back to article Man enraged by sagging pants pops cap in teen's ass

A Memphis man driven to distraction by the low-riding pants of two youths is facing aggravated assault charges after popping a cap into one of the exposed asses in question. Kenneth E Bonds had become incensed by the clothing of a pair of teenagers he spotted walking through his neighbourhood. The teens were sporting …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Terminator

    The white stuff is not mine...

    But sir, I see no white stuff, only brown stuff... which white stuff?

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Speeding

    Cops: Sir, we stopped you cos you were speeding.

    Perp: No it was weed not speed.

  3. JaitcH
    FAIL

    In the country of 'The Free' some towns/cities have dress codes

    There are actually some towns and cities in the States that have 'ordinances' (bye-laws) that prohibit the exposure of the physical meeting of anal cheeks (the crack).

    Some freedom of expression.

  4. Bill Neal
    WTF?

    WOW

    I am amazed that this crack story from little old Bradenton has gone all the way across the pond. I suppose it is funny, but what about the drunk Montana man who hit his sister in the jaw with a wrench at her wedding reception? surely these stories aren't so rare.

  5. bluesxman

    Lucky...

    ... he didn't wind up charged with attempted murder, which is surely viable for someone who has randomly discharged a firearm in the direction of a person.

    I must say I do agree with the spirit of his opinion on the matter, even if I don't agree with his massive overreaction.

    1. Lottie

      link?

      I'd love to read that story!

    2. Matt Bryant Silver badge
      FAIL

      RE: Lucky

      "....he didn't wind up charged with attempted murder...." Seeing as he was charged with aggravated assault it sounds like the two yoofs involved didn't merely disagree with the gent but probably offered to bravely re-arrange his head with their boots. If such a threat was made then the old gent would have then been justified to draw his weapon in self-defence, but not to fire upon the suddenly less-than-eager steetfighters us they fleed back to their Mommies. The difference here in the UK is the old gent would not have had a gun to draw, so the yoofs would have been free to hospitalise him and then wander off to their local dole office.

      1. sabroni Silver badge
        Stop

        So to clarify...

        "old gent" = genteel old man who wouldn't hurt a fly, obviously safe for him to have a gun, he'd never do no harm. Discharging a gun at some people running away from you is perfectly polite.

        "yoof" = thug. Low slung trousers are never worn by law abiding citizens.

        What a lovely simple world you live in.

        1. Matt Bryant Silver badge
          Boffin

          RE: So to clarify...

          Well, he obviously wasn't such a "genteel" old man, as the yoofs found out! And the term "yoof" is used here in London to indicate a young, unemployed male, often on the lookout for trouble or vandalism if only out of boredom. They are noteably cocky when in packs or deaing with (AKA mugging) the elderly, but become quite docile when confronted by the coppers.

          You also did not consider that the neighbourhood in question could be an area suffering from high levels of vandalism, burglary and/or muggings, in which case the locals (such as the old gent in question) would be keeping an eye out for those that didn't fit in (such as jailin' yoofs). If the neighbourhood had been filled with calm, well-behaved and law-abiding young men that always wore their jeans in a rediculous manner merely due to fashion, then it's highly unlikely the old gent would have objected in the first place as they wouldn't have been considered unusual or out of place. Seeing as the local Police don't seem to have come down on him with a ton of charges I'm guessing they knew the yoofs in question from previous criminal events.

      2. peyton?
        Thumb Down

        re:re: lucky

        So in the UK, the man without the gun is just as likely to start a pointless argument as a man with a gun??

        I doubt it.

        1. Matt Bryant Silver badge
          Stop

          RE: re:re: lucky

          No, in the UK the locals are much more likley to feel cowed and unable to defend themselves should the same yoofs turn out to be intent on a bit of mugging, burglary or vandalism. Nice of you just to assume the old man was starting a pointless argument, simply - I assume - because you think all old people act irrationally.

          1. peyton?

            re:re:re:re lucky

            No, telling people who are not your children how to dress is the pointless argument (no assumption required - if he didn't go ballistic, would he really stand a chance of changing their ways?, and by arguing with a gun he is guaranteed to have generated a)bad feelings and b)a law suit against him - so the point was?).

            If there is an ordinance in Memphis against their dress, call the police - that's why we have them. If not, he should try going about his own business next time.

            1. Matt Bryant Silver badge
              Stop

              RE: re:re:re:re lucky

              "No, telling people who are not your children how to dress is the pointless argument...." As I pointed out, you are fixating on one factor of the whole event (the one being pushed by the media as it makes for a better story) and not considering what may have actually happened. Sure, if it was simply the old dude that got incensed at the sight of some jailing, was calmly and politley ignored by the youths, and then went straight to loony setting without provocation, then I would agree that he deserves all he gets. But, he has been charged with aggravated assault, which implies there was a bit more to the discussion. Don't assume the headline is the truth, it's just what the media use to get you to buy their paper (or read their website with it's associated advertising).

      3. Bill Neal
        Thumb Up

        /r/

        can't find the original page i read it from, but here:

        http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gjuSQzknMQ1m2v1R3MQi9wO8XJzwD9IIF2NG0?docId=D9IIF2NG0

      4. Throatwobbler Mangrove

        edited for you

        "The difference here in the UK is the old gent would not have had a gun to draw, so the..."

        ...kids who'd done nothing wrong would not have been shot by the bad-tempered rageball who thinks he's got a right to go around telling other people how to dress.

      5. W. Keith Wingate
        Troll

        Or more likely....

        .... (last time I looked at the stats), take the gun from the old-guy and use it against him.

        'course I haven't looked at the stats in a while:

        http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJM199310073291506

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: dress codes

      "There are actually some towns and cities in the States that have 'ordinances' (bye-laws) that prohibit the exposure of the physical meeting of anal cheeks (the crack)."

      So how do they get anything built there?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Heart

        Spackle

        "So how do they get anything built there?"

        Spackle. Cures Plumber's Butt.

        (heart, because there is no other icon close to plumber's butt. Now, if we had a MonkeyBoy icon....)

  6. Stefing
    Megaphone

    Butt...

    "Low riders" came about because over the oversized trouserings dispensed to the incarcerated undesirables, those that didn't hitch them back up over there arses were indicating their availablity for some red hot crim-on-crim action.

    Doesn't seem quite so cool now, does it?

    1. bluesxman
      Go

      RE: Butt...al

      Sounds apocryphal, but I'll happily believe it and will chuckle to myself whenever I see a person so dressed.

      1. William Towle

        @bluesxman: apochryphal explanation?

        "Sounds apocryphal, but I'll happily believe it and will chuckle to myself whenever I see a person so dressed"

        Agreed.

        You're right though. Various twists on the theme are universally dismissed at Snopes (yes I have seen the relevant XKCD): http://www.snopes.com/risque/homosex/sagging.asp

    2. Keith 21
      FAIL

      Not only does it not seem "cool"...

      ...but your claim is totally and utterly wrong.

      Jeez, does NOBODY check their facts these days before spouting off on topics of which they clearly know nothing?

      http://www.snopes.com/risque/homosex/sagging.asp

  7. Titus Technophobe

    Justifiable

    In my opinion an entirely justifiable shooting! What with the similar styles being prevalent here I do wonder if the Alliance shouldn’t consider revising the firearms laws to allow concerned citizens to bear arms for these purposes.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Fashionable?

    "The teens were sporting fashionably low and sagging jeans."

    This is was fashion back when I was a kid.

    Fashion? Todays kids havent got a clue what fashion is. I even walked by some youth wearing "Top Gun" sunglasses! They need to be advised that their "fashion" is 20 years old.

    What a let down todays youth are!

    1. T-Unit
      Grenade

      I suspect...

      Anyone saying "Todays kids havent got a clue" is probably fairly out of touch with youth culture anyway

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      the best bet

      is to mention where this fashion actually comes from.

      Simply remind them that it was invented in American prisons, by a subset of the population, as a way to advertise their "availability" to other prisoners.

      1. Keith 21
        FAIL

        You could...

        ... "remind" them of that, but you would be completely and utterly wrong, and they woudl most likely, and quite correctly, laugh at you for your stupidity.

        http://www.snopes.com/risque/homosex/sagging.asp

    3. Thecowking
      Thumb Up

      A let down?

      No dear friend, they merely recognise the supremacy of the 80s and early 90s in all matters, be it cinematographical, sartorial or musical.

      Best decade ever.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Grenade

      Yeah

      Bare butt --> bear arms

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Kenneth E Bonds had become incensed

    Typical old git. They don't conform to your own dumb view of the world so you shoot em.

  10. adnim Silver badge

    Standards are falling

    Fair play to the man. He was obviously raised in a time where respect for ones elders and no doubt betters was sacrosanct.

    The decline of the English language, the decline of grammar within tweets and Facebook entries, and youths walking around as if they had a right to dress how they wish by wearing ridiculous looking apparel makes me furious too.

    I only have praise for his actions. I think it is about time someone made a stand against such declining standards and the "I can dress how I like" attitude of a disrespectful youth culture.

    It's not like these youths have a right to express their individuality by dressing the same as every other one of their peers.

    Do I really need to enclose the above in a sarcasm tag?

    1. Andy ORourke
      Headmaster

      Standards......

      I for one would like to congratulate the author of this article on the correct use of the word "loose", far to many times we see it employed even on this site by the highly educated contributors when they were actually meaning "lose"

    2. fishman

      Darn right!

      Hey you! Get off of my lawn!

    3. Code Monkey

      Sarcasm

      That last line saved you from a (gasp) downvote.

      Yes kids in saggy kecks look stupid but some people need to learn it's none of their 'kin business.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Terminator

        Saggy kecks

        Saggy trousers/pants look more than stupid -- it's obscene seeing a yoof's hairy, sweaty, stinky butt cheeks hanging out for all to see.

        Now then if it was a hot chick wearing them.... mmmm.... wouldn't be quite so bad at all, but it would still look stupid.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Do I really need to enclose the above in a sarcasm tag?

      Absolutely not. It couldn't have been clearer. Nice one too.

    5. genome
      IT Angle

      this is my title. there are many like it but this one is mine!

      typical f-ing americans. dont like it? shoot it!

      *grumble*

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Happy

      well hell yeah

      what's your point?

    7. Matt Bryant Silver badge
      FAIL

      RE: Kenneth E Bonds had become incensed

      I'm sure you made a thorough investigation of all the background to the case, such as why the old man was annoyed or how the conversation progressed to the point where he pulled a gun, and didn't simply accuse him in ignorance? I'm sure you also made enquiries to confirm the good nature and unblemished record of the two young gents in question too? What, you didn't? I'll try and look surprised.

      Whilst I don't condone the actually shooting, or the old man's attitude if it really was a case of him merely objecting of their attire to the poit of violent response, I would suggest a more thorough look into the actual event and the background of the participants before lamely blaming it on a "typical old git" and his "view of the world".

  11. Winkypop Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    Bond

    Kenneth E Bond.....

    NOT

  12. Peter Storm

    "unergonomic trouserware"

    Now that would be a great name for a band!

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    27 rocks in a crack?

    OK, I'm skinny but I can't easily imagine fitting 27 of anything in my arse crack. Let alone a bag of weed as well...

    Oh sorry, I just realised it happened in America, I wouldnt be susprised if he had fitted an entire meth lab up there.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    If

    he ever visits England, and Birmingham in particular, he's welcome to travel on the 51 bus with me - how I enjoy accompanying da yoof - they smoking dope upstairs and blasting gangsta rap at the dizzyingly late hour of 5pm, me trying to listen to radio 4 on my headphones.

    Ken - load up, mate, and start shooting. The driver takes no notice of anything

    1. Code Monkey

      The 51

      If it all gets a bit too much, get off at the Bartons Arms for a lovely pint and some peace and quiet. You could even grab a bloody good Thai meal.

      Damn I'm hungry.

      1. MonkeyBot
        Pint

        Bartons Arms

        And thank my brother for going down to Brum to train the staff how to run a decent pub.

    2. perlcat
      Pint

      years ago

      when I worked in soul crushing retail, a shoplifter was caught at the local gas station -- the woman had slipped an entire case of beer under her skirt and tried to walk out the door with it.

      She'd have gotten away with it, too if they didn't have the coldest beer in town, causing her to drop it.

      She was a big girl.

      A month or so later, she was caught at the local grocery, trying to steal a 20 lb frozen turkey, same method, similar results.

  15. David Eddleman

    Memphis

    Goddamnit, Memphis. Stop giving gun owners a bad name.

  16. SlabMan

    Weed's mine, not the speed

    The enterprising chap is probably leveraging ample spare butt capacity to operate a courier service. Federal Asscrack? DHoLe? United Passholes? So long as he doesn't branch out into pizza delivery...

  17. Liam Johnson

    I know

    He was at a naked BBQ and accidentally sat on it!

  18. Tron

    Given the number of short-tempered nutters in America.

    You would have thought they'd have banned guns decades ago.

    It's like letting employees in a fireworks factory smoke whilst they work.

    That wound up about what teenagers are wearing? Don't get a gun, get a life.

    1. David Eddleman

      Don't...

      ...blame the guns, blame the idiots. Sadly, just like internet access and making children, there's no suitable license required that tests for maturity (emotional and mental) and intelligence.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    Unergonomic trouserware...

    ...indeed. On more than one occasion I have seen said trouserware fall down around the ankles of a local yoof while they are standing up on the bus home. Safe, innit.

  20. HaplessPoet
    Joke

    Aggrevated Assault?

    I find I get very aggrevated when I see anyone dressed like that!

  21. Paul RND*1000
    IT Angle

    Bit OTT

    If I shot everyone whose clothing was ridiculous looking the streets would be piled high with the corpses of kids wearing jeans around their knees, people who wear pajama bottoms in public, and lets not forget the Snuggie, Goths, Emos, tracksuit-wearing spides, and so on...

    Besides if someone really wants to look stupid, who am I to stop them from making a tit of themselves in public for our entertainment?

    1. Benedict

      some title

      By chance got a photo of yourself for us to sneer at?

  22. min

    ha!

    he is my hero. eye on cheek + gun in hand / disagreement = bullet in cheek.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    That Perps Talking out of his....................

    wot Crak,? u mean my ASS ???

    nowt down there but some Weeds and Crakhole....

    what a Charlie..... no doubt Brown Thumbing it all the way to the visit by the Plod GP for a real doing over

  24. Joe User

    His saggy pants are now irrelevant

    Because his butt is covered by a large bandage.

  25. Jason Togneri
    Joke

    @ There are actually some towns and cities in the States...

    "... that have 'ordinances'"

    Yes, but unfortunately there are rather more towns and cities that have ordnance.

  26. Eduard Coli
    Unhappy

    Unprepared

    The baggy style came from the gangsta need to pass a pat down while carrying firearms and/or drugs for distribution.

    One could perhaps hide an AK down ones trousers if need be.

    Perhaps these two should have?

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