back to article German salesmen rewarded with meticulously organised orgy

Those of you who feel you're not sufficiently well rewarded for all your hard work should consider alerting your boss to the employee incentive techniques of German insurance outfit Ergo. Back in 2007, the company's Hamburg-Mannheimer International subsidiary decided it would be a nice gesture to whisk 100 "particularly …

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  1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Do want.

    Germans - they now how to party in an Italian Sci-Fi Flick way.

  2. Ian Ferguson
    Coat

    Disgusting!

    ...only one hooker for every five men?

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm all for having a good time

    But I'd rather have a monetary reward and organise my own entertainment. Besides which I wouldn't want to wet my willy in the same pot as my colleagues and they probably feel the same way. No doubt salesmen are a different bunch.

    Also, what did their saleswomen get?

    1. LaeMing Silver badge

      Cheap bastards

      Plus the execs and top-salesmen didn't have to share (as much?), to the lower-downs had even fewer girls between them.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Coat

      I suspect

      That in this high testosterone environment, they didnt have saleswomen...

    3. LaeMing Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: What did their saleswomen get?

      Shafted, presumably. One way or another!

    4. Dave's Jubblies
      Alert

      Do the maths...

      And make up your own joke about 'entry points'...

    5. oddie
      Coat

      hmm...

      wristbands?

      ok ok, I'm going.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: entry points

        Don't you mean "mount points"?

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      Organising your own party?

      There's economies of scale you just don't get out of your own bonus. It's the joys of 70s bulk buying organized with German efficiency.

      Ok, I'm off on my coach tour of the cornish riviera.

    7. Dave 15

      Hole new meaning to team work....

      No, sorry,

    8. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      1:5

      1. They'd be using condoms - these aren't laissez-faire British employees.

      2. 1-to-5 is a pretty decent ratio realistically, given how long men last. Didn't the wife of Emperor Claudius service well over 100 men?

  4. Daniele Procida

    Thank goodness...

    ... that there's no historical precedent in which successful German men were rewarded with the systematic and well-organised procurement of women (categorised according to who was permitted to make use of them, and marked on their arms) in Eastern Europe in order to provide them with sexual gratification.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ruddy 'nora

    " but stressed "it was not the usual way of rewarding their employees".

    Shame, damn fucking shame...

    Any vacancies???

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Sloppy

    There certainly would have been a significant benefit to being one of the first to make use of the ladies skills - who ever was slow enough to have gone last... well.... porridge springs to mind.

    *shudder*

  7. Cihatari

    Might explain how our salespeople operate?

    My job role includes tidying up and placating people after the more egrerious gaffes and blunders of certain rogue (and soon to be dismissed) members of our sales force. I guess a similar system of 'payments in kind' is included in their renumeration package as well?

    1. Elmer Phud Silver badge

      Vacancies?

      "The Beeb notes that the orgy's organisers have since left Ergo"

      Presumably working elsewhere in Europe under the 'Bunga Bunga Boys' title.

      1. Bill Fresher
        Thumb Down

        They made me do it

        The organisers may have left.... but how many of the salesmen/executives are still working there?

    2. Marvin the Martian
      Dead Vulture

      At least that incident provided a good band name.

      "Joy Division" (Freude Abteil in the original parlance).

  8. TeeCee Gold badge
    Unhappy

    Practice ended in 2007.

    Which is a bit of shame. If the high finance types had carried on screwing pros, they might not have felt the need to screw the rest of us.

  9. Rich 30

    odd

    Is this a bit creepy and weird. I've never used a hooker, and maybe i'm a bit of a prude, but this just seems weird.

    1. Code Monkey

      Not just you*

      I'm a broad-minded chap but I find the whole business of hookers sordid and, well, sad.

      * aka me too, I know

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Coat

        Never paid for it?

        If you've had any 'interaction' whatsoever with 'the fairer sex', then trust me, you have paid for it one way or another. Just maybe not in monetary terms. If your married (like me 25 yrs+ ) then you never ever stop making the frikkin payments.

        Women...can't live with em.........I'll get me coat.

        Hans...'enough for two Ja?'

        1. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD
          Joke

          To quote Chef from South Park....

          "That's not why you pay a prostitute,

          No, you don't pay her to stay, you pay her to leave afterwards."

    2. Tibbs

      I was always told

      If it flies floats or fucks, it's cheaper to rent

  10. Axe
    Coat

    Ruthless German efficiency......

    "had worn colour-coded arm-bands designating their availability, and the women had their arms stamped after each service rendered".

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Coat

      arms stamped after each service

      Are they on performance-related pay? If the most successful salesmen get hookers, what do the most successful hookers get?

      (no medical jokes, please...)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Pirate

      Stamped with numbers

      Sounds eerily familiar...

  11. hexx

    I shall speak to our HR

    that vouchers aren't that great idea after all

  12. zedee
    IT Angle

    Has to be asked

    Where's the IT angle?

    I know, I know, it's Friday, this is el reg etc....

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Has to be asked

      So why did you ask, then, you divot?

      1. zedee

        Re: Has to be asked

        I wanted to see what Lester could come up with!

      2. Dazzz
        Thumb Up

        *Splutter*

        Shame on you Ms Bee, I nearly spilt coffee when reading that :-)

      3. BristolBachelor Gold badge
        Thumb Up

        divot

        Haven't heard that word used for.... (ran out of fingers and toes) a long time.

        Ahh brings back fond memories (Probably because I can't actually remember how horrific it really was :)

      4. DPWDC
        Thumb Up

        Divot!

        I said that word a few weeks back when describing a slight indentation in a mountain (as in, "Just left of the divot up there") and was looked at as if I was talking Martian - so thought it was just a Geordie thing? Glad to see it isn't :)

      5. LateNightLarry
        Coat

        Re: Has to be asked

        May I suggest a better term than divot... that would be obliviot. The word is a contraction of the term "oblivious idiot".

        I was just leaving as soon as I get my coat... the black duster if you please...

  13. Andy Farley
    Unhappy

    In England

    They just use the customers.

  14. alien anthropologist
    Troll

    @AC. I'm all for having a good time

    Wet your willy in the same pot?

    I believe the correct English expression is 'porridge' - as in 'I prefer not to stir the porridge'. A sentiment I heartily echo.

    (yes, you can learn a lot about English expressions listening to a NY Rock Station, streaming via the net, that has a regular Englishman in the studio)

    1. James Hughes 1

      Sloppy seconds?

      Although I assume not that sloppy given the (assumed) use of our little latex friends.

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    another German company...

    specifically prohibits "non-consensual violence" connected with work in it's Health & Safety policy - doesn't say what the consensual sort might be about.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not an unseemly free-for-all?

    Because the early arrivals had thrown their towels on all the four-poster beds?

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    this story

    is going in the staff suggestions box

  18. Tim Worstal

    So, umm

    Does one chase the tramps with many stamps, on the grounds that they might be pretty good even if tired, or the tramps with no stamps on the grounds that, well, your mate won't have just had her?

    Choices, choices....

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Coat

      Too late

      Already done it. All we get is the odd Golf / Cricket /Rugby day out with booze. And to be fair I was happy with that but way to raise the bar Munich Re!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Pint

      this is like that logic puzzle about

      the town with two barbers: which do you choose: the one with the good haircut or the one with the bad haircut? On second thoughts it's not that similar.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    I notice they have an opening

    Sending off my CV right now

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Budapest?

      Was that an application for a German job, or one in Budapest?

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The permies kept that quiet

    Any time I've heard them talking about their "bens and bonus" I've felt nothing but pity. Might make some discrete enquiries.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    News?

    I must have missed this in the original account, but why is this news now? OK, so some dodgy German company had a dodgy bonus scheme. But what's happening about it? Its 3-4 years ago!!

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The contention ratio isn't that good...

    ...100 salesmen/20 naughty ladies. Sloppy fifths, anyone?

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: The contention ratio isn't that good...

      You should be so lucky.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Coat

      Yadda Yadda

      It's worse than that Jim. If say 5 were reserved for the upper echelons it's probably 90/15 . And we all know a higher contention rate means a slower service.......

      Coat please.

      1. David Neil
        Coat

        I'd be more concerned about the collision detection

        The long grubby mac, thanks

  23. Mycho Silver badge

    Nice to know some things don't change.

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2001/01/12/prostitutes_used_to_tempt/

    Seems it's been going on for a long time. Probably as long as there have been prostitutes.

  24. moonface
    Grenade

    Munich Re

    Time to re-evaluate that H.I.V. risk on the Munich Re staff's life insurance benefit scheme.

    If I was their reinsurer. I would up their premium.

  25. Dropper
    Thumb Up

    Typically German

    I think I've witnessed some of the most depraved behaviour imaginable in Germany, by accident you understand, far beyond anything I seen in Amsterdam or more tame cities like Vegas. So this doesn't really surprise me that much, at least not as much as the woman on stage with the 6 foot dildo..

    1. howard bowen 1
      Coat

      Six feet?

      Didn't realise Gordon Brown was six feet tall. Boy the things you can pick up.......

      1. dssf

        "Boy the things you can pick up......."

        How? By using proper lifting technique?....

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Coat

      6 foot dildo

      I sympathize, I've had to work with a few guys like that as well. Never on stage, fortunately.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Badgers

    I worked for a German Financial Services Company

    ... albeit not that one.

    And I designed one or two apps for various adviser "incentive" schemes. Whilst I was never aware of anything that overt, let's just say that even before reading this, nothing like it would have surprised me.

    Would be fascinating to discover whether any of the prostitutes were trafficked from countries previously "favoured with the Germans' attention".

    Badgers because, well, there's no "Beavers" sign.

  27. LaeMing Silver badge
    Alert

    Ware!

    In future I will be very wary of companies offering promotionel wrist bands!

  28. dssf
    Joke

    In...end en

    Endscrutible end-discretions en endtertainment... Not a case of no end(s) in sight or no ends in site. Must've been quite an endspiring event.... Between then and future bonuses, what happens in the interim???

  29. Dodgy Geezer Silver badge
    Alert

    Normal German activities...

    "A spokesman for the company admitted the event had indeed taken place, but stressed "it was not the usual way of rewarding their employees...".

    Usually, they let them initiate a political merger with Austria and then invade the Sudetenland....

  30. SisterClamp
    Heart

    Aw what sweeties!

    The fact that it took soooo long for someone to mention "latex" tells me that, regardless of your ribald, macho comments, the vast majority of you are either in monogamous relationships or banging the ole sausage every night. That's so sweet. Big smooches to each and every one of you darlings.

    There really should be a condom icon here, Sarah.

    1. Paul 129

      No icon

      The comment pages would then end up worse than the sadville attack of the flying p*****

      Also we have exclamation marks, try a bit of ascii art ;-)

  31. Johan Bastiaansen
    Thumb Up

    At least

    At least they got the notion that successful salespeople should perhaps be rewarded.

  32. bugalugs

    " batting on a dusty wicket "

    see title

  33. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    The Beeb notes that the orgy's organisers have since left Ergo.

    Dear Reg:

    If you really wanted to do some useful investigative reporting for your readership, you'd find out what company these organizers are at now, and whether said company is hiring or not!!

    Paris, because--well, you'll figure it out....

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