back to article Crazed reindeer stalks, attacks Scottish woman with antlers

Children are advised to hide under the duvet if they hear sleighbells this Christmas Eve, after it emerged that reindeers appear to have developed a taste for human flesh. The reindeer's ability to transform from Santa's little helper to ravening maneater was illustrated by the tale of a 57-year-old woman who was subjected to …

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  1. Dino Saur
    Joke

    But surely ...

    ... the reindeer wouldn't have attacked her if she wasn't wearing antlers?!

    My coat please. Mine's the reindeer leather one with a bottle of Koskenkorva in the pocket.

  2. Blofeld's Cat
    WTF?

    Scottish woman with antlers?

    I once knew a Scots lassie who had doe-like eyelashes, but antlers...?

    There is a way of curing reindeer that behave like this - it's called smoked venison.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    lazy, happy and grumpy?

    What about the rest of the dwarves?

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Hehe

    Sod the reindeer, I want to hear more about this Scottish woman with antlers!

  5. AGirlFromVenus

    Buckfast maybe?

    Perhaps some happy walker had left a part bottle of buckfast that our happy Rangifer tarandus had sipped up?

    B.

  6. LuMan
    Troll

    Misread

    When I first saw the tagline I thought the woman had antlers!

    Still, must've been pretty scary.

  7. Cameron Colley

    Make him into sausages.

    It's the only way to be sure.

  8. Gotno iShit Wantno iShit

    Cripes

    "Crazed reindeer stalks, attacks Scottish woman with antlers"

    Is it common for Scottish women have antlers? Or this poor soul about to have a new syndrome named after her?

  9. s. pam
    Thumb Up

    Throw another Rudolph on the fire!

    From first hand experience when on a trip to Finland, Reindeer is a damn fine bit of meat for today's challenging Chefs to cook. I would recommend a rump steak, cooked med well with a light Juniper and Compote of Raspberry demi-glaze drizzled over it.

    Mmmmmmmmmm

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Is its bite as bad as one from a moose?

    They can be very nastii.

    (Sorry, old Python joke)

  11. Eponymous Cowherd
    Thumb Up

    Mmmmm, Reindeer

    From first hand experience (business trip to Norway), reindeer is damn tasty.

    Little Miss Cowherd has never forgiven me for feasting on Rudolph. It was him. At first I thought it was a bloody big cranberry at the side of the plate, I now realise it was his nose......

  12. IglooDude

    Apparently...

    The semi-traditional US Christmas song "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" hasn't made it over to the eastern side of the pond, else this story wouldn't come as such a surprise.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      beat me to it...

      "Grandma got run over by a reindeer

      Walking home from our house christmas eve

      You might say there's no such thing as Santa

      But as for me and Grandpa, we believe..."

    2. Daniel B.
      Coffee/keyboard

      But as for me and grandpa, we believe!

      That was precisely the song that started playing in my head when I started reading this article!

  13. Steve 13
    WTF?

    she attempted to beat off the crazed caribou

    Intended innuendo, or accidental?

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: she attempted to beat off the crazed caribou

      God. You lot read everything into everything. I believe in this instance it just meant "repel with violent blows". Why would it be naughty in this context? Sheesh. Y'all are gross.

      1. Dave Cradle

        *chuckle*

        All? ONE person with an under-developed sense of humour mentioned it and then you, somewhat ironically for a person called Bee, accused us of behaving as if we were a hive mind.

        1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

          Re: *chuckle*

          You haven't seen all the ones I've rejected.

          Bzzzzzzzzzzzz.

  14. Richard Porter
    Coat

    Scottish woman with antlers

    Matron of the Glen?

    Pictures please!

    Btw smoked reindeer is like shoie leather.

  15. Ugotta B. Kiddingme Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    "attempted to beat off the crazed caribou with her other walking pole"

    Um... you're doing it wrong.

  16. Michael Hoffmann
    Joke

    Hollywood is interested...

    Rudolph - Revenge of a Bullied Reindeer!

    (He's back! And this time it's no silly reindeer games!)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Hollywood has been here before....

      I remember seeing a film from around 2005 ish called Santa's Slay where Santa's "reindeer" devours people while he is off killing innocents with gusto and armed with Christmas related puns.

      p.s. I didn't say it was a good film ....

  17. Blitz
    IT Angle

    IT angle?

    I even tried to make an IT pun that fit...but failed miserably.

    Where's the IT angle here Reg?

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: IT angle?

      Get out.

      1. Blitz
        Coat

        I'm going I'm going!

        Sheesh...let me get my coat!

  18. MeRp

    Lucky gal

    It seems quite fortunate for her that she survived. A bull white-tailed deer in rutt can easily kill someone, and reindeer are generally quite a bit larger; from the description of the event it almost sounds like the bull in question was treating this lady with kid gloves, though of course that could be due to simple understatement. At any rate, I'd say this woman was pretty lucky.

  19. Dagg
    Pint

    Scottish Reindeer

    Probably drink too much and ate too many deep fried mars bars! It was drunk and having a sugar rush and it could have a bit of Scottish rumpy pumpy!

  20. greenmantle

    The herd has a spokesperson?

    Max Clifford it has to be!

    I for one welcome our new caribou overlords!

  21. Francis Offord
    Thumb Up

    Rein, not so, dear.

    I can recall the problem occurring when I was stationed at RAF Kinloss in 1956 or 57. Somw of the aircrew had elected to go over Dava moor in order to get hime on one occasion and they were attacked when they stopped for tea and a pee. They were better equipped than the poor lady you reported, having a Very Pistol and supply of cartridges, this seemed to make the offender think again but their metal landrover was scored by the beasts antlers and they had a salutory lesson. That was, as I say, in the mid fifties so there have been possible events throughout that entire period. of course, the poor deer might have become incensed at hearing the wassail about him, red nosed reindeer indeed!

  22. Xtine66

    Ow! Quit it!

    Saki's story The Music on the Hill springs to mind......wonder if this woman is also a grapes-thief?

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