back to article Jarmageddon: Marmite spill sparks biohazard threat

A flood of yeast extract has blocked the M1 motorway in South Yorkshire after a truck containing the Marmite ingredient crashed and spilled its load. The road is still closed this morning, according to the latest traffic information, as cleanup workers scoop 23.2 tonnes of the gloopy brown stuff off the road surface. South …

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  1. phlashbios
    Joke

    Is it just me or....

    Do we really have a story here about people being stuck on the "marmite motorway". I know it's a euphemism, but still ;-)

    1. LuMan
      Coffee/keyboard

      Dang!

      Beat me to it. Well done, sir.

    2. Josco
      Coat

      Marmite....You either love it or hate it!

      Mine's the one with the jar in the pocket.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I think Radio 2 were dancing around that one this morning.

      They did manage "A spot of bovril 'ere mate" and a request to confirm it was on the "yeastbound carriageway" though.

      1. Thomas 4

        It's all a conspiracy

        MarM1te.

        Do I need to spell out the connection?

  2. Graysonn

    Are they going to send in the military?

    I like the image of soldiers covered in marmite.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      That's a kinky fetish

  3. TRT Silver badge

    Hmm...

    Marmite and jam.

  4. Tom 15

    Hmm

    Now all we need is for a couple more lorries to crash on the site... preferably one from Lurpack and one from Hovis... and then maybe for them to catch light and toast the area?

    1. Richard Wharram

      Needs a Wednesdaydale lorry rather than a Lurpak one in my opinion.

    2. Kevin Fairhurst
      WTF?

      Butter *and* marmite? Are you insane??

  5. hi_robb
    Facepalm

    Was it on the yeastbound carriageway?

    /Orders Taxi.

  6. Anonymous John

    This is the yeast-bound carriageway, I assume.

  7. Pete the not so great
    Thumb Up

    I heard the yeastbound carriage way is blocked

    Love it

    1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

      Causing the marmite love/hate balance to tip in the direction of hate, I suppose.

      Just needs a truck load of toast.

  8. kryptonaut
    Coat

    Yeast extract?

    Is there a rising sense of panic in the area?

    1. Andy 70
      Thumb Up

      There, fixed it for you

      More like a rising count of picnics in the area.

  9. OzBob
    Thumb Up

    Indescribable! Indestructible! Great on cheese sandwiches!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlsBem2JOl0

    Filmed up the Coromandel (no, thats not a euphemism) in New Zealand.

  10. Steven Roper
    Happy

    I would have called it *toxic* waste

    Marmite, Promite, Vegemite and other similar "black goop" spreads have got to be the foulest-tasting concoctions known to mankind. If I'd seen a spill of that gunk like that, I'd have recommended isolating the spill zone and evacuating the surrounding 5 kilometres!

    1. Alan Edwards
      Coat

      > If I'd seen a spill of that gunk like that, I'd have recommended isolating the spill zone and

      > evacuating the surrounding 5 kilometres!

      And nuke the site from orbit, it's the only way to be sure.

      Sorry, had to be done...

    2. Mike Moyle Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: "...evacuating the surrounding 5 kilometres"

      ...Actually, I suspect that 20+ tons of spilled Marmite rather looked like the surrounding 5 kilometers had ALREADY evacuated...

  11. Jaded Reader
    IT Angle

    IT Angle?

    Maybe the story has a very thin chance of being innuendo bait, but really, a traffic accident report on El Reg?

  12. This Side Up
    Coat

    Waste?

    "The dumped yeast extract was described as "waste" by the BBC, so is highly unlikely to now end up in Marmite jars."

    No doubt the plods told them it was waste because they don't want thousands of people turning up with slices of toast.

  13. geekclick
    Devil

    What no playmobil re-enactment?

    Shame on you reg, Playmobil Marmite motorway (thanks for that @phlashbios) coverage would surely be called for?

    Where is the "Where is the Playmobil?" icon?

  14. TeeCee Gold badge
    Coat

    "...has blocked the M1 motorway..."

    Oh dear. Let's hope it doesn't spread....

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      It's ok

      Currently it's only on the yeast bound carriageway.

  15. Dodgy Geezer Silver badge
    Pint

    Surely...

    "...The dumped yeast extract was described as "waste" by the BBC, so is highly unlikely to now end up in Marmite jars..."

    ...this could only improve the taste and unquestioned life-enhancing properties of this wonder-sludge?

    No evil bacterium could live for long amongst the vitamin-packed nutrition of this prince of comestibles....

    Beer, because that's where it comes from...

  16. irish donkey
    Happy

    Or we could just drive all the marmite lovers up there

    And let them lick it off the road.

    Best place for Marmite lovers..... as far away from me as possible. Yeck!

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "A flood of yeast extract has blocked the M1 motorway in South Yorkshire" Nothing to do with Marmite, that's just the thrush from the nearby 'ladies' of Barnsley...

  18. BoxedSet

    Bonus

    Scratch out one lorry load of foul tar of toast and one less caravan into the bargain! Huzzah!

  19. Red Bren
    Alert

    This is no accident

    It's an experimental grit substitute...

  20. Big Al
    Thumb Up

    My family always accuse me of spreading it thick enough to put on the roads anyway...

  21. KevinLewis
    Childcatcher

    Bacteria?

    I've never seen anything grow on Marmite, ever...

    Unlike any other food sources/edible things such as bread, cheese (ok it's a given), salad items, fruit, etc.

    Is the Marmite bacteria brown like Marmite? Or is it invisible?

    1. kissingthecarpet

      Its the salt content perhaps

      That's why you don't see mouldy Marmite

    2. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
      Boffin

      As I read it,

      This is the waste yeast from brewing used to make Marmite. Marmaite is made by denaturing the yeast by adding salt and heating - bacteria are unlikely to live in the result due to the osmotic pressure from the salt content, but the raw material - yeast extract - is highly nutritious to bacteria. This, presumably, is one of the reasons it has to be processed to make Marmite - raw yeast extract would be liable to give you quite a gippy stomach once your gut bacteria get stuck in.

  22. jake Silver badge

    Strangely ...

    I'm gnawing on a bit of Marmite-smeared sourdough toast over my second cup of coffee as I type. Lovely stuff :-)

  23. chriselston

    Help is on its way

    A lorry load of Canesten is on route to clear up the problem.

  24. Tom 46

    psshhtt

    Pics or GTFO

  25. NogginTheNog
    Coat

    I heard about this earlier...

    from My Mate :-D

  26. jolly

    Call me a nit picker...

    ...but the M1 runs North-South. I therefore declare all yeastbound carriageway jokes null and void.

    Go on - call me a nit picker!

    1. TRT Silver badge

      I can them void...

      because it was on Radio 4.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Go on - call me a nit picker!

      "...but the M1 runs North-South. I therefore declare all yeastbound carriageway jokes null and void."

      Couldn't resist this one. The BBC page linked from the article states that both carriageways were closed between junctions 32 and 33. It just so happens that that stretch of the M1 runs East-West.

    3. vyzar
      Coat

      Speaking of nit-picking...

      Actually, there *is* an East-West section of the M1 - to the north-east(ish) of Sheffield. Junction 33 to the M18!

      1. jolly
        Facepalm

        Bah! bad luck on me!

  27. Richard 23
    Coat

    So 23 tons of Marmite ...

    ... are now toast?

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    fanny batter

    Gives me thrush.. glad I'm not driving near there.

  29. This Side Up
    Stop

    Yeastbound Carriageway

    That was on "Today" this morning, so no marks for originality.

    1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      Brewers yeast (cerevisiae) != the kind that infects people's naughty bits (candida)

      They are both called yeast, in much the same way that haddock and sharks are both called fish.

  30. Tim Worstal

    Recent calculations show that

    At 4 grammes Marmite per serving and 30 grammes per piece of toast we will need 150 tonnes of toast to clear the mess up.

    Plus, at 5 soldiers per slice and 8 dips per soldier, 3.125 million soft boiled eggs.

    That's a lorra, lorra breakfasts.

  31. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
    Happy

    Standard Units Please...

    Was it enough Marmite to fill an olympic sized swimming pool?

    1. phlashbios
      Happy

      Or the other measurement...

      I believe the other standard unit is "covered an area the size of Wales"

      1. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
        Happy

        butt shurley

        one lorry load would be measured in micro-waleses

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Depends how thinly you spread it.

    3. TRT Silver badge

      I mean, if you are talking about the volume of an inedible material required to cover Wales, you can measure it in Chernobyls.

  32. Elron Hubward
    FAIL

    Funnily enough....

    ...in a former life I was a truck driver and I drove the yeast tankers in and out of Burton-on-Trent.

    First day on the job I got given the keys and sent of on a trip to various breweries with no training, just the advice that the brewery staff would know what to do.

    First pickup in York and I am met by a brewery guy who has only a rough idea of what to do as well and we unship the pipes, connect up to a vat of foul smelling waste yeast and switch the pump on.

    After a few seconds the pipe is bucking like crazy and the pump is making the sort of noises I only ever heard before when my parents thought I was asleep and me Dad had drunk enough to be able to come within 10' of Mum without being physically sick.

    I worked out what was wrong; I hadn't opened the inlet valve on the truck. I leap for the valve and try to open it.... just as the pressure builds up enough to blow the pipe out of the ring mounting, spraying everything in the immediate vicinity with the foul gloop.

    I was covered from head to foot (quite literally; I looked like a melted mars bar) and had to be hosed down by the giggling brewery staff. What's more I stank of marmite for about a week afterwards... although the missus didn't seem to mind over much.

    Haven't been able to go near the stuff ever since for some odd reason.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      "although the missus didn't seem to mind over much."

      Used to yeast infections?

  33. Mips
    Childcatcher

    But now there is going to be a Marmite shortage

    Oh No!

    Hurrah!

    Do I care?

    Take your choice

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