back to article Runaway hydroponic fungus attacks real-world Starship Voyager

The Leicestershire Trekkie who turned his flat into a replica of the Starship Voyager spent two years battling an alien mould attack, unaware that it was caused by a dope farm in the property below. Tony Alleyne, 57, spunked £30k to convert his Hinckley gaff* into a homage to Star Trek, but was forced to do some serious …

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  1. Havin_it
    Boffin

    Just reverse the polarity

    That usually sorts everything out.

  2. Martin 19
    Coat

    Space opera vs. space cadets

    One flat was expensively fitted out to enable people to feel like they're in space; while the other is owned by a trekkie...

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Space opera vs. space cadets

      Very good. You win.

      1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

        Re: Re: Space opera vs. space cadets

        (That didn't sound like I chuckled at all but I did chuckle)

        1. david wilson

          @Sarah

          >>"(That didn't sound like I chuckled at all but I did chuckle)"

          I don't think that the stern vulture's eye helps.

          Does give things a bit of a hint of schoolmistressness (not that that's always a bad thing around here).

          Maybe there should be a slightly less angry vulture icon for your softer side?

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "I'm detecting large quantities of dope in the downstairs sector, Captain"

    I'm pretty sure they've already used the "mould in the transporter" plotline mind you.

  4. M Gale

    Living one floor above a dope farm...

    ...and not knowing about it?

    That guy either had a serious lack of nasal sensitivity, or the guys downstairs had some impossibly heavy-duty ventilation. That or they were growing shite.

    Either that or the trekkie thought the smell was "the mould". Or perhaps he was getting sly shipments of Cardassian Swamp Plant from the guys downstairs as a "shut the hell up" agreement. Who knows?

  5. Evil Auditor Silver badge

    Who was first?

    Did he start to build his Voyager replica before or after his neighbour started growing dope?

    It's Friday, we need to know!

  6. Code Monkey

    Ex-wife

    Figures

    1. Suburban Inmate
      Boffin

      Quite possibly

      It's actually pretty easy to make a grow op discreet.

      A charcoal filter on the extractor or an ozone generator will take care of your odours no problem. Acoustically dampened fans and ducting will eliminate most, but not all, wind noise, and water/air pumps are easy to muffle with cushioning under the tanks. On the door to the room you put sound dampening material and locate your air intake ideally above the door, constructing a box with walls in it lined with blackened sound absorbing material. This takes care of light leaks and residual noise from inside the room. Very important should you get some unexpected or uninvited guests! (Or if you bump into some tart on chatroulette and want to give her a bang without revealing your bhang.)

      As for the mould, the muppet grower clearly didn't have enough ventilation anyway. Cannabis benefits from normal or lower humidity, to help it take on water and nutrients, as well as keep bud rot at bay.

      In my experience, I had done all that and was one night bloody glad I had! A row with the missus (both drunk, she with weapons-grade PMT) sparked a visit from the plod. 2 of them went to the bedroom next to the grow to talk to the missus, with the grow in full swing right next door, and never noticed a thing. ;-) Lucky they didn't notice the supply and drain hose pipes running along the skirting board from the bathroom.

      1. John Smith 19 Gold badge
        Happy

        @Suburban Inmate

        You do know you did not post that anonymously?

        1. Suburban Inmate
          Pint

          re @me

          Its allright, I'm not growing any more.

          I'm now a decent respectable law abiding chronic alcoholic.

    2. Naughtyhorse
      Joke

      dunno...

      wife in the first place!

      stop press trekkie does it with a gurl!

    3. Rob - Denmark
      Joke

      What smell?

      Surely, a spaceship is air- and smelltight?

    4. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge
      Thumb Down

      It may come a surprise to many ...

      ... but there are some of us that don't know what cannabis smells like, in any of its stages of production/consumption. I certainly wouldn't know it!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Black Helicopters

        apparently

        it smells a bit like faint cat pee.. so im told..

  7. g e
    Joke

    Reconfigure the deflector

    to emit a polarised tacheon pulse

    don't mess it up or it could be an embarrassing gaffe (groan)

  8. Anonymous John

    Re Bootnote

    Is there a female equivalent designed to make the wearer look flat-chested?

  9. MinionZero
    Joke

    I'm guessing if I lived over a dope farm I would do the same :)

    "a dope farm in the property below" ... and the fumes from it ... helps explain why he thought, I know, I'll turn my flat into a replica of a Starship! :)

    1. Aaron Em

      Yep

      In at least some of the US (and apparently also to Google), it's known as a "breast binder".

  10. Lee Dowling Silver badge
    WTF?

    Eh?

    Declared bankrupt for over £100k of debt trying to turn it into a business already, so spends another £30k doing it up and fighting mould. Please tell me this guy has a *job* since he "had to" give up DJ'ing, or is at least throwing away his own savings (hard to believe if he's been made bankrupt before).

    Or is he really doing what I think he's doing? Spending money he doesn't have on Trekkifying a flat that he could have sold to clear his debts if it wasn't for the fact that his Trekkifying made it worthless. What about all those suppliers who haven't been paid or got only a token payment from the administrators?

    Seriously, if this guy hasn't got a job, someone should be kicking down his door to put him away. As my bursar said to me the other day: bring back debtor's prison.

    1. Aaron Em

      Envious much?

      I can't really blame you -- it's not hard to envy someone who can apparently afford to throw away a quarter-million dollars. But pretending your objection is on moral grounds doesn't do you any favors with anyone.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Basic research

        Would have revealed to you he's been working on this since 1997.

        The flat was also featured in the doco-film Trekkies 2.

      2. Lee Dowling Silver badge
        WTF?

        Eh?

        £166,000 of which was written off as bad debt as he tried to use it for "marketing" his Trekkie flat and failed. It *wasn't* his money that he did it with and has gone through bankruptcy because he *couldn't* pay it back. Then spends £30k (presumably of his own money but there's no indication of that money's origins so could well be a bank loan - if they *do* still lend to him, a friend's loan, his ex-wive's loan, or just money that should have gone on food and clothing) more on doing that same thing?

        Any idiot can obtain and throw away a quarter of a million pounds over several years. It's called a mortgage (though apparently they're harder to come buy now) or just applying for lots of unnecessary loans/credit and then never paying it back / destroying what it was secured on. The moral grounds I base it on are a) it wasn't his money - creditors must have appeared at his bankruptcy, b) he undoubtedly threw it away on a nonsense venture that should have realised it wasn't going to happen long before he got that deep and c) he's still doing it. And there isn't any mention of what funds that in any of the linked articles - we can only hope he has a job and (yes, I'll say it) isn't living off the state in the meantime. But considering he left his last job as a DJ because he was unable to continue - makes you wonder how he makes that kind of spare cash when apparently pressing a couple of buttons and putting on a set of headphones is too taxing in comparison.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          FAIL

          @ Lee (Work houses for the poor) Dowling

          Looks like you're prepared to make any assumptions needed to fit your little hate campaign.

          Sorry but debtors prison, give me a break.

          Would you like some ketchup for that chip.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          That's not the story at all

          Over the years since 1997 he spent the money on converting the flat to an unusual living space, then after a bit of publicity people started hearing about it, and started asking if they could get a similar thing done.

          He thought he could make a business out of it and unfortunately the business failed, as many businesses do, owing money to creditors, as many businesses do.

          Whacky and stupid or not at least he tried to give it a go. How many businesses have you started lately?

  11. Graham Bartlett

    @Lee

    He's enough of a Trekkie to do up his house like the Starship Voyager. You were expecting clear thinking and logical reasoning...?

    Mind you, if you've been made redundant, your ex-wife hates you and you're being declared bankrupt, maxing out the credit cards to make your flat worthless for anyone else might be a fun thing to do.

  12. Haku

    Space, the final front room...

    These are the voyages of enterprising stoners, their continuing mission to explore strange new strains, to seek out new lights and new cultivations, to boldy grow where so many have grown before.

    *cue strange wailing music; Dead Can Dance, FSOL, Deep Forest, William Orbit or some such*

  13. Tom 13

    Alleyne should consider at least going through

    the pro forma motions of filing civil charges against the downstairs flat owner for destruction of his property.

    Not that I think he'll have much left after the criminal system is done with him.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Voyager

    The Enterprise I can understand, but Voyager? That's just sad.

    1. OldBiddie

      Well

      It did get a bit better when Jeri Ryan turned up.

  15. AlistairJ
    Flame

    Bless

    A story like this makes me all nostalgic for the days of the evil weed ... pass me that spatula would you?

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    He reckons that "It takes a lot of heat and humidity to grow cannabis"

    He is not correct on that one...

    It grows quite happily in normal temperate climates; around room tempereature with average humidity is optimum.

    Excesses of heat and humidity are simply an undesirable by-product of big lights and lots of plants in a small space. But only if these issues are not properly mitigated.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Anyone remember "Mike's Madness"?

    Written by mbeebe and posted to rec.humor in the early 90's? Damn, now I've got find/download/read these again.

  18. John Savard Silver badge

    Problem Solved?

    Surely now that the people running the grow op have been arrested, his problems are over?

    Since the mold resulted from their criminal activity, once they are convicted, surely it should be absolutely trivial for him to sue them and recover all the expenses this activity caused him?

    Of course, there is the potential problem that they might not have the money. Especially since there's a loophole in the law allowing the government to spend money on feeding prisoners even when their debts haven't been fully paid off first.

  19. JonHendry

    BRILLIANT

    "Voyager is actually owned by his ex-wife, who's given up trying to flog the peculiar property."

    So basically his wife owns the flat, but HE lives there, and she can't get anyone else to take it. So he's got a place to live, and she needs him to stay there.

    That's brilliant.

  20. TeeCee Gold badge
    WTF?

    French documentaries.

    "....They even filmed me going to Focus in Hinckley to buy paint to try to sort it."

    Gosh. If that's typical of the genre, the French version of the Discovery Channel must be an absolutely riveting watch and make those long evenings fly by.

    Are they going to show the paint drying in part deux?

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