back to article Spanish firemen grapple naked stairs sex Brit

A 49-year-old British tourist was rescued by "surprised" Tenerife firemen after an energetic shag ended with her dangling naked by her ankle from a flight of holiday apartment stairs. The unfortunate victim of decidedly unsafe sex - named only as "AMAM" - was indulging in "frenzied" rumpy-pumpy with her husband on a landing of …

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  1. jake Silver badge

    Thus neatly proving that ...

    ... us Yanks aren't the only ugly tourists on this dampish rock :-)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @Jake

      Ah, but shagging on Spanish territory is a mixture of tradition and en evolutionary compulsion to return to the shores from whence we were spawned and then spawn again.

      1. JohnG

        Brits in Spain

        I assumed we acquired the right to do this sort of thing in the Treaty of Utrecht.

  2. James O'Shea
    Coat

    "open a passage"

    So did the cops open a front or a back passage?

  3. Wam

    ... from our own correspondent ...

    ...Finbarr Saunders

  4. Anonymous Coward 15
    Gimp

    Playmobil

    is required.

  5. Winkypop Silver badge
    Trollface

    Hang about!

    Isn't that the plot for Carry on Majorca?

    OooooH!

    1. Chris Hawkins

      Re: Hang about!

      Winkypop!

      Not sure about Carry on Majorca?

      More like "Carry on up the Costas"!

      I've felt sad for several years, now that the lads have passed on!

      In the Western part of Andalucia, there is a perfect set for a "Carry-On" package holiday type caper using the following towns all to be found within 160 km of Seville:

      "Moron de la Frontera"

      "Carrion"

      and (drum roll - wait for it...)

      "El Rompido"

      I can see Sid "phwoaring" and Kenneth Williams in Blazer as the harassed tour guide trying to corral his charges. As for Babs Windor.....'nuff said!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        More than one Carrion

        I've driven past Carrion in Palencia loads of times without clicking the "Carry On" sound. They could have done Carry On Behind close by at La Olmeda which has one of the best Roman Villas ever found. Not far away you'll also find Villanueva de los Nabos and Villaturde

  6. TRT Silver badge

    Ouch!

    That must have hurt. Hanging by a broken ankle... *shudder* I suppose additional assistance arriving sooner than the emergency services would depend on how much of a screamer she was/is.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    "firemen didn't beat around the bush"

    Oh my! Ahahah!

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Spanish firemen - HoseA and HoseB?

    That's all I have.

    I'll get me coat.

  9. Sam Haine
    FAIL

    News: nothing happened today

    This sort of thing is great for a bit of pre-pub reading on a Friday afternoon, but isn't there anything more newsworthy on a Monday? What's going on with that Russian Mars probe?

    1. El Richard Thomas

      "In other news, the lost Russian Mars probe is still lost. And now back to our main story..."

    2. frank ly
      Happy

      The Russian Mars probe.....

      ... is dangling by its ankle, from a low earth orbit, after becoming shagged out.

  10. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    Fell several meters?

    And the leg still attached? More like several centimeters (decimeters, at most).

    1. Bumpy Cat

      Fall then stop ...

      Possibly she fell down one level, and then her leg was caught on the bannister of the level below. As others have said, a Playmobil reconstruction would aid us in visualising the events ...

  11. Peter Gordon

    I'm having trouble visualising

    exactly how she ended up. Some sort of Playmobil recreation of the scene would no doubt be most useful.

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: I'm having trouble visualising

      Hmmmm. I may have difficulty sourcing a naked middle aged Brit Playmobil figurine. Will a blonde in a bikini do? I've just taken delivery of one...

      Also, I'll put my thinking cap on as to just how to work a rogue Russian space probe into the equation. We can't have people getting upset about the lack of a solid news angle, can we?

      1. ian 22

        Is our intrepid playmobil astronaut back from his triumphal world tour? Perhaps he could stand in for the Grunt. Or serve as an advert for LOHAN.

        1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

          how to work a rogue Russian space probe into the equation

          Landing - is what the sample collection capsule was designed to do

          Landing - is also what most staircases have

          There - a connection!

          1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

            Re: how to work a rogue Russian space probe into the equation

            That's good enough for me.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Don't believe it...

    Pictures or it didn't happen!

  13. Chuckl

    No, I think she was 'surprised'. The firemen were astounded.

  14. Arbuthnot Darjeeling

    Where was someone

    with a mobile phone with a camera when you need one?

    Pics or it didn't happen

  15. TRT Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Blimey! Talk about Christmas coming early...

    Our apartment managers only dangle a few bits of tinsel from the bannisters.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    bet she didn't know whether

    she was coming or going

  17. Blubster
    Happy

    "firemen didn't beat around the bush"

    Fucking classic -

    (It's okay to say fuck now because that judge said so)

  18. Charlie Clark Silver badge

    Sid James Voiceover

    Or the laugh at least for the reconstruction!

  19. nsld
    Thumb Up

    Shades of Conan

    When he launched the witch into the fire after giving her a good seeing to, I guess its more environmentally sensitive to lob them over a balcony these days rather than toss them in the inglenook.

  20. Anonymous John

    An initial inspection of the ankle suggested nothing more serious than a minor fracture, although medics decided a trip to hospital was in order."

    Where else do you go with a bone fracture?

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re:

      You go home, you stick the kettle on , and then you have a nice cup of tea. Haven't you seen Zulu?

    2. Grease Monkey

      Where else do you go with a bone fracture?

      Well I know this is in Spain so the NHS weren't involved, but I know people who've been sent home and advised to take over the counter painkillers when it later transpired they had broken bones.

      Upon viewing an x-ray a doctor once asked me when I'd broken my wrist. I replied that I didn't know I had. Quoth the doctor "That explains why it's healed so badly then."

  21. b166er

    HoseA and HoseB

    A tip of the hat Sah!

  22. Michael O'Malley

    That's what happens when you don't practice safe sex

  23. json

    "Didnt beat around the bush"

    ..classic!

  24. zanto
    Pint

    @lester

    Been a long time since I've had a good laugh. Thanks.

  25. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Happy

    Seems she was a victim of:

    "Sometimes you are merely an example to others"

  26. spezzer
    Happy

    what a view!

    I'm just sat here imagining the view from above - hmmmmmmm - ooo cripes!

  27. JohnG

    Hanging around

    Given her age, maybe she is a Stranglers' fan

  28. vic 4
    Thumb Up

    "didn't beat around the bush"

    Why oh why does the rest of english media think they have to hack peoples phones to give their readers what they think they want. Top marks to el reg for continuing the legacy of REAL journalism.

  29. Jean-Luc Silver badge
    Joke

    Whatever happened to...

    "No sex, please, we're British."

  30. skeptical i
    Devil

    Mommy? Where was I conceived?

    Between the second and third floors, dear, now run along.

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