back to article Man stabbed to death by chicken

A California man has reportedly suffered a gruesome demise after an accident involving a metal-enhanced cock. José Luis Ochoa, 35, of Lamont, California, a spectator at a cockfight who had previously been fined for owning or training an animal for fighting, died after being stabbed in the leg in Tulare County, the Grauniad …

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  1. Anigel
    Joke

    Keyboard request

    One optimus maximus this way please :)

  2. Matt Collins
    FAIL

    Darwin?

    /satisfied

  3. Duncan Hothersall
    IT Angle

    This

    is why bootnotes is the best bit of El Reg.

    1. ArmanX
      Coffee/keyboard

      Hey, if it works...

      Send me one, as well! I may have even ruined two or three, so, y'know, send a few as backups...

  4. Conrad Longmore
    IT Angle

    Shurely..

    Shurely "Another man killed by own cock" after this one: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/01/21/man_bird_death/

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Shurely..

      Duh.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Did you mean...

      Shirley?

  5. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    Didn't the exact same story appear in the Mail?

    But with a Bengali man? Is there some new craze in the cock fighting underworld for strapping razors onto already hyperactive and dangerous birds?

    Next they will be strapping frikkin' lasers onto sharks.

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Didn't the exact same story appear in the Mail?

      Duh.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      ROTC

      "Is there some new craze in the cock fighting underworld..."

      They're starting to fight back. Need a Rise Of The Cocks icon now.

      1. Doug Glass
        Jobs Halo

        Already ...

        .... have a Jobs icon. I'd think one prick was enough.

      2. ArmanX
        Paris Hilton

        @ROTC

        I can honestly say that I would not want to know what that icon would look like.

        Though I suspect Paris would...

      3. FozzyBear Silver badge

        Sure

        El Reg one small picci of a viagra pill thanks

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Badgers

    a title

    I'm sure I read a similar story a few months back about another person coming to a similar end, is this the start of a mass cock uprising?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    ...and thats

    the sound of Karma biting you in the ass.

    Well, thats one moron down; many, many more to go.

  8. Steve Evans
    Welcome

    Oh well...

    I for one welcome our chopper enhanced cock overlords.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Surely sub header shou;d have been:

    Cock cut kills Californian.

  10. The Indomitable Gall

    Law of cause and effect...

    Seems like we're putting all our eggs in one basket and our problems are coming home to roost.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    Outrage as requested

    Must have been a bloody big blade for a cut to his leg to have killed him. What were the birds? Ostriches? Maybe a long lost colony of Moa?

    Either way, bloody good shot.

  12. Alan 6

    Deja-Vu

    A few weeks ago I said well that's not a headline you read everyday

    Well maybe not, but every fortnight or so seems to be the norm for metal enhanced cock death related stories...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Boffin

      bloody big blade

      Or a small slash to the inside thigh severing the femeral artery - 8mm should do it..

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Headmaster

        title ?

        Given that it was is calf that was stabbed (not his thigh), and that he died two days later, he almost certainly died of a wound infection. Remember folks this is what can happen if you don't wash your cock regularly.

        Given that you used the boffin icon, I can't resist pointing out that it's femoral, not femeral, artery.

        1. George Nacht

          Attention to details

          He died two hours after sustaining injury, not two days. So, some kind of complication was a factor here, but I doubt the infection. Embolia, maybe? Severe maltreatment of the wounded calf, resulting in increased blood loss?

          Or, for the thrill seekers... Poison on the cock blade?

          Still, I admit that the opportunity to raise awareness about cock washing should not be missed...

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            D'oh !

            "He died two hours after sustaining injury, not two days. "

            Mea culpa.

            "Embolia, maybe? " Spanish for embolism ? Maybe, but my money's on anaphalactic shock. Still caused by a dirty cock.

            Due you think he was a Spurs fan ?

        2. Brutus
          FAIL

          @ac 14:29

          When deploying the Grammar Nazi alert, one should re-read the original article, any comments to which one is replying and one's own text before posting - just in case one inadvertently shows one's self up. Case in point: you have come to an entirely unlikely conclusion (albeit providing a good hook for a pun) because you did not pay attention to the period of time between wounding and death.

          Two HOURS, not days.

      2. No, I will not fix your computer
        Boffin

        Re: bloody big blade

        Probably the posterior tibial artery, if severed you'll bleed to death without a tourniquet (in fact bending the knee and applying pressure could save you), bleeding out is just not as fast as the femoral, the femoral artery is also notoriously fiddly to stop bleeding with pressure (and astoundingly painful).

    2. Seanmon
      Alert

      'nother title

      My thoughts exactly... Rise of The Cocks?

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Headmaster

      *calf

      That is all

    4. Bonzo the Wonder Dog

      I was hoping for

      Cock Kills Cock

      1. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

        Twat Stabbed by Cock

        That is all

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    Yay its Friday..

    That is all..

    Oh no..

    see icon...

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I LOLed. Really.

    "I have never seen this type of incident," Sgt Martin King told a Californian newspaper.

    Pity. Is there some way to make it more commonplace?

  15. Wommit
    Paris Hilton

    Oh no...

    I'm not gonna dick around with this one.

  16. Sabine Miehlbradt

    Wrong title, Sarah

    He was a spectator, so it was not his own cock.

    Man killed by too much cock?

    Icon Request: cock.

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Wrong title, Sarah

      Oh yes fair point.

      1. Parax
        Paris Hilton

        re: Man stabbed to death by chicken

        Well its acurate, but way off the humor scale... perhaps I could help:

        Cock watcher killed by other blokes Bird

        Californian in Dogging Fail

        Angry bird kills spectator

        Humans:0 - Angry Birds:2

        (icon: one of the birds)

  17. David 18

    hmm

    Is this in any way related to the "Too many fart apps" story - too many damned angry birds now!

  18. Desk Jockey

    FOUND IT!!

    Considering the Bengali cock went missing after killing the previous owner, is this perchance the same bird? Some propor investigating is required!

    Cock expands its horizons and seeks new prey?

    1. TeeCee Gold badge
      Coat

      Re: FOUND IT!!

      So how did it get from Bengal to California?

      I thought that flying cocks were a phenomenon unique to Second Life........

  19. Rob Crawford

    Hitchcock didn't use that plot twist

    I must admit that the prospect of being killed by a another persons cock is a little more worrying than being killed by your own

    1. LaeMing Silver badge
      Go

      Oh, I don't know.

      There are far worse ways to go!

  20. Jonathan White
    Coat

    Can't think of a title

    "the sound of Karma biting you in the ass."

    Would that be Chicken Karma?

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It should be easy to do better than this...

    In an attempt to get a breast of the situation, the arrival of the police ruffled feathers as the previously plucky illegal fighters fled the nest. The egg-ascerbated spectator who had suffered foul play as a result of an over agitated cock, claimed with his dying breath that he had nothing to do with it; he had only wanted to have a plucking good time and thought the invite said, "hen night". Police told him to stop pulling their legs. Suspects have been rounded up and are expected to get a good roasting; for now, they're all rib-caged.

  22. Steven Jones

    Breaking the pattern

    Just waiting to see if Sarah has any "woman killed by own pussy" stories.

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Breaking the pattern

      No, because I am a raving sexist.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        How about

        http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/463733.stm

        1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

          Re: How about

          Amazing.

  23. Nick Galloway
    Coat

    Two hours...

    Is it possible to construe that the police conducted their investigation THEN had the repeat offender taken for medical attention. Justice at its very best. Is it possible the fatality can be regarded as work place accident or suicide with an unusual weapon of choice. I like the thought of man being nailed by his own cock...

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    flagrant instances of not reading the article properly

    You mean there was an article? I must have missed something. Did it have an IT angle or was it just a load of cock and calf^H^H^H^H bull?

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: flagrant instances of not reading the article properly

      DUH.

  25. Doug Glass
    Go

    Wrong Leg

    Too bad he didn't get mortally wounded on the right leg ... "right" as in "correct". Poor bird just didn't kick high enough.

  26. Arctic fox
    Grenade

    Cockfighting, bearbaiting, bullfighting etc. Perhaps if we could arrange things......

    .......so that those in the audience for these events died at least a frequently when they watch as the poor bloody animals do we would discover that these "sports" would die a natural death. One can always hope.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Jobs Horns

      Re: Wrong Leg

      I've read this four times and I still don't get your point...!

      Btw, cock icon.

      1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

        Re: Re: Wrong Leg

        Hur hur you said 'point'.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    I shot a man in Reno

    just to see his cock

  28. AlanN

    Related cock stories

    I like the first one.

    Related stories

    * Assange fights extradition in court (7 February 2011)

    * Man killed by own cock (21 January 2011)

    * Distressed cock whipped out of wheelie bin (7 October 2010)

    * Drunken German joyrider totals 300 chickens (13 August 2007)

    * Foghorn McLeghorn threatened with Asbo (8 September 2006)

  29. VeganVegan
    Linux

    They really ought to open up doner kebab shops in California

    The birds are simply too angry there.

    (we need more bird icons)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      Good call: kebabs save lives

      http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/02/08/kebab_lifesaver/

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Quote

    Just trying to visualise a "metal-enhanced cock."

    Do I really need to explain.....

  31. Amadeus
    WTF?

    Related?

    What I don't understand is why "Assange fights extradition in court" is top of the related stories list.

  32. Triggerfish

    RE:Breaking the pattern

    Nah but next time an old lady dies in her flat, they can do a 'Pussy eats woman story'.

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