back to article Mobile scaremongers want warning stickers on EVERYTHING

Mobilewise - the tireless promoters of the dangers inherent in mobile telephony - has a new report blaming mobiles for everything from cancer to infertility, and it wants sticky warning labels to alert the world. Not that Mobilewise has any new research to report, or any specific claims to make, it's just bundled all the …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Err shurely shome mishtake!

    "Mobilewise - the tireless promoters of the dangers inherent in mobile telephony - has a new report blaming mobiles for everything from cancer to infertility"

    Except a recent scientific report showed that mobiles were not a cause of cancer...

    1. Filippo

      You did read the article, didn't you?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      the study must have been wrong!

      Anyway these people need something to worry about on Thursdays, they have paedophiles on Monday, immigrants on Tuesday, Europe on Wednesday, mmr on Friday, power pylons on Saturday and, gm food for Sunday.

    3. Chad H.

      But mobile phones have been said by the UN to be a class 2-B Carcenagenic!

      (Note: Tounge firmly in cheek - I know the 2B is actually a possible but probably not list)

      1. heyrick Silver badge

        @ Chad H

        Huh? I thought 2B was a type of pencil.

  2. peter 45

    ........The fact that the study found marginal increases in cancer rates among heavy phone users is highlighted.....

    and also strangly did not find the space that those people reported high rates of use of up to 12 hours per day. Otherwise known as selective bias or as the authors put it 'improbable' (also known as "don't believe a word of what they say")

  3. auburnman

    "mobs are dangerous"

    They certainly are - you run the risk of being trampled.

  4. Rich 11 Silver badge

    When the yuppies from the 80s start dropping dead, it will be time to celebrate!

  5. 404 Silver badge


    ... Living is unsafe and will (eventually) kill you too.

    Just saying...

    1. Darryl

      Or getting fit for concrete shoes and sleeping with the fishes

    2. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge

      Re: "mobs are dangerous"

      Especially endermen.

  6. Alfie

    I once got a nasty 'papercut' injury from a bracken stem that had split.

    They're dangerous and should be banned!

    Somebody call the Daily Mail, etc.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "the list also includes dangers such as exposure to bracken and joinery."

    You forgot my favourite - perineal use of talc.

    (Readers may wish to switch SafeSearch on before searching for "perineal").

    1. Armando 123

      "Somebody call the Daily Mail,"

      Okay, what should I call them?

  8. Scott 19


    Who wants to make some money, a special hat? or special mobile cover? that protects you from everything in this report.

    £19.99 for this special orange hat that stops you getting cranium cancer, just ignore the snake oil label on the box.

    1. Cameron Colley

      I think it's people selling this junk who pay Mobilewise.

      With that and any subsidy then can scrounge means these pathetic individuals will make a living from this deceit.

  9. Julian C

    Not just drivers...

    The article finishes with "the biggest danger from a mobile is being hit by the car within which it's being used". Almost as prejudiced as the bunch you're writing about...

    Just as likely to be the mobile the pedestrian's holding to their ear when they step out into the path of the vehicle without looking, while removing the chewing gum from their mouth with one hand as they're attempting to also light a cigarette with the other hand while distractedly hailing a taxi passing the other way with their remaining hand...

    "I deduce dear Watson that the victim was suffering from too many hands, probably a birth defect caused by mobile phones while in the womb!"

    1. Red Bren

      The difference is...

      A pedestrian distracted by their mobile phone is a danger to themself. A driver distracted by their mobile is a danger to all around them.

  10. BristolBachelor Gold badge

    Sticky labels

    Wouldn't putting sticky labels on everything be bad? Doesn't the adhesive give off carcinogenic fumes?

  11. DJO Silver badge

    When the yuppies from the 80's drop dead it'll be because of the high power analogue phones that were in use then as opposed to the low power digital ones in use now. Apples and Oranges?

  12. TeeCee Gold badge

    Easy one.

    Put a warning sticker on the report:

    "WARNING: Contains bullshit. May cause rampant conspiracy theories amongst those of a paranoid disposition."

  13. Sly


    wise? really? MobileFUD more like.

  14. Asgard


    Exposure to too many WARNINGS! pushes up your stress level. ;)

    (Footnote, for the hard of thinking. I'm joking against the endless warnings we are subjected to these days and after all, humor can be good for you simply by helping to distract you from stressful things like reading the far too often, glass is half empty attitude of some parts of the mainstream media).

  15. Phil 7

    "access to the internet access"

    Is that like the door on the cupboard under the stairs where you keep the router?

  16. Arfur Smiff

    What about that survey done by Motorhead

    that said you'd be killed by death?

  17. Armando 123

    Here's the thing

    Supposedly it's the magnetic field, and its variations, from the phone that cause this. However, the phone's magnetic field is in the microgauss range. Earth's magnetic field is half a guass and fluctuates wildly. So if fluctuating magnetic fields are the culprit, it's about four billion years too late to do anything about it.

  18. JaitcH

    But mobiles DO kill!

    This new affliction of reaching for a mobile every time there is a break in traffic flow is unbelievable.

    In VietNam, instead of using warning cones (which would likely be stolen and resold as plastic scrap) they use broken branches to signal a road obstruction. The other day I saw a guy busy texting as he drove his motorcycle, stopping and starting moving in sympathy with traffic seen from the corner of his eye.

    The traffic started moving, he obviously missed seeing the static branches and crashed into the back of a truck and collected a very impressive gash across his forehead with blood gushing from it.

    I have seen another motorcyclist, busy pushing buttons on his iThingy suddenly disappear! The road turned a corner and he didn't and he took a short cut over the embankment. (They only use guard rails on extreme corners)

    1. Mark Allen

      Re: But mobiles DO kill!

      Natural selection. Thins out the idiots who do this and stops them from reproducing. A benefit to the gene pool.

  19. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

    Check it!

    Do women have an EXTREMELY HIGH PROBABILITY of dying of cancer relative to men?



    I mean, Jeez you can't even try to hit on some of those modern broads because THEY PHONE ALL THE TIME.

    1. Martin


      "Jesus, here comes that stupid arse who thinks he's God's gift to women, and tries to chat up anything in a skirt. I know - I'll pretend to be on the phone."

  20. Ray Foulkes

    Just a minute - bracken is dangerous

    Some species give off hydrogen cyanide in growing tips. Spores are carcinogenic.

    Good job we have lots of unemployed get to work - stickers on every piece of bracken clearly needed.

  21. Glenn Charles

    I want a special warning sticker

    for the Reg! 'nuff said.

  22. truCido

    Warning Oxygen Kills!!!

    In my study I found 100% of people who had cancer....had breathed Oxygen!!!

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