering the 3 breasted alien from Total Recall.

    1. Graham Marsden
      Alien

      Total Recall...

      ... pinched the idea from the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy which had Eccentrica Gallumbits, the Triple Breasted Whore of Eroticon Six!

      1. zb
        Paris Hilton

        I like the idea of having sex with Zaphod Beeblebrox's sister. The idea of having sex with a girl with two heads creates all sorts of interesting fantasies.

        Paris .. because it is obvious ...

  3. tirk
    Alien

    If they offer Arcutian girls...

    Make sure you double check they aren't male.

    1. frank ly Silver badge
      Happy

      All the people from Arcturus are cute.....

      ..... which is maybe why you called them 'Arcutians'.

      Personally, I'd like to see the cat-nuns from Doctor Who. There's something about watching a woman take her wimple off.... and all that fur!!

      1. Dave Mundt

        Where did the cat nuns come from?

        Greetings and Salutations

        And I suspect that the cat nuns may have been inspired by the Cordwainer Smith story "The Ballad of Lost C'Mell" which is a well written and thoughtful examination of racism, love and the challenges of life.

  4. NogginTheNog
    Go

    Shatner

    His cover of "Common People" (assisted by Joe Jackson) is actually pretty damn good!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Shatner

      Worth listening to his "Has Been" track too in order to get his own opinion of his many (mistaken) mockers.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        a google search for Shatner and Friday should bring up Ralph Garman's genius impersonation, well worth a watch

  5. Random Handle

    Shatner Cabaret

    Maybe he'll do 'Common People'.....that kind of works. Sort of his musical 'Boston Legal' moment.

  6. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge

    Probably time ...

    ... to buy shares in body-paint producers. What with Orion Slave Girls, Andorians, Trill, Nav'i, Nebari, Delvians, (and they are the ones off the top of my head), this is one sector of the market that is going to see an upturn ... (pun intended!)

  7. Citizen Kaned

    hmmmm

    Princess Leia - in that slavegirl outfit! :)

  8. moonface
    Alien

    old universal adage

    Once you go Grey, then you have to Pay!

  9. Cliff

    ...except the costumes will not be authentic

    They will be a non-geek moneyman's designer's interpretation of geekiness and completely miss out on the authentic detailing that authentic geeks WILL notice (being geeks, after all). Sci-fi geeks will spot a 'fake' alien, even if they couldn't spot a fake orgasm.

    1. Aaron Em

      Spoken like somebody

      who would have no idea what to do with himself in any kind of whorehouse, skiffy-themed or otherwise. (And I should know. But then who needs to pay for sex anyway? So tawdry!)

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Why hasn't anyone mentioned...

    Twi'leks? OK, so they'd need loads of body paint and some rather creative head gear, but if the girls and punters are so inclined...

  11. laird cummings
    Alien

    Clearly, you guys are fixated on the wrong shows: I'm expecting Inara Serra, and her sisters.

  12. dssf

    Knocking Shop?

    Knocking Shop?

    hahahaha, my eye first saw "Knock-up Shop", and I envisioned NT Aliens impregnating terrestrial humans", and then recalled the "Alien Jerky" sign I saw around Barstow, CA years ago.

  13. Armando 123
    Coat

    Why am I reminded ...

    ... of a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 episode where one of them shouts "No. No! They're doing it clown-style!!!!!"

    Ok, just me, then.

  14. Mike Moyle Silver badge

    How far are they going to go with this...?

    ...Tentacle-Porn room?

    ...Wookiees for the Furry trade?

    ...Amputees with metallic "attachments" for She-Terminator fans?

    ...7 of 9 impersonators?

    ... Okay... Fine... 7 of 9 impersonators... Check...!

    ...And, of course, all of the Ferengi women... wear CLOTHES!

    1. Aaron Em

      "How far," you ask?

      As far as the least discerning customer's wallet, that's how far -- and not an inch further. All you're doing right now is disappointing yourself in advance.

      (Though, honestly, if you haven't discovered by now that reality goes well with only with the most pedestrian of fantasies -- of which the above, one and all, are not* -- then I don't know why I should expect any better sense out of you than I would out of a transhumanist or a Singularitarian.)

      * No, not even the 7-of-9 impersonator. What, do you think women with figures like Jeri Ryan's grow on trees?

      1. Mike Moyle Silver badge
        Facepalm

        @ Aaron Em

        You *DO* realize that I was being facetious, right...?

        ...Didn't think I needed to telegraph it with the "Joke Alert" icon. Sorry.

      2. NogginTheNog
        Thumb Up

        I believe

        Jerry Ryan's Seven-Of-Nine voluptuous figure was skillfully assisted by a bodysuit/corset/boob enhancing costume.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Being Area 51...

    well, personally I would hope they would be doing interesting things with weather balloons. If they do, I'll be there!

  16. Local Group
    Thumb Up

    Shatner. == Senior Discount

    I hope they have a vending machine with Viagra?

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Will the Na'vi Neytiri be there as well?

  18. TRT Silver badge
    FAIL

    What?

    No mention of anal probes?

    1. Mr Grumblefish

      Mention of anal probes

      inevitably leads to Cartman's rectum and we don't want to go there.

  19. The First Dave
    Alert

    What about some Klingon women?

    And no one has mentioned Jadzia Dax ?!

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Zev from Lexx?

  20. Dave Bell

    Original trek female crew uniform seems quite achievable, though a lot of this stuff would be solidly protected by trademark law.

    Still, generic spacecraft interiors ought to be possible. Maybe a touch of steampunk. Green body paint is almost geberic enough that they could get away with it, but body paint tends to rub off. I have, a time or two, seen some pretty effective paint jobs, things such as fur and snakeskin, but I doubt they could cope with the maintenance.

    On the whole, I doubt they could fake my fantasies. See "A Reconsideration of anatomical docking manouvers in a sero-gravity environment".

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Wrong area....

    Obviously, the name of the place really should be "Area 69".

    Paris, because she knows all about the "wrong area".

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