back to article PETA to launch .xxx smut site 'to help animals'

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals reportedly plans to launch a porn site. The website, at peta.xxx, will be "a pornography site that draws attention to the plight of animals", according to Reuters, which cited a spokesperson. With thousands of well-known companies reluctantly queueing up to pay up to block their …

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  1. JasonW

    Poor Peta 23 from Essex...

    Hope she wasn't planning on launching a site.

  2. Guido Esperanto

    /title

    I can tell you something, trying to get my rocks off while skippy the mistreated puppy looks at me with his big brown eyes, isnt really gonna do it for me.

    It may just become one of those "special interest" sites.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    April?

    Could it be that an organisation involved in publicity for their cause is *shock* seeking publicity? I'll offer odds that nothing actually comes of/on this.

    Although I suppose nekked ladies stroking their pussies would work.

  4. Martin Maloney
    Coat

    Don't let a good elephant go bad

    Eat it today, before it spoils.

    (I can hear the humor-challenged, trying to shame me with, "Tusk, tusk!")

    1. Graham Dawson

      Pack your trunk

      ... that's all I got.

    2. Elmer Phud

      pussies?

      nah, they're just fucking bats

    3. Chris007
      Coffee/keyboard

      I need a new keyboard

      see title.

  5. Danny 14 Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    porn?

    Quick stock up on rhino horn.

  6. Jemma Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Oh gods..

    They will beat themselves [off] like Chipperfield Monkeys...

    Or as I said more than once to a rather animal loving ex "Arent you supposed to be *walking* the dog?". Still I suppose the elderly labrador got some exercise.

    I dont even want to imagine the human basket cases they'll manage to recruit for this. The combination of bulgarian airbags, centipede level self esteem and animal rights fanatics makes even my mind weeble and curl up into a protective ball.

    To quote "We taught a Lion to eat Tofu..."

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. Jemma Silver badge
        Facepalm

        umm

        That wasnt a euphemism, trust me on this

        1. Liam Johnson

          Pictures or it didn't happen

          or on second thoughts, perhaps not.

    2. C 18
      Joke

      I see 'elderly labrador'

      But I read 'old son of a bitch'

  7. Jim jimminy jim jim jim jim
    Coat

    PETA porn

    Am I the only one thinking "oh god not another Animal farm"

    mines the dirty mac with suspect stains on it, ta

  8. Oninoshiko

    I can't think of a more appropriate use of the domain

    Infact, I think they should move all their online operations to it...

    media whores.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    Ok, now I'm officially confuzzled

    There's an infamous online poster with the words "Everytime you masturbate, God kills a kitten" below a picture of a cute kitten jumping in some grass.

    So does that mean if I don't subscribe to PETA's masturbation site then some animals will die because PETA couldn't save them, but if I do subscribe then kittens will die on a regular basis?

    I think my brain is about to asplode!

  10. Mike Richards

    It'll be filth

    Just try to imagine animals - naked.

    1. Guido Esperanto
      Joke

      title

      thats almost like the infamous Buttered Cat Array.

      Piece of toast buttered, attached to the back of a cat. Drop said Cat&Toast off ledge somewhere and watch in awe as subject rotates in midair.

      1. Gavin King
        Coat

        And then you butter the cat

        I have been told that buttering the back of a cat, in a similar way, would cause a rip in space-time.

        I doubt that PETA would appreciate that, though.

        1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

          I can imagine

          It would more likely cause several rips in your forearms due to resistance from the aforementioned moggy.

        2. Rob Dobs
          Happy

          Mmmmm. butter

          stop!.... your making me hungry!

          Seriously though how is this org still around, there are REAL organizations that are more about protection of animals (ASPCA for example) that don't also hate humans.

          Self hating jerks and it makes me laugh when they "free" animals from a zoo and then that same wild animal turns around and kills them.

          Animals deserve not to be abused, but trust me, most animals (especially top level predators) would not only abuse you, they would have fun doing it and then eat whats left over.

          1. Graham Wilson
            Meh

            @Rob Dobs -- Right, Nature's not always nice and PETA is trying to reform it...

            ...by trying to reform us first! Which, if you think about it even for a moment, is not natural.

            Where else in nature does this strange form of logic exist? If anything, this type of thinking is like a recessive gene, that if left to its own devices, would make us humans extinct.

            When you mention this to these ratbags their response is often 'if humans go extinct then so be it'.

            Instinctively, my genes are almost uncontrollably against that idea.

      2. PatientOne

        Cat& Toast...

        Cat licks butter off toast then lands on paws. Later, toast lands on your head as you walk through a door. Toast, of cause, is covered with cat slobber.

        Sometimes reality bites. Sometimes it just giggles at you from behind the sofa.

    2. ender
      FAIL

      Re: Ok, now I'm officially confuzzled

      > So does that mean if I don't subscribe to PETA's masturbation site then some animals will die because PETA couldn't save them, but if I do subscribe then kittens will die on a regular basis?

      Don't feel too bad - since the majority of the animals PETA "saves" are eithanized anyway, kittens will die one way or another.

    3. Jemma Silver badge
      Black Helicopters

      kittens go boom...

      Nah, thats not God killing them, thats the US Army looking for landmines on the cheap. Oh wait, USA and God are one and the same.

      PETA have been moderately cracked for years, but recently it seems the animal snuggling fanaticism has finally reached a terminal stage. These are the sort of people who would carpet bomb a zoo to release a single fennec fox..(which would then go batshit nuts and savage everything in reach up to and including the Landcruiser, fennecs temperament being similar to what youd get if a jack russell and a tasmanian devil had babies).

      Ive a thought, why dont we lock PETA and the Westboro Baptists in a room made up to be a real life 'worms' level... Entertainment with a practical result. No one loses, even the animal feedmarket would benefit, although I wouldnt say animals fed on the result would be wise to eat.

      1. Graham Wilson
        Black Helicopters

        @Jemma -- This is what happens with the fall of organized religion

        As I've been saying for years (and I'm far from being alone on this), since the mainstream religions have fallen out of favour over the past 40-50 years (since Sundays meant church bells across town, putting on your Sunday best and so on), the religiously inclined have needed an outlet which they've no longer been getting.

        Traditional religions, with all their rituals, history, customs, beliefs and different interpretations of the Bible etc. would capture, involve and tie up most of these people for decades if not a lifetime. Oh the terrible irony of it; in effect, the church was our protector and savior and we never knew it at the time Churches were being debunked in the '50s, '60s and '70s.

        Now that much of this traditional belief infrastructure has gone we've rampant loonies on the loose. Animals, the deep green movement and environmentalism are obvious places for them to end up. Trouble is, they're turning out to be more than just an irritation. The more offbeat and eccentric they are the more dangerous they're becoming to mainstream society.

        Unfortunately, we really do need to take them seriously by finding ways to undermine and naturalise them before they do too us much damage.

  11. J 3
    Devil

    a mixture of curiosity and terror

    Indeed...

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Trollface

    Yummy!

    People Eating Tasty Animals

    People Everywhere Take Air

    Please Egress This Atmosphere

    Plant Earth Them's Aliens

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Ummm.....

    Bestiality?

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Peta smut

    http://www.eclectech.co.uk/pettingzoo.php

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Yeah, I was wondering about that

      My understanding is that unlike many similar organization PETA's position is that bestiality is alright as long as the animal isn't coerced or harmed. And it would certainly provide a generous amount of what PETA loves most (publicity).

      On the other hand, there would be some legal issues. Bestiality porn is legal in the US, but bestiality itself, ranges from illegal to gray depending on the state. And of course that would make the site illegal in many countries including the UK.

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

  15. kain preacher Silver badge

    Hmmm

    Would this fall under extreme porn laws ? Going to peta for porn is bit disturbing.

  16. Shaun 1
    WTF?

    "a pornography site that draws attention to the plight of animals"

    I can't imagine this site in any way that wouldn't violate the OPA

  17. Bryn Evans
    FAIL

    Beastiality ?

    I thought that sex with animals was illegal in a lot of countries. Don't think they thought this through.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Gives a whole new meaning to

    Gives a whole new meaning to "People Eating Tasty Animals", now doesn't it?

    I shan't go further in deference to the sensibilities of the Scottish Government - I wouldn't want The Reg classified as "extreme porn".

    Mine's the one with "Death to Media Whoring Organizations" on it.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Gives a whole new meaning to...

    ...Spanking the monkey.

    Why don't these people just go home. Re-form their organization as:

    People Eating Tasty Animals. Works for me!

  20. James O'Shea

    time for PETA to do the right thing

    There are lots and lots and lots of poor, innocent, misunderstood, _hungry_ sharks out there. (See http://dsc.discovery.com/tv/shark-week/ for more) Feed PETA to the sharks.

  21. InformerBooks

    Marketing Porn

    Hope that this is the start of major brands using hardcore porn for marketing.

    Particularly looking forward to '2 Girls 1 Cup-a-Soup'

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Good Lord!

      Oh dear lord.

      Lemon-pledge party also comes to mind.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Go

        The Lemon-Tea Party

        Surely.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    "a mixture of curiosity and terror"

    Kittie porn?

    Will no-one think of the Chinchillas?

    Sooooooo, "Ethical Treatment of Animals" through exploiting and abusing (presumably consenting) human females?

    Oh the delicious irony of claiming the moral high ground from the bottom of a pit of degradation.

    I've no doubt that this is merely a cheap publicity stunt and any such website will just be Rickrolling for their intellectually vacuous philosophy.

  23. G-Spot
    Linux

    no tuxes allowed

    I can surely imagine that PETA's porn palace will have special sections for "cougars," "bears," "cubs," and... "furries."

    But hopefully no nude penguins.

  24. Graham Marsden
    Trollface

    "a pornography site that draws attention to the plight of animals"

    Err, perhaps they'd better read the Extreme Porn Legislation carefully or otherwise block it in this country otherwise...

    ... on second thoughts, forget I mentioned it!

  25. DrXym Silver badge

    Is it wrong...

    ... to smash small mammals with a mallet while I rub one out watching their xxx site?

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    "I'd rather go naked than wear fur"

    I gave up on this after the cat nearly clawed my eye out.

  27. Tom Maddox Silver badge
    Devil

    Will we see . . . ?

    Hot, nude models posing next to garbage cans filled with the corpses of animals that PETA has "rescued"?

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Peta .XXX rebrand

    They'll need a name change for the world of smut - People Eating Tasty Animals just doesn't cut it for grumble flick production. "Perverts Embracing Tarty Aardvarks" seems to fit the bill, but might just fall foul of out delightful extreme porn laws, although "Pornographers Enjoy Titillating Animals" might just slip by the censors.

    Sorry, had to.

    1. philbo

      What about...

      Perverts Entering Tarty Aardvarks?

      Porn Encompassing Titfucking Antelopes?

      Just crossed my mind that we all seem to be thinking about bestiality, i.e. human/animal porn - they might just be planning to show David Attenborough reruns with Colobus monkeys, and other BBC classics.

  29. Martin Maloney
    Coat

    IMHO...

    ...the spat between PETA and Go Daddy is just a pachyderm nonsense.

    BTW, if you subscribe to PETA's xxx site, will they respond with a "Wank You" note?

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I cant wait till...

    they come out with the movie "This isn't PETA, the XXX spoof"

  31. Criminny Rickets

    Stop the Kitty Porn

    Oh no, don't tell me that Peta is now getting into publishing these horrendous pictures. Won't somebody please think of the kitty.

    For more information on this problem, please see http://www.ida.liu.se/~davby/mirrors/kp/

  32. MJI Silver badge

    Been beaten to the meaning of PETA

    I have no idea what it is just know it as People Eating Tasty Animals

  33. philbo
    Joke

    I've just had an idea..

    ..of a new definition for the word "peturbation"

  34. Eponymous Cowherd
    Coat

    Blue PETA?

    Yeah, just getting it............

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I guess...

    they'll have to stick to planet destroying PVC instead of good old leather kinkyness.

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    Happy day!

    Good to see all the BSE infected, knuckle-dragging, misogonistic, meat-eating retards have come crawling out of the woodwork! Makes you wonder why Mrs Pankhurst even bothered making a stand!

    "Yeah right, PETA are like a bunch of stoopid cows right. I dunno why, I just fink they are 'cos that bloke like said so innit!".

    PETE have never bothered me, doubt they ever will and I have nothing against them preaching their views to anyone with time enough to listen. If it means a few more cute furry animals get saved, then fair play to 'em, seems to keeps 'em happy. Everyone's got to have something to do with themselves I suppose.

    1. Jemma Silver badge
      FAIL

      this would be the same Mrs Pankhurst...

      Who spent a fair amount of time copping off with, or writing dirty letters on the subject of copping of with, two of her own daughters.

      Yup a real advert for the sanity of Feminism in general.

      Its always a very good idea *not* to pick advocates when you know next to nothing about them.

      As to BSE/CJD be happy you never dealt with it first hand. Be even happier that most farmers that it bankrupted and destroyed havent realised even now who to blame. The consumer, the one who wouldnt pay fair price for healthy meat, and got what they deserved. Not to mention one John Selwyn Gummer... The one who had his little girl eat beef along with her best friend - yeah that one, who died of CJD.

      I know im doing something akin to flogging a dead equine, but a little respect might be in order. I'd almost wish for you to have to care for someone you loved through that, but not even I am that cruel.

      1. nichomach
        FAIL

        I hold no brief for Gummer

        But his daughter declined the burger (stating that she was full and that it was too hot) and the daughter of the family friend who died of vCJD wasn't involved in the incident at all. See http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/article2641749.ece. It's always a very good idea to have a clue BEFORE you start jumping down other peoples' throats.

        1. nichomach
          Trollface

          oooOOOoooo,,,

          Nice downvote - truth smarts, eh?

  37. Trokair 1
    Mushroom

    Morons

    They can all jump off a bridge, we would be much better off without PETA. To quote Maddox "for every animal that you don't eat, I'm going to eat two."

  38. Martin Maloney
    Facepalm

    Reviving the antiwar movement

    Given that we're getting nowhere, marching, blogging, writing letters to congress critters about the obscene loss of human life in our wars in Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, Yemen, Somalia, etc...

    Perhaps someone could snap a photo of Obama's swatting a fly. Then we could sic PETA on him!

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Probably going to...

    Stream Fritz the Cat.

  40. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    It's all I got.

    Nice Beaver.

    1 coat, retrieved, I'm out the door...

  41. Alan Esworthy
    Meh

    BBBBBrilliant

    I will visit their .xxx web site if - AND ONLY IF - it shows movies of the PETA board being buggered by bison.

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Save the beaver.

    A bird in the bush is worth two in the hand, as was noted by Charles Darwin's sex mad friend.

  43. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Devil

    Breathy voice...

    "Welcome to "PETA After Dark", where we all a about the love of animals. How much do we love animals?? Well, let us show you. Our next film will show a lonely, but loving, rancher stuck in a snowstorm with a few of his flock. How will they all stay warm?--just wait and see!"

    <cue porn music>

  44. Nick Gisburne
    Paris Hilton

    Expect reaction videos of people on YouTube watching...

    Two Birds, One Pup

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    PETA

    People

    Exercising

    Total

    Arrogance

    Godwin's yet?

  46. s. pam
    Pint

    Morrissey will be the site's music

    Channel in heavy rotation...just like a tasty pig on a spit....

    YUM YUM

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