back to article Women would rather be on Facebook than on the toilet

A third of young women will check their Facebook account first thing in the morning, leaving having a pee and brushing their teeth till after they'd watered their Farmville crops. The frightening statistic came in a survey by lady-oriented US network Oxygen. The survey of 1600 18-35-year-old social media users - who have " …

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  1. LuMan
    Paris Hilton

    Simple Solution

    Fed up of having to post important Facebook alerts before releaving yourself in the morning, girls?

    Simply get WiFi and a laptop (or iPad*) and take care of all your social networking tasks while comfortably sat shaking your lettuce! Simple.

    *Perhaps Apple have got a feminine hygiene idea here....?

    1. Anonymous John

      Exactly.

      Don't women always claim they can multi-task?

      1. Ted Treen
        Joke

        They do, but it's a lie.

        If it were true, they could have sex AND have a headache at the same time...

  2. jake Silver badge

    So basically ...

    ... most of "lady-oriented US network Oxygen" "18-35-year-old social media user" survey respondents are fucking clueless airheads?

    I can deal with that.

    ::adjusts advertising budget accordingly::

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    My wife

    Has just been given a friend's iPhone hand-me-down. No SIM but it's connected wirelessly to our home network. Should I be worried?

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    not obvious conclusion

    Although it would be easy and no doubt many will use this to make some comment on the sexes, it shows more clearly the lack of clear thinking in most heavy social networking users.

    While quick to attach facebook's trust issues then posting compromising images.

    I have found recently that while linkedIn is being swamped by recruitment consultants, some of the female ones are using profile pics that i would not personally think were in line with the business focus of the site.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Alert

      Ooh, dangerous territory

      You should, of course, realise that women's brains are not capable of comprehending such advanced technology. See here for the evidence:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMb8Csll9Ws

      1. heyrick Silver badge

        @AC ("Ooh, dangerous territory")

        Perhaps rather apt, given what this topic is about...

        ...have you read the comments on that YouTube video? Wow...

    2. TkH11

      @ac Linkedn

      I've recently been approached by someone on LinkedIn asking I add them as a contact, someone I've never met or any dealings with in the past.

      I was about the second person to whom she requested the connection, one day later, the number of connections she had made has now gone up to double figures.

      She's posted quite a nice little picture of herself. it's clear what she's up to, she's starting a new business up in the North of England, and she's approaching IT professionals, forming connections because she wants their technical expertise in doing the IT, the website for her company and she wants its on the cheap, ie. free.

      Far be it for me to suggest she's using her feminine charms to get free support, free expertise from IT professionals.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Good... reason for a divorce

    Missus is always breaking the laptop out and it feels that Mr Zuckerberg is the 3rd person in my marriage...

  6. NB
    Badgers

    oh hi

    What the shitting christfuck is a 'live out loud lifestyle'? Other than some godaweful piece of marketing bullshit speak that is...

  7. Juan Inamillion
    Badgers

    Errr

    <gasp> I misread the title, leaving off the 'book' part... erm, sorry...

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I "Live an out Loud lifestyle"

    Says Betty, 46, from her mum's basement.

    1. Rob
      Go

      Interpretation

      I read that as drunk slappers

    2. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge
      Coat

      Retaliation

      Well maybe it's time to make her feel like Miss SluttySluttyJenny is the 4th person in that marriage then....

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Well ...

      It's the opposite of the shut-up-little-wifey lifestyle.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hmmm,

    Or in my wife's case, while she's sitting on the toilet..

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    I don't trust the goveremnt

    but I don't emigrate do I. You can live with distrust if the benefits outweigh the perceived risk.

  11. Doug Glass
    Go

    As Opposed To Men ...

    ... who view the toilet as a reading and relaxation room away from the chaos of daily life.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    Sorry to be an Old Fart (tm)

    But WTF is a "Live out Loud lifestyles"?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      protip:

      tin foil on the monitor may effect your ability to see where you are posting

      1. Thomas 18
        Jobs Horns

        its affecting my iphone reception too.

        123abc

    2. N2 Silver badge

      Perhaps

      Its a web 2.0 term for those who enjoy farting as loud as possible in public...

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Really?

      I must be gay or something. I shit and leave.

      In fact, I'd much rather talk to my friends - via any available channel - than shit.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Live Out Loud Lifestyle

    Are you an active and sexual you woman? Do you know what you want from life and reach and seize it with carefully manicured nails? Do you love social networking and are the heart and soul of a party?

    If yes, then *you* can be considered as not only having a Live out Loud lifestyle but also be considered for our euthanasia program for clueless fucking airheads.

  14. frank ly

    On Facebook.....On The Toilet....

    I thought the two were equivalent.

  15. ShadowedOne

    Live Out Loud..

    My guess is that this "lifestyle" primarily involves living your life and telling everyone about everything thing you are currently doing, are about to do, are thinking about doing, and your various random thoughts.

    1. Richard 120

      Does that mean

      I can live a "Shut the F*ck Up" lifestyle?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Stop

      Bad Form!

      Don't do that! Some of us need a shot at companionship, too, you know?

    3. Eddie Edwards
      Thumb Up

      I see

      So it's like having a husband except several hundred facebook users share the pain.

  16. Peter Storm

    Live out loud lifestyle...

    as opposed to a Go outside lifestyle?

  17. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    (untitled)

    "watered their Farmville crops", what's that a euphemism for ?

  18. Is it me?

    I'd rather be on the toilet...

    than on facebook.

    1. Ted Treen
      Flame

      What's the difference?

      Well, they're both just ways of having your morning crap...

  19. SonnyJimm
    Headmaster

    Really?

    Facebook over sitting on the bog?

    The toilet is the one place you are still king - unless the flush breaks. It's also the most peaceful place to be....when there isn't a plopping noise.

    This guy, because he looks like he could be constipated

  20. Rogerborg

    Lies, damn lies and surveys

    The significant number is not the number asked, nor is the percentage of "respondents" who said X, it's the percentage of people that you asked who said X.

    Ask 1600 users, get 1500 responses, of which 500 say they Facetweet first thing: might be significant.

    Ask 1600 users, get 6 responses of which 2 admit to being saddos: not so very significant at all.

    Polling shysters will, for obvious reasons, insist that the standard methodology is to ignore the non-respondents, rather than counting a non-response in the "Don't give a stuff, stop bothering me, you spaz" column.

  21. soddit112

    biased survey is biased

    was this survey one of the "fill this in to view the funny funny picture!!" ones? if so, remember the sort of people daft enough to actually do those :/

  22. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge
    Happy

    Sleep with their PDAs? Seen worst.

    The handbrake must have been a tiny furry mammal in a previous life as she won't go to sleep without gathering in hes nest her cell phone, music player (complete with headset and possibly charger), lipbalm, nail cutter and whatever appeared to have been of potential use at the time she went to bed. Let me tell you that waking up with the imprint of a bulky Nokia phone in the middle of the back and headset wire marks all across the face is NOT comfortable. Let me also tell you that Motorolla phones are really crap (the Nokia and Sony ones are still mostly functionnal after several years of that treatment. The longest any Moto one lasted was 2 month. The shortest, just 2 weeks).

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Pint

      You needa see a lawyer

      Divorce, the best thing that ever happened to me ... ;-)

      1. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

        re: You needa see a lawyer

        «You needa see a lawyer»

        Damn sure I do. I mean, I can't believe they actually CHARGE for those crappy Motorolla handsets.

        Oh wait, did you actually mean "see a lawyer" about my relationship issues? That might be a good idea, although I would think that a good dedicated lawyer would probably be _more_ liable to sleep with her PDA, not less.

        Anyway, I find this "small item gathering" pattern is actually kinda cute, in a weird kind of way.

    2. Gene Poole
      Thumb Up

      Aye,

      old Nokia phones are as tough as old boots. I bounced one down the platform at King's Cross while running for a train a few years back, and it carried on working perfectly.

  23. Bernard M. Orwell
    Paris Hilton

    Whatever you do...

    ...don't google for "Live out loud lifestyle". The results will kill your branes.

    1. Titus Technophobe

      Done it.

      Ooops just done this one. Anyways it would appear that 'Life Coach Michael Moniz shares his stories, tips and activities to help you start living your life out loud! ... Lifestyle'. Presumably Mr Moniz has given Google the biggest bung.

      No Idea what this is all about. Does this increase said females mptsa.... marginal propensity to sleep around, or not?

  24. Winkypop Silver badge
    Joke

    I'd rather be on women

    than on Facebook... *

    * Not that I've ever been on Facebook.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Joke

      * Not that I've ever been on Facebook.**

      ** or on a woman, for that matter.

  25. Tim 49

    "They also seem unconcerned about flashing their location".

    Especially after six pints of Babycham.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    WTF?

    "Live out loud" is a song by Christian Popaganda (typo intended) singer Steven Curtis Chapman, c for yourself:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steven_Curtis_Chapman

    So, this is a lifestyle this guy preaches? .... hm .... Now, I doubt true Christian women would do much on facebook ...let alone date random guyz on facebook? Are they not supposed to marry before the first time and owe obedience to their huzzy etc etc?

    Seriously, this "term" is marketing bs!

  27. TkH11

    Chat

    Isn't Facebook just a vehicle for women to just talk utter crap and gossip about nothing of any importance?

    Just like your daughter spends 2 hours on your phone every night talking to her mates about nothing of any particular value, whereas your son will be playing computer games, out playing footy with his mates or building the next fusion reactor in his bedroom.

    I grew up in a single parent family with a mother and sister (I have brothers too but they'd left home when I was in my formative years) and F**k me, 30 years later my sister still telephones my mother up at 7pm every night of the friggin week to talk about utter crap. Every night without fail.

    Do I get on with my sister? You've got to be joking.

  28. Doug Glass
    Go

    Gives A Whole New Meaning ...

    ...to the phrase "full of shit".

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