back to article Chocolate weighed in Schwarzeneggers: Official

Regular readers will be aware that a couple of years back we at El Reg established a set of standards designed to supersede the wholly inadequate imperial and metric measurements which had for so long battled for international supremacy. For example, length, volume and weight are now quantified in linguine, grapefruit and Jubs …


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  1. Pete 2 Silver badge

    Begging for it

    What this really needs is an online conversion tool

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Begging for it

      Here's the basic model for El Reg units:

      1. Fred Flintstone Gold badge

        I think you need to work on this..

        The idea is there, great, but the UI needs some work. It would also be nice to link the Reg units to the explanation for their existence - let's not waste that humour!

    2. stucs201

      Not sure if it includes all el-reg units or not

      but try this:

    3. Simple Si
      Thumb Up

      Yep - the existing converter needs updating:-

  2. Pete 43
    Thumb Up

    Is it available on Google?


  3. Evil Auditor Silver badge

    Well, by our reckoning...

    ...that would probably be better put as "equivalent to an average 'Merkin"...

    Or whichever is currently the lardiest nation.

  4. Helena Handcart

    You mean this one:

    1. Armando 123

      Be careful what you type, dude.

      1. Jedit

        He knew exactly what he was typing, *dude*

        "Merkin" is a common online term used to describe people from the USA. It derives from their response to the question "Where are you from?", which frequently sounds like "I'm a Merkin".

        1. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  5. Tony Haines

    Somehow you miss titles when they're gone.

    Olympic gold medals are made of steel now?

    1. TeeCee Gold badge

      It doesn't even imply that, but you can work it out.

      If 80 million of the shiny beggars weighs 40,000 tonnes then each one weighs 500g. I'm sure that somewhere out there are the exact dimensions of an OGM, so you can work out how dense it is and thus whether it's actually gold, just a bit of plating on base metal or the Graun are taking the piss.

      I still think that the weighlifting events should be awarded manhole covers plated in the appropriate colour, just as a final check to see if anyone's cheating.....

      1. DJO Silver badge

        medal to the metal

        The gold medals are gold plated silver, the silver one are the same without the plating, not sure about the bronze but I think they too are plated silver.

      2. Velv Silver badge

        Olympic Gold Medals are actually made of silver plated with gold.

        I'm sure it was on "How It's Made" recently

      3. Naughtyhorse

        manhole covers...

        brilliant idea. may i suggest running medals be handed out from the back of a moving car?

  6. Charlie Clark Silver badge
    Thumb Up


  7. Peter Gordon

    I'm still hoping

    the Reg will adopt the millifortnight as the standard unit of time.

  8. Geoff May

    How many microarnies is LOHAN intending to carry?

    Title says it all

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    As long as....

    > working out how many medals to the Jub

    That's fine, as long as ElReg doesn't fail along with next year's Olympic commentators who turn the noun "medal" into a verb, surely a desecration of language too far.

    "To jub or not to jub, that is the question."

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: As long as....

      Fair enough. Consider yourself gold medalled for your valiant defence of our beloved mother tongue.

      1. Graham Marsden

        Any noun in the English language...

        ... can be verbed!

        1. William Towle

          As I read once...

          "Any noun in the English language...

          ... can be verbed"

          Verbing weirds language.

          // as in

  10. Daniel Evans

    What is this weight you speak of

    And why is it being measured in units of mass?

  11. Peter Galbavy


    Speaking as a svelt individual of 135kg who cycles between 60-100 miles a week for commuting, I think that 158kg is only "bloody enormous" if they are the density of an american woman in a mall food court (i.e. lard).

  12. Geoff Thompson


    Is about the time it would take Usain Bolt ro run 200M. A useful unit methinks.

  13. Dale 3

    Fab article

    A tremendous return to form. Too many of the new writers seem to have lost the writing style that makes El Reg such a delight to read. Thank you, Mr Haines.

    1. Chris Miller

      Missing 60x

      A millifortnight is ~20 minutes (OK 20 minutes 9.6 secs) - even I can run 200m in less than that.

    2. Evil Auditor Silver badge



      In a millifortnight I could do the 200m crawling through mud. Though I agree, millifortnight seems very useful indeed!

    3. Greasemonkey


      Erm - no. A millifortnight is about the time it takes a normal person to walk a mile. If Usain takes that long for 200m, I'll have a go against him, for the right money...

      1. Naughtyhorse

        we prefer the atto-parsec per microfortnight as our unit of choice at work.

    4. Sleepy 1


      Your tortoise is call Usain Bolt is it?

    5. DJO Silver badge

      Mr Bolt bolts 200m in 14.46 microfortnights.

    6. This post has been deleted by its author

    7. Fred Flintstone Gold badge

      Bloody 'ell

      I knew bus services were bad, but you must be living in the worst possible place..


    8. Jedit

      "svelte 135kg"?

      svelte /svɛlt, sfɛlt/ Show Spelled[svelt, sfelt]

      adjective, svelt·er, svelt·est.

      1. slender, especially gracefully slender in figure; lithe.

      135 kilograms is 300lbs. I submit that nobody who weighs 300lbs could even remotely fit the description "svelte" unless they were well over seven feet tall.

      I also do not wish to know how anyone can consider a person weighing in excess of 350lbs to not be bloody enormous, when this is a weight not often achieved by contestants in the World's Strongest Man competition.

    9. Naughtyhorse

      call the OED! The definition of svelte needs updating (and the spelling needs to be changed)

      that's all

  14. Fred 4

    158kg - a very large person...

    Well, in this season's First Pittsburgh Steelers vs Baltimore Ravens Football (U.S. football).

    The Ravens fielded an Offensive Tackle - <something> McKinnie who the announcers claimed showed up at training camp at 400lbs or about 181.4 kg or 42.95 jubs, and took the field at 372lbs or 168.7 kg or 39.94 jubs -- at 6 feet 8 inches, 2 meters, or 14.5 linguine.

    He is indeed a VERY large person, and out weighs the falling debris by a bit. :)

  15. stucs201

    Shame its American chocolate

    They could at least have used something worth eating if they were going to go to all that trouble.

    1. Armando 123

      What, like marmite?

    2. Naughtyhorse

      could be worse...

      could be Ankh-Morpork chocolate;

      chocolate made mostly from milk, sugar, suet, hooves, lips, miscellaneous squeezings, rat droppings, plaster, flies, tallow, bits of tree, hair, lint, spiders, and powdered cocoa husks.

    3. Stuart Gepp

      American chocolate

      An oxymoron or you jest.

  16. WildWildWolf

    Has anyone else suggested...

    Measuring computing power in units of "Lunar Landers" - i.e the computing power Buzz and Neil had available to land on the moon. I know conceptually what a Teraflop is, but it really means nothing to me. I admit I have no idea what sort of computers Apollo used, but surely that's what investigative journalists are for?

  17. Gordon 8

    Terms and conditions

    Has anyone read the small print on the standards converter page?

    Quoting the converter

    'The Reg online standards converter is the property of the Vulture Central Standards Soviet, and may not be reproduced, altered, disseminated or sold to Iran without the appropriate licence. If in doubt, contact your nearest intelligence agency. You have no statutory rights. ®'

    I forgot you're all IT people, and IT People never read the manual let alone the small print.....

    Lester, you are a genius.

    Beer, because I think Lester deserves several

  18. Mindbreaker


    All measures should be based on the elephant. Volume, liquid or solid, would be the volume of an elephant. "Yes, I'd like a milli-phant of mayo." Air pressure: the force an elephant can blow out its trunk. Umm this tire says inflate to 15 Eleblasts. Time: based on elephant gestational units...the Elelaunch. Hah, I am only 21 Elelaunches old. Shorter periods are based on the rate of chewing: Elechomps. Weight well obviously Elebut. "Honny, your not even 3 centielibuts." Distance the length of an elephant, trunk to tail: the Elelink. IQ can be replaced with elefiknows.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re Elephants

      Amount of Bullshit


  19. Geoff Thompson


    Thats all

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