back to article Burglars snort dead dad's ashes

Florida cops have cuffed a burglary gang who broke into a house and stole the ashes of the owner's father, believing they were illicit narcotics. The victim returned to her Silver Springs residence to discover she was short of a few items, including electronics and jewellery. Rather more disturbing was the absence of the ashes …

COMMENTS

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  1. Citizen Kaned
    FAIL

    2nd guy in pic

    definately seems to have found something decent. look at his eyes! i think he has certainly found a nice bag of brown.

    they obviously arent too bright. the old marching powder has a pretty distinct smell to it

    1. MinionZero

      I doubt its drugs shown by his eyes

      Its far more likely the photo has just caught the guy blinking or just as likely, he could simply be one of those people who try to show a nonchalant arrogance towards others. Burglars almost by definition have a Narcissistic self interest and therefore contempt for others.

  2. TRT Silver badge
    Coat

    Did they recover...

    the urn of her poor, dead dad, Charlie?

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Did they recover...

      I believe that was the implication.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Clues

      Once the penny had dropped, the master criminals ditched their booty, which police are trying to locate.

  3. advocate

    Urban myth

    Surely the druggies would have taste tested the ashes first and realised their mistake?

    This wouldn't surprise me if it was just another "Fox Exclusive" as in they have no real news so recycle urban myths...

    http://www.snopes.com/horrors/cannibal/cocaine.asp

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Pity

    Pity the remains didn't contain some kind of instantly lethal poison. Would have been a good way to remove these three retards from the gene pool.

    1. Gerhard Mack
      Stop

      Snopes seems a bit off on that one

      Read more closely. They point out that most of the stories going around are legend but then point out that it's based on an actual event and then point out another case where it actually happened and then doubt that it ever happens.

      I'm a bit lost trying to figure out what their point is.

    2. Les Matthew

      @advocate

      "Surely the druggies would have taste tested the ashes first and realised their mistake?"

      LOL just LOL. Maybe you should watch a little less television.

      Bit of a role reversal though.

      Man sniffs dog, I wonder which one sniffed the doggies wotsits. :D

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    South Park

    Reminds me of the episode where Cartman assumes Kenny's ashes are chocolate milk powder and drinks them will milk then takes on Kenny's personality.

  6. Daggersedge
    Happy

    Good to see the mug shots

    I'm glad to see that the Reg had the guts and good sense to post the pictures and names of these criminals instead of just calling them 'youths'.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Movie Remake?

    Was this not done already in How High?

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0278488/

  8. Gianni Straniero

    Plus ca change

    Happened in the UK in 2000:

    http://humorpix.com/pictures/Coked-up_thieves_snort_dead_dogs_ashes

    And way back in 1934, in Bellingham, WA:

    http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=8RhkAAAAIBAJ&sjid=FXsNAAAAIBAJ&pg=4679,3744686

    1. Annihilator
      Thumb Up

      Classic

      "It's like my brain keeps jacking off or something.."

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Paris Hilton

      why wouldn't they?

      all 3 are over 18.

      anyway guy in the middle looks like cletus the yokel's hispanic cousin.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @advocate

    "This wouldn't surprise me if it was just another "Fox Exclusive" as in they have no real news so recycle urban myths..."

    Business as usual then.

  10. Annihilator
    Go

    Not the first

    Didn't the immortal Keith Richards do this with his Dad's ashes?

  11. Just Thinking
    Flame

    She had her dogs cremated?

    Seriously?

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: She had her dogs cremated?

      Yes. Not everyone has a back garden to bury them in. Especially not if they're Great Danes. And I bet you'd be more spluttery if she had buried them and put ickle headstones on the graves.

      Back to flame school, shorty.

      1. Blofeld's Cat

        Ickle headstones

        [shudder] That's only slightly less creepy than a great-aunt of mine who had a succession of Westies stuffed and mounted on their demise.

        Her parlour was like something out of Edgar Allan Poe - all those glass eyes staring down at you...

        1. LuMan
          Joke

          @Blofield's Cat

          "[shudder] That's only slightly less creepy than a great-aunt of mine who had a succession of Westies stuffed and mounted on their demise."

          Stuffed and mounted? Wouldn't it have been more tasteful to have them just rubbing noses?

      2. Mako

        Or they're responsible (ex) owners...

        ...who don't want to risk poisoning the water table. Or don't want to risk some poor unsuspecting future homeowner unearthing the remains, (it sucks - believe me).

        Or maybe they just want to take Mr. Barky with them when they move.

        I had my cat cremated when he died. He's in a little box that sits on his favourite windowsill.

        1. despicable me
          Troll

          Cat's ashes

          I thought the idea was to scatter the ashes somewhere where the cat had been fond of.

          FWIW our cat seems to spend most of its time in the neighbours' dustbins.

        2. david wilson
          Badgers

          @Mako

          >>"Or don't want to risk some poor unsuspecting future homeowner unearthing the remains, (it sucks - believe me)."

          And depending where you live, it may happen rather sooner than some future owner doing a bit of gardening.

      3. The Cube
        Pirate

        Any properly demented pet owner

        Would have called in the taxidermist and had the danes (and possibly the dad) stuffed so they could carry on cluttering up the allegedly tiny apartment which had no garden in which to bury them.

        Of course these three little Einsteins would probably then have molested the stuffed and mounted remains in a different way but nevermind.....

        1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

          Re: Any properly demented pet owner

          This is the most insane comment I have seen in quite some time.

          1. The Cube

            Re: Re: Any properly demented pet owner

            What? Have you never seen the stuffed dog Rowdy in Scrubs? He is an essential member of the cast, well after his first death...

            http://scrubs.wikia.com/wiki/Rowdy

            Of course if more people did this instead of burial or cremation then we could amass private armies of dead pets http://images.wikia.com/scrubs/images/4/44/4x4kyle.jpg but that might be a little freaky, unless we made them into robot armies.

      4. Just Thinking

        I've buried pets

        I've buried pets (my own, after they died I should point out). No headstone. But cremation seems a lot of trouble and must be pretty expensive. Keeping the ashes is getting a bit creepy for me. If I didn't have anywhere to bury a dead pet I would be inclined to call my local vet to dispose of it.

        Wow, insulted by the moderatrix! Was it the flame icon? That was just because of the cremation.

        1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

          Re: I've buried pets

          It was just an odd thing to say. But yeah I took the flame as like, a flame.

          You can blame the bastards over in that other thread that has made me despair of humanity all over again as usual.

          I'm cremating my dog when he goes. It's not that expensive, £100 or something (including the little box and plaque, apparently). I've got a big enough garden to bury him but I don't really like the thought of it. I dunno.

          1. Cazzo Enorme

            @Sarah Bee

            "I'm cremating my dog when he goes. It's not that expensive, £100 or something (including the little box and plaque, apparently)."

            We had our cat cremated after he died of heart failure. Cost £40, and we then scattered his ashes up on Hampstead Heath. Unfortunately the wind changed direction just as Mrs Enorme did the deed, and I suspect I've still got bits of the poor little bugger in the fabric of my favourite coat.

            1. Evil Auditor Silver badge

              @ Mr Enorme

              The wind changed direction... In Big Lebowski style then?

          2. Galidron
            Grenade

            It's also illeagal

            At list in parts of the US it's not legal to bury your pets in your yard, not that your likely to be caught.

    2. Uk_Gadget

      !!Google is you friend'!!

      Turning into big business and has been available for decades pet cremation...

      i.e:

      http://www.dignitypetcrem.co.uk/?gclid=CKHipOzPyKYCFcoe4QodAVe9Gw

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    1st guy in the pic

    Someone should explain to him that drawing facial hair on with a black marker doesn't make him look older, just slightly odd.

  13. Allyourbasearebelongtous
    FAIL

    And then....

    Having had a taste for the good stuff they went looking for Soylent Green.

  14. Fred Flintstone Gold badge
    Thumb Up

    I get Black Adder flashbacks

    I still have tears in my eyes from laughing, grin.

    I get a modern day Blackadder IV feeling here, with Baldrick using ashes as replacement cocaine like his coffee ingredients. I think this is why it made me laugh so much. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.

    :-)

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: I get Black Adder flashbacks

      Er, glad we could help.

  15. Graham Bartlett

    @Just Thinking

    What else do you do with a dead animal? Leave it in a ditch somewhere? Not exactly hygenic, and it's not something any pet owner is likely to go for. Sure you can bury them, but it's a non-starter for anyone with a small garden, with a lot of pets, who's owned multiple pets over a number of years, or who has pets that are large (Great Danes, horses, etc.).

    1. Just Thinking

      burning != cremation

      To be honest I am not sure what happens to animals which get put down by the vet if the owner can't or doesn't want to take the body. Probably they do get burned, same as would happen if you asked a vet to dispose of a pet. Hopefully the glue/animal feed/stock cube industries are already served by regular abatoirs (but hell you never know these days).

      I wasn't saying anything against burning as a practical way of disposing of dead animals, but cremation implies some kind of ceremony and keeping the ashes afterwards which I find, at the least, a bit creepy.

      1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

        Re: burning != cremation

        Why is it creepy? I don't get it.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Why is it creepy?

          I'm guessing it's the transient smell of a Sunday roast as the furnace warms it up.

      2. Evil Auditor Silver badge

        Keeping ashes isn't

        But I'll tell you what really creepy is: hereabout is a collection point for cadaver. Literally next door is a butcher. And I'm still not quite sure which direction the value chain goes...

    2. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
      Boffin

      If it's been put down by a vet

      I would imagine they'd add a small fee for incineration of the remains, in a furnace (much like what happens to medical waste). I can see why some people would want their pets cremated and to keep the ashes, but I would imagine this is also quite costly.

  16. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    Fine name, but for a thug?

    From Lewis & Short, courtesy of the Perseus project at Tufts:

    mātrix , īcis, f. id.,

    I. a mother in respect to propagation (in lit. signif. not used of women).

    I. Lit., a breeding-animal: of breeding-cows, Varr. R. R. 2, 5, 12; of breeding-ewes, Col. 7, 3, 12; of laying-hens, id. 8, 2, 6; 8, 5, 11.—

    B. Transf.

    1. Of plants, the parent-stem, Suet. Aug. 94.—

    2. The womb, matrix (late Lat.): “matricis dolor,” Veg. Vet. 2, 17, 5; Sen. Contr. 2, 13, 6.—

    3. A public register, list, roll: “in matricibus beneficiariorum,” Tert. Fug. in Persec. 12.

    1. Galidron

      Hmm

      I usually think of the math construct when I see Matrix.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Sorry...

    When later asked why effect the asses had, one of them replied, it was the Dogs Bollocks!

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Pet disposal

    Man in big truck from a particular company turns up to empty the freezer unit at your local Vet clinic. Pets are then taken to an appropriate incinerator facility and disposed of as per clinical waste - hence the fee from the Vet. To pay for the man to take & incinerate the former pets (environmental whatsit licence - you pollute you pay sort of thing).

  19. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    OUCH!!!

    Fun Fact: Bones don't really burn. Sure all of the skin, hair, fat, muscle tissue, etc will burn off quite nicely. Bones don't. After a body is cremated, the bones and teeth are pulverized into a fine powder.

    I would imagine that it would be a sensation similar to snorting glass powder.

  20. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    and furthermore

    Any _Travels with My Aunt_ flashbacks here, or is poor old Graham Greene completely forgotten?

  21. Dropper
    FAIL

    Toxic nose candy

    The awesome part about this is that ashes are usually highly toxic, so there could be some well deserved karmic repercussions for the snorting chunky, grey nose candy.

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