back to article Woman dies of heart attack at own funeral

A Russian woman died of a heart attack at her own funeral, after waking up to find praying mourners filing past her coffin. According to the Daily Mail, Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov, 49, had been declared dead after suffering chest pains and collapsing at home in Kazan, capital of Tatarstan. Doctors had failed to spot she was …

COMMENTS

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  1. b166er

    Eh?

    Collapsed at home

    Pronounced dead

    Placed in coffin

    Funeral arranged and underway

    How long did all that take exactly?

    They shifted her like a hot po-tatarstani

    No wonder she had a heart attack

  2. Jemma Silver badge
    FAIL

    quote...

    "I do not vish to be shot down on the vay to my own funeral..."

    unquote

    1. Roger Varley

      Re: Eh?

      That will depend on location and culture. In Cyprus, the Greek Orthodox Church aims to have you in the ground the following day, so that would be less than 24 hours here.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Devil

      Wrong

      No wonder she lived only 12 minutes.

      You see, it takes some money to arrange a _FAST_ funeral.

    3. Bumpy Cat

      Tatarstan = Muslim

      If she was in Tartarstan there's a good chance she was Muslim, so the tradition is burial within 24 hours.

  3. ScientologyIsACult
    Devil

    Reminds me.....

    ...Of something I heard about a few years a go, the man got up out of his coffin, screaming and wide-eyed strangled his brother then died (again) of a heart attack. Very strange.

    ^--Icon for obvious reasons

  4. NomNomNom

    haha

    in soviet russia funeral kills you

  5. Amir Shah
    Headmaster

    Always be careful

    She was a ZOMBIE!. (Joke) In some countires the dead have to be buried withinn 24 hours for religious reasons.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Always be careful

      "In some countires the dead have to be buried withinn 24 hours for religious reasons"

      Or before the chloroform wears off.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      LOL

      You nearly made me pee my pants.

      1. DZ-Jay

        Re: Always be careful

        Or before the hunger for brains and human flesh overcomes them.

        -dZ.

    3. Captain TickTock
      Devil

      Zombie

      Pray it never happens in Leicester

      1. Barticus

        @Capt TickTock

        Pray it never happens to Lester.

        There...fixed that for you.

      2. J 3
        Joke

        @Zombie

        Why? Would they starve to, er... undeath there?

    4. Sir Cosmo Bonsor
      Thumb Up

      The

      only "soviet russia" gag I've ever found amusing.

    5. Tony Green
      Thumb Down

      "Soviet" Russia?

      Ah, you'll be one of those 'merkin chaps who still haven't worked out what's going on in the world outside the good-ole Yoo Esovay.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        FAIL

        @ Tony Green

        "you'll be one of those 'merkin chaps who still haven't worked out what's going on in the world"

        Says the guy whose never encountered this very wide spread internet meme.

      2. GBE

        A bit humorless today Tony?

        Ah, you'll be one of those chaps with no sense of humor who thinks everytime they miss a pop-culture reference it's somebody else's fault.

        You really never heard any of the "In Soviet Russia..." jokes back in the day? Google "Yakov Smirnoff".

        [Or have I been trolled?]

        1. LaeMing
          FAIL

          Give Tony a break.

          He has clearly been living under a rock since the 80s so cut him some slack, please.

    6. Old Handle
      Boffin

      Where as elsewhere you kill the funeral?

      Sorry, but hat makes no sense.

      1. LaeMing
        Headmaster

        Where as elsewhere you kill the funeral?

        It was close enough to make some people here laugh

        Ergo, it was a joke.

        Irrespective of accuracy to the form.

        A life should be sought.

        1. Joe Cooper

          Soviet Russia

          The fact that the union fell is in fact why the standard line features the word "Soviet"; originally, it wasn't necessary to specify because Russia actually was still Soviet.

          Plus it's even bigger than an internet meme, and older, too...

  6. Mark Rogers

    Title Here

    Shocking...

  7. Rombizio
    Facepalm

    Lesson to all of us...

    Don't collapse in Russia. Don't even trip on a rock and fall. If you are not standing up and moving you are probably dead according to the advanced Russian medicine.

  8. dave 46

    You hear stories

    Of people going abroad to get cheap operations - does anyone seriously think that's a good idea?

    Unless abroad is America, but that isn't cheap.

    You do get to see Mickey though.

    1. LaeMing
      Unhappy

      Of course if we don't ever see inside a third-world hospital...

      ...then we will never know how less-than-optimal our 'developed world' ones often are.

      My experience inside /big city/ Chinese hospitals is that they are comparable to the Australian public sysetem - under-resourced and physically run-down but clean and competently staffed.

      Though the waiting list in China for elective tumor removal is measured in hours, not months as in Aus.

      * Note emphasis on /big city/ hospitals - the private clinic/hospitals over there as well as some of the public provincial ones are well-deserving of the media shock-stories we hear.

  9. The First Dave
    Headmaster

    untitled

    "Doctors had failed to spot she was actually very much alive"

    'slightly alive' would be nearer the mark, surely?

    1. F111F
      Coat

      Obligatory...

      Miracle Max: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.

      Inigo Montoya: What's that?

      Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

      ...mine's the one with The Princess Bride in the pocket.

  10. Flawsious

    Warm?

    Seems to me that the person clothing her for the funeral would of notice that she wasn't COLD & Hardening!!!!

  11. PerlyKing
    IT Angle

    Embalming?

    Is there no embalming in Islam then? From what little I know, that would have finished her off....

  12. Scott Broukell
    Megaphone

    They got one thing wrong ....

    ... those AREN'T medical staff / doctors, they're morons !

    Obviously, when she woke up, she had a coffin fit.

    (Gets white coat and exits)

  13. Mike 140
    Childcatcher

    A hospital spokesman said ..

    "See, we were right. We just got the timing a bit out."

  14. yorgasor

    I'm not dead yet

    I think I'll go for a walk.

  15. Chris Seiter
    WTF?

    True Love

    Her husband...said: "Her eyes fluttered...before she died again, this time for good."

    This time for good? I'm cynical, but wow. I hope that was a mistranslation or it sounds like he was glad to be rid of her.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      FAIL

      Eh?

      "For good" means permanently. There is no connotation of the permanence being a positive thing.

    2. Ian Yates
      Joke

      Husband

      "this time... for good" /Russian accent

      Makes me wonder if he was also holding some kind of heavy implement as he said it.

    3. Vic

      Re: I'm not dead yet

      You're not fooling anyone, you know.

      Vic.

      1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
        Coat

        I don't want to go in that coffin

        Don't be such a ninny

    4. Robert Brockway
      Linux

      Not so rare

      Actually misdiagnosed death isn't so uncommon. I saw a documentary on it maybe 20 or 30 years ago. It featured a guy who had been pronounced dead many times. He ended up inventing a wearable device that showed that he was still alive. I guess it was some sort of pulse meter. Truth is stranger than fiction and all that.

  16. Joey

    Mmmm

    I've heard of 'born again' but this 'dead again' is something new.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Where was Miracle Max

    She was only mostly dead

  18. Tony Green
    Stop

    Reality check

    Er... Story in the Daily Hate. Probability of being true, approx. 5%.

  19. Isendel Steel
    Coat

    "I AIN'T DEAD"

    name wasn't Weatherwax was it ?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Seems more like...

      ... a Windle Poons moment if you ask me.

    2. Richard 81

      I ATEN'T DEAD

      I think you mean "I ATEN'T DEAD".

      A witch doesn't need to worry about spelling. It's the word's fault for being wrong.

  20. King Jack Silver badge
    Alien

    I Hope

    I hope when I die, I get a 2nd chance. Thanks to this tale, I'll be prepared and try not to die again too soon.

  21. Graham Bartlett
    Coat

    @Isendel Steel

    "I ATEN'T DEAD", I think you'll find.

    (Mine's one with the Pratchett paperback, thanks...)

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    not in the uk

    What!

    if she was in the UK, she would have her organs removed, and her brain sucked out within 2 days

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Facepalm

      ...and in the US

      after having her brains sucked out, she'd run for Congress.

  23. Anonymous IV
    Joke

    Pun (I'm afraid)

    At least the husband can die nowt on the story...!

  24. DeVino
    Holmes

    How do they know that she's dead the second time ?

    Where's ma pump-gun Ma ?

  25. Rick Giles
    Joke

    @Tony Green

    We know there is other stuff going on in the world, we just really don't give a crap. It's all Third World to us.

  26. Mike Moyle Silver badge
    Coat

    "...we immediately rushed her back to the hospital..."

    Personally, I probably would have taken her to a *DIFFERENT* hospital...

    I mean, they already got it wrong ONCE -- why would I trust them the SECOND time?

  27. Blitheringeejit
    Coat

    @Isendel

    Excellent reference - but it's "I aten't dead", I think you'll find.

    Mine's the one with the pedantic git certificate in the inside pocket...

  28. skeptical i

    I've heard of "Jesus complex", but "Lazarus complex"? That's a new one.

    Those crazy Russkies.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      re: lazarus complex

      You need to acquaint yourself with Heinlein's Lazarus Long.

  29. LaeMing
    Boffin

    Happens more often than you would think.

    Even with all the new-fangled brain-imaging stuff we have these days, there is still no clear medical definition of when someone is actually 'dead'. The law in various countries fudges it to different organ-shut-down states, but they tend to either go overboard, keeping 'living meat' online for years (and to be fair, very occasionally the 'meat' does wake up again), under-do it, increasing the incidence of above happening, or completely miss the mark, rendering even a decapitated corpse still 'alive' until well after any legal organ-harvesting can be achieved.

    And people 'waking' from what - even to a competent and experienced medical practicioner - is apparently 'dead' is rather common, probably more common than we know about.

    Enjoy your night's sleep.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Stop

      FUD.

      1. What do you consider a 'medical definition'? Is a definition just what it is?

      There are very clear criteria of brain death, and you appear to know it.

      What you are alluding to is to the case where there is one with a clear unsurvivable injury or insult, but is not 'dead' yet, either perhaps because brain death testing _cannot_ be done - I won't bore you with details, google if you will - or because brain death, as defined, has not occurred yet.

      There, common sense should prevail. It should, but I acknowledge, sometimes, it doesn't.

      Personally speaking, If I am that far gone, the outcome ain't gonna be good. I am thinking discharge to nursing home if lucky. No. let me correct that, discharge to morgue if lucky. Nursing home if not.

      Turn me off.

      2. Common? Waking from the dead? You got to be kidding me. And I've seen some weird shit.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    We've all heard about being late to one's own funeral...

    Evidently this woman was early.

  31. Anteaus
    Devil

    IT angle..

    Well, they say computers get more human-like as they progress, and with Windows 7 you likewise have the situation where the computer you ostensibly switched-off is actually playing possum, and springs to life while you're changing RAM or whatever.

    Must add a sharpened stake to my toolkit.

    As for the OP, seemingly it's possible for the human body to remain alive but with reduced temperature and a very low heartbeat. This may not be noticed if the examination is hurried.

  32. Lance 3

    Bring out your dead!

    CUSTOMER: Here's one -- nine pence.

    DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead!

    MORTICIAN: What?

    CUSTOMER: Nothing -- here's your nine pence.

    DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead!

    MORTICIAN: Here -- he says he's not dead!

    CUSTOMER: Yes, he is.

    DEAD PERSON: I'm not!

    MORTICIAN: He isn't.

    CUSTOMER: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.

    DEAD PERSON: I'm getting better!

    CUSTOMER: No, you're not -- you'll be stone dead in a moment.

    MORTICIAN: Oh, I can't take him like that -- it's against regulations.

    DEAD PERSON: I don't want to go in the cart!

    CUSTOMER: Oh, don't be such a baby.

    MORTICIAN: I can't take him...

    DEAD PERSON: I feel fine!

    CUSTOMER: Oh, do us a favor...

    MORTICIAN: I can't.

    CUSTOMER: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't

    be long.

    MORTICIAN: Naaah, I got to go on to Robinson's -- they've lost nine

    today.

    CUSTOMER: Well, when is your next round?

    MORTICIAN: Thursday.

    DEAD PERSON: I think I'll go for a walk.

    CUSTOMER: You're not fooling anyone y'know. Look, isn't there

    something you can do?

    DEAD PERSON: I feel happy... I feel happy.

    [whop]

    CUSTOMER: Ah, thanks very much.

    MORTICIAN: Not at all. See you on Thursday.

    CUSTOMER: Right.

    [clop clop]

    MORTICIAN: Who's that then?

    CUSTOMER: I don't know.

    MORTICIAN: Must be a king.

    CUSTOMER: Why?

    MORTICIAN: He hasn't got shit all over him.

    1. relentless
      Pint

      Epic Quoting Skills

      Surely to god you must have put the film on to make that quote or at least a youtube clip. If not then you sir are as sharp as a tack! or A WITCH!!!!

      *A pint because you deserve it for taking the time to write that post!

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    Not the first time

    I read of another incident like this a few years back, with a man in Italy I think, he also woke up at his own funeral, started shouting "I Live, I Live!", and then apparently died again with apparent heart failure from the shock

  34. Winkypop Silver badge

    Has anyone done the stiffy joke yet?

    See title.

  35. Grivas Bo Diddly Harm
    Joke

    Old Joke No 94

    Could you check she's actually dead?

    BANG!

    Yup. Now what?

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