back to article Here lies /^v.+b$/i

After I've gone In a melancholy mood, this week. Went back home to have a look at Dad's bench. He was a Classics scholar, actually; went up to Cambridge and everything. And so above his name and dates on the brass plaque screwed into the wood, instead of "He loved this place" or something equally fatuous, it says: ORE STABIT …

COMMENTS

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  1. Andrew Barratt

    How about....

    Simply

    "Goodbye, World"

    1. Disco-Legend-Zeke
      Pint

      But in Basic:

      10 PRINT "GOODBYE, WORLD"

      20 END

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        I'd rather die than use BASIC

        Oh !

      2. Steve Knox

        Or, you could be more dramatic

        10 PRINT "GOODBYE, "

        20 END

        30 PRINT "WORLD"

  2. Ian Ferguson
    Flame

    Jeeeeez

    I love the concept of the epitaph, but merely looking at Javascript makes my eye twitch. I beg of you, choose Pascal, choose C#, choose ANYTHING but that monstrosity.

    1. The First Dave

      JS

      My first thoughts were JavaScript for its elegance, or PERL because we are talking text, and it is THE text processing language, but on greater reflection I think there is surely nothing more appropriate than COBOL

  3. Shane8
    Thumb Up

    Memories

    Reminds me of a java irc bot somebody made, which at first, fell over at the classic:

    x=1; while(x>0){ echo "Hello World!"; }

  4. banjomike
    Happy

    How about ...

    Do Stuff

    until

    End

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Pirate

    Be language neutral

    print('goodbye, world');

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Either

    void life_status(){ return null; }

    Or, if special characters can't be carved in granite slabs:

    He liked Worms, worms like him.

    Ask for the capital W to be in bold.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Brainfuck

    Can only really be one candidate: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brainfuck

  8. jake Silver badge

    How about English, Stob?

    My headstone will read:

    I came, I saw, I understood, I cried.

    1. serviceWithASmile
      Mushroom

      how about

      RTFA?

      1. jake Silver badge

        @serviceWithASmile

        How about looking up "trenchant"?

        A little satire & irony wouldn't hurt, either ...

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What to choose?

    Pascal - the first proper language I learnt and one I can still think in, as opposed to continuously translating

    or

    Objective C (SunOS vintage before Jobs got his hands on it). I remember the joys of writing my first polymorphic Edit buffer [[copyBuffer copy this ] paste]. Given an epitaph of

    [[afterLife cut this] paste]

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Happy

      Definatley Pascal or it's children.

      try

      Living;

      finally

      Break;

      end;

      ps: I know the break is redundant, it is artistic licence.

      pps: The reg is balls for displaying code....

      1. Steve Evans

        I'd certainly go for a Pascal family lanuage...

        repeat

        try

        while fun do stuff;

        except

        curse(loudly);

        end;

        until fatal;

        decompose;

  10. Jon Press

    Algol 68?

    I think I recall seeing a rough approximation to The 12 Days of Christmas forming a syntactically valid Algol 68 program (though I might have imagined it over the intervening decades) - not necessarily appropriate words for a headstone but presumably it's an indication that other sentiments might be expressed (as well as an indication why the language never caught on).

    Not that it need be a complicated message: "if I.exists() then raise alarm" should suffice for most purposes.

    Alternatively, I think I have somewhere a listing of a Modula-2 compiler which is of no use for any living creature and, if stood next to your last resting place, would provide plenty of space for the bereaved to add their own messages at the final END;

  11. Paul 120

    Python

    import lifeafterdeath

    1. CarlC

      you inspired me.....

      from lifeafterdeath import paradise

      1. pepper

        Cant be sure of that

        from lifeafterdeath import *

  12. Thomas 4

    Hmm

    IF HeartBeatPresent = True AND BreathingInAndOut = True THEN

    Dig me up this f***ing instant

    ELSE

    Leave flowers and beer below

    END IF

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. annodomini2
      Coat

      Google special

      ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

      // Tombstone_Header.h

      // ------------------------------

      //

      // Author: None

      //

      // Copyright: Google

      //

      // License: Mine!!!

      //

      ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

      IF HeartBeatPresent = True AND BreathingInAndOut = True THEN

      Dig me up this f***ing instant

      ELSE

      Leave flowers and beer below

      END IF

  13. WhoIsThis?

    Not what you want....

    do

    spin

    while time>0

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Stop

      Ultimate injection attack

      Assuming these entries might go into some funeral director's database you could ask for something that will end up as an awesome SQL injection attack resulting in your name going on every headstone created that week.

      For some value of "awesome".

      And where has the headstone icon gone?!

      1. mitch 2

        Here lies Little Bobby Tables?

        http://xkcd.com/327/

  14. VinceH Silver badge

    Letters, digits.

    exit(1);

    That is all.

  15. Graham Bartlett

    I know C, C++ and C# best

    extern void graham(char& worms);

    The worms go in, the worms go out. I'll be cremated. When I'm done, I won't be returning from the afterlife (if one exists) with any information for you. And if you know me, you can fill in the details of what I got up to.

    Although

    Body graham = gcnew Body;

    has a certain ring to it. Someone else set my body up for me. And when I'm finished with it, someone else is going to have to free its resources, bcos I'll be done processing.

  16. Woza

    How about

    tried{

    }caught

  17. Graham Bartlett

    Oh, another one

    for(;soldiers->game();this->bugger());

  18. PJI
    Happy

    Ksh

    echo life >/dev/null 2>&1

  19. GrumpyGit

    hope for the best...

    $live{forever} or die $trying

    1. Havin_it

      Bit pessimistic!

      exit(0);

      Shirley?

      1. VinceH Silver badge

        Letters, digits.

        For a normal ending, yes - but in this case something went wrong: I died.

        And, cunningly, the value of one indicates that one person has left the building.

      2. DZ-Jay

        Re: Bit pessimistic!

        Not if you go out the same way you came in: kicking and screaming.

  20. Pirate Dave
    Pirate

    eh...

    IDENTIFICATION DIVISION.

    PROGRAM-ID. VERITY.

    PROCEDURE DIVISION.

    BEGIN.

    STOP RUN.

    been too long, so there may be errors, but if you want to be remembered in perpetuity, choose an ancient language that will be around for all eternity...

  21. John Tappin Silver badge
    Coffee/keyboard

    how about

    how about a simple

    ECHO "Life"

    or for a more limited audience

    BEGSR life

    EVAL life = false

    SETON LR

    ENDSR

    My last try

    Throw New LifeNotFoundException("[pulse not found]", e)

  22. dogged

    C#

    stob.Dispose()

  23. Darren Davis
    Stop

    Should cover most bases...

    Exit(1);

  24. Uncle Slacky Silver badge

    X-Face header?

    Usenet will (of course) never die - one of these might be appropriate: http://ace.home.xs4all.nl/X-Faces/

  25. Gary B.
    Facepalm

    Whatever you do...

    ...don't use Lisp, or one of the Lisp-like languages. That would just be cruel, especially if the stone carver misses a ( or ). (How embarrassing it would be for the epitaph to be syntactically incorrect by accident)

    1. Expat Paul

      The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.

      Now you're speaking my language

    2. pj3090

      Not recommended usage

      It's generally better to combine IDisposable with the using statement, but

      using(stob) { ... }

      sounds a bit cynical for an epitaph. Maybe a C++ style ~stob() would be more whimsical.

      1. dogged

        using

        It can be good practice, but being dead isn't considered great practice for a programmer.

        Therefore, the unshielded stob.Dispose() should be adequate.

    3. TeeCee Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: how about

      Sorry, any headstone message should be delivered in LR Total Time by definition. Nothing gets more final than that....

  26. Frostbite
    Happy

    More BASIC

    10 IF HEART$ = "OK" THEN GOTO 20 ELSE GOTO 40

    20 PRINT "Hello World"

    30 GOTO 10

    40 PRINT "Goodbye World"

    50 END

  27. Chris Miller

    I'm planning to use COBOL

    But I'll need a 200 foot headstone. I've already got the first 600 lines of the Data Division written.

    The question is, 74 or 68? Why use that poncy END-IF nonsense when you can spend many happy hours searching for that missing '.' ?

  28. Pavlov's obedient mutt
    Happy

    mine..

    Vedi

    veci

    veni

  29. Gleb
    Joke

    I will go out with style: Geordie

    The only programming language suitable to put on your tombstone is GEORDIE, or as is more commonly known in the ultra-geeky community - Gulping Excessively Often Ruins Decent Indian Edibles.

    <begin tombstone>

    If ya ganna smork ya tab in ear,

    ah'll belt ya from ear to Geeatsheed, mun

    </aye enough>

  30. SuperNintendoChalmers
    Happy

    For each year I lived I made the most of it.

    for( int yearOfLife = 0; yearOfLife<=ageAtDeath; yearOfLife++ ){

    Integer it = Integer.MAX_VALUE;

    }

  31. Do Not Fold Spindle Mutilate

    Python

    from future import disease.cure

    1. nyelvmark
      Boffin

      GOTO isn't just BASIC

      ...but I'm glad to see someone understands programming fundamentals, and not just fashions.

      I prefer this one-line C version:

      hell: if (Verity) goto hell;

      Roughly equivalent to "over my dead body", but I suppose you might have difficulty getting it past the vicar.

    2. Fibbles

      I may only be an amateur programer...

      but I am a fully fledged Geordie and I still have no idea why you'd put that on a tombstone.

  32. Ross R

    Have you considered...

    ... Intercal or one of its variants?

    On a (slightly) more serious note... you could use Whitespace* to incorporate two programs in one. The engraver might struggle though.

    * http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whitespace_(programming_language)

  33. Andrew Yeomans
    Flame

    JCL - still understood next century?

    //VERITY DD DSN=STOB,DISP=SHR,DISP=(NEW,CATLG,DELETE)

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Although it applies equally to one's birth, perhaps.

    An unrecoverable error occurred.

  35. Anne-Lise Pasch

    Or

    if(!(Permissions.SecurityPermissionFlag .UnmanagedVerity)) Stob.Exit(1);

  36. Andy 36
    Happy

    Logical Life

    int Age=0;

    bool AsLongAsPossible = true;

    try

    {

    while ( AsLongAsPossible )

    {

    Age++;

    If(Age > 50)

    {

    int randomEvent = Random.Next(0, 9);

    switch ( randomEvent )

    {

    case 0: throw new FatalException (" Old Age" );

    case 1: throw new FatalException (" Body Failure" );

    case 2: throw new FatalException (" Murdered " );

    case 3: throw new FatalException (" Digitas" );

    case 4: throw new FatalException (" Death by SnuSnu" );

    default: break;

    }

    }

    }

    }

    catch(FatalException death)

    {

    Dispose();

    }

    1. Munchausen's proxy
      Pint

      NOOP, Return

      EXEC PGM=IEFBR14

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    Life in C language

    int expired = 0;

    do {

    expired = life();

    while (!expired);

    printf("Goodbye, world\n");

    The function life() may factorise several parameters, functions and states, viz:

    int life(void) {

    static int age = 0;

    eat();

    drink();

    if (age < 18) {

    grow_up();

    some_fun();

    } else if (age >=18 && age <110) {

    more_fun();

    beer();

    sex();

    } else {

    return 1;

    }

    return 0;

    }

  38. Anne-Lise Pasch

    Error in Stob

    Redo from start

  39. veltror
    Coat

    Headstone....

    Connection reset by peer

  40. Anonymous Coward
    Trollface

    on an unrelated note..

    what's the collective noun for virgins?

  41. Evil Auditor Silver badge

    4GL?

    DELETE FROM World WHERE Individual = 'Verity Stob'

    Sorry, it's English, innit.

  42. Oodles of Noodles

    Return to maker

    BR 14

    Easy

  43. Cameron Colley

    How about:

    return 1;

    Short, so cheap, and sums things up nicely.

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    RPN

    : DONE ( -- ) CR ." Goodbye, cruel world!" ; DONE

  45. hammarbtyp Silver badge

    Death is lifes exception

    try{

    printf("OK");

    }catch(e){

    printf("not well");

    }finally{

    printf("buried");

    }

  46. John Gamble
    Boffin

    O Rest A Bit...

    Ada. Has to be Ada. It has an honorable ancestry both with computer scientists (oops, excuse me, "boffins") *and* with English mathematics and literature. Plus it has enough Pascal-like features to let you feel comfortable (or at least, to rest in peace).

    If that doesn't appeal to you, I offer as a second choice the original form of BASIC, line numbers (which should be Date of Birth and Date of Passing) and all.

    Oh, as as usual, your column is wonderful.

  47. Joefish
    Angel

    If I may be permitted to wilfully mis-remember Pascal from my early dalliances with Delphi...

    Try

    Accept

    End

  48. Jedit
    Angel

    I'm not going to bother with code

    My epitaph will simply read,

    "IF OUT, PLEASE LEAVE MAIL NEXT DOOR"

  49. Chemist

    For the FORTH fanciers

    Did you get the feeling that your VLIST flashed before you ?

    1. VinceH Silver badge

      Letters, digits.

      It's "an anonymity of virgins."

      No, really.

      Unless I'm lying.

      1. Anonymous IV

        Collective noun?

        Surely "an unlikeliness of virgins"...

    2. Grendel

      but...

      That would delete all Verity Stobs from World... surely you need to find the correct instance of Verity first (national insurance number, health care number, DOB, address, or similar)?

      Mike

      1. Evil Auditor Silver badge

        Surely, Verity Stob is unique!

        So I'd take the risk to delete them all :-)

      2. TeeCee Gold badge
        Coat

        Re: but...

        Try it. See if anyone else complains......

        Mine's the one with the piece of crumpled paper, headed "Risk Analysis" and with the words "Shit Happens" written on it in crayon, in the pocket.

    3. Il Midga di Macaroni
      Joke

      By peer?

      Wouldn't that indicate you were murdered by a member of the House of Lords?

    4. Cameron Colley

      A chatroom of virgins?

      A clan?

      1. Magnus_Pym

        A waste of virgins?

        perhaps?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Virgins

          A Richard Branson?

    5. Windrose
      Facepalm

      Elegant indeed, but ...

      I like it. Short, to the point, and - heh - unrecoverable. Tho I'll go for the more philosophical:

      /b{2}|[^b]{2}/

      And long may it be in coming so I can refactor ....

  50. Scho

    No Tron hommage?

    "End Of Line"

  51. ebrelion

    what about ...

    strcpy((char *)0,"Terminated.\n");

    As a bonus, gives a nice "Core dumped" on Unixes.

  52. Andrew J. Winks
    Meh

    Rexx

    /**/ say 'Goodbye to Verity'

    exit life

  53. Martin Eddington

    Perl

    $/=pop;@b=split'',<>;map{$n=-1;@b=map{++$n;/

    /?$_:($t=grep/X/,@b[map{$n+$_,$n-$_}1,80..82])==3|$t+/X/==3?X:'.'}@b}1..$/;print@b

    -- obviously it's Conway's Game of Life... :-)

  54. Steve Knox
    Holmes

    Use x86 Assembly Code

    Of course:

    STOB

    1. PT

      @steve

      Splendid - I wondered how far down the comments I'd have to read before someone mentioned it.

      Of course, by the time Verity needs it, nobody will be left alive who understands what it is.

  55. Grendel
    Thumb Up

    Or in BIOS POST

    "Life Error - Press F1 to Continue"

  56. Peter Fox
    Happy

    Simply

    Buried at C

  57. AndrueC Silver badge
    Happy

    Borrowed from 'Ice Station Zebra'

    "Knock it off"

  58. AdamB

    an old one..

    http://i614.photobucket.com/albums/tt229/ElektraGlide/Creation_du_monde.jpg

  59. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Hmm... LOLCode?

    kthxbye

  60. Robert Ramsay
    Thumb Up

    Or the old favourite:

    EXCEEDED TTL

  61. Arrrggghh-otron

    Less is more....

    }

    /*(Gah! "The post is required blah blah blah" so I have to include some extra text well here it is and it means nothing...)*/

  62. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Don't want one but ...

    kill -9

    And JavaScript isn't contradicting itself, it's just that implicit conversion is annoying. That's why there's a === operator to force type matching. But you knew that and were just testing us.

  63. Johnny Canuck

    This is not a title

    Been a while since I've done some assembly.

    ORG BIRTH-9 MONTHS

    START LDA #BIRTH

    ALIVE LDB #BREATHING

    CMPB #BREATH

    BNE DEAD

    INC #BREATH

    JSR ALIVE

    DEAD RTS

    END

  64. Skavenger0
    Go

    How about

    Either 3 classic bomb symbols

    or

    Error: Unhandled Exception

    1. Evil Weevil
      Thumb Up

      Obviously from Unix process management......

      kill -9 -1

  65. kevin mulholland
    Angel

    If you believe in some form of afterlife and event programming

    when ('trumpet call') rise_to_heaven() ;

    when( 'rebirth') become_ant() ;

    when( 'zombie apocalypse') eat_brains() ;

    etc.

  66. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You all are too late in the game

    You are all too late: let's move earlier in the process:

    all: verity

    verity: mom pop

    pop --impregnate mom

    mom --birth $@

    $@ --live

    rm $@

  67. Graham Bartlett

    @John Gamble

    Maybe ADA works for you. For me, I'm throwing null pointer exceptions all the time, frequently caught by watchdog timeouts from my wife, but other times resulting in further failures up the fault tree. No way am I an ADA program!

  68. Ben Holmes
    Happy

    Not strictly a language, but...

    PEBKAC

    might be fun.

  69. DZ-Jay

    A little CP-1610 ASM, please

    STATE EQU $3EF

    L_STATE STRUCT 0

    @@Birth EQU 0

    @@Youth EQU 1

    @@Adult EQU 2

    @@MidLife EQU 3

    @@Senior EQU 4

    @@OldLoon EQU 5

    @@Dead EQU -1

    ENDS

    ; =====================================

    END_OF_LIFE PROC

    MVII #L_STATE.Dead, R0 ; \_ Update state

    MVO R0, STATE ; /

    HLT ; He's dead, Jim.

    ENDP

  70. James Wheeler

    In APL

    <-Verity

    where the "<-" is meant as APL's left-pointing arrow (inexpressible in plain text but readily carved into granite) signifying the assignment operator. With no name to the left, the operator simply absorbs the value of Stob into the bit bucket. This is useful because to speak a name in APL, a la

    Verity

    is to summon its value to be displayed on the output stream, even if said value is an array with 93 dimensions and 111 levels of nesting and requires more than available memory to format.

    1. John Gamble

      Re: @John Gamble

      I've never programmed in ADA myself, but you can't deny its history.

      And once you've passed, you're history.

    2. Jedit
      Thumb Up

      I always preferred PICNIC

      "Problem In Chair, Not In Computer". s/"Chair"/"Coffin", and the job's a good 'un.

  71. Cave Dweller
    Windows

    User feedback…

    Stob.exe has encountered a problem and needs to close. We are sorry for the inconvenience.

  72. Tchou
    Pint

    What about

    a liberation :

    free(self);

    or a

    (void *) self.

  73. Kev Beeley
    Stop

    In the filestream of life...

    cat life | sed 's/is/was/g' > afterlife

  74. Keith Oborn

    While

    Old tale from ICL on the use of "while". Code written in Bracknell wouldn't run in West Gorton (Manchester). The compiler was written and maintained in Manchester.

    Now, in southern thinking "while" means "during" or "until" so "do x during the period y is true"

    In Lancashire, it means "when", so "don't do x until y happens"

    You can see the source of confusion.

  75. ratfox Silver badge

    How about some spaghetti?

    goto :end

  76. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I don't have to show you any stinkin' titles!

    a.) #include <corpse.h>

    b.)

    do {

    // real life args...

    } while ($alive == '1');

  77. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Let's make this a little more interesting guys!

    Obfuscated code epitaphs!

  78. 404 Silver badge
    Pint

    fsck.exe

    Did nothing, successfully.

    ;)

    1. Anomalous Cowturd
      WTF?

      Re: fsck.exe

      fsck on Windows? That'll be the day.

      < See icon.

  79. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    Reincarnation?

    On Error Resume Next

  80. Maty

    I'll go for

    if

    life=0

    wait X

    run 'system_reboot.exe'

    end

  81. Maty

    And since someone will want to know

    Ore stabit fortis arare placet ore stat

    Literally

    'It will stand away from the mouth, the strong love to plough, it stands away from the mouth.'

  82. Brian Miller

    Abacus

    Do something completely different, and make your headstone a granite abacus. It's the only calculation engine that will still be running eons from now.

  83. Swallowtail

    mIRC

    set %life $null

  84. tirk

    Buddhists

    Buddhists obviously expect to issue the equivalent of the DOS TSR. The rest of us have to get by with a few CALLs.

    1. Nigel 11

      For Buddhists

      water.return(water)

  85. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Good old FORTRAN

    STOP

    END

  86. /dev/me

    fi;esac;done

    exit ${status:-0}

  87. Hatless Pemberty
    Go

    Use the best tool for the job; try Gossip

    "She's dead now, you know"*

    Also, somewhat relevant: http://xkcd.com/599/

    * God, aren't we in a morbid mood today.

    ** Where's the RIP icon? Is it pining for the fjords, etc?

  88. Alister Silver badge

    Object reference not set to an instance of an object

    That is all

  89. Anonymous Coward
    Headmaster

    "I can hardly be called upon to compose my own epitaph."

    But it *has* been done:

    "Here lies one whose name is writ on water"

  90. Caff

    JCL just looks silly.........

    //LIFE JOB (1111,GOD,01),

    // CLASS=A,

    // MSGCLASS=1,

    // REGION=0M,

    /*LOGONID GOD

    //***********************************************

    //CREATE EXEC PGM=BIRTH,PARM='/STA PGM VERITY'

    //SYSOUT DD FREE=CLOSE,SYSOUT=*

    //**********************************************

    //*************************************

    //WAITABIT EXEC PGM=ILACWAIT,COND=(0,NE),PARM=&LIFE

    //SYSOUT DD FREE=CLOSE,SYSOUT=*

    //*

    //****************************************************

    //DEATH EXEC IPJCLCMD,PRM='/CANCEL VERITY

    //**********************************************************'

  91. Gio Ciampa

    I'll stick with (though it sounds a tad aggressive)

    KILL VERITY

    (Ideal if you've perished as a result of MUMPS)

  92. OviB

    pascal for me but D's not russian

    You may want to check again the nationality of that D language book - he's definitely not russian.

  93. bazza Silver badge

    Iain M Banks?

    c:\>restore.exe a: c:\*.*

  94. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Can't beat ...

    I told you I was ill (Spike Milligan rip)

  95. Glenn Booth
    Black Helicopters

    Obfuscated Perl - obviously

    Then we can have our very own little "Da Vinci Code" style drama, with which to celebrate Ms Stobs' demise.

  96. Gwaptiva

    What? No XML?

    </life>

  97. Camilla Smythe

    Is it possible to define yourself before your life is over?

    procedure World.Stob(Sender: TStob);

    begin

    with Sender as Verity_Stob do

    begin

    -;

    -;

    -;

    done;

    //Please update the type definition to suit. Thanks.

    end.

  98. poezzz

    I remember someone posting something like this in a newsgroup as an obituary.

    int man = 5;

    int devil = 0;

    int god = 0;

    monkey_t *monkey = new monkey_t;;

    if (man == 5) {

    devil = 6;

    }

    if (devil == 6) {

    god = 7;

    }

    heaven(monkey);

  99. Stuart Gepp

    Guess the OS

    $ EXIT 452

  100. Paul 75
    Mushroom

    Symbian

    User::Leave( KErrDied );

  101. Bigpatc
    Alert

    End of Line

    DROP DATABASE Stob_Verity;

  102. M Gale

    Well you could go reverse polish

    : have "Currently having " swap concat ;

    : fun "fun" ;

    : main 1 while "#somechannel" fun have say endwhile ;

    I like easy to read though, so how about something less obscure?

    def have(something)

    puts "Currently having #{something}"

    end

    def fun

    "fun"

    end

    alive = true

    have fun while alive

  103. Paul 75
    Coffee/keyboard

    simples

    delete stob;

    stop = NULL;

  104. Dr Paul Taylor

    Second coming

    There are those who study "continuations" aka "control effects". In the continuation-passing style, which is used for compiling functional programming languages suich as (NJS)ML, the "continuation" aka return address is passed as an argument, as it is in Assembly code.

    It is therefore possible that the continuation may be called once, never or even more than once.

    When I first heard of this it reminded me of the restoration of the English Monarchy in 1660, when all of the signatories of Charles I's death warrant were declared traitors and hanged. Those that had died in the meantime were dug up first.

  105. Synonymous Howard

    Z80

    HALT

    hang about in limbo only to resurrected by an interrupt

  106. Anonymous Coward
    Trollface

    gg

    printf("gg\n");

  107. sylviechen
    Linux

    ADA is a good candidate

    Don't forget about ADA

    use VStrings;

    Index : Integer; --number of items in memory

    Success : Boolean; --determines success of delete

    ItemToDelete : Recording; --requested item to be deleted

    begin

    Ada.Text_IO.Put ("Enter Item To Delete => ");

    Ada.Text_IO.Skip_Line;

    VStrings.IO.Get_Line (Item => ItemToDelete.Name,

    MaxLength => MaxLineLength);

    Index := 1;

    Success := False;

  108. iamzippy

    MASM

    ASSUME NOTHING

  109. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    for the (real) oldies

    OUT := IF IS_GOODY2SHOES(DAM_STOB) THEN GOING_UP ELSE UHOH END;

    OUT(OUT(DAM_STOB));

  110. Matt Bucknall

    Just a bit of BASH will do for me.

    sudo rm -rf /*

  111. Anonymous Coward
    Headmaster

    Error

    Stob: Segmentation Fault (Core Dump)

  112. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Logo?

    TURN TURTLE

  113. MetaEd

    errno

    ESRCH

    (Or, for those with some kind of belief in reanimation: EAGAIN)

  114. baguar
    Go

    Hex

    +++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++

  115. ForthIsNotDead
    Thumb Up

    How about Forth?

    : DEAD? TRUE ;

  116. henchan

    logic

    Temporal logic is surely the granite of state programming. But it is too hard to work with.

    So, in honour of the writer and programmer a first-order, punning eulogy: Verity ⇒ ¬⊥

  117. Neoc

    Took me a while...

    I had to stare at it for a while before it hit me:

    ORE STABIT FORTIS ARARE PLACET ORE STAT

    ORESTABITFORTISARAREPLACETORESTAT

    O REST A BIT FOR TIS A RARE PLACE TO REST AT

    Duh... I feel stupid it took me so long.

  118. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    This is not the title you're looking for

    Just paint the top of the gravesite blue.

    Then you'll have your own Blue Screen of Death.

    MINE'S THE BLACK HOODIE

    1. Windrose
      Happy

      If we are being mean ...

      ... then I would, I admit, prefer:

      WE SHALL ALL DIE, MR. RINCEWIND

      ... tho my name ain't Rincewind.

  119. Eddy Ito Silver badge

    B seems perfect

    We are talking about last words and being dead after all

    "main( ) {

    extrn a, b, c;

    putchar(a); putchar(b); putchar(c); putchar('!*n');

    }

    a 'hell';

    b 'o, w';

    c 'orld';

  120. json

    well probably this..

    while (true) {}

    // for limbo forever.

  121. William Wallace
    Pint

    Myles na gCopaleen + numbers

    Myles na gCopaleen quoted a headstone that went as follows

    hic jacet 1 5 4

    0 4 1 2 8

    0 1 4 2 0

    ... sadly the rest escapes my memory. The above translates (probably) as:

    Here lies one fifer

    Nothing for one to hate

    Nothing for one to love

    ...

    Whether the stonemason could carve out the letters with one hand while updating his facebook account with th eother is not recorded.

    (A pint, because "a pint of plain is your only man".)

  122. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    And now for something completely different....

    Verity: What happen ?

    Heart: Somebody set up us the heart attack.

    Brain: We get signal.

    Verity: What !

    Brain: Main screen turn on.

    Verity: It's you !!

    DEATH: How are you Verity !!

    DEATH: All your life are belong to us.

  123. mr.K
    Unhappy

    NOP

    Really, out of 147 comments so far there is not one that simply suggests a simple NOP? If you are picky about it, you can put a jump after it.

    As always, if you fail to describe something, do it in assembly. Here for Atmel AVR 8bit microcontrollers.

    0000 NOP No operation

    CFFE RJMP PC-0x0001 Relative jump

    But just NOP has a nice ring to it, I must say. Short, to the point and looks a bit like RIP.

  124. bugalugs

    This programme(r)

    is no longer responding and has been closed down.

    We apologise if any work was lost.

    Would you like to send an error report ?

  125. Bigpatc
    Mushroom

    Amiga Homage

    Software Failure

    Guru Mediation

  126. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    One for the road

    stob.Buried(here)

  127. Stephen 10

    I'd like this

    011010010110011000100000011110010110111101110101001

    000000110001101100001011011100010000001110010011001

    01011000010110010000100000011101000110100001101001

    011100110010110000100000011110010110111101110101001

    00000011000010111001001100101001000000111001101110

    100011000010110111001100100011010010110111001100111

    001000000110111101101110001000000110110101111001001

    0000001100110011001010110010101110100

    The lfs are el reg's...

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Holmes

      No

      That would imply sending a message to an object that has been garbage collected.

      Segmentation fault!

  128. Herby Silver badge

    What language?

    Looks like just about everyone has been mentioned here:

    BASIC, FORTRAN, ALGOL (68), Pascal, Forth, IBM JCL, C, C++ (and derivatives), shell, and others.

    The only one I don't see is: SNOBOL (long live strings!).

    But I must agree that the best solution is: Brainfuck!

  129. Paul 98

    I'd prefer to use bash script

    echo "Goodbye, Cruel World"

    It's elegant, simple, and has the added bonus of implying a ghostly echoing voice.

  130. Mr_Pitiful

    My Epitaph

    {

    Existance.Live();

    }

    Catch(FatalException ex)

    {

    Console.Writeline(“O Bugger!”);

    }

  131. Graham Bartlett

    @Herby

    Not quite all - no Python, for instance. (Or Occam2, after the recent article about Transputers). But it's rather difficult to do white-space-significant code on a forum which removes leading whitespace from lines...

  132. alyn

    foobar

    how about - Oh foobar!

  133. Maksim Rukov
    Angel

    Inform

    No-one's mentioned Inform. Probably for very good reason. But nonetheless, my offering (and I hope the comments system doesn't mangle things too much):

    "The Life and Times of Verity Stob" by Maksim Rukov

    This Mortal Coil is a room. "Not a bad place, really. You should probably not leave."

    The player is a woman called Verity Stob.

    Instead of going nowhere in This Mortal Coil, end the story saying "You have died."

    You can play it online if you fancy (if I can post URLs).

    http://iplayif.com/?story=http%3A//members.iinet.net.au/~nichevo/zcode/stob.zblorb

  134. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    shirley...

    the epitaph should be

    "yes, we tried turning her off and on again"

  135. I understand now
    Terminator

    how about

    TTL 0

  136. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    404 not found

    Anymore

  137. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Title

    BSOD?

  138. Shakje

    How about something like

    COMEFROM DUST

    GOTO DUST

    :DUST

    If someone fancies reformatting it in a language that actually supports COMEFROM I'll be happy.

  139. tirk

    Can't believe I forgot...

    echo Oh my god, it's full of stars!

  140. Spruance

    void function?

    What void function needs a return value?

  141. CD001

    KISS

    EOL

  142. Carl Pearson
    Stop

    What Do You Think?

    It's assumed one's epitaph is influenced by their view on the nature of life, and death. Unfortunately we readers aren't privy to those innermost of your details, so it's hard to be truly helpful.

    That leaves two main schools of thought: do you continue, or do you not?

    Brevity is also encouraged, for some strange reason. Perhaps the cost of cutting stone.

    In the one side, it could be as simple as: !Stob

    On the other: function Stob { exit(); }

    Though one could see how the latter possibly indicates lack of continued existence as well. Would all depend on garbage routines in the afterlife.

    Good luck finding your final words!

  143. LesC
    Happy

    Dos?

    What about -

    @echo off

    REM Check for heartbeat

    :ALIVE

    GOTO LIFE

    IF NOT EXIST HEARTBEAT ==0 GOTO ALIVE

    REM No heartbeat

    END

    :LIFE

    REM carbon based life functions in here

    GOTO ALIVE

  144. eBusiness

    Death by overflow

    short life;

    while( ++life ) {

    enjoy( life );

    }

    1. annodomini2
      FAIL

      Technically...

      We ultimately die by underflow (DNA chops off bits during cell replication)

      1. Gavin King

        Underflow, you say?

        In that case:

        short life;

        --life

        while(--life)

        {

        enjoy(life);

        }

        At least that how I think it ought to go.

        And why "short" life? A "long" life is surely far better?

  145. Petalium

    SQL

    SELECT DAYS FROM LIFE

    -------------------------

    NULL

  146. Steve Evans

    Hayes might solves this...

    +++ATH

  147. John F***ing Stepp

    intercal

    I will hang on till that compiles, thanks.

  148. Slarti
    Coat

    Variants on a theme

    Various bad puns based on RIP:

    .

    .

    function Peace(){

    sleep(1);

    }

    or

    while(true){ sleep(1); }

    or a full class

    class Stob extends Person{

    const DOB; //Set your value here

    const DOD; //Set your value here

    public function Stob(){

    $now = new DateTime();

    while($now < DOD){

    $this->live();

    $now = new DateTime();

    }

    }

    public function __destruct(){

    while(true){

    sleep(peace);

    }

    }

    }

    $stob = new Stob();

  149. bryn.em

    Lisp

    (setf verity nil)

  150. J.G.Harston Silver badge

    title goes here

    verity--;

    Though for mine I think I'd prefer SYS 17 or TRAP 0.

  151. Neoc

    ACK?

    NACK!

  152. Greybeaver

    Thanks -\ nd

    \ nd = no data - empty posting because the title was sufficient. Don't look here for meaning, reason or cleverness. This post was for the authour and not for you. Figure out yer own epitaph. One of my aunts was deflicted with a Latin version of "misers make great ancestors, but terrible relatives." Go figure. It was commissioned by her son. The first try was mis-spelled by the stone mason; which seems to encapsulate much of her life.

    Next time remember: "\ nd" means "no data." because I won't post an explanation.

  153. GerryMC

    More Pascal

    program Stob(input, output);

    begin

    while Alive do

    begin

    live;

    end;

    end.

    The full stop after the last end is important - it means end of the code file.

  154. Andrew Yeomans

    Non computo, ergo non sum

    I do not compute, therefore I am not.

  155. Dr Andrew A. Adams
    Devil

    Intercal

    MAYBE COME FROM LIFE

  156. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Phython

    Python could revive memories from "Monty Python". Just for a laugh

  157. Burnsie
    Devil

    Generic old-school

    Call Birth

    Call Life

    Call Death

    Goto HeavenOrHell

    End

  158. Graham Newton
    Alert

    Windows!!!!

    Please contact your system administrator.

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