First the Which report, now this ...
There really has to be an institute for Ursine Wooland Defacation Studies somewhere.
Academics in America have carried out groundbreaking research in which they find that men are much less likely to break up with a cheating girlfriend if she cheats on them with another woman, rather than with another chap. This, perhaps unsurprisingly, is because the blokes are hoping that they may be able to join their …
It sounds like they asked people how they would react to hypothetical situations, rather than looked at the results of real situations. I reckon the results would be rather different if moved from the fantasy arena to a situation where people were actually being cheated on.
I think the trend may be there anyhow. A man thinking about his partner having sex with with another man would, I think, feel more disgust than if she did so with another woman. Also, from an evolutionary point of view, she's got 0 chance of having another man's child and so isn't tainted (for want of a better word) in the same way.
I agree a little in that I think the results may be less clear cut. It also says "cheated on" rather than "had an affair" and I suspect that there would be a difference between one night stand and an affair.
Which countries have higher gun-related deaths than the US?
Let's have a look: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_firearm-related_death_rate
If I remove the non-first world countries, which country is top of the list. Well, crap in my pants, it is the US.
Just an interesting observation.
out of the 6 or maybe 7 of them including mexico, colombia, brazil, and thailand.
Actually many of the countries with higher gun-related deaths than the US have high levels of drug production coupled with high levels of corruption and law and order systems incapable of dealing with the problem. Just an interesting observation...
Against comparable countries ie. wealthy educated western democracies the US is streaks ahead in the number of people who die from gunshot wounds.
...and in almost every one of those 'wealthy educated western democracies' the statistical breakdown indicates that the figures are dominated by suicides, not homicides. The US being an obvious exception to this (up with the aforementioned countries, plus Northern Ireland).
Just an interesting observation...
It's not just hoping to join, though there is that, but there clearly was an evolutionary advantage in that:
While the men are out hunting woolly mamoths for days on end what should the women do?
- It's good for the women - for obvious reasons
- It's good for the tribe - social cohesion, less rivalry among females, so they can concentrate on keeping the fire going and looking after children.
- It's good for the children - your "aunt" will not probably wring your neck to give her own offspring advantage if she fancies your mother.
- It's good for the men - their women are less likely to sleep around with the males who are too weak or too lazy to hunt.
When a man has an affair with another women, he remains sexually available to his original partner. But if he's dallying with other men, then the woman's probably out in the cold for good. So you could argue there's an evolutionary advantage to a woman disliking male homosexuality. Of course, there must be a ton of reasons why having homosexual men around is advantageous, otherwise they would have been eliminated from the gene pool.
That's bullshit. Just look at the semantics of that clause. You can't eliminate "homosexual men" from a gene pool; the only thing you can eliminate from a gene pool is genes. Well, male homosexuality might be a side effect of a combination of genes, each of which has other effects that give a positive selection pressure.
That the men mind less when their GF goes at it with a woman, well of course. Not only they hope for some 3-way action, they do not feel as threatened that they will be replaced.
I am rather surprised about the other way, though. I really thought that women believed gay men were sexy. Also, I would assume they would feel more threatened if the other is female, because they can bring something that a man cannot, but any woman can bring the same.
What would Paris do?
Back in college, I was always wondering why males would be homofobic, while at the same time lust for Lesbian Porn. I usually find it mostly MEH because, well... they're lesbians, and I'm not a woman. It's an impossible fantasy!
I did a couple of research asking men and women about this, and I found that:
- Males lust for girl-on-girl porn, as well as hetero porn.
- Girls will usually lust only for hetero porn, bi or les will obviously indulge in Les porn.
- Only male homosexuals will lust for male-on-male porn. Most of the others will describe such acts as "gross".
Also, you'll usually find much more requests for "couple searching woman for threesome" than "couple searching man for threesome" in adult classifieds. Now this study has arrived to the same thing.
>>"I am rather surprised about the other way, though. I really thought that women believed gay men were sexy. Also, I would assume they would feel more threatened if the other is female, because they can bring something that a man cannot, but any woman can bring the same."
You obviously don't understand the female mind.... when a woman's partner cheats, most women will view it as an insult to their attractiveness... in that context cheating with a man is the ultimate insult - certainly a much bigger insult that cheating with another woman.
... women just look nicer than men.
So not exactly surprising really. The surprising part for most people is that men can find other men attractive - I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm just saying that I (and most straight men I know) fundamentally don't get what the appeal is. Whereas straight men, gay men and straight women can all see why a woman would be attractive.
My wife has been an OB/GYN Nurse Practitioner for 20+ years now, and the stories that come out of her clinic...but I digress. YES, STDs are a major concern for any non-monogamous relationship, no mater the combination of gender(s). Sleep with someone, sleep with everyone they've had sex with.
What male college students would 'forgive' is quite different from grown-ups, I think.
A married man whose wife betrays him after, say, 15 or 20 years of marriage is more likely to be devastated by the emotional betrayal than a college kid.
Of course, at any age, the chance of the bloke being invited to join the women is zero. Perhaps the older man will understand this, while the younger chaps still like in a dream-world encouraged by porn.
Possibly it's not so much the thought that they could join in, rather it's because cheating on you with someone of the opposite sex is far less of a rejection than cheating on you with someone who is the same sex and therefore better than you.
Now, as a bisexual man, I have never understood the thing that straight (often borderline homophobic) men have for gay women. They're never going to be able to join in, it's not like you can "convert" gay women by showing them how a real man would do it, they're not interested. As for bi women (or at least the ones I know), they're far more likely to be attracted to liberally minded men (ie: not borderline homophobes).
In men's fantasies its all lipstick lesbians & sexy lingerie. In reality it could be say, your wife being shagged stupid with a huge(bigger than your cock) strap-on every night by a rather large butch lady.
Perhaps also falling in love with her, & going off men altogether. If you love someone & you're in a relationship with them. any infidelity is going to be painful, unless you're one of those guys who's turned on when they're cuckolded. And no, its never happened to me( but I know a couple of men it happened to & the longer it went on the more they disliked it.)
"A married man whose wife betrays him after, say, 15 or 20 years of marriage is more likely to be devastated by the emotional betrayal than a college kid."
That only if you assume that his wife sleeping with another woman constitutes a betrayal.
The point being discussed here is that the majority of males do not see such thing as betrayal at all. Moreover, they (myself included) don't necessarily even see it as something reproachable...
And it's not because men have an evolutionary predisposition to not regard women as rivals? Of course not, it's because All Men Are Perverts (Tropes ahoy!).
I'm no certified psychologists, but I bet the reasons for this type of thinking of the majority of said 50% is more-or-less in the following order :
-as long OUR relationship (on the emotional level) remains as-is it's OK,
-as long MY needs (emotional and sexual) are still satisfied on the same level, it's OK,
-if the other chick is hot and my GF is into that sort of thing - hey, bonus!
The first two are interchangeable and really depend on the guy in question. Note that I mean actual typical monogamous relationships, not "fuck-buddies".
I haven't read the actual paper, but I strongly suspect that the "the other chick is hot" part was completely missed. From my observations, lesbian and bisexual women in general do not have the same taste in women as men do; and that's not mentioning the fact that the girlfriend and boyfriend in question might simply have different tastes, just like two heterosexual men may have different tastes.
Overall, I get the vibe here that this paper wants to prove that at least half of the male population are psychopaths with little to no emotional needs that just want to fuck anything that moves. I'm deeply insulted by what chauvinistic propaganda passes of as "research" these days.
My cousin was both shocked and revolted when it turned out her boyfriend had a boyfriend on the side - I assume her thoughts were on whether or not he'd had a long hot bath between visiting his boyfriend and coming back home to her.
Anonymous in case my cousin reads this...
If there was a chance in hell that they would ask the guy to join in, he would've been invited in the first place.
And I'd see it as cheating either way. Not sure why any guy would "tolerate" it...unless he were allowed to watch. If not, he's not only been betrayed, he's also been left out.
Bottom line...if you keep trying to join in and they keep kicking you out of bed, you'd better just get your coat and piss off out of it...
You're all looking at it from the pov of a western culture and assume that our 'norms' are universal. Much of this crap about getting uptight when being 'cheated' on is the grubby residue of christian teaching passed down through generations, which most people pick up act out simply because at some level they feel it's what they're expcted to do, as i see it anyway.
I know there are genuinely jealous, possessive people but most others just have a handy, society-provided behavioral template of what to do when 'cheated on' and just act it out. I doubt I'd care if I had a gf that also had a guy or girl as well (provided they were careful with my feelings & re. stds) and I knew one couple who have an open relationship.
I consider myself straight but have tried blokes long ago, and mentioned this to some past gfs when they asked - one got well upset, the other was hugely amused. Take that, trick-cyclists, real data points!
Honestly, try working out what you *really* feel, not what you're expected to do. Try it right now, you might surprise yourself.
meh, etc. We're so fucked up about sex.
As usual Woody Allen has the best take on this ... quote from Manhatten
Mary Wilke: Well tell me, why did you get a divorce?
Isaac Davis: Why? I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman.
Mary Wilke: Really? God, that must have been really demoralizing.
Isaac Davis: Well, I dunno, I thought I took it rather well under the circumstances. I tried to run them both over with a car.
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