back to article George Lucas 'very happy' with 3D Phantom Menace

George Lucas has announced his satisfaction with the efforts to date to convert The Phantom Menace to 3D. The job of adding an extra dimension to Jar Jar Binks has been handed to Prime Focus, according to the Hollywood Reporter. The firm previously used its "proprietary View-D 2D-to-3D process" on Clash of the Titans, …

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  1. John Robson Silver badge
    Coat

    Hit the screen?

    "The Phantom Menace in 3D is due to hit cinema screens on 10 February next year."

    Surely due to float in front of cinema screens...

  2. The Original Ash
    FAIL

    A polished turd

    is still a turd.

  3. hugh

    but you can roll it in glitter

    3d glitter.

  4. Jeremy Chappell
    FAIL

    Oh no...

    Jar Jar in 3D... Haven't we suffered enough?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      Quite right!

      Simple says it best.

    2. Annihilator
      Happy

      Almost

      You mean "due to *appear* to float in front of cinema screens, but actually hit"

    3. Marvin the Martian
      IT Angle

      No, no.

      This one has fertilizer status, a better class you know.

    4. Jared Hunt
      Thumb Up

      Hear, hear!

      That's exactly what I was going to say. You beat me to it. :P

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      No, we have not suffered enough

      Lucas will ram a 3D Jar-Jar down our throats. (ka-ching! buy this fanboiz!)

      Then Cameron will ram a 60Hz <strike>"Dances with Smurfs"</strike>Avatar down our throats.(ka-ching! buy this fanboiz!)

      Then Lucas will do a 3D 60Hz Jar-Jar. (ka-ching! buy this fanboiz!). Followed in 10 months by the 120Hz version.

      Then will come a Real-Smell version of Avatar.

      Then the Real-Smell, 3D, 120Hz Jar-Jar.

      Then the Real-Smell, 3D, 240Hz Jar-Jar.

      Then the Real-Smell, 3D, Feelee, 240Hz Jar-Jar.

      At that point, the Intergalactic Brotherhood, having observed us from afar, will cause the sun to undergo pair-instability collapse to save the universe from our depravity (saving the Real-Smell, 3D, Feelee, 240Hz Avatar for, shall we say, private viewing).

      And then we shall have suffered enough, and shall suffer no more.

  5. Zog The Undeniable
    FAIL

    Meesa in 3D

    The prospect of Jar Jar Binks bulging out of the screen actually makes me glad I'm going blind in one eye.

    Seriously, how much longer can Lucas milk this cow? Maybe if all worldwide SW fans sent him $1 for his pension fund, he'd stop.

  6. Jonathon Green
    Grenade

    Title? We don' need no steenkin' title...

    Nothing Lucas could do to The Phantom Menace could possibly make it any worse[1] so he's welcome to tinker with it for as he likes but if he starts screwing around with the original trilogy again he's going to have to be taken out to The Great Pit of Carkoon and fed to the Sarlacc...

    --

    JG

    [1] For that matter I'm having trouble imagining how it could be improved other than by having all the camera negatives, all the CGI source data, all the archive and distribution prints, and every VHS cassette, DVD, and dodgy rip ceremonially piled up in the foyer of The Skywalker Ranch and setting fire to them...

  7. P Saunders
    Thumb Down

    Utter crap in 3 dimensions

    I live for the day that this bonehead stops flogging the fossilised corpse of this horse and either retires or decides to make movies that are watchable.

  8. Bonce

    Can't think of anything I'd like to see less

    I bet Simon Pegg bit his fist on hearing of this 3D rehash.

  9. IL_BISCOTTO
    Unhappy

    Jar Jar Binks in 3D?

    hell no...

    1. The Fuzzy Wotnot
      Pint

      Indeed

      Wouldn't go quite that far but if he was a true artist/autuer ( that right? ) he would be looking to extend his creative talents, look for more interesting things to do, hell he has enough damn money to do whatever he likes!

      I do photography for a hobby at weekends and I sometimes get fed up shooting the same sort of subjects that I need to look for completely different things, let alone if you do it for a living.

    2. teacake

      @Zog The Undeniable

      "The prospect of Jar Jar Binks bulging out of the screen actually makes me glad I'm going blind in one eye."

      Comment of the Week, right there.

    3. Tom 35 Silver badge

      Add to the 3D Jar Jar effect

      By spraying water at the audience every time he talks. Call it spittle vision.

    4. Whiny Parent
      Stop

      Re: Meesa in 3d

      "Maybe if all worldwide SW fans sent him $1 for his pension fund, he'd stop."

      Two dollars isn't much of a retirement fund.

      STOP - to all the people who think that those overrated, dull, poorly written and directed pieces of trash (and that includes the original trilogy) should be venerated.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Adding another dimension to Jar Jar Binks"....

    ... will still only make the character two dimensional!

  11. JDX Gold badge

    3D?

    Jar Jar was only 1-dimensional at best to start with.

    Isn't Industrial Light & Magic meant to be a hard-core, cutting-edge type company? Hacking fake 3D into existing film seems kind of beneath them.

  12. Smallbrainfield
    Thumb Down

    Can't believe we're still going on about The Phantom Menace

    after all this time. Nice effects, crappy dialogue and a class (if distinctly unfair 2 against 1) light-saber fight at the end.

    Make something new or fuck off, Lucas.

    1. bolccg

      The question is

      can you actually make it to the fight at the end? I've randomly sat down to watch it a couple of times since it came out and every time I recall that they are about to meet Jar Jar I just recoil in horror and stop it. I really find him intolerable (I find slapstick generally tough to sit through). Real shame tbh.

      Best thing about EP 1 is this:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEcjgJSqSRU

      Whole moved summed up in just under 6 minutes. And to a great tune.

      1. Argh!
        Megaphone

        Didn't make it to the end?

        You could try this:

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Phantom_Edit

        I haven't had the stomach to watch anything TPM-related since being dumb enough to pay to see it at the cinema, but I understand that particular version is almost watchable and at least mercifully shorter.....

    2. Marvin the Martian

      Hi tech

      A generation ago, you'd have argued that adding a bit of light and laser effects to a movie would be beneath them.

      I'd say this is more of a challenge than what they did before; mathematically I don't see what they can come up with beyond the effect of a diorama filled with flat cardboard cutouts, so I'm intrigued if it's better than dire.

      1. Matt Piechota

        Tittle

        "I'd say this is more of a challenge than what they did before; mathematically I don't see what they can come up with beyond the effect of a diorama filled with flat cardboard cutouts, so I'm intrigued if it's better than dire."

        If the special '3D' version of Harry Potter 5 I saw in a theater is anything to go by, yes, it'll be a set of cardboard cut-outs in 3D.

      2. JEDIDIAH
        Linux

        The Dykstra effect.

        > A generation ago, you'd have argued that

        > adding a bit of light and laser effects to a

        > movie would be beneath them.

        ILM has a long list of credits. Many are for movies you would never suspect because the effects are seamless and add to the narrative. Even in the beginning, ILM was a leading edge tech shop inventing new technology as they went. The current state of movie making is based on their work.

        They were building computer controlled systems before suitable ready made computers were even available.

        A generation ago Lucasfilm was more constrained because things were in general harder and more expensive.

    3. Argh!
      Coat

      2D Binks?

      3D will make Binks 2D? Surely such a circa 200% improvement isn't actually possible no matter what the technology?

    4. Urh
      Grenade

      Re: Adding another dimension to Jar Jar

      Surely the author meant to say "Adding *a* dimension to Jar Jar," as I've always been of the opinion that with Jar Jar Binks George Lucas performed a reality-bending, physics-defying feat by creating a character with no dimensionality whatsoever.

      Unfortunately for George, ol' Jim Cameron beat Lucas to the punch in regards to creating a 3D film populated with one-dimensional characters.

  13. Peter Galbavy
    FAIL

    it's still porcine

    3D lipstick ain't gonna make me want to kiss it any more that before...

  14. Haku
    FAIL

    May the farce be with you...

    All that money/time spent on trying to polish a turd when they could have spent it on polishing their diamonds:

    The original theatrical trilogy.

    Why the bloody hell aren't they available in full HD?

    1. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Re: polishing diamonds

      It makes perfect sense to me. The technology is new and untested, so you practise on Episode 1.

    2. Annihilator
      Go

      They nearly are!

      http://www.starwars.com/themovies/saga/preorder_bluray/index.html

      You missed the announcement then. September 16th. Fortunately you get the option to only buy the original trilogy.

      1. Jason Hall

        @Annihilator

        The *original* trilogy or the *enhanced* trilogy that have been monkeyed with?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Terminator

          Re: @Annihilator

          "The *original* trilogy or the *enhanced* trilogy that have been monkeyed with?"

          There's only one Star Wars trilogy and it starts with episode 4. Surely everyone knows that!

          1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

            Re: Re: @Annihilator

            No no the original one as in the original release of 4-6 - rather than the bullshit CGI-doctored/bespoiled/pointlessly monkeyed-with version of those released a few years ago.

            Lucas makes me angry, and I'm not even a Star Wars fan. The sooner he removes himself from the industry and goes into ostrich-breeding or something, the better.

            1. Thomas 4
              Unhappy

              How could you, Sarah?!

              Please, think of the ostriches!

      2. Haku

        @Annihilator

        From what I've been reading, George Lucas hates the theatrical cuts of the original trilogy and the Blu-Ray release will be the special editions with more alterations to fit episodes 1-3.

        I want the original theatrical cuts in HD, not the piss-poor low resolution non-anamorphic letterboxed DVD releases (which were simply taken from the old laserdisc masters) he begrudginly gave loyal fans.

  15. batfink Bronze badge
    FAIL

    I've got a better idea...

    George! Stop throwing money at the special effects and use it to pay for a decent writer instead...

  16. JediHomer

    hmm...

    "This isn't a novelty conversion, with things jumping out at the audience" rings very similar to when they said they were not going too overuse CGI in the Indiana Jones film we don't talk about.... CGI Gophers, CGI Monkeys, CGI Shia LaBeouf...

    1. nichomach

      To be fair...

      ...in the latter case, the CGI version isn't any more synthetic than the real one.

  17. ColonelClaw
    Thumb Down

    Yeah, thanks a lot George

    Is this guy ever going to give up on shitting on our childhood memories?

    1. koncordski
      Grenade

      @ColonelClaw

      Er no, no he isn't.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Looking forward to it

    The opportunity to see a bad movie made even worse. I'm really hoping for pointless add-in 3D CGI effects that rival what was added to Mos Eisley in Star Wars. An utter explosion of pointless eye candy to flesh out an even more painful Marios Bros. storyline. At least this will give everyone a glimpse of what they'll be paying for when the new improved Star Wars comes out in glorious 3D Blu-Ray with a bonus disc of the original movie still in 4:3 widescreen, but on a Blu-Ray disc.

    Maybe he'll replace Carrie Fisher with Lindsay Lohan or Luke Skywalker with Justin Bieber in the next version. Those nice little 'this is what I really really meant to do' tweaks.

    Or maybe he could just save himself a few bucks, hire some good techs, scan in the original prints, clean both the video and sound and stamp out one good trilogy (I'm willing to give on the ewok portion) on BD and maybe a second disc cool space battels shot from the imperial point of view.

  19. ShaggyDoggy

    Brecht cant wait for

    the 3d opera

    1. John H Woods

      You're a ...

      ... vulture culture vulture.

  20. Old Cynic
    Gates Horns

    It will probably be very good...

    ...technically.

    Bearing in mind non of the actors saw anything other than a green screen, it should be easy to stereoscope them. The rest of the film was rendered by computer so simply doubling up there can't be difficult.

    Still a back of shite, just shite in 3d.

    I'd prefer them to put the effort and money into remaking the film properly, from scratch, with minimal cg, decent script, and actors who are allowed to actually act.

    That means no input from the bearded one.

    Dvillish Bill Gates cos there isn't an icon for Lucas.

    1. Argh!
      Thumb Up

      Indeed

      "Still a back of shite, just shite in 3d."

      Hmmm shite in shite sauce then?

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hmmm...

    On the other hand, they could splice in Nathalie Portman in 3d, but sans clothes, to make up for Jar Jar's inadequacies...

    1. LesC
      Coat

      LUH 3417

      Better still, get her in a THX1138 reboot...

      Alrightalright, I'm going!

  22. Atonnis
    Unhappy

    Sigh...

    When will Lucas realise that a poor movie with no character or substance and some truly dreadful acting will not suddenly become better when you stick more effects on it?

    I actually liked the Special Editions of the original movies, but that was because I liked the original movies. Episode 1 really doesn't mean f-all to me :(

  23. LesB
    Megaphone

    George is happy because he hates George

    Old George Lucas hates his younger self, and is doing all he can to destroy all that his younger self did.

    This, like those "Special" (or whatever) editions, is part of that fiendish plan.

    1. JEDIDIAH
      Linux

      George is happy because he hates George

      Old George hates young George and tries to destroy him sounds like a great start for an indie movie... '-)

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    And yet...

    ...It will be a hit at the box office. Say what you want about Lucas, but he knows how to make money. People will flock in their droves to see this while you sit at home and pout with your original VHS release of The Empire Strikes Back.

    1. Argh!
      Alien

      *sigh*

      "People will flock in their droves to see this "

      Sad... but probably true. If only the world and its people lived up to my hopes and expectations more often.

  25. GougedEye
    FAIL

    I don't need no stinking title

    Lovely two of my favourite holywood things: Slapping 3D on every piece of rubbish in sight and George Lucas whoring out his legacy for a few more tens of millions of dollars.

  26. Colin Brett

    Why oh why ...

    ... can't George Lucas use some of his vast wealth to make episodes 7, 8 and 9? Rehashing the same movies over and over again is a WOMBAT (waste of money brains and time).

    Colin

    1. Tibbs
      Stop

      Please no

      The way to do it is to wait until he's dead and THEN get 7, 8 & 9 made.

      Oh and they can redo 1, 2 & 3 whilst they're at it.

      As long as Lucas is alive, please no more Star Wars movies.

    2. Annihilator
      Black Helicopters

      Cos it don't exist

      Even Wikipedia is dubious that it ever existed as a concept.

      As far as I can see, the 6 films were effectively about Anakin/Vader. That story ends when he dies :-)

    3. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Episodes 7, 8 and 9

      On past performance, George is more likely to make episodes -2, -1 and 0.

    4. Thomas 4
      Stop

      Are you fucking insane?

      Did you not see Episodes 1, 2 & 3 and you want him to make more?!

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Spaced...

    "The Phantom Menace was 18 months ago, Tim"

    "I know Bilbo, but it still hurts."

  28. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    "George Lucas 'very happy' with 3D Phantom Menace"

    But everyone else is fucking disgusted....

  29. Bill B

    Translated Quote

    "our goal has been to enhance the classic Star Wars theatrical experience"

    should read

    "our goal is the help George Lucas milk his old stuff as much as possible without him having to do anything original or creative any more"

  30. IsJustabloke
    Coat

    I refuse to enoble a simple forum post!

    I think Lucas is trying to reach the movie gold that is the classic "B" movies... IE so bad they're actually good.

    He's messing with TPM in teh hope he can make it so bad it becomes good....

  31. Pet Peeve
    Stop

    If only...

    ... you could magically apply a filter to the film that makes the characters and story interesting, and the acting decent. 3d cardboard is still cardboard.

  32. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

    Could improve with the right 3D

    If you simply swapped the Z direction ( DirectX instead of openGL) and had Jar-Jar be rendered into the screen - actually behind the screen, and behind the background, and preferably appear in the alley out the back of the cinema

    1. darkmage0707077
      Joke

      Alley in the Back

      Yes, and reduce the lighting effects on said alley...and use modern digital imaging to insert a knife into same...preferably with the mugger/killer/rabid SW fan already attached.

  33. Chris Seiter

    Christmas Special

    Any chance on a 3D Christmas Special?

  34. Andrew Moore

    As the saying goes...

    ...you can't polish a turd but you can roll it in glitter.

  35. JDX Gold badge

    re: bullshit CGI-doctored/bespoiled/pointlessly monkeyed-with version

    I think you're disliking them simply because they're different, not because they're worse. My understanding is the remastered versions contain extra stuff that GL wanted in the first place, but was simply not possible back then - realistic dinosaurs being an obvious case.

    As for SW HD - if they don't have the original footage in HD they HAVE to indulge in "digital monkeying" to improve it.

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