back to article NASA to make MAJOR ALIENS REVELATION this week

NASA has set the interwebs a-tremble with a teasing announcement to the global media that a news conference will be held in Washington DC on Thursday "to discuss an astrobiology finding that will impact the search for evidence of extraterrestrial life". The space agency's routine ploy of trailing major briefings in advance has …

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  1. Woodgie
    Alien

    I for one...

    ...etc, etc, etc...

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Alien

    I for one...

    welcome our now-moribund teenybopper web-2.0 socio-jibber-jabber guff-blurting overlords...

    Tough call as to amanfrommars or getmecoat icons

    1. Alien8n Silver badge
      Alien

      amanfrommars?

      Where is he nowadays, not seen him posting in ages...

      1. Code Monkey

        Where is amanfrommars

        He went back home to sabotage the Mars rovers

        1. SkippyBing Silver badge

          Scarely

          I saw a post from him on the Daily Telegraph website the other day. Mind you it stood out as being coherent over there...

  3. MattW

    Infinite monkeys

    Given the infinite vastness of the universe (and hence the inevitability of intelligent life therein), the law of probabilities means that in an alien language it's certain the Nicole's innocent sounding phrase actually translates to:

    "Bow before us alien underlings. We intend to launch an invasion force at our earliest possible convenience and you'll be sorry, mark my words"

    I'm pretty certain that the 'revelation' due this week will be that they've spotted an alien invasion fleet intent of having a bit of a pre-emptive strike.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      <title>

      ... But due to an error in scale, the fleet was swallowed by a large dog.

    2. Captain Save-a-ho
      Alien

      Additionally...

      Don't forget the massive invasion caused by the phrase, "I wouldn't want to go anywhere without my wonderful towel".

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Headmaster

        Same invasion, wrong phrase

        The invasion was prompted by the Arthur Dent saying "I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle"......"which in the Vl'hurg tongue was the most dreadful insult imaginable."

      2. Colin Brett

        I think it was

        "I seem to be having tremendous problems with my lifestyle ..."

  4. This post has been deleted by a moderator

    1. Steve Roper
      Alien

      Actually

      If NASA did announce the discovery of some alien civilisation, the same conspiracy theorists who have been claiming NASA has been concealing evidence of alien life for 50 years, will now start saying that NASA is faking the discovery of aliens to further the aims of the New World Order.

      One has to wonder at the mentality of such people.

  5. raivn

    autonomous robotic organisms

    There is more to NASA than meets the eye

  6. Tim #3

    What's the chance

    They are reporting a recent observation of a small craft at high altitude with a humanoid occupant, spotted somewhere over Spain?

    1. Blofeld's Cat
      Paris Hilton

      Wow!

      Can we have a Playmobil reconstruction?

      Oh wait...

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Alien

    Initial speculations......

    Already plenty of speculation on what this could be about. Some initial guesses can be found at:

    http://nasawatch.com/archives/2010/11/big-astrobiolgy.html#comments

    1. Code Monkey

      Can I?

      Can I just assume their commentards are tinfoil hatted nutjobs* and just not bother?

      * who said "like the Reg". Come on, own up!

      1. Dr. Mouse Silver badge

        I didn't say it

        I just thought it... :P

  8. Miek
    Alien

    Boinc / SETI

    Perhaps that's why there's been so few jobs in my BOINC for the SETI project.

    1. Olafthemighty
      Alien

      Re: BOINC / SETI

      Could be - they _say_ the servers got overloaded and are in the process of being replaced but I reckon they've been nabbed by NASA to hide the truth iof the upcoming invasion.

      Head for the hills!

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    Wikileaks?

    Maybe there's something in the wikileaks stuff that is going to blow the lid on something and the US gov't want to get in there first as a damage limitation exercise?

    1. Blofeld's Cat
      Troll

      You mean...

      [Looks around furtively] McKinnon was right?

  10. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
    Black Helicopters

    Of course...

    SETI no longer has anything to do with NASA.

    Or is that just what they WANT us to think?

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Alien responses

    "anyway laters."

    "Anyway? Laters?! Do you know what kind of intergalactic intelligence you are talking to? Hello? DON'T YOU HANG UP ON ME!"

  12. Drat
    Unhappy

    Old news

    I suspect they are trying to rush out the news that we are run by space lizards before Assange spills the beans. Puts a new perspective on the global warming thingie, I'm sure there must be an angle for cold bloodied creatures attempting to meddle with earth's temperature...

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    NASA?

    Like most government agencies, NASA is obsessively secrative. It keeps things secret that aren't even worth keeping secret. Boring everyday stuff.

    We are unlikely to see any "big" releases from NASA until it stops labelling the small stuff as being confidential, and shredding all and sundry rather than allowing the tax paying public to find out that something trivial happened 50 years ago that nobody really cared about at the time, and which people care about even less now.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Yay!

    They've found Santa!

    1. NB
      Joke

      a title...

      That motherfucker better have the bicycle I asked for 17 years ago....

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Ho Ho Ho......No bike for you, sonny!

        With language like that, you were put on the Naughty Boy list 17 years ago.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Same old same old

    It'll be yet another one of those vague things such as they've found methane or some compound that on Earth is only produced as a result of rotting bacteria or something, all of which means there might be the potential for the possibility that life could have or did once exist elsewhere, but there's absolutely no proof or even solid suggestion that it ever did.

    It's like watching a cheap & nasty version of Timeteam, where they find a manky old conker in the middle of a field and start talking about it as though it has Henry VIII's fingerprints all over it and is almost certainly the six-er that flew off the string when he used it in Hampton court whilst playing against Catherine Parr, causing his wife to shout out "Stampsies, you tart!".

    She was beheaded shortly thereafter, hence the popular Engish saying "always let the king win otherwise he'll pop a cap up yo ass".

    If this information isn't taken from Wikipedia, could someone kindly add it?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Happy

      TITLE

      Best post ever

    2. Red Bren
      Headmaster

      Catherine Parr Survived

      She was his last wife and died after him. Brave move to marry a homicidal egomaniac with a syph-ridden todger that looked like a lion bar.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Joke

        Re: Catherine Parr Survived

        "She was his last wife and died after him"

        Well there you go then, the previous information *did* come from Wikipedia!

        PS. Ronnie Hazelhurst composed Greensleeves.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Catherine Parr Survived

        >a homicidal egomaniac with a syph-ridden todger that looked like a lion bar.

        You can deduce all that from a rotting conker, I'm impressed.

  16. Christoph Silver badge

    Actually, the incoming message reads

    Enlarge you Bloxworgxt today with our new pills!

  17. Youngdog

    ALIENS!

    Quagars?

    QUAGAARS! It's a name I made up - double A, actually.

    1. Miek

      <Iamatitle>

      Whatever you say Arnie J

    2. Minophis
      Alien

      QUAGAARS

      They must look something like..........a roast chicken!!!

  18. Wize

    Its a message from the civilisations that have discovered warp drive.

    They say "Stop spamming us with Bebo messages!"

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Happy

      Or perhaps...

      A SPAM complaint has been lodged against your planet. You have 48 hours to respond or you will be added to the Intergalactic Blackhole List.

  19. BenR
    Happy

    Eric Idel said it best...

    Whenever life gets you down, Mrs. Brown, and things seem hard

    or tough.

    and people are stupid, obnoxious or daft,

    and you feel that you've had quite enouuuuuuuuugh...

    Just

    re-

    member that your standing on a planet that's evolving,

    and revolving at nine hundred miles an hour...

    That's orbiting at ninety miles a second, so it's reckoned,

    the sun that is the source of all our power.

    The sun and you and me, and all the stars that we can see,

    are moving at a million miles a day.

    in an outer spiral-arm at forty thousand miles an hour

    of the galaxy we call the Milky Way.

    Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars,

    it's a hundred thousand lightyears side to side.

    It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand lightyears thick,

    but out by us it's just three thousand lightyears wide.

    We're thirty thousand lightyears from galactic central point,

    we go 'round every two hundred million years.

    And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions,

    in this amazing and expanding universe.

    The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding,

    in all of the directions it can whiz.

    As fast as it can go, that's the speed of light you know;

    twelve million miles a minute, that's the fastest speed there is.

    So remember when your feeling very small and insecure,

    how amazingly unlikely is your birth,

    and pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,

    'cause there's bugger-all down here on earth!

    1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      All your title are belong to us

      Can we have your liver then?

    2. Ugotta B. Kiddingme Silver badge
      Go

      there, I corrected that for you

      Earth is orbiting at (roughly) "NINETEEN miles a second, so it's reckoned", not ninety.

      Other than that, good show. Best Python song ever.

  20. Anonymous John
    Unhappy

    Wikileaks.

    Why haven't they leaked it?

  21. The Fuzzy Wotnot
    Pint

    OK

    So Julian's WIkileaks news will be overshadowed by the fact that some boffin possibly might have found the merest hint of a bit of moss on some distant planet!

    Well whoopie-do! We have a shedload more problems down here that need dealing with first, before we start buggering up other "strange new worlds"!

    1. Antoine Dubuc
      Pint

      @The Fuzzy Wotnot

      Full Marks (I'd bet a small lager).

      I think its reasonable to assume that the government would try a publicity stunt via NASA, with say, the usual bankable ALIENS concept, to avert attention from wikileaks, from which they are really annoyed with.

      1. Autonomous Cowherd
        Pirate

        I call shenanigans!

        I suspect that the wikileaks itself is a distraction, possibly to push through tighter internet controls, or justify new offensive electronic measures.

        The content is no doubt annoying and disruptive to the international powers, but it seems to have been limited to a tolerable margin of irritation.

        This may be a distraction to divert certain bodies of people from noticing the sleight of hand behind the original distraction?

        I'm going to go stand in the snow for a while until the confused thoughts settle and melt into the slush that is my mind.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Coincidence

    UN appoints alien liaison boffin

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/09/27/alien_liaison/

    1. Code Monkey

      Alien liaison boffin

      Can we tell Gordon Ramsey he's got the job and send him into space? Somewhere nice like Neptune?

      1. Captain TickTock
        Joke

        Neptune - are you sure?

        Surely you mean one of the other gas giants... ?

        Up there.

        Right up there.

  23. Gusty O'Windflap
    Coat

    Send More Chuck Berry!

    Saturday Night Live was decades ahead

  24. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge
    Stop

    Just give them the money or shut them up

    I'm totally bored with the way NASA chooses to self-justify their existence with inflated claims and other nonsense.

    Shouldn't be long now until they claim to have found OBL living in a cave on Mars.

  25. kryptonaut
    Badgers

    Alien translation

    I wanted to see how aliens might translate nicole's message so I simulated it by sending it through Google Translate and back, via Korean, Welsh and Albanian. Message reads:

    "Hi im nicole. I am this when my ambition is to do, and I hit it show.i, West End stage, with a small television and theater, and also would not want to see the mind has nothing to do one day love kkokgwaneun or one of the main part of extra care and I love what I want to show the doctor. However, laters.Nicole X"

    I think that makes more sense than the original.

  26. Penguin herder
    Boffin

    Not necessarily

    It does not have to be SETI or Mars. Cassini is still at it. There have been rumblings of a possible chemical cycle on Titan, and Enceladus is belching things that could turn out to be revealing. My money is still on Europa, but it seems unlikely that news on it would erupt now - we need to go ice fishing.

    Kepler is probably more likely than SETI to turn up something interesting a long way away. The first finding there is likely to be a planet right where we would want it temperature wise. Then the hunt begins for water, oxygen and methane in said atmosphere.

    1. Code Monkey

      Semi-literate wibblings

      So not bad for Bebo, then.

    2. Christoph Silver badge
      Joke

      re Not necessarily

      "My money is still on Europa"

      And I will pay you the sum of ONE MILLION DOLLARS to help me return it to Earth.

    3. David 105
      Paris Hilton

      What she meant

      I've got a more accurate translation of what she meant

      "Hi I'm Nicole, I want to be an actress because Heat magazine has told me that's the pinnacle that a young girl like me can aspire to. However, due to my obvious lack of talant and understanding of the English language I'll probably just end up getting my baps out on page 3, and noshing off a footballer in a Romford nightclub".

      /social commentary

    4. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD
      Alien

      ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS...

      ...EXCEPT EUROPA. ATTEMPT NO LANDINGS THERE.

    5. Fluffykins Silver badge

      2010 Odessey 2

      ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS EXCEPT EUROPA. ATTEMPT NO LANDINGS THERE

    6. KrisMac
      Thumb Up

      .... and I love what I want to show the doctor... !!!!

      OMFG ROFL LoLZ! :-)

      and other 1337 shit like that...

  27. envmod
    Unhappy

    everyone wants it to be about finding aliens

    so you can fucking bet it won't be about that. probably be about them thinking of designing a new telescope which may or may not increase the chances of finding extra terrestrial life which may or may not be out there. said telescope to possibly go into service in 2035. but it might not do.

  28. Markus Wallett
    Troll

    alphabet soups and keeping people in the dark

    For gawd's sake, NASA and SETI are part of the consensus reality that makes people "collectively" a bunch of morons .The irony is that there's a lot of evidence to suggest that the Earth and humanity have been effectively "quarantined" for decades, but most of the population aren't aware of it. Our galactic quadrant is probably teeming with life, but we're like ants in a hill, and oblivious to most things around it. Non-terrestrials must really be having a good laugh at our collective stupidity.

    1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      Uh-huh.

      Lets see this evidence then. Go, on I can take it without my little head exploding.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Joke

        Evidence

        Surely the evidence is overwhelmingly obvious;

        We've not been visited by Alien life, therefore me _MUST_ be quarantined!

        What not good enough? I'll have another word with the skyfaryists and see what other reasoning they rely on!

      2. Ken Hagan Gold badge

        Re: Uh-huh

        "I can take it without my little head exploding."

        But apparently you are blind to the icon that accompanied the post.

  29. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD
    Alien

    Onoes...

    I have a bad feeling about this....

    QUICK!!!

    Check if the dolphins are still around!

    1. Daniel B.
      Coat

      So long and thanks for the fish

      That's the message they've received. We're screwed!

      Mine's the one with the Mark 42 improbability drive...

  30. Bilgepipe
    WTF?

    Kirk Here....

    They're going to release classified documents that reveal Captain Kirk really DID travel back in time to 1969.

    1. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD

      Or again in 1986.

      All that coverup over the missing whales, I suspect.

  31. Bod
    Boffin

    Meh

    It'll be another bit of gravitational wobble maths that has a signature that has led an artist to draw exactly what a new earth like planet that they've just theorised/"discovered", actually looks like in fine detail, complete with alien creatures this time.

    1. BristolBachelor Gold badge
      Alien

      Beat me to it

      You beat me to it, and are probably right on the money, although you forgot to say that the alledged wobble was reported from elsewhere a week before the shock NASA announcement.

    2. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      Beta CyberIntelAIgents ..... Are Everywhere and into Everything .... Every Bit of Anything.

      "It'll be another bit of gravitational wobble maths that has a signature that has led an artist to draw exactly what a new earth like planet that they've just theorised/"discovered", actually looks like in fine detail, complete with alien creatures this time." ... Bod Posted Tuesday 30th November 2010 13:48 GMT

      Right on the money, Bod ...... Here is the SMART Picture showing the Extent and Density of Cover with NEUKlearer HyperRadioProActive Intellectual Service Provision :-) ....... http://amanfrommars.blogspot.com/2010/11/101129.html

      And another smile, : -), because your disbelief does not hinder ITs Relentless Progress into Fields of Sublime Supreme Control....... with Temptingly Provocative and Disarmingly Promiscuous Power Memes for that Creative Cosmic Energy Flash Blast which always Driver the Special Event Horizons with ZerodDay Ones in the Immaculate Novel Beginning.

  32. Gordon 10 Silver badge
    Alien

    MAXOS

    Charlie Stross was right!

    <that is all>

  33. thecakeis(not)alie
    Badgers

    Dec 02, 2010

    Having previously detected a tenuous Oxygen atmosphere around the Saturnian moon Rhea, further analysis shows that the unaccounted for carbon dioxide present could not have been generated by any known natural means. Either some entirely novel chemical reaction was taking place...or there was life.

    The news electrified the world. Mass religious hysteria caused Lester Haines to kick El Reg's new LOHAN fighter/bomber project into high gear. Combined with Lewis Page's new (catapult equipped) homemade nuclear carriers, they unknowingly were Europe’s last hope for salvation.

    Reading the news of NASA’s discovery with alarm, aManFromMars decides that the Earthikans were getting too close to discovering the truth. Slowly, quietly, with great planning*, aManFromMars stares coldly and suspiciously down upon Earth and draws his plans against us…

    *aManFromMars is actually aware that he needs a less exploitable weakness than *$@$ing water…

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hugely important announcement that you'll never forget?

    The Beatles are now on iTunes!

  35. petur
    Coat

    I just hope

    the interstellar message didn't mention anything about a bypass being constructed

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Welcome

    Now that Leslie Nielsen is dead ...

    NASA can reveal that Forbidden Planet was a documentary and Monsters from the Id will emerge from the LHC as soon as the beams reach 4.0 TeV ... too much of a coincidence that all these things happen together ...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      Forbidden Planet.

      The best sci-fi movie ever made.

      1. John H Woods

        Yep, that's because ...

        ... it's a thinly disguised retelling of our local bard's "The Tempest".

        John H Woods

        Stratford-upon-Avon

      2. Michael Dunn
        Coat

        Forbidden Planet best Sci Fi movie ever made

        Yeah, script (slightly adapted) by Shakespeare.

        Has it ever struck anyone that humans are monsters from some other race's id?

        OK, there's a tinfoil roll in the pocket - I'm going into the hat business.

  37. MonkeyScrabble
    Coffee/keyboard

    Hmmmm

    I think NASA were going to announce that the aliens had decided we were advanced enough to contact , up until they received that rambling piece of semi-literate gibberish penned by Nicole (X).

    At that point they probably decided we weren't quite as intelligent as first thought and politely declined the offer of a weekend stay in Area 51.

    Cheers Nicole.

    I bet she breaks her teachers hearts every day.

    1. Nexox Enigma
      Headmaster

      Teachers...

      ...and your teachers would probably rather that you wrote that last sentence as:

      "I bet she breaks her teachers' hearts every day."

      Those punctuation bits can be important, you know.

    2. Michael Dunn
      Alien

      Re Nicole

      Perhaps, but at least she's single-handedly delayed the invasion foe another decade.

      What NASA is really going to say is that one of their super-duper space telescopes has detected a fleet heading this way, and that ETA is December 21 2012, and the Mayans knew that!

  38. Bluenose
    Paris Hilton

    Based on past experience

    NASA has found that space can support undeveloped intelligence and on that basis Paris has been selected to go to Mars together with the Obama's puppy dog (probably not a puppy now but hey who cares).

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Alien

      if Obama's puppy dog goes to Mars

      whi is running USA :-S

  39. lawndart

    Sounds straightforward enough to me

    The SETI project is being wound up because Virgin has started throttling bandwith under their "Fair Use" clause.

  40. drdom
    Boffin

    They're just after our money

    Apparently fierce property speculation within the Nebulon Ring Confederation exacerbated by over-hyped complicated financial instruments like collateralized debt obligations and mortgage backed securities (baffling even the best brains of millenia old extra-terrestrial civilisations) has led to a complete meltdown of the galactic financial system.

    Banking representatives from the Nebulon Ring are due on Earth this Friday for showdown talks about a bailout of their banking system, which will be made more complicated because senior Nebulon bankers are still expecting their bonuses this year.

    Must the middle classes on this planet pay for EVERYTHING??

  41. Tony Green

    Perhaps...

    They've actually found intelligent life in the US?

    1. VMax
      Stop

      Ok.

      We've now passed from silly into the completely ridiculous.

      1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

        Prime Time Correction

        "We've now passed from silly into the completely ridiculous." ..... VMax Posted Tuesday 30th November 2010 15:07 GMT

        You may like to progress and travel stages further, VMax, to realise Absolutely Fabulous for a Code Red Alert Panic and Acute Anxiety Attack.

        Correct me if I am wrong, VMax ...... but does your post reflect self doubt and dismiss the possibility of truth of some fantastic discovery/journey to be revealed as experienced by Others?

  42. tardigrade
    Coat

    Fribble.

    "Now is surely the time for wild and colourful speculation, not dull scientific fact."

    That's the only reason I read The Register. :p

    I'm hoping that the Culture GCU "Well I Was In The Neighbourhood" is on it's way. In fact I bet that's what it is. Closely followed by the GSV "Unfortunate Conflict Of Evidence".

    Utopia here I come.

    1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
      Unhappy

      Lets just hope

      ...that they're not sending a ship from SC. That probably wouldn't end too well.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Alien

        End too well?

        Pardon my saying this, but if it were not for S.C. your erratic, unstable and irrational civilisation would have ended at least 60 of your years ago. It is a fine line we tread, between allowing you self determination of your future from non-interference, and downright meddling to prevent a major catastrophe.

        Wel Lekker-Heet Meisje S.C. Agent, operating off the GSV "I think Halo is a pretty cool guy"

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Oh Goody!!!

    Is Eccentrica Gallumbits, The Triple-Breasted Whore of Eroticon Six, coming?

    Er.. I meant...

    Whatever.

    Where's my coat? I need to cover my face.

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    I only skimmed the article

    but can you ask Nicole to send candid photos of herself to my email addy?

  45. Sillyfellow
    Badgers

    its...

    ..more smokescreening to cover the real truths (as usual).

  46. Anonymous John

    Atitlefrommars

    Good news: SETI has received a message from an alien civilisation.

    Bad news: It's a 419 scam.

  47. Kobus Botes
    Alien

    So...the LHC DID open the

    interdimensional port, after all.

    From http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/11/29/lhc_lead_results/page2.html:

    "All the exciting ion-masher discoveries to date are to be outlined at a seminar on Thursday."

    Thursday being 2 December, which also happens to be the exact same date that NASA will make their earth-shattering (inter-dimensional portal-shattering, anyone?) announcement.

    Coincidence?

    Must check if my HEV suit is fully charged.

    Gordon - where are you?

  48. hugo tyson
    Alien

    Ambassador Zgurglvraaz

    "...am I of Norweb Federation and in escrow 7.3 brazillion Galactic Wangs is there. In gratitude of advance assistance to regurgitate these funds extramurally can I ...&c &c"

    Well, you get the picture, and it's been done better by someone else already. But that's what the first SETI decoded message will say.

  49. BritPad
    Welcome

    Help !!!!

    I for one would like to welcome our new overlords and was wondering if they could lend us €85bn or at least a fiver until dole-day. Best regards, Brian Cowen

  50. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  51. Bob Sanders

    "Poor Timmy." "He ate him all up"

    Probably a message to see if we need help with our killer tomatoe problem.

    "Bomb #20: False data can act only as a distraction. Therefore, I shall refuse to perceive."

  52. Primus Secundus Tertius Silver badge
    Unhappy

    Alien threat

    Cartago delenda est - or words to that effect, aimed at us. (Carthage must be destroyed.)

  53. Anonymous Coward
    Alien

    I bet its somthing daft....

    proberbly somthing more like the sort of crap thats usually in the national enquirer.

    man sees ailen in K art

    I saw... its thoughts. I saw what they're planning to do. They're like locusts. They're moving from planet to planet... their whole civilization. After they've consumed every natural resource they move on... and we're next. Nuke 'em. Let's nuke the bastards.

    I for one welcome our new resource munching overlords....

  54. imperception

    Oh no,

    They've must have seen images of Cheryl Cole emanating from a distant star. This can only mean one thing: that black hole at CERN is starting to distort the local space-time continuum. Where should we run?

  55. Jimmy the Tulip
    Happy

    Maybe....

    ...the big astrobiological announcement on Thursday is that all life on Earth will cease on Friday, hence having an impact on the search for evidence of extraterrestrial life.

  56. Petrea Mitchell
    Alien

    Advanced artillery found on Mars

    It's long been known that Mars has an excellent defensive system which has been able to disable most planetary probes when they approach. Clearly one of the rovers has discovered one of the ground-based portions of it.

    All right, here's a serious guess so that you can all point out how wrong I was later: amino acids on Titan. With lots of weasel words like "probable chemical signature" and "possible" and "likely explanation".

  57. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Welcome

    No! Here's the truth!!!

    In a fitting combination of the tried-and-true "Aliens receive earth mass media and make contact" and current events, the announcement is LRRRR, (Ruler of Omicron Perseii 8!!) has finished reading Johnathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal" via intercepted WiFi Kindle purchases and he wants to know that if we don't intend to finish off all those Irish, could we please pass them his way.....

  58. Stuart Halliday
    Alien

    Err we've already found alien life folks

    Back in 1996 NASA confirmed that evidence of alien life had been found.

    A piece of meteoroid rock call ALH84001 has fossilised life forms on it. QED: alien life.

    The original discoverer in 1984 was initially dismissed when it was first discovered but now NASA scientists generally agree it's life.

    Sadly for the Media it was not green, it was dead and you needed an electron microscope to see it. So TV, Radio and the papers generally ignored this announcement.

    No doubt waiting for something bigger, greener and more alive they could set their paparazzi dogs on to?

    ref: http://nssdc.gsfc.nasa.gov/planetary/marslife.html

  59. Anonymous Coward
    Terminator

    Replicators?!

    I confidently predict that if we are ever contacted it will be from a machine intelligence, due to them being able to survive in nearly any system with a sun and asteroid belt once built by a civilization similar to ours (i.e. carbon based existing in an oxygen environment).

    Just have to hope that they are benevolent, and settle for broadcasting data from the L2 point, or we could end up being deluged with grey goo before you can say "Nanotech Apocalypse".

    AC, memo to self build an EMP gun just in case...

  60. Winkypop Silver badge
    Alert

    Intergalactic traffic infringement

    NASA have received an intergalactic traffic infringement from the MWCC (Milky Way Central Council).

    Apparently we are parked too close to a yellow dwarf.

  61. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It is simple...

    They have received a message informing them that they have inherited some money from a long lost relative on the planet Nigeriaium and that if we send them $50 billion in potatoes and Wagner then they will make the money available to us.

    A very advanced civilisation.

  62. mafoo

    Not so much out of this world

    Evidently they have found microbes living in mono lake that are completely different to anything else on this planet. They supposedly use arsenic in their metabolism.

  63. F111F
    Happy

    Now Is the Time...

    to stock up on selenium...Head and Shoulders, preferably.

    Smiley (with three eyes)...

  64. ShaggyDoggy

    @ Same old same old

    Unfortunately for your argument Catherine Parr was not beheaded.

    Next.

  65. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    New markets for our banks

    Fantastic news, let's hope these aliens don't currently have any debt. By the time our banks have finished with them they'll be as enslaved as humankind !

  66. solaries
    Alien

    nasa_aliens_revelations

    Lets see whats nasa will reveal about exterrestial life and will own up to what it knows about other civilizations and possible communication with them or the usual denials of such contact we shall see.

  67. solaries
    Alien

    nasa_aliens_revelations

    I hope it's not same old song and dance show and this conference will reveal something substandshal and admit we are not alone in the universe and we finally made contact with someone out there and not come out with some dumb lie to cover it up. And o yes admit interstellar travel is possible and don't lie about it.

  68. pAnoNymous
    WTF?

    Alien TV coming to a cable channel near you soon.

    SETI has finally managed to tune in to ET's favourite TV channel - I for one can't wait for their SciFi shows.

    I can't see live communication working as the distances would be so huge it would take many years for each message to be transmitted. If we're a little but unlucky we'll find a message from ET from a 1 billion light years away (ergo their civilization expired half a billion years ago). where would that leave us? looking into the supposedly bright future of a civilization has already long died away (not that half a billion years is not good going).

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