back to article BOFH: You just can't go around killing people

Bot Wars IV - The Screenplay [Black Screen] Several screens of multi-coloured static flash by before the words: INITIAL TESTS INDICATE UNIT OK appear in large tasteless block letters on the screen. Another burst of static crowds the screen before a Camera image appears with the top half of the PFY’s upside-down face …


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  1. Isendel Steel

    and the run(ning) continues

    PFY been a bit too smart this time ...... or too many largers in the planning.

    nearly a coffee moment.

  2. Evil Auditor Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Finally, it's Friday! Thank you, Simon.

    <see title>

  3. Curtis

    Title? What Title!

    Simon, you owe me a keyboard. Another excellent story.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Of course you can go around killing people.

    Better not let it watch Hardware, though.

    1. Rob
      Jobs Horns

      Could be worse...

      ... might have seen Demon Seed [chill runs down spine]

  5. MichaelC
    Thumb Up

    TFI Friday!

    ROTFLMFAO, excellent work - can't wait to see the continuation :)

  6. ObSolutions, Inc
    Thumb Up

    Not just regular installments...

    but cliffhangers too! Can't wait 'til next Friday

  7. deadlockvictim Silver badge

    Damn! I have to wait.

    Cliffhangers like this are just unfair!

    Don't sell the film-rights, Simon, well, not for too little anyway. This will make a great flick - character development, Frankenstein's monsters, general mayhem and desctruction of office furniture and fittings. Just make it gratuitous.

    Could we have a bloody massacre, I mean a recycling, of some marketing types please?

    1. Mike Smith
      Thumb Up

      The waiting time..

      .. depends on whether production companies bite. I love this story!



      Alt-Tab to Series_2_episode_1.doc


      I'm working (with Simon's agreement) on a series of BOFH TV scripts and I'm trying to find a producer for them. I don't want to say too much at this stage, but I hope if it does take off, BOFH aficionados won't be disappointed.

      Having said that, I've deliberately avoided too much gratuitous violence. After the first couple of instances, it actually gets boring. There's only so much mileage in Arsenic and Old Lace. It's far more intimidating to show things that downtrodden IT people could actually do without landing themselves in the slammer.

      But chainsaw-wielding robots hunting the management... oh, yes.

      1. On Dego 1
        Thumb Up


        But I want it to air in the US too! Not just 2 seasons like they did with the new Dr. Who

  8. Anonymous Coward

    don't stop now I have to wait until next week.....what to do...what to do....

  9. Chris Evans
    Thumb Down


    Can we move on, this story line has been done death!

    1. DRendar


      You write it, we'll read it. Then complain it's boring. :-P

      Nice work Simon - great to be getting our BOFH fix so frequently now :-)

  10. Lottie

    Better and better

    Simon, have an icon pint because I can't buy you a real one. This is superb!

  11. Anonymous Coward

    single line of text

    Cut to Mission Control, an hour later. Simon and Stephen enter Mission Control to find the robot gone. The PFY’s monitor has a text editor open with a single line of text


    Excellent work Simon!!

    (fire = closest thing to fire axe)

  12. Tony Barnes
    Thumb Up

    Die Hard quote =

    Icing on cake!

  13. Annihilator

    Red Dwarf

    Assuming the PFY hasn't shown the 'bot the episode "Psirens", just give it an electric guitar and ask it to play.

    Or alternatively, nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

  14. Jesthar

    Oh, please, please, PLEASE can I borrow it?

    I could do *SO* much good with one of those around here...

    *prints pictures of certain lusers*

    Loving it - particularly the Die Hard line! :D

  15. Fred 4

    look ones moving....

    Famous last words??

  16. MarkJ

    Could only be improved by...

    ...two robots sitting in the smoking ruins of the building trying to decide which one of them is "The Thing"

  17. Evil Auditor Silver badge

    Episode 14?

    Versioning's never been the strength of the Bofh, has it? Then again, why would a bastard operator care...

    1. Steve Foster

      @Episode 14?

      You mean this one:

      (Icon for obvious reasons)

      1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

        Re: @Episode 14?

        Yes yes thank you everyone there is now just one episode 14 and a shiny new episode 15. Can I go back to bed now? Great.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    This story line is the best in a long time. Go on!

    IF they manage to get the robot back, the PFY should make 'em watch "Hostel"... then show 'em some Boss' and/or beancounters' pictures.

  19. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

    Excellent. Can I has pubtime nao?

    And Simon, don't you dare making us hang for several weeks this time!

  20. Daniel B.
    Thumb Up

    Return of the BOFH Killer Robot

    So the BOFH *did* pull it out from the basement after all!

    This is the bot Simon's using to hunt the other, Terminator gone DieHard bot. Woohoo!!!

  21. tony trolle

    Don't know why but I like the Robot Wars

    <see title>

  22. D. M
    Thumb Up

    If common everyday compuers can run skynet

    then a network of more powerful computers that gives the robot self awareness should be easy task for BOFH.

    However, I do remember BOFH has backup plan to handle "future" enemies who (or what) may threat his safety. Time to pull the trigger?

  23. Francis Offord
    Thumb Up

    Permanent fixing solution

    415v 3 phase mains in 3 nanosecond bursts, about 20 will suffice

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