back to article Dubstep ringtone wins Nokia compo

Nokia has selected a winning ringtone, and either we're way too old to understand what the young things are listening to these days or Nokia has lost it completely. The competition asked people to play around with the iconic Nokia tones and produce something new and interesting, and there are some really good entries, but to …

COMMENTS

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    Well,

    thats the final nail in my nokia coffin.

    What fucking tone deaf ten thumbed talentless noise polluter A: invented this aural piece of excrement and B:which bunch of cunts voted it to win????

    Earex all round...

  2. Dan 55 Silver badge

    How odd...

    Funny how looking at the finalists you can see what Nokia marketeers like is approximately inversely proportional to what everyone else likes. Why am I not surprised?

    Hint to Elop: It wasn't the people who actually did the work which should have been fired.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Agreed

      Any of the other finalists or indeed any of the entries on the first page beat the winner into a cocked hat. Beat it with a big stick and then set fire to it.

    2. Ru

      Funny that.

      Its almost as if 'like' competitions are just there to get a load of free advertising. I'm all in favour of ignoring the sort of crap that the general public think they ought to want, but only if the alternative is actually something interesting or worthwhile. Choosing instead something that a bunch of tone deaf, out of touch, echo-chamber inhabiting media luvvies think that the Yoof would find cool? Oh dear.

      It also doesn't sound a whole lot like any Dubstep I've ever heard. Fail on all fronts.

    3. Thomas 4
      Devil

      Don't hold back

      Tell us what you're *really* feeling!

      1. Sarev
        Thumb Down

        I'd rather listen to fifteen seconds of the Hypnotoad

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          All hail hypnotoad

    4. Andy 97
      Thumb Down

      10k for that...?

      Mind you, in the 70's, old people (i.e. your parents) said that about punk...

      History repeating itself.

    5. Anonymous Coward
      WTF?

      Sounds like...

      ...a couple of cats in heat.

      Nice knowing you Nokia. Buh-buy.

    6. foo_bar_baz
      Thumb Down

      *yawn*

      "Nokia has finally lost it" and "the final nail in Nokia's coffin" lines are fast becoming memes like "BSD is dying, Netcraft confirms it". I'm starting to think that Nokia never had it, and its coffin is starting to look like an iron maiden. Or these phrases are full of it.

    7. Voland's right hand Silver badge
      Devil

      Which means that it is a perfect ringtone

      Dare ignore your phone ringing?

    8. Robert E A Harvey

      The sound equivalent of the olympic 2012 logo

      1. Yag
        Joke

        The sound equivalent of the olympic 2012 logo

        No, I don't figure Bart & Lisa in this ringtone...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Boomshakalaka!!!

          Sir I like it. Rip that my BB right awayz. Boom this gonna b BIG peeps!

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I really like dubstep and have been to many many club nights and raves that play mostly dubstep over the past few years. With this in mind I have to say that this tune is on the rebecca black crossed with N-Dubz level of sodding terrible music. Well played Nokia.

  4. Wind Farmer

    Elop -> Flop -> FAIL!

    No real prospect of hearing it in the wild tho' being as it will be the mating call of an almost extinct beast.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    No, no no no no and however many times no

    Just say no!

    I listened to this and then gnawed off my fingers to relieve the pain.

    1. Olafthemighty
      Alien

      @Vicky

      I'm intrigued as to how you now manage to type...

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Bah

    I keep trying to listen to this track but it keeps breaking my soundtrack and going all juddery and weird after the first second or two.

    Still, I'm sure it's lovely.

  7. Chrome

    Hmm, interesting. I can't help wondering what tactic is at play here: I hear so many teenagers (etc.) walking round with shite like this blasting out of a crappy little speaker to the annoyance of everyone else all the time. So, is this a tactic to confuse them into not answering their phones because they just assume they're being their normal, irritating selves?

    'Is your phone ringing?'

    'How do I tell?'

  8. pip25
    Thumb Down

    I like the style...

    ...but this tune in particular feels like that demo of the old Casio synthesizer which played the same tune over and over using increasingly ridiculous instruments.

    Too much noise, too little substance.

    1. Elmer Phud
      Meh

      You is old

      go back a few years, edit for Walkman, Boombox, Jukebox, Radio etc.

      Nothing changes

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        > go back a few years, edit for Walkman, Boombox, Jukebox, Radio etc.

        It's a tranny, not a radio, you whippersnapper.

        1. Steve Evans

          Wireless kiddo.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            > Wireless kiddo

            After speaking to the official source of all knowledge (Dad), he tells me that during the 1920's and 30s carrying a wireless around with all its valves and mains power source was a bit difficult.

            Instead he built himself a crystal radio set and used that.

      2. Gerhard Mack
        FAIL

        @Emer Phud

        Can't speak for the radios but at least boomboxes had real speakers. Most of the complaint I have with the cellphone music crowd is that even good music sounds terrible on a tiny speaker too small to have any decent frequency response. To make it even more annoying it seems that a lot of what the kids are listening to tends toward Base heavy and the speakers just can't handle it.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Bah

    I keep trying to listen to this track but it keeps breaking my soundcard and going all juddery and weird after the first second or two.

    Still, I'm sure it's lovely.

  10. KidCosmique

    Soho ?

    The fact that you think that Soho is still the centre of kids' cool, is enough evidence that you're totally out of touch ;) *

    * it's Shoreditch (apparently)

  11. KidCosmique

    like something out of a Chris Morris programme

    That thing "The Cake" users listen to? It's this !

  12. Arctic fox
    Happy

    Personally I think its shite but I have to say that even if it was top ten material.......

    ..........I have the faintest suspicion that it would have been greeted in the same way.

    "Here at Vulture Towers we don't claim to be shooting the breeze with the cool cats on a daily basis.............."

    "..........and either we're way too old to understand what the young things are listening to these days.......".

    "The cool cats"? If you guys have not yet left the beatnik era then you definitely are "way to old to understand what the young things........."!

    1. Sir Cosmo Bonsor

      Really?

      You're honestly telling us that you didn't detect even a trace of irony in those words?

      1. Arctic fox

        Yes, of course I did. The problem is ( apparently) that nobody detected........

        ...............the irony in my gentle tease of the author of the article (accompanied by a smiley icon FGS!). Frankly speaking, some people should get out more. The only thing I did was gently "twit" the author in a *very* friendly fashion and I get downvoted - hello`? That kind of response, in the context, is ridiculous.

        1. Chris 3
          Facepalm

          Let's see...

          ... the authors ironically set themselves up as being old and out of touch and then you hilariously and iromically suggest they are old and out of touch.

          That's a right royal ribtickler you managed there.

  13. fridaynightsmoke
    Megaphone

    Diddle-ur-der.. diddle-ur-der.. diddle-ur-der-der.....

    HELLO?! ..WHAT? YEAH, I'M ON A BANDWAGON.... A BANDWAGON!.... YEAH... THE DUBSTEP BANDWAGON

  14. SmallYellowFuzzyDuck, how pweety!
    Childcatcher

    Well like El Reg, if that's what is considered young and fashionable these days then I'm glad I'm getting old and past it.

    This is going to be the default tone on the Nokia phones? Oh dear, well all those people who never change their default tone are going to have to work out how otherwise there are going to be a lot of older people who will be embarrassed every time their phones ring.

    Note the icon, thats what they said in the meeting at Nokia to decide the winner.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Stupid Nokia

    OK, fair enough that they didn't want to put the pisstake one in first place and have to put it on their phones as a standard ringtone, but bumping it down to a level so low it gets no prize seems a bit petty, considering it got so much of the popular vote. It just makes them look completely humourless.

  16. Elmer Phud

    To be honest

    When listening to the runners up it's far better than all of them.

    Still prefer our favourite though.

  17. Jani-Matti Hätinen
    WTF?

    I knew this would be bad but seriously? Now I'm seriously hoping that nobody anywhere will ever buy a Nokia phone again.

    And no. This is not dubstep. This is just sad

  18. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    The player doesn't work for me...

    ho hum just as well judging by the comments!

  19. Return To Sender
    Thumb Down

    Fuck me that's nasty. Presumably Nokia are trying to make sure that users find out how to change their ringtone as quickly as possible?

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's not even good dubstep

    Sounds like horrible McDonalds-style brostep, beloved of fratboys, Chase and Status quality. Kittens are sad.

  21. Dug Stokes

    Is it me or does 'Nokia New Generation v2' sound like background music from "Pages from Ceefax"...

    Ah, I miss that show.

  22. SiriusCKP

    Music promotes violence!

    The bastard offspring of the unnatural, frenzied, grunting fornication of dubstep and the nokia ringtone...

    The only way this ringtone will sound good is after being forced to endure it one too many times, I've snatched a phone from a chav and the phone is ringing while it slowly passes through his digestive tract.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "good dubstep" is an oxymoron.

      1. TheRealRoland
        Coat

        Huh?

        You're calling me a what?!

  23. Sargs

    Lowering the (ring)tone

    Perhaps morale is now so low within Nokia, they feel the need to actively punish their users? "Damn you all! Stop buying our products so we can all get our redundancy money and the company can die in peace!"

  24. Robin Bradshaw
    WTF?

    The Great Marvellous was robbed!

    That is all.

  25. A. Coatsworth Silver badge
    Joke

    So, that's the sound you'd get if you were able to brutally torture a 56k modem, possibly with instruments borrowed from the Spanish Inquisition...

    Wait... I don't see any "no modems were harmed during the recording of this ringtone" disclaimer...

    YOU MONSTERS!!

  26. Andrew Heffron
    FAIL

    meh

    I actually like breakbeats and electronic music (45 yr old geezer, BTW,) but this is lame. Maybe it was the limited source material, or lack of talent. Most music ringtones sound like crap anyway. They start too abruptly, and are all tinny. Tones are better.

    1. Ralph B
      Happy

      I agree. Made me smile every time I heard it.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Use the flashgot plugin for firefox and you can download any/all of them... Go to the page, play one (let it finish) then right click and tada... media (1) shows up.

        Needless to say I now have a Great Marvellous ringtone - on my Android :-D

  27. Rosco

    This is correct

    I'm 34 years old with 3 kids - I'm not supposed to like modern music, I'm supposed to be confused and a little bit scared by it. But I wasn't finding JLS and their ilk confusing or scary, just shit and anodyne. But this dubstep stuff is different; I am very confused and that's as it should be. Carry on.

  28. Jon Green
    Facepalm

    I _like_ dubstep

    ...but that "winner" is...is...is an abomination!

    Funnily enough, if you put the contents of every paint tin in the shop into one big plastic dustbin, and stir, you don't get a nice colour.

    I assume that the judging team were "professional" in the sense that they knew (collectively) how to wear a tie.

    Nokia are doomed.

  29. Steve Evans

    That'll be the expert judges trying to be hip and choosing the one with "dub-step" in the title.

    I rather liked Ozzbozz's progressive Nokia.

    TheGreatMarvelous's entry was never going to get off the bottom rung once the expert judges got into the act, you would have thought that after appointing Elop they must have a sense of humour, but obviously not.

  30. forger
    Alert

    I'm too old

    I played the tune back at the same time as my 11 year daughter walked in the room. In her words - "I love that".

  31. CDPlant
    Flame

    Dear oh dear

    Dubstep is on it's way out of being so popular, and Nokia is pretty late to the party.

    It's a shame that this sort of dubstep is even so popular in the first place. This track probably took about 2 days to make and lacks any sort of creativity whatsoever. Sound exactly like the 1000 other ones I have heard in clubs recently. Whereas people like Appleblim and Martyn are making interesting dubstep that doesn't consist of the same beat and the 'wub wub wub' and barely get any play time.

    1. I understand now

      I'm in my early 20s and I think it's horrific.

  32. JDX Gold badge

    Not dubstep

    I like dubstep, but that just sounds like when people play with a dub-step app to drop sound effects on an existing song.

    Terrible. And far too long - 2-3s at the longest for a basic tone.

  33. Knowledge
    Unhappy

    Cake?

    "but to our ears the winning one sounds just a cacophony of noise at best, and an irritating screech at worst."

    Its the Cake revolution, as predicted by Brass Eye!

  34. Shonko Kid
    FAIL

    ...the tone which will grace "a selection of the company 2012 product portfolio"...

    Phew, I was worried for a moment that there'd be a chance in hell I'll ever hear it. I'll be sure to steer clear of that lone poor sucka who buys a Nokia phone next year.

  35. TRT Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    I liked it…

    Oh yes, I thought that some of the metaphysical imagery was particularly effective.

    And um, interesting rhythmic devices, too, which seemed to counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor of the Nokia-ity of the composer's compassionate soul which contrived through the medium of the jingle to sublimate this, transcend that and come to terms with the fundamental dichotomies of the other. And one is left with a profound and vivid insight into... into... the fact that the phone's ringing.

    Oh, sod this. Which way to the airlock? At least in space, no-one can hear your ringtone.

    1. TheRealRoland
      Thumb Up

      Ah.... the whalesong

      It's been a while since a story qualified -- LogoWatch stories, anyone?

      For instance... http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/03/28/nokia_pure/

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The scariest of this is that they just might use it as default ringtone on their future phones... Especially the feature phones.

    Which means we'll be forced to hear that abomination daily, thanks to the I-am-keeping-the-default-ringtone-because-I-can't-be-bothered crowd

  37. brimful

    I should've realised

    but in the future, can you also remind us to turn down the volume?

    Not that it's not my own fault or anything.

  38. drifta
    FAIL

    I like dubstep

    but this this Nokia 'Dubstep' tune sounds crap...

  39. Philippe
    FAIL

    It's an age thing

    My 14 years old daughter called it "pretty cool" but not as cool as the "great marvellous" and my 7 years old son called it " really cool".

    i think this thing is rather boring.

    Over the last few weeks I ve seen the "great marvellous" spread like wildfire around the country.

    I can't see this being used by anyone, ever..

    1. Yag
      Trollface

      Got the future ad!

      Nokia : We cater to not-yet-fully developped brains.

    2. LyingMan
      Joke

      .. now I understand..

      .. Nokia have been planning for the future (assuming they have any).. This tone is to come in 2024 when they finally release theie win-phones and the current 7 and 10 year olds are old enough to buy the phones themselves.. until then no worries mates.. phew..

  40. JeevesMkII

    Honestly, it's not THAT bad.

    Consider how much worse it could have been while you listen to this reggae treatment of the Motorola tune: http://open.spotify.com/track/3BWmPG20ba93zUxpjX1XsE (Only SFW if you have headphones.)

  41. Christopher Rogers
    Thumb Down

    It'll be dead in weeks. Feels like a 199x reworking of some simplistic corporate sound. The problem with a contemporary reworking is that it dates almost immediately. It worked the first time cos of simplicity.

  42. I Like Heckling

    There are a couple of brief moments within the ringtone that are ok, and that I'm pretty sure I heard in other ringtone entries.

    But the overall effect is one that repulses me, and the two teens I played it too.

    Well done Nokia... dropping the ball still.

  43. vtgav
    Thumb Up

    Superb ;)

    loved it . . .

  44. Sarah Davis
    Coat

    FRIKKIN' WICKED !!!

    playing through the various entries, they were all bland and mind-numbingly dull except for the winning entry, which to be fair was still crap but far less so than all the other entries put together. Given that obviously they were all limited to the same constraints the winning entry was a league ahead.

    I don't follow trends or fashions, I'm not young, I am a professional producer/musician, (Also, I am a crazy one, a misfits, a rebel, a troublemakers, a round pegs in the square holes, I do see things differently, and I don't buy Apple)

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    waiting for a flamin'

    I liked "Progressive Nokia" as a modern twist to the traditional tone.

    "Nokia tune China Classical Ver" sounded Chinese for 4-5 seconds, then turned all Last of the Summer Nokia at 7 seconds.

  46. Lis 0r

    Like all other dubstep...

    I'm sure the ketamine junkies will love it!

  47. tekHedd

    Options...

    To be fair, it doesn't look (sound) like they had much to choose from. The runners-up are all crap as well.

  48. CD001

    I kinda like it in a Deadmau5 sorta way ... and I'm the wrong side of 30 so it's probably just lost all credibility ;)

  49. Grommet
    FAIL

    Optional

    That is the worst pile of crap I have ever heard. Jeez, it almost makes the crazy frog seem acceptable.......

  50. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I must be really old

    My ringtone is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6ljFaKRTrI

    (Rats - no cake icon.)

  51. Fr. Ted Crilly
    Coat

    well it aint gonna make me..

    dump 'green onions' off my N95 just yet. keerist what are they thinking...

    mine's the one sounding like Booker T

  52. FrankAlphaXII
    WTF?

    What the hell are they smoking?

    If they were going to pick something that god-awful, why couldnt have they just picked Nyan Cat? At least Nyan Cat's bouncy and fun sounding. That Nokia thing just proves to me beyond any reasonable doubt that they're trying to commit corporate suicide.

  53. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ay, caramba

    Imma stab to death anyone who plays that as their ringtone. No jury would convict me.

  54. cocknee
    Facepalm

    General Custer's last cry for victory

    c***s. That is all.

    ....erm maybe, whilst the soap-box is out.....

    What the FUCK were they thinking?

    Looks like N8 will be my last.......

  55. t_lark

    I love the new direction music is taking. This sort of music is experimental, and is breaking the tyranny of the octave that has enslaved your ear perceptions for too long. The chord Jimmy Hendrix plays on purple haze was called the "Devils Chord" in the 18th century, and was to be avoided. The noises you are hearing emanating from dubstep are the next set of taboo audio sensations that will one day become Mozarts of their times. Perhaps not the Nokia tune itself, but you got to shift through the dirt before you find gold.

    Yes, many of you are all too old to appreciate a new paradigm.

    1. Yag
      Thumb Down

      yeah, yeah, whatever...

      According to the various fanatics of one style of music, there's a new Mozart every couple of weeks...

      Also, congrats for using the word "paradigm". Try to use "synergy" next time, and you'll be ready for corporate executive job :)

    2. TeeCee Gold badge
      Mushroom

      I was never young enough to appreciate a "new paradigm".

      Something to do with never having been quite that far up my own arse........

  56. Velv Silver badge
    Go

    If Nokia has any sense, they'll make the top ten available for everyone to download. There are a couple of good ones in the there (I like the prog one)

  57. Amardeep
    WTF?

    are the new nokia phones going to have a sub woofer built in too?

  58. Graham Jordan

    Every time I admit I love dubstep a piece of my soul dies

    Consider the title once again admitting i love dubstep.

    This is shit by the way.

    But dupstep makes my penis erect.

  59. cocknee
    Thumb Down

    got it in one

    "The noises you are hearing emanating from dubstep are the next set of taboo audio sensations"

    emphasis on "noise", it's not taboo just the majority of the population think it's shite and doesn't qualify as music in any sense of the word.

    same sort of crap comment that thinks Tracy Emin's un-made bed is art, David Cameron fell for it with that tripe he's put in No10 from her, twats!

    Though caveat emptor applies as does a fool and their money...... so all hats off to her for making money out of them.

  60. SpaMster

    I've heard a lot worse dubstep choons lets put it that way

  61. TeeCee Gold badge
    Mushroom

    OMFG.

    Finally got to listen.

    I guess that "dubstep" is the new word for "talentless 80s deejay shite"?

    How quaint....

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