back to article Midlands council laughs at zombie-apocalypse threat

Leicester City Council has been forced to admit that it lacks a comprehensive emergency plan should the Midlands city be hit by zombie attack. The council received a Freedom of Information request which asked: Dear Leicester City Council, Can you please let us know what provisions you have in place in the event of a zombie …

COMMENTS

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  1. Lamont Cranston

    Working in a council office,

    you'd assume the zombie apocalypse had already happened.

  2. CraPo

    Inspiration?

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/05/19/cdc_zombie_apocalypse/

  3. Graham Bartlett

    Why bother?

    This is Leicester. Who'd notice?

    1. Thomas 4

      I'd feel sorry for the zombies

      They'd starve to death up there, poor things.

  4. Deckchair

    is required.

    Its Leicester, who'd even notice?

  5. nyelvmark
    Go

    How much

    ...does an FOI request cost? This could become a fashion.

    Dear Shaftesbury council, Please can you supply me with details of your contingency plan for when the town is hit by a tsunami. I realise that we're 700 feet above sea level and 20 miles from the coast, but...

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      Mushroom

      More truth than jest?

      Dear UK Nuclear Power,

      What are your contingency plans for dealing with an 8.9 earthquake combined with a 20 meter tsunami?

      Signed,

      The Government.

      I wonder how much that is costing?

  6. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

    Detection is the first step

    Has anyone suggested a way of detecting if Leicester was invaded by a load of shambling incoherent braindead lifeless zombies ?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Simple.....

      Stand near clock tower and use your eyes.

      It would harder to find those who don't look like the undead.

    2. Tchou
      Joke

      Just

      Count the fruity phones, and you have the nb of Zombies.

      There even probably is an app for that too.

      Yes i feel trolly.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Linux

    Any

    efficient OS or indeed council should auto-clean zombies

  8. Stein Tore Dale
    WTF?

    Public information?

    I surely hope someone is having fun here. If not, I'm a little bit impressed that someone who believes in zombies are aware of their FOI rights.

    On the other hand, emergency plans for zombie attacks should possibly not be public, as a safety measure. But then again, zombies are rather simple minded and wouldn't care about the plans, would they?

  9. Oli Wright
    Thumb Up

    Max Brooks

    Get him to assist with the planning. He already has a wealth of material to apply.

  10. Cyclist
    Meh

    Hordes of the fictional undead???

    I'm surprised at Leicester City Council claiming not to have a policy to deal with a sudden rush of zombies, on the basis that they don't exist.

    They weren't fictional when I used to go and stand on the Kop at Filbert Street in the 80s & early 90s. Most of the defence and at least two of the centre forwards were clearly zombified, judging by their speed & agility.

  11. Bakunin

    Naive fools

    I grew up on a diet of zombie movies. To this day I still evaluate every new building I enter on its ability to hold back a zombie outbreak. It'll pay off one day ...

    http://xkcd.com/87/

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Psychological Operations

    Propaganda, just more Psychological Operations bull

  13. CD001

    To be fair...

    To be fair, if Leicester was hit by a zombie invasion I doubt anyone would notice... it might even improve the place ;)

  14. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    What a waste of time...

    And we complain that councils aren't doing enough - maybe it's because they have to waste time answering pointless and stupid FOI requests?

    1. hplasm Silver badge
      FAIL

      The CDC don't think so-

      http://www.bizjournals.com/atlanta/morning_call/2011/05/cdc-releases-zombie-apocalypse-alert.html

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Daily Mail

    "She also added that the council had a range of emergency plans, and elements of these would presumably apply in the event of a Zombie invasion"

    Cue the Daily Mail totally misquoting this and taking it completely out of context in order to rant and rage about UK councils wasting tax payers money on plans to counter zombie invasions.

    Also I predict hundreds of utter retards writing snarling replies in the comments because they actually believe it..

  16. Stefing

    iZombies

    I don't know about Leicester, but the number if people with iPhones in North London is worrying...

    1. Geoffrey W Silver badge

      Now then, be fair...

      Almost ALL cell phone users stumble around the streets like zombies, with their ruling monads clamped tightly to the side of their heads, in their continuing attempts to be (un)dead.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Devil

    How many peoples Friday afternoons will be ruined....

    ...by a PHB asking how the DR plan would cope with a zombie apocalypse?

    I know our DR plans didn't allow for the purchase of shot guns and sufficient ammunition to allow staff to hole up in the data centre. Management were too concerned about mutiny...

    1. KaD
      Mushroom

      Re: How many peoples Friday afternoons will be ruined....

      As one of the senior network techs at my former company I would have had to march over to the DR site if things went seriously sideways perhaps for a few days. They wanted to know how long it would take me to get from work/home to the DR site in case of floods, toxic gas clouds, violent riots and civil unrest, pandemic illness, widespread power outages, zero visibility blizzards at -40c, terrorist attack, etc... and what equipment I would need to make the 15km hike in an efficient manner.

      I don't know what they were expecting, but they dropped the matter when I put in requisition for NBC suits, Kevlar armor, semi-automatic weapons, knives and hand axes, tear gas and pepper spray, paintball gun w/ pepper balls, tazer gun, binoculars, MRE rations w/flameless heater, water purification tablets, high-arctic survival clothing, snowshoes, GPS, maps and compass, night-vision goggles, mountain bikes w/saddle bags, mobile sat phone, crow bar, photovoltaic panel, medical kit, semi-rigid inflatable boat w/motor and a gas mask.

      I think with all that I could have take on a decent zombie outbreak in my city. Too bad they never approved it and decided the DR site would be on automatic fail-over shortly thereafter. Wonder why...

  18. jai

    good god

    I drive up there once a month or so, I had no idea I was putting myself in such potential danger!

    Then again, there's been times looking at all the aimless shoppers in the Highcross shopping mall, it's quite likely the zombie invasion has already happened!!

  19. Titus Technophobe
    Thumb Down

    Appalling

    That any public sector organisation could admit to such a shameful lack of preparation in the event of an onslaught by legions of the undead. They should be horse whipped for this one.

    It is only to be hoped that the Borough of Tunbridge Wells isn't as unprepared.

    1. hplasm Silver badge
      Megaphone

      All concils should prepare-

      Once the benefits are cut, allsorts will roam the streets!

      1. Allan George Dyer Silver badge
        Coat

        What, Bertie Bassett and friends?

        Now, that IS scary.

        Mine's the black, liquorice-flavoured one.

        1. Havin_it
          Thumb Up

          Liquorice-flavoured hat?

          By George, you may be onto something there! Protect your tasty brains with something even more tasty, to keep the zombies occupied. After a whole hat's worth of liquorice, I usually find I've rather lost my appetite. Genius!

          Leicester Council, that'll be £50k for the concept consultancy, ta. Job done.

  20. Ian Ferguson
    FAIL

    Awful response

    Not taking the zombie threat seriously, or not believing reports of outbreak, are ALWAYS the central point of failure in zombie invasions.

  21. Richard Rae
    Thumb Up

    just call

    Milla Jovovich, not only will she kick their arse, but it will be a very enjoyable view....

    1. Allan George Dyer Silver badge
      Go

      Last time I worked with Ms Jovovich

      she was a vampire.

      But, yes, the view was enjoyable.

  22. TeeCee Gold badge
    Coat

    If Leicester were invaded by zombies......

    ......would it change anything?

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Zombies not likely to attack councils...

    They are looking for braaains!

  24. Pete 43
    Joke

    Well really

    Don't most of them work for the council(s) anyway? (thinking Shaun of the dead)

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You think a zombie attack is creepy?

    I have a dad who before he reached retirement age, held a Flt Lt rank in the reserves RAF. Part of this meant he's seen what's in, or at least used to be in, certain old buildings in certain old bases.

    Cardboard coffins. Flat packed. Thousands upon thousands of them.

    Just in case, eh?

    1. hplasm Silver badge
      Facepalm

      But...

      Cardboard won't keep zombies in...

  26. Disco-Legend-Zeke
    Pint

    Zombies Are Not...

    ...completely fictional. Although they have entered the media as a popular theme, zombies were originally a voodoo victim poisoned by the use of pufferfish and datura toxins.

    More at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zombie

  27. Simbu
    Joke

    Moot point...

    Have you BEEN to Leicester? The place already looks over-run.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Daily Mail Rant Options.

    Should you wish to rant, please select the following options:

    A - "Why is my tax being wasted on FOI requests like this, and more over, why are councils wasting my hard earned cash on planning for such far fetched, ridiculous eventualities?"

    B - "Why is there not a plan for Zombie attacks? This is a serious problem - THINK OF THE CHILDREN! I pay my taxes and demand to be protected from the slightest chance of my brains becoming a Zombie gourmet feast!"

    C - All of the above. Post anonymously.

    1. Jim Morrow

      more daily fail rant options

      you forgot to add

      1) new cancer threats from zombie attacks

      2) house prices set to soar because of zombie attacks

      3) house prices set to collapse because of zombie attacks

      4) zombies are immigrants/asylum seekers/foreigners stealing our jobs/women/houses, overloading our schools/prisons/police/hospitals, etc, etc

      5) scandal of welfare scrounging zombies who get 10 grand a week from the dole

      6) councils spending zillions on zombie awareness training for social workers

      7) police diversity policies mean they have to go soft on zombie attackers

      8) scandal as zombie attackers get off with community sentences

      9) prisons outrage as burglars and kiddie-fiddlers get let out early to make space for zombies

      10) europe/social workers//lefty vicars/bbc to blame for zombie attacks

      11) zombie attackers escape jail because of human rights act

      12) hurrah for the blackshirts

      one of the above is a genuine daily fail headline

  29. There's a bee in my bot net

    Laugh it off Leicester City Council...

    Laugh it off. But who will be laughing come the zombie-apocalypse?

    Me with my zombie proof shed and 12 month supply of tinned peaches or you with your lacklustre emergency zombie related planning?

    1. Havin_it
      Mushroom

      12 months of tinned peaches?

      Dear God, I hope you've got good toilet facilities in there, otherwise even the zombies will be barricading you *in*.

  30. Kuang

    I live in Leicester...

    ... and I guarantee that a zombie plan would be a waste of money; if any brain eating monsters chose to attack, they'd starve to death naturally in a few hours.

    I can understand the concern though - visit the city centre on any given Saturday afternoon and you'd swear the first wave had already begun...

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    This

    ...is why FOI is in dire need of sorting out. The effort involved in replying to requests like this, and similar, means that real work often has to get sidelined. Twats.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Trollface

      Lighten up

      I'm sure if you spend some time on Google, you can find some place that will rent you a sense of humour at a decent rate

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Devil

      FOI's downside.

      Most of the IT related FOI requests I see are companies trying to get information on systems/products you have/use so they can sell you stuff at high prices that you dont want. Phone calls are easy to deal with, ie. Sorry not interested. $"%! FOI's... gotta spend a few hours for each getting facts and figures from various sources, and giving it to them. waste of time when I'd rather be spending it sorting out problems with systems, etc.

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    I aint too bothered..

    ...but if the worst comes to the worst I have 3 boxes of vinyl to throw!!

  33. Badbob
    Happy

    I feel an FOI request coming on to my local council....

    Dear North Lanarkshire Council,

    I would like to know if you have prepared emergency readiness plans for the following situations which may result in a downfall of civilization:

    a) Zombie Invasion

    b) Rage Infected Monkeys

    c) Trained Ape Rebellion

    d) Tremors (of the underground worm kind)

    e) Triffids

    I appreciate that most of these have already afflicted the citizens of Motherwell as can be seen by the horde of half-blind, violently angry, zombie-fied Apes that populate the streets of a Saturday night. But I would like to know if the experience gained in that locale can be used in areas such as Cumbernauld, Wishaw and Coatbridge.

    Kind Regards,

    Concerned Citizen

    P.S. - BRAINS!

    1. LesC
      Coat

      Underground Low Life

      [quote] d) Tremors (of the underground worm kind) [/quote]

      That'll be Graboids, then. Not too dissimilar to the Buckfast - fuelled neds that frequent the place weating to grab you from behind and relieve you of your watch / mobe / cash / whatever.

      .

      Mines is the one with the phone running Zombie, Run! Live Edition in the pocket.

  34. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    FAIL

    The zombies

    would'nt last long in Leicester, theres hardly any brains to be had in the area and they'd be dead of starvation within 3 days

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    Gotta be considered.

    Is it bad that I almost turned down a job offer with a much higher salary, because the new building would be significantly more vunerable to zombie attack than the current one (which has a 3 story, 6ft thick curtain wall, solid metal doors, 3 floors of underground goodness and its own generators with fuel supply!).

  36. Captain TickTock
    Devil

    They will attack from

    Corby, if the local TV news is anything to go by.

  37. LaeMing
    Go

    As my current favorite T-shirt says

    100% post-consumer human - Reduce - Reuse - Reanimate.

    http://www.cafepress.com.au/orderofthestick/6257881

  38. david 12 Bronze badge

    Privacy?

    They publish FOI letters? Don't they have any pricacy responsibility to FOI requesters?

  39. Qu Dawei
    Coffee/keyboard

    They ought to pay attention...

    ... or they may get caught with their trousers down if it happens. Oh, wait a minute, the mayor already has...

    http://preview.tinyurl.com/5r8wxj3

  40. Bobster

    It's pointless to BE prepared...

    Judging by the fact that none of the fictionial authorities in any of the zombie movies/TV series I've watched faired too well in their preparations I think it's safe to say that if a real zombie invasion happened, we're all totally f*****

    Carry on...

  41. medusa

    Zombies causing traffic problems

    Recent traffic report in the Atlanta GA area have included 'Slow traffic in multiple places due to Zombies'. They claim it's just filming the new season of 'The Walking Dead'. Could be just a ruse, might just be a convention of Newt's ex-wives and campaign workers.

  42. SW
    Childcatcher

    It's happened - they're already there!!!

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-13823427

  43. Francis Boyle Silver badge

    This is an interactive post

    Please choose a comment:

    1: If the population of Leicester were zombified how would anyone tell the difference.

    2: If Zombies attacked Leicester they would die for lack of food.

    3. Random irrelevant (but quite funny) rant about the Daily Mail.

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