back to article Albuquerque shopper samples free man oysters

A customer at a Sunflower Farmers Market store in Albuquerque got a real taste of healthy eating when an employee offered her a free sample of Greek yoghurt and semen. The unnamed woman was shopping with her daughter on 26 January when Anthony Garcia, 31, served up a generous helping of man oysters. The victim "tasted the …

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  1. Arnold Lieberman
    Coat

    Usual poor "joke"

    What a w@nk3r!

    Coat, etc.

  2. M Gale

    You sure this is real?

    Only I've seen a number of "semen in the mayo" stories that turn out to be urban myths.

    Still, eww.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Reminds me of the wife

    The victim "tasted the yogurt and immediately spit it out,"

    1. Chris Collins

      iCame

      Don't knock the lady who can instantly determine the taste of semen behind flavoured yoghurt- it's a practised palate she has there.

      1. Aaron Em

        Spoken like someone who's never tasted semen

        I have, and I've also had Greek yogurt. They're both awful, but for entirely different reasons and in entirely different ways; you'd taste the difference too, believe me.

    2. Aaron Em

      Odds point to real

      For every one proven urban myth, I can show you five misogynist creeps who get off on the idea of sneaking their jizz into some unsuspecting woman's meal. It's a surprisingly strong sub-strain among creepy misogynist fucks who get on the Internet and jerk off to each other's fantasies, vehemently denying the slightest hint of homoeroticism all the while, in the ignorant belief that no one else can see them.

      1. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge
        Pint

        @ Odds point to real

        There are several points in your post that I find really disturbing.

        - You are talking urban myth vs reallity, and yet your proposed examples are "misogynist fucks who get on the Internet and jerk off to each other's fantasies". Urban myth != real, but online fantasy == real?

        - You are talking "surprisingly strong sub-strain" of "creepy misogynist fucks who get off on the idea of sneaking their jizz into some unsuspecting woman's meal" in online fantasies. You seem to know a bit about that, I don't, so I'll assume you're right for the sake of argument. I'm quite sure I can find "creeps" who "get off" on the idea of sneaking their jizz into ANYONE's meal (including each other's meal, for that matter). In real life, not online (boarding schools across the globe are reportedly full of hormone-pumped "creeps" of that kind, for example). That doesn't make the practice any better, but your "misogynist" angle seems a bit far-stretched.

        -Lastly, in your outrage you seem to have forgotten the yogurt. Nobody thinks of the yogurt. EVER. For God's sake, will anyone please think of the yogurt? All these Lactobacillus sp., their friends and family, humiliated to the extreme by this public bukkake!

        PS one of these 3 points is intended as a joke. Finding which one is left as an exercise for the reader. Also, the one bit I can completely agree with in your post is the title. Sadly, odds point to real, indeed. Disturbed shmuck (not you, the yogurt-peddler). Here, have a cold one -on the house. Now with 30% less semen (but be careful with them peanuts).

        DISCLAIMER: this post does not constitute endorsment or justification of misogynism, poor hygiene, alcoholism, misandrism, bullying, boarding schools, rape, food tampering, pedophilia, bukkake, terrorism, the world wide web, or yogurt consumption. Any Similarity to Persons, Peanuts or Bacteria, Living or Dead, Is Purely Coincidental.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Grenade

      Really...?

      Never had that problem with your wife...!

      Handgrenade, well obvious really, anti-social handgrenade, pull pin, stand well back!

      1. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

        @ Really...?

        I feel compelled to greet you for this joke. Even I can't match this poor taste. ( and yet I DO eat more curry than pineapple).

  4. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
    Troll

    If she finds it that 'horrific'

    How did she know what it was she was tasting in that yoghurt?

  5. A B 3

    Tainted food

    Never heard of it? I'm very careful about the places I get food from because of a spate of suspect food. It is usually teen fast food workers you have to be careful of. Make sure you can see them preparing your food.

    e.g. I have had a pubic hair on a soft drink can, also a toenail in a chicken burger.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      FAIL

      Re: If she finds it that 'horrific'

      a different woman said that. The victim have _not_ been interviewed.

      any way, even reading about is disgusting.

    2. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: If she finds it that 'horrific'

      What an amazingly dumb question on at least two levels.

      1. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

        Amazingly dumb?

        I don't know. I'm almost sure I wouldn't have identified the stuff quite that fast.

        Now I'm under the disturbing impression that I should maybe undergo some "tainted food detection" training (not that I'm a likely target for this kind of stunt, but still).

        1. Aaron Em

          Problem with you, not with situation

          Like I said in a reply to an earlier comment, it's an extremely distinctive flavor, and is also entirely unlike Greek yogurt in texture, consistency, and pretty much every characteristic except color. Having never tasted it before, you might not recognize it for what it was, but you sure as hell would spot that something was badly wrong with your yogurt in any case.

        2. Scorchio!!
          Unhappy

          Re: Amazingly dumb?

          American women I know claim that eating celery beforehand makes the stuff taste sweet. I am not about to test this claim, but Reg readers can do so and feel free to report on the results. Horrible thought.

          1. DiViDeD Silver badge

            Celery? You Sure?

            my woman assures me that pineapple juice makes the difference between spit and swallow

            1. Scorchio!!
              Happy

              Re: Celery? You Sure?

              "my woman assures me that pineapple juice makes the difference between spit and swallow"

              Hey I'm only reporting on what these folk have told me. My guess is that the stuff is so powerful and savoury that the semen is unnoticeable, in much the same way that the old vintners' adage is "buy on apples sell on cheese", since apples sharpen the palate prior to wine tasting and cheese dulls it, making a cheap red seem divine.

              I seem to have strayed a tad but, anyhow, Personally I regard oral sex as a form of foreplay only, though I'm interested as to how you mix it with pineapple juice, or does she store the pineapple juice in her cheeks, chipmunk style? Perhaps an arrangement similar to stage blood?

      2. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

        @Madame Moderatrix

        I refer the good lady to my choice of icon...

        1. Aaron Em

          ...which doesn't actually change anything

          "Trolling" doesn't magically become "you not being a dick" because you said "lol i trolled u". It just makes you noisier.

      3. Scorchio!!

        Re: Re: If she finds it that 'horrific'

        Oh Sarah, I hate to say it but "j00 hAce just bin torlled". HTH.

    3. Aaron Em

      Well...

      ...there's teenagers who do it for kicks, which is bad enough, and then there's adult men who do it for sexual gratification, which is incredibly disturbing not least because part of the kick is the sneaky non-consensual nature of it. (Because if that weren't the case, why do it on the sly like that?)

    4. unitron
      Paris Hilton

      Clarence, is that you?

      "...I have had a pubic hair on a soft drink can..."

      Paris, no doubt an expert witness regarding these sorts of things.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    KOB-TV

    Is it just me or should there be an N in that station name?

    coat on, leaving now...

    1. Scorchio!!
      Coat

      Re: KOB-TV

      I'm sorry I cannot spell the letter B.

      1. ravenviz
        Coat

        Re: KOB-TV

        What a silly bunt!

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monty_Python's_Flying_Circus

        1. Scorchio!!
          Thumb Up

          Re: Re: KOB-TV

          "What a silly bunt!"

          I knew that someone would rebognise the referenbe!

  7. Aaron Em

    What really makes me laugh is the double standard

    Because you know damn well that if the victim had been male, all you hur-de-hur asswipes wouldn't be making stupid jokes at his expense; no, you'd be baying for blood.

    1. GougedEye

      Triple Standards

      Ih the victim had been maile, we would be making twice the jokes.

    2. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

      "you'd be baying for blood."

      No, what's funny is that it was yogurt. If it had been some regular bloke food, like a triple cheeseburger with extra bacon, or a kabob, or -god forbid- a pint of bitter, I would have donned good old Betsy and Laurie-Ann and I'd be burning down some barn or other as we speak (Betsy and Laurie-Ann are my pitchfork and torch).

      Sweet Jesus lollipop, calm down.

    3. unitron

      If the victim had been male...

      ...would he have known what he was tasting?

      The kind of male least likely to would be the kind most likely to have put the "donor" in the hospital if he'd somehow found out what he was tasting, but being least likely to know what Greek yoghurt tastes like either, would probably have never figured it out.

    4. Scorchio!!

      Re: What really makes me laugh is the double standard

      "Because you know damn well that if the victim had been male, all you hur-de-hur asswipes wouldn't be making stupid jokes at his expense; no, you'd be baying for blood"

      Some form of scientific data in support of your claim would pay dividends; quantitative research, involving a theory, from which a hypothesis had been generated and then tested using inferential statistics, enabling us to see the relationship between such claims and reality. That is, what about where the (cough) rubber hits the road? (Fails to resist making an equal opportunities Julian Assange joke). Otherwise your comment is decidedly sexist and, well yes, stupid. HTH.

  8. LuMan
    Flame

    @Aaron Em

    Particularly in relation to your comments at 14:28:

    For someone who has so much to say on this matter (4 comments so far) you evidently have NO idea about the commentards! Go and read the comments in other stories. Read them from w-a-y back when and also the more regular ones. Then come back and tell us what you've learned.

    Or, better still, just don't.

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: @Aaron Em

      I have every idea about the commentards, and I'd say Aaron Em's got a fair point.

    2. Aaron Em

      What I've learned?

      I've been here since before the Reg *had* comments. I saw amanfromMars's first post. I've got a pretty damn good clue about the commentards, which is why I said what I did -- not that it isn't a fairly obvious guess on pretty much any forum: it's funny when it happens to a woman, but a travesty when it happens to a man, and men will whine about it when you point this dynamic out.

      Aside from a few meaningless assertions otherwise, this thread contains nothing which goes against the general trend I describe, and plenty -- your whining included -- which reinforces it. So did you have an actual point of your own to make, or would you rather just go on providing evidence for mine?

      1. Jolyon

        Come off it.

        I don't understand

        a) How you know so much about the levels of and motivation for spunk in food.

        b) What on earth makes you think people would behave differently if this had happened to a man.

        but you are certainly livening up the comments section single handedly.

        So well done for that.

      2. Steve Babb
        FAIL

        mostly agree, but....

        As much as I agree with your sentiments, I'm pretty certain that if the story was a man who identified the taste of semen and spat it out, the commentards would have had even more of a field day

      3. LuMan
        Happy

        Oh dear

        Looks like I've upset you (perhaps I didn't need the flame icon after all). In fairness, just naming amanfrommars proves you know exactly what you're talking about. After all, us commentards are just 'hur-de-hur asswipes' who really should know better than to dare to not agree with you. Still, the number of up- and down-votes you got really puts me in my place....

        Shame you think that comments not describing your trend are all meaningless. I actually spotted at least one that agrees with you (sort of). You probably missed it. Still, it must be quite small and hard to see from your viewpoint up there on that moral pedestal you built yourself.

        As for my point - doesn't matter. Certainly not to you, anyway. I'll carry on whining - at least one of us is having fun!

        1. Aaron Em

          Bah, sore loser

          Way to show third parties that *I'm* the one who's butthurt, though. Well done there.

      4. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge
        FAIL

        @ Aaron: no. Just no.

        I think the comments on the recent couple of stories about men bleeding to death after being stabbed by cocks prove exactly how wrong you are. Which is very.

        They were male, they died, and the comments were filled with dubious "Urrh Durrh cock", erm , jokes, not a single word of condolences or outrage. Granted, they were indulging in some activity that your moral sense may not approve of, but my moral sense does not approve of the consumption of greek yogurt, so that's still fair.

        1. Scorchio!!
          Thumb Up

          Re: @ Aaron: no. Just no.

          "I think the comments on the recent couple of stories about men bleeding to death after being stabbed by cocks prove exactly how wrong you are. Which is very.

          They were male, they died, and the comments were filled with dubious "Urrh Durrh cock", erm , jokes, not a single word of condolences or outrage."

          The nit picking scientist in me is tempted to ask if you tested to see if there is a degree of functional equivalence or similarity here but, no, if men are prepared to make genital jokes in such circumstances, it is probably not necessary.

          BTW, you omitted to reference a case reported in the Register during the past year or so where a woman was performing oral sex on a man whilst parked in a car park; a vehicle backed into them causing the woman to bite off his penis. The irony, if it could be so described? This man was married, to another woman. Oops. I do not know if the 'affair' swallowed. Can you imagine trying to solve that one? To vomit or operate, that is the question. Certainly one could not wait for it come out at the other end, for it would surely have been digested. Ugh. :-(

  9. alex cee
    WTF?

    How did she know to call the police?

    she must have experienced the taste before, otherwise how did she know it wasn't just salty Greek yoghurt?

  10. bumbler
    Paris Hilton

    so....

    The victim "tasted the yogurt and immediately spit it out, .... gizz was fine, just didnt like the yogurt then.

    paris cause she like yogurt.

  11. cum grano salis
    Grenade

    only the beginning

    Someone just heard about the Top Gear kerfuffle...

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    Its said...

    ...That eatng pineapple improves the taste whilst spicy food has the exact oppisite effect...

    I could have tested the theory back in my teens but im not as flexible as i was...

    1. Mike Richards

      '...That eatng pineapple improves the taste whilst spicy food has the exact oppisite effect...'

      What? of Greek yogurt?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Indeed

      A Swedish girlfriend once told me that (re:pineapple).

  13. YumDogfood

    Misogynist?

    I just thought the perp was just a grade 'A' sick twat and deserving of a good metaphorical kicking from the law, not a sinister agent of "Teh Patriarchy". El Regtards pride themselves on telling sick jokes (while actually acknowledging the wrongness), whatever the sex of the offender or victim. I'm all for equality - nobody is above the great British tradition of 'the taking of the piss'.

    This in fact has been a great experiment. We now know cold semen tastes the same or similar to freshly squeezed. We need a control though, may I suggest: http://www.geekychef.com/2009/01/sea-salt-ice-cream.html ?

    1. Aaron Em

      Either/or?

      Why not both?

      I mean, the perp is obviously a grade-A sick fuck, and while I don't agree that all he needs is a metaphorical kicking, I don't feel a need to argue about it.

      But he's *also* a misogynist. I mean, come on a minute, think about it: the guy jerks off in a cup of yogurt, then picks out a woman he doesn't know from Eve to hand it to -- it's not like he had a hard-on for this particular woman who he knew would be coming in for a free yogurt sample five minutes after he'd finished squeezing one out into it.

      Does this sound to you like the actions of someone who *doesn't* have a problem thinking of women as full human beings? If so, then why, in at least three trials, did he invariably pick out a random *woman*, rather than a random person of whatever sex, to inflict his contaminated yogurt on?

      (And you brought patriarchy into it, not me. But while we're on the subject: I guess it's possible for someone to be misogynist while not also being, however accidentally, an agent of patriarchy. I've never met any such animal, though.)

      1. Chezstar
        Troll

        The deep end is....That-a-way!

        You seem to be making a massive leap of faith, that being that the "perp" has only done this to three women.

        The report never discloses whether he actually served it up to men as well, all we have is your giant leap of imagination.

        So, either you know the "perp" (And as an aside, stop watching Law and Order, it is showing in your arguments), or you ARE the "perp", in which case we can all take your ramblings to heart, because you are simply stating the reasons as to why you had to serve up some toppings on that cup-o-yoghurt.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    When I was younger and naiiver...

    ... I remember reading a book of spells that I bought in somewhere like Waterstones that suggested doing something like this as a love spell. I immediately concluded that a woman who fell for it wasn't one I wanted.

    So yeah, when I was young I read spellbooks.

    1. unitron

      "So yeah, when I was young I read spellbooks."

      Were you dating Christine O'Donnell at the time?

  15. Blubster
    Coat

    A new recipe..

    For Heston Blumenthal's restaurant methinks.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Innocent until proven guilty, remember!

    At least I, for one, hope his lawyer tells the court some hilariously implausible "cock and ball" story to explain how his spunk ended up in the yoghurt without it being his fault, and that The Register will report on it in due course.

    1. Scorchio!!

      Re: Innocent until proven guilty, remember!

      "At least I, for one, hope his lawyer tells the court some hilariously implausible "cock and ball" story to explain how his spunk ended up in the yoghurt without it being his fault, and that The Register will report on it in due course."

      Funny you should mention such an idea. Once a friend and his glamorous now ex were in a bar and she stroked his thigh all evening with an 'inevitable result'. When he told me I laughed and with a wicked look said if plod tried to arrest him he should say "It went off in me 'and guv, honest". We'd been talking about firearms in the seconds leading up to this conversation.

  17. Richard Jukes
    Joke

    Erm!?!

    Misogynist is a big word.

    What is clear to me is that this woman should have drank it all up like any other good woman! Special man juice should not be wasted if at all possible. I mean really, whats she complaining about? Its not like he spurted it in her eye...

  18. niya blake

    if

    The victim had of been a man we would be reading about an assault case . If proven the guy needs to be forced eat the same yogurt then a few kicks to the nuts.

  19. Cat Sitting

    The story's not clear

    "a free sample of Greek yoghurt and semen" - was she told that it was yogurt & semen? If so, why the reaction?

    1. Scorchio!!
      Thumb Up

      Re: if

      "The victim had of been a man we would be reading about an assault case . If proven the guy needs to be forced eat the same yogurt then a few kicks to the nuts."

      TBH I will not touch 'tasters' in supermarkets, malls or anywhere else (I'm also picky about restaurants and hotels, about which I can tell you some horrible stories). I never give them eye contact, and practically tell them to 'talk to the hand' when they try to way lay me. Did they spit whilst talking to a customer? Did they cough or sneeze whilst in the vicinity of the food, or did anyone else? So no, eating free samples is not a very bright thing to do, IMNSVHO, though I had *never* thought that someone could stoop so low as to put semen into the stuff.

      I do hope that someone breaks his nose when he is inside, as he certainly ought to be, if only because this is the act of a sex offender. Just think about it for a moment. Offenders start off with small offences and work their way up. The paedophile, Ronald Black, started off stealing female underwear from washing lines. He ended up abducting small children in his van, driven about the country as a part of his work, and killing them. So no, this is not funny. Consistent with points I've made elsewhere in Reg fora, I will not be surprised to find this individual has previous and that this sort of offence is followed by worse. So it is not funny at all.

      What does surprise me is that no one has insisted that he should eat his own nuts. There would seem to be a bizarre form of equivalence there. As to the yoghurt, I would not be surprised to learn that he 'tested' it in advance.

  20. TRT Silver badge
    WTF?

    Was it...

    a sample of yogurt with nuts in it then? Or just extra creamy? I'm confused now.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Oh I dunno...

    The guy's not that bad looking in the photos on that TV website. And honestly the, uh, 'adulteration' would probably only have improved the taste. That Greek yogurt is some foul stuff...

    I'd grab my coat, but someone spilled tadpole milkshake all over it...

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