back to article Demon Currys iPad showered kids with HARD-CORE smut

Dixons Retail has issued a grovelling apology after a demon fondleslab possessed with porn beamed smut directly into the eyes of children at a Currys store in Surrey. According to a report in the Surrey Comet, a distressed mother, who asked to remain nameless, said her three children were confronted with the filth on entering …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The grot?

    What a lovely use of that word. I suggest using a flannel if grot becomes a problem.

    1. lpopman
      Paris Hilton

      titular option

      Grot, Grumble, Jazz - who cares what it's called. It's all good :D

      Seriously though, English changes its usage all of the time. It's quite fluid, really.

      Paris, because of the grot connection...

  2. TRT Silver badge
    FAIL

    It blocks *shoppers*, yes, but does it block staff from viewing said pink parade? Pass the screen wipes...

  3. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    Hmm ironic

    that Steve Jobs told everyone that Android was the porn-pad, and that you didn't get Porn on Apple..

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2010/may/25/ipad-porn-free-steve-jobs

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Hmm moronic

      It seems that you believe everything Steve Jobs said? Are you sure you're not a closet fanboi?

  4. Shonko Kid
    FAIL

    "block shoppers from surfing dodgy..."

    blacklist?!? Are they completely incompetent. If this thing was even allowed to access the internet proper, then it should be so on a whitelist.

    What is THE FIRST THING any self respecting yoof is going to do on a computer in a shop once they notice it's connected to the net?

    1. Graham Dawson

      These days? Facebook.

    2. JohnMurray

      Dunno about you, but my preferred choice is go to a command line and format c:

    3. JohnMurray

      Well

      Dunno about you, but my preferred choice is go to a command line and format c:

  5. Simbu
    Trollface

    Something's missing...

    Where are the demands for compensayshun?! Poor little Timmy's mind has been scarred! They clearly need a free iPhad each...

    Preferably pre-loaded with a fuck-tonne of porn.

    1. theblackhand

      Re: Something's missing...

      You're right - the Reg need some way of highlighting post such as yours that get so many things right.

      Thumbs up for great post

      +1 for cynical view of modern society

      +5 for using correct industry standard for quantity

      1. BorkedAgain
        Thumb Up

        Indeed.

        I was especially pleased that they used the metric fuck-tonne, as opposed to the imperial romp-ton our ancestors used to measure their grot...

        (Grot. Exquisite. I'm having that...)

      2. Jedit
        Headmaster

        Correct industry standard for quantity

        I beg to differ - he didn't say whether the fucktonne was Imperial or metric.

        1. Fishy
          Headmaster

          ton tonne

          Yes he did. Tonne - metric, Ton - imperial.

  6. JimmyPage Silver badge
    Devil

    I wonder which had more impact on the kids

    The porn, or the mothers reaction ?

    1. Annihilator
      Happy

      Who knows

      They had a good 70 seconds to enjoy the smut, as they were apparently 10 seconds ahead of their mother, and the dim-witted parent then apparently took "a minute" to realise what she was looking at.

      Best 70 seconds of any youngster's life I reckon..

      1. Wind Farmer
        Facepalm

        Dim but....

        Must be kind of cool to have a mum that can slowmo click her fingers and take a whole 10 seconds to do so. Will there still be the clicking sound at the end?

  7. Richard Wharram

    Internet has porn shocker !

    meh

  8. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
    Facepalm

    'The Most Disgusting Images'

    What, like images of people doing what you did to obtain your three children, but enjoying it? Shocking! Disgusting! Ban this sick filth, etc. etc.

    1. Richard Wharram

      Not necessarily.

      I didn't need to emulate 2 girls 1 cup to produce my kids.

      1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

        Shocking! Disgusting!

        Didn't stop her from ogling at it for a couple of minutes though...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Ah that would explain...

      ...why one of the kids likes pedegree chum and the other is hung like a....

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Pics, or it didn't happen

  10. Neil Spellings
    WTF?

    Took a whole minute

    She obvsiously didn't mind copping an eyefull if she was looking at it for a whole minute...surely once glance should of been sufficient to confirm the kind of content.

    1. BristolBachelor Gold badge
      FAIL

      More than that. If it took her, an adult, a whole minute to work out what it was, the kids probably didn't even realise, so no harm was done.

      Of course another option is that she wasn't watching what they did, and they are the ones that opened it, to see if it worked on the iPad as well as on the home PC.

      Or another option still is that she is thick.

  11. Clare (web specialist)
    Thumb Down

    Disgraceful

    Mind aside from the lack of care shown by Dixons, I do wish the government would do far more to clean up the world wide web.

    1. Joe 3
      Thumb Up

      A beautiful example of trolling

      And all you down-thumbers fell for it!

      1. GitMeMyShootinIrons
        Thumb Up

        Agreed...

        I'd have added a more Daily Mail reader-esque rant - perhaps a 'THINK OF THE CHILDREN!' line, or would that be over doing it?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Thumb Up

          Almost spiritual

          I'm as humbled as I've been in a long time.

          @GitMeShootingIrons

          Adding more would have spoilt it.

      2. Annihilator
        Meh

        @Joe 3

        Judging by the rest of the posts, this isn't a trolling attempt, but a serious post.

        Unless your post is the troll, and I've fallen hook, line and sinker. Or maybe further still, *this* post is troll-bait. The meta has gone off the scale!

    2. JohnMurray

      They are.

      Too much freedom of everything, so close it down.

      Can't have all those blogs displaying anti-government propaganda to the peeps can we ?

      Porn ?

      Well, we'll have to look into that. Maybe form a select committee to examine the issues then get around to blocking it....or making it illegal....or making people pay for it (at 20% vat)

    3. riparian zone
      Devil

      Asbolutely, and then let them record our time on the toilet too...

      ...all that productive energy just wasted as waste! Terrible. I'm sure there's statistics on the cost to the country which relate to this sad state of affairs.

  12. ElNumbre
    Paris Hilton

    In store network?

    Every DSG store I've ever been in doesn't have in-store wifi (or at least non of the devices are configured for it). However, I like nothing more than firing up my Android wifi hotspot and leaving the Comet homepage on whichever devices I tinker with.

    Oh such japery...

    1. JohnMurray

      Neither

      did tesco with their display ipads.....fortunately I have an iphone....and then they (tesco) got an in-cafe wifi installed......

  13. a well wisher

    Ah so the kids have graduated from leaving the shops Spectrum running a for / next loop printing a smutty slogan

    I wonder if the mum concerned realises just how easy it is for the kids to find that sort of thing on their home computer

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      You must be older than me.

      In my day it was setting the Marquee screensaver to swears. If you were feeling extra mischievous you set a password too.

      1. lpopman
        Pint

        titular reminiscence

        What about when PC's were starting to be noticed by the high street retailer?

        Alter AUTOEXEC.BAT to echo swears in a loop, reboot and stand nearby giggling whilst the salesdroid panicked :D

        Oh, and it was always dixons we did this in as the salesdroids were usually occupied trying to sell people extended warranties...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Yup

          edit autoexec.bat ,ctrl-a,ctrl-x

          @ECHO ON

          :BALLS

          @ECHO BUGGER ME WITH A FISHFORK

          goto BALLS_

          ctrl-s

          Restart ...

          Well-rehearsed in Belfast City Centre Dixon's in the early 90's :)

    2. Suburban Inmate

      FOR / NEXT ?

      20 GOTO 10 shurely?

      Slap a semicolon on the end of line 10 for a bit of style.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Go

      10 PRINT "DAVE IS GAY!!!"

      20 GOTO 10

      RUN

  14. hi_robb
    Joke

    Hmm,

    Dicks on Ipads..

    /Gets coat

    Dave

  15. Dazed and Confused

    Just goes to prove blacklists are never 100%

    If you want to repeat this stunt.

    Download some smut (an exercise for the reader, there is no shortage)

    Set website on provider of your choosing (an exercise for the reader, there is no shortage)

    Go into local DemonCurrysANOther store

    point webbrowser at site

    leave with a silly grin on face.

    Your website might get added to the blacklist one day, until then you can upset people to your hearts desire.

    The opposite approach is to have whitelists, but these stop the internet being an open and free place. Only what is acceptable to the powers that be can ever be added to the whitelist.

    Moral of the story, don't let your kids run into a store in front of you and start playing with things you have no control over. I was only 10s behind when they ran into the road, won't stop them be hit by a truck.

  16. Z-Eden
    Childcatcher

    Naked flesh? Think of the children!

    - Disgusted, Tunbridge Wells

  17. Roger Varley

    crying for days after the incident ...

    You take young children to a store to buy them the latest shiney shiney and then walk out without one ... no wonder they were crying.

    1. B4PJS
      Stop

      Re-read it, it says she was cryin. It took me a couple of re-reads to spot that, especially as it goes onto mention the younger one smurking at the very thought of it :-)

      1. AndrueC Silver badge
        Childcatcher

        Yeah I had to do a double-take on that. According to the article she was left 'crying for days' whereas the younger kid thought it was funny. No comment on what the older teenage kid thought but I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that it was the best thing he'd ever seen inside a Curry's store.

        Conclusion: The woman needs therapy. The kids will be fine.

  18. stefan 5
    Thumb Down

    crying for days??? gice me a break

    what a load of tosh

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    saw something similar in a PC world not long ago, looked like someone had opened safari, browsed to a porn site, took a screen shot, and set it as the lock screen image.....

  20. Craig 12

    I must be set to 'uber pendant' mode today, but...

    10 seconds to click your fingers?

    One whole minute 'to recognise' images of naked people?

    Actually going in to a Curry's store?

    How slow is this person?

  21. 5.antiago
    WTF?

    Stiff upper lip madam

    "...confessed to crying for days after the incident"

    Jesus, let's hope they don't own any family pets. God forbid they die and expose the children to another uncomfortable facet of reality, the tears will be never-ending

    I appreciate that at different ages children are too young to properly process some things and that this incident is bad, but come on... the *mother* was crying for days?!

  22. Deckchair
    Trollface

    is required.

    Curry's Cockup Child Calamity.

  23. Def Silver badge

    "...and confessed to crying for days after the incident."

    Why?

    Clearly she must have had sex at some point in the past. Did she always keep her eyes closed and the lights off in case she saw something that might offend her puritanical sensibilities?

    1. jnewco81
      Devil

      I was thinking the same thing. After i'd stopped laughing!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      She was crying because ...

      ... she realised what she had been missing all her life.

  24. Mako

    She said her youngest still remembers the grot and "laughs",

    ...but she herself cried for days afterwards. Hmm.

    1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

      Reasons for crying

      Realisation of what she has been missing all these years?

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    "It took me a minute to even realise what I was looking at,"

    Fantastic! It must have been some good quality filth... Anyone got the URL?

    1. Dazed and Confused
      Joke

      @Stike Vomit

      > Anyone got the URL

      bet if you ask the teenager they'll be able to let you know

  26. David 163

    do you think the parent is making a fuss to get free stuff or a discount????

  27. This Side Up
    Childcatcher

    Don't look Ethel!

    ... but it was too late.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Currys' cockup?

    I'd put money on the kids having done it deliberately.

  29. Khaptain Silver badge
    Pint

    Why would Pron make them cry

    Porn is an adult concept which small children don't/cant understand yet , so why the fuck would they cry about it.

    Teens on the other hand dont usually cry when they see porn., they intentionally search for it.

    In any event how can he prove that her own children didnt do the searching.

    Also if she is so prudish why the hell was she even in the Apple Shop buying a damed gadget for such "sensitive" children. How does she imagine she is going to stop them watching porn when they do own one anyway.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      They weren't crying because they'd seen porn, they were crying because mom stopped them watching.

  30. Martyn 1

    Bet it was her teenager who found the grumble flicks

    Any teenager I know can find porn on the net in a lot less than the 10 seconds it took for her to get there.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    System error my posterior

    This is not an error at all.

    Before leaving I was a "Tech guy" and then a Knowhow "Expert", the Demowireless network has no filtering on it at all, or certainly in the 4 stores I have been in. This was raised "up the chain" to the director of services Jon Shaw but nothing was ever done, although the in last 3 months (since I've left) it may have changed.

    A "quirk" of Dixons' installation (ie how cr*ppily it was setup) all the stores with DemoWireless have exactly the same key. A good indication of management was the fact head office "briefed" the password out to everyone over the intra-net (Cool/Click etc) on a daily brief instead of pushing it out to individual managers/techs.

    With the constant cutting of staff hours it's just not possible for staff to monitor ipads (laptops run a software demo whereas most tablets are setup for "live" demo) etc all the time, we once had someone set the wallpaper as a picture of their own ar*e!

  32. fred 32

    stupid mother probably doesn't realize her children were already heavy 4chan posters:D

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Can you lock down an ipad's wireless network settings?

    You wouldn't want someone to change it to their *Android* wifi AP...

  34. Wind Farmer
    Facepalm

    Anti-Darwinian action?

    How could this dim irresponsible being have polluted our gene-pool with 3 offspring which have a 50% chance of being as dim. That's a 1:1.5 fan-out of dimness (on average).

  35. JohnMurray

    Maybe....

    she recognised hubby on the ipad ?

    Which may explain the crying....realising what she had been missing ?

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Samsung Strikes Again!

    This is but the tip of the iceberg of the Samsung/Apple Fondleslab War.

    Samsung sub-contractors, armed with Android-powered tablets sit outside Currys stores all over Britain and beam hard-core porn links onto innocent iPads in the stores. You can help stop this by reporting sightings of any suspicious cars loitering outside Currys, Dixons, Comet or PC World stores.

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