Oh dear God, Jar Jar in 3D and you still can't punch him...
Reviled Star Wars prequel Episode I: The Phantom Menace, reproduced in 3D for some reason, now has an official release date. Lucasfilm says that the flick - loathed for its introduction of flobber-gobbed artistic atrocity Jar Jar Binks and many other crimes against the treasured memories of the 1970s and 80s - will be out in …
The hostility to Jar Jar after all we are talking about a set of films that included the cuddly wuddly care bear warriors. I think a lot of adults have forgotten they feel in love with the films when they were children, and have now ridiculed as childish something that might have appealed to their own children.
With Phantom Menace in Y2K, my son was the same age as I was with Star Wars in 78. He adores all 6 films, and to him the first film is Phantom Menace, and the 4th film is "A New Hope" (whereas I refer to the first film as "Star Wars", and the 4th as Phantom Menace).
All you peeps who whinge about the prequel, guess what, you all grew up and became unimaginative old fuddy duddies.
I remember a documentary on the making of Phantom Menace where they filmed the room where the first screening of the full movie was shown to the people who were involved in the making of it. This was in USA, so you would normally expects whoops, hollers, and all the usual razzamatazz. But as the end credits rolled, all there was was silence. Even George Lucas looked uncomfortable.
It was a turkey. They knew it. And yet they still had the brass balls to dump it on the public and cash in on the old Star Wars films as much as possible.
The original Star Wars (A New Hope, Empire Strikes Back) I still enjoy. Phantom Menace just killed the series as far as I was concerned (no comment on the other two, just couldn't take any more so have never watched. Also, what - the original was a trilogy too? Don't believe you!).
Watch the Plinkett reviews (first one linked to at the end of the article), seriously - brilliant (and extremely astute), detailed dissection of the whole mess in raucously offensive fashion. Much more entertaining than the films themselves, and completely righteous. You'll feel much better.
He looks like his whole career just flashed in front of him and went down the toilet.
I actually blame him for the crapness of the three prequels. The first three movies had lots of folks on hand to reign Lucas in and tell him what was good and bad. McCallum and a few others seems to have done nothing to just tap Lucas on the shoulder and just say, "Err George, maybe thats not such a good idea?"
Then you see Lucas's 'modern' directing style of just sitting on a chair with a latte watching a monitor whilst getting good actors (ok except the guy playing Anakin) to 'react' to a empty green room.
I watched the first (IV) more times than I can count as a kid, and being a father now that hasn't changed. I bought all six for my kids and watched them all with them several times and "the Luke Skywalker one" (IV) and the "Snow one" (V) are favoured by all.
Check out Chefelf's reasons to hate starwars Episodes 1 - 3 and Episodes 4 - 6 Special Editions)
George. You have earned both an enormous stack of cash and the utter contempt of most Star wars fans. Give up. Now.
The reason episodes IV-VI are great is that your 'artistic intentions' were overruled by all the people with actual talent who worked on them.
Conversely episodes I-III are stinking shit-piles because your army of yes-men did not have the balls to tell you that ideas like Jar Jar Binks were complete crap.
Jar Jar gave me a migraine first time round, add in the 3D and I'll probably end up with a fucking brain embolism.
By far the worst of the double trilogy, but now they will probably emphasise the worst bits in 3D. When I saw 3D I mean two 2D planes (foreground and a background) with some fuzziness around the edges.
Pleeeeease can they stop making horrible 3D versions. I won't go and see a film now unless there's a 2D-only version. A well written, directed and acted film can pull you in using artistic talent, it doesn't need anything else. And if there is it's just a gimmicky distraction.
Turning 2D movies into 3D is the modern equivalent of colorization. The result will be shoddy and largely redundant. People should look on it for what it is, bastardizing a movie for the sake of profit.
I suppose the Star Wars prequels could in theory fare better than most movies because so much was shot against a greenscreen and the CGI elements could be rerendered. Even so I doubt anyone forgets how awful the prequels were. Converting them to 3D will only add another dimension for them to suck in.
4 and 5 were alright, 6 not so much. 3 is actually better than 6 if you assume that everyone in the Star Wars universe is a moron. 1 and 2 are best left in the dustbin..
However, the computer games are fab. Dark Forces, Jedi Knight, Jedi Knight Outcast.. Currently playing through the stunning Knights of the Old Republic for the first time :)
youve missed out rebel assualt 1 or 2, most of the RTS games, pod racer, and all the lego ones. Oh and that beat em up "masters of kobishi" or some such thing. god awful.
Tie Fighter however, is the finest space combat sim ever made by man, god or wookie.
but yes, KOTOR is stunning. the sequal is rubbish tho.
what they did was accidentally leave their orange jumpsuits in the wash with somebody's red socks, while learning french.
does an r2 unit wash or dry clothes?
"...Ok, so nearly six years of people in WoW..."
and with that line, all the high ground you gained with pedantry slips away from you.
not that my spelling, grammar and punctuation are anywhere near correct but you put three question marks in your title!
Loved Rebel Assault, would like to have played Rogue Squadron more, did play X Wing but I have to admit it was a bit too space sim for me - found it difficult at the time.
Have Lego Star Wars, KOTOR2 and Jade Empire here in shrinkwrap but haven't tried any of them yet. I am aware the reviews of KOTOR2 and Jade Empire weren't good, but the games were fortunately cheap .. The rest of the titles I simply haven't tried.
There are of course the original Star Wars games available with arcade and home computer adaptations - bloody good. It's also true that although the Jedi Knight series were good, each new title lost a few little things - iMuse between Dark Forces and Jedi Knight and a light sabre that actually lights things between Jedi Knight and Outcast (I haven't finished Outcast, MotS or started Academy)
Please stop trashing the best film saga of my childhood. I loved Ep IV & V. VI was good too.
I went to the anniversary showing at Elstree Studios, when the theatrical versions were shown on the big screen for the last time. Then you released them on VHS and I bought them.
Then you made those god-awful prequels. OK, I admit Ep III wasn't as bad as I was expecting it to be, but even so...
Then you messed with the proper series and made them "better". These were released on DVD, along with the proper versions, but I held off, waiting until a nice box set came out, as I was sure it would and then I would never have to buy them again.
Now there's Blu-Ray, and I want to see the original versions again, in High-Def. I know you could do it. I'm sure that ILM has the capability and I'm also sure that there is a demand for it.
Quite simply, you're not getting any more of my cash until you a) Give us a proper choice and let us choose which versions are worth having or b) make something new that I actually want to see.
Yours in disappointment,
A 30-something Star Wars fan.
All they need to do is make it a bit shorter. Just cut out the bad bits and leave the fight between the red-faced fellow and the two jedis. Ok it'll be a bit short, but that fight was quite good. Just add a bit of an explanation, "a long time ago this red faced git was really naughty" - queue fight.. end scene, end movie.
The "death star easily blown up" plot has been covered significantly in Family Guy's brilliant parodies, specifically in the last one. I laughed for about a month:
"How's the construction going?"
"Oh, fantabulously. Remember how last time they skimmed along a trench and then blew it up by shooting through a hole?"
"Well, now there's no trench"
"Great. Is there a hole?"
Although the Plinkett reviews are rather over-long. He makes a lot of brilliant points about film-making in general holding up EP1 as a masterclass in how not to do it. One point being about too much CGI action and your brain not coping with it.
Seeing it 2D is bad enough* in 3D people are going to be reusing the popcorn tubs.
*Putting aside the fact the plot, characters and everything else about it is bad.
Is there any way to turn that into a real law? maybe spamming your local representative/congressman/etc until he or she feeds up and processes the idea...
So many incoming atrocities would stop before they arrive to theaters and so many people would end up, and rightly so, in jail (I'm looking at you, Michale Bay)
... one can dream, right?
I didn't think it was that bad, a bit of generous editing and it is an okay film, even if it could never actually reach "good". The following two films suffer due to Annakin's awful acting and nonsense dialogue but other than that are pretty good. Unfortunately, that makes up most of the films and there is no way to fix Annakin beyond cgi (that's not a request George), so they too will languish as poor films forever.
Really amuses me still when I see all you guys rubbishing EP1 and yet seeing no fault with EPs IV - VI.
All the fuss over Jar Jar yet those doing the moaning forget that they are now more than twenty years older than when they saw EPIV as a kid.
Hate to break it to you guys but Star Wars was and is primarily aimed at children. Kids loved Jar Jar, mine did, just as I loved the characters from the original trilogy when I was his age.
The ewoks didn't annoy you back then? What about threepio? what about some of the other hammy stuff?
EPI is no worse than the others. And it certainly has the best choreographed and action filled lightsaber fight of all of them.
Quit moaning. Grow up.
The problem isn't too much CGI. The charge of the Rohirrim in RotK and Helm's Deep in TTT (LotR) were almost entirely CGI. But they were awesome.
The problem is when it *looks* like CGI. The whole droids versus Jar-Jars (don't bother reminding me what they're called, I don't care enough) battle looked like plasticine figures on a green baize mat. Screw that for a crap bit of film-making.
I heard somewhere that there is a version of Phantom Menace on the Internet somewhere, and this version supposedly had all of Jar-Jar's lines cut out.
Needless to say, I heard that this is the version of The Phantom Menace that you should actually see.
Can't Lucasfilms swallow its pride and make a 3D film out of THAT version? I'm ready to go cage match on Jar-Jar or George Lucas just at the thought of 3D "Meesa wanta to be-ya a Jedi, just like Obi!"
My kids had worn out our VHS eps IV, V, VI by the time Ep I came along. I took them and they were somewhat critical. Ep II was no better. Ep III we never saw. From my point of view Ep I was pathetic, Ep II was boring, if pretty.
I read that Lucas was trying to re-create the Saturday morning serial of his childhood. However, he fell under the spell of a guy named Joseph Campbell who had a much better idea. Alas, Campbell died, and so Eps I to III are what Lucas originally intended to make. We can only be thankful that Campbell lived as long as he did.
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