back to article F*ck you, thunders disgruntled fanboi Apple user

Here's a poser for you: What's the difference between a fanboi and an informed Apple user? The answer? Well, here's the opinion of one Aaron, in response to our piece Apple in Brazilian iPad shocker, in which this hack evidently failed to distinguish between discerning technology aficionados and slavish worshippers at the …

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  1. Slug
    Jobs Halo

    Is this a lateral thinking problem?

    ...I have no legs.

  2. John McEchron

    and the fanboi says...

    well, I can't jump because I always get stuck in some hipster-pose with my hair spread out. Then my iPod starts glowing white and I can't move again for at least 30 seconds - like I'm waiting for some random iTunes task to complete.

  3. Graysonn

    duh

    ...if I'm onboard we'll survive. Because apples never crash.

  4. David Webb

    Ending

    "There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because..."

    White mac's can't jump.

  5. Graysonn

    fanbois dream....

    ..if I'm onboard we'll survive. After all Apples never crash.

  6. revdjenk
    Grenade

    The Apple fanboi says,

    "I can't jump, 'cuz there isn't an app for that."

    Which helped the Linux penguin to become brave enough to retort, "and I can't fly without more support."

    As the two turned toward the Windows luser, they saw he had already jumped at the idea of "open" Windows.

  7. Haku

    "well, I can't jump because..."

    ...I don't have an app for that.

  8. Steven Knox Silver badge
    Joke

    Okay, I'll have a go...

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go,

    The fanboi says, "well, I can't jump because the interface to the parachute system is way to ugly."

    The luser says "I can't jump because it's an illegal operation."

    The peguin jumps, but fails to survive because it couldn't decide which of its 13 parachute packages it wanted to use, while the plane itself crashes because nobody noticed that the plane manufacturer had linked the control systems to the penguin.

  9. TheOpsMgr
    Joke

    Interrupt-driven...

    "... because to leap out would be pre-emptive and we know that iP*d's can't multi-task..."

  10. anoff

    Air Superiority

    I can't jump because "i'm more important than you two. I can even afford a UK iPad!"

  11. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    fanboi

    lol

  12. Gutz

    because...

    the Fanboi would have a MB Air and have no money weighing them down...

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    ..because.

    ....there's no app for that.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    because...

    I don't have my iChute!

  15. zmijoljuta

    My iParachute...

    ...is not designed (to) open

  16. Leeroy Bronze badge
    Thumb Up

    Fanboi

    I LOL'd

  17. ktabic
    Pint

    I can't jump because...

    ...my personal saviour Steve Jobs is due to announce a new iPhone that will be even more like a real phone and there will be new iPads and I think there is an app to cancel out that whistling sound and Steve Jobs wouldn't want me missing out on those since he is doing his best to make iStuff safe and secure and unable to do anything He wouldn't do and then I have to...

    The penguin and the luser, both looking out of the planes hatch watch the fanboi disappear through the cloud layer. They look at each other.

    "Jobs a good un" says the penguin.

    "I guess we really do have things in common" says the Windows luser.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Yes!

    Yep, I agree...Fuck you..

  19. Chris Seiter
    Thumb Up

    Poor finish

    "have a family at home that loves me." The penguin and the Windows lUser respond with the same, and they all look at each other knowing that no one will volunteer.

    The pilot comes out of the cockpit and checks to see if they have made a decision.

    "No one wants to jump, sir." the penguin tells him. The pilot walks to the back of the plane and grabs the only parchute. He opens the door, and as the wind is rushing in they hear him yell to the fanboi, "F*ck you, Kevin Smith. Lose the weight!" and the pilot parachutes safely to the ground as the plane crashes into the mountainside.

  20. Evil Graham
    Thumb Down

    Come on Lester

    That's a really lame FoTW. Where's the upper case ranting? The mixed-up grammar? The foaming-mouth rage and personal insults?

    This one even had punctuation, FFS.

    Didn't there used to be a Reg checklist for FoTWs?

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane,

    and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    the parachute isn' approved by Apple

  22. Brian Miller Silver badge
    Joke

    Linux penguin, Mac Fanboi, Windows luser

    The fanboi says, "I can't jump because ..." and then the penguin slaps him across the face, throws the Windows luser out the door because the luser has blue-screened already. Then the penguin says, "I'm already backed up on the Internet," and dives out. The pilot, realizing that there's only the fanboi back there, gives the plane a barrel roll and fanboi goes tumbling out through the open door.

    This has been brought to you by zOS Airlines.

  23. Keith Doyle
    Jobs Halo

    It's quite simple, really...

    "fanbois" are knee-jerk religious fanatics about their computer. This guy just proved he is one...

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    because...

    ...my shoes are filled with semen.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Can't Jump Because...

    I can't jump because my life won't flash before my eyes

  26. Dave 52
    Joke

    ...and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    ...there's no app for that

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Too much name-calling

    Although I'm not a Mac user myself, I'm also bothered by the excessive use of the term "fanboi" and similar expressions. They can be OK and funny if used sparingly but The Register has gone way overboard in this in my opinion.

    I very much appreciate the critical viewpoints expressed here, but a cutback in name-calling and general rudeness would certainly serve this site well. If I ever stop coming back, it'll be most likely because of this.

    Just my two cents.

  28. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

    Because...

    Although the beginning doesn't fit very well with what I had in mind, I'll give it a spin.

    ... because you didn't say «Steve Jobs says»

    ... because there's no app for that.

    ... just make it fly, not that big of a deal. Sent from my iPhone.

  29. empty

    Suggestion

    ....that involves multi-tasking.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    Because ...

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because... THERE'S NOT AN APP FOR THAT!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Happy

      Fanboi alert

      Clearly a fanboi here.

    2. Rafael 1
      Dead Vulture

      Come on...

      Who is really, truly obsessed by Macs, iPads and iPhones, and can't talk about anything else? Regtards, of course.

      I am surprised we don't see more "news" like:

      "New botnet discovered -- by a AV researcher who, when asked, said the iPad is cool"

      "Naomi chucks another phone at a servant... if it was as heavy as an iPhone it would really hurt"

      "Watch out for the next Microsoft's Patch Tuesday -- iPhone upgrades not included"

      "Obama says Nasa will go again to the moon... which is orbiting the Earth... which contains several million iPhones."

      "Several UK voters used their iPhones before voting -- what does it mean?"

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      iDick

      iDick

    4. Dave H 2
      Dead Vulture

      This has been irritating me too...

      For a while now, El Reg has been referring to Apple users as fanbois, regardless of context. Apple users complain about a bug and the headline reads "Fanbois howl" - how is that an accurate use of the term? Real fanbois deny all failings of their beloved whatever. Insult them when they have it coming, not all the bloody time!

      Blanket attacking a usergroup actually seems a lot like fanboi behaviour to me (and don't start on me - I've never owned anything apple).

    5. Anonymous Coward
      FAIL

      in your opinion...

      So what of; linux penguins, windoze lusers, commentards? everyone gets a pasting on el reg. it is not unfair, yet only the fanbois complain. perhaps they feel theres truth in it? and it hurts thier frail easily tempted souls...

      btw you won't be missed.

  31. Trevor Pott o_O Gold badge

    I can't jump because...

    ...I don't have an app for that.

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    No can do...

    Either me falling or this plane flying would have to run

    in the background and that's not possible right now...

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane

    and the pilot says, "We're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go".

    The fanboi says, "Well, I can't jump because it's not supported. But Apple have got this brilliant other thing called LeapyBounceBounce which only costs $8.95 and does everything that jumping can do, but better. That said I think I need the next version of the iThingy to make it work".

    The Linux pengiun says, "Well I can't jump because I can't decide which is the best way to do it. There's a package for it, but someone's done a module which needs some tweaking and it'll take twenty-five minutes to compile. Mind you I'll need to update libjump.so for this release. I might see if there's an emacs version while I wait."

    The Windows luser says, "I'll jump". "What?", exclaim the others, "You'll be killed!". "Yeah", he replies, "but for fuck's sake at least I'll have some peace and quiet".

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Fanboistastic

    ... because I've dedicated my liver to Steve Jobs and the impact will squish it!!!!

  35. Richard Bedford
    Joke

    Here's my effort - probably won't be the first

    Because..... if I stay on board and power up my Mac, it never crashes so we'll be ok. For gawds sake dump the Windoze bloke or we're doomed!

    Ok - predictable and not so funny....

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Fanboisadoodledo

    ... because I am part of the new 1000 year reich, heil Jobs, heil Jobs!

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Fanboistastic

    ... because in my next revision I may actually be usable rather than just pretty!

  38. Flybert

    not a fanboi

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    ... I'd crush my Apples™ ...

  39. Dante

    because

    jumping has not been approved

    1. Danington the Third
      Heart

      well done sir

      allow me to congratulate you once the tears have been wiped from my eyes.

    2. Trevor Pott o_O Gold badge

      and/or

      jumping has been rejected.

  40. P 4

    existance

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    "... Life without Windows is like Penguins without ice."

  41. Nexox Enigma

    nut job...

    Did el reg ever suggest that only fanboys use Apple products? I just figured that Apple users that aren't fanboys would assume the reg wasn't referring to them, and move on. I'm not offended by the term, and I have one of these fancy new unibody macbook pros that everyone seems to like.

    Of course it's for work, and I didn't have any say in the purchasing decision. I personally find it to be heavy and somewhat annoying, but whatever floats (sinks) your boat, I guess.

  42. bexley

    "There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane...

    Windows luser "i cant do it, we dont have the time or money to pay for the software i'd need to perform this most basic task, when trying out some 3rd party app's for this in the past i picked up a few viruses and for some reason my browsers home page is now Mr lawrence Balthasar's Friendly and honest bank in Ghana"

    Linux Penguin says "Fuck it, i'll do it if means i dont have to listen to this shit anymore, he tries to step forwards to the hatch and end's up going backwards, then he tries to walk around the windows luser and moves in the opposite direction. Try as he might he cant repeat the same thing twice and eventually sit's back down with his head in his hands to wait for the next update

    The Mac meanwhile has noticed none of this and is still absorbed by his image in the mirror.

    Windows luse looks at Penguin, in the blink of an eye they both realise which of the three the world could live without, the corporations and slaves that have to use windows and the server market will be safe as they kosh the fanboi over the head and stuff him out the hatch.

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I can't jump because. . .

    . . . my iSlave EULA specifically states that I can only jump out of planes owned and operated by Apple, and that if the time comes for me to make the ultimate sacrifice, I will be personally notified by the Supreme Apple Being using approved H.264 video on my iDeviceOfChoice.

    1. I didn't do IT.
      Happy

      Re: iDeviceOfChoice

      So... an iDOC? Pretty useful after landing/crashing, eh?

  44. soaklord

    Can't jump

    Because Apple patented flight related passenger rights guaranteeing that despite prior art, no one but a Fanboi is allowed to actually remain as a passenger .

  45. Tim Roberts 1

    I'ts ok I'll jump

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says,

    "well, I can't jump because I'll need permission from Steve first and he isn't answering my emails".

    The penguin replies " well I cant jump because penguins cant fly".

    The luser looks out of the window and sees the sea below and says "It's ok I'll jump, the sea reminds me of the BSOD"

  46. Mouse_Nightshirt

    I can't jump because...

    ...Newton has already discovered gravity

  47. Thoughtcrim
    Boffin

    Because...

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and...

    ...the three spread out, fingers poised above their holstered smartphones. The cabin lights beat down mercilessly, and somewhere in the distance a spanish guitar twangs as a harmonica strikes a discordant note.

    Sweat beads, eyes flicker back and forth, and fingers twitch as the guitar quickens into a crescendo. And then -

    The Windows luser draws first, stabbing frantically at his custom skin. The Linux penguin is only a split second behind, grasping at the strange chin on his Android phone...

    ...but too late. In a blur, the fanboi draws his iPhone, pairs with his rivals' phones, launches the "iTaser" app and sends a high-voltage pulse coursing through their bodies. As they convulse, he drags them towards the emergency exit.

    First to go is the Windows luser, screaming into the darkness. Breathing raggedly, the Linux penguin clutches at the doorframe, and gasps "How... were you... so fast...?"

    The fanboi holsters his iPhone, then gives the penguin a hearty shove. As the penguin drops into oblivion, the fanboi's last words ring in his ears... "Sequence shortened"

  48. nsld

    What really happened

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    Who will save me?

    Dont worry said the Penguin, I see a super hero.

    Who they cried?

    "Its Flash aaa aaaa saviour of the universe"

    He cant save me cried the Fanboi

    No one can they replied your doomed to the jobsian prison mwwwwha ha ha

    1. I didn't do IT.
      Jobs Horns

      Re: Sequence Shortened

      Ah... like they do in the commercials. Brilliant.

  49. el_genj
    Jobs Halo

    I can't jump because. .

    Jobs hasn't told me to, and that's not cool.

    1. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD
      Thumb Up

      First prize.

      Is it wise men think alike or foolish men seldom differ?

      While not verbatim, that's instinctly what I thought of, pretty much.

      Thumbs up

  50. Maestro

    Because...

    Steve says no.

  51. RJPH
    Coat

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says,

    we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because ...

    ... we'd loose the weight quicker if either of those 2 jumped - they can be gone in a flash!

  52. WickedMystic
    WTF?

    Doesn't make sense...

    Which plane? The prime material plane? The ascended plane? And can't all three of them use a jump command? Afterall, it's just an unconditional break, sometimes called a GOTO.

    I don't understand your joke. Oh, and penguins can't fly either.

  53. SlabMan

    There's a Linux penguin...

    'There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, 'well, I can't jump because that would be silly. I'd rather just walk. After all, the plane hasn't taken off yet.'

  54. Wade Burchette
    FAIL

    I can't jump because...

    Because jumping is only available in the next version dubbed Mountain Snow Leopard and I haven't paid to upgrade yet.

  55. Shazback
    Joke

    A priest, an irishman and a horse walk into a bar...

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    ...iPhone lease in Nepal 'n' Apps to do that.

  56. bandwidthbandit
    Flame

    can't jump because...

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because I'm full of shit

  57. Ammaross Danan
    Jobs Horns

    because...

    "I can't jump because I'm still a virgin since I can't download iSex from the App Store!"

    The Linux user jumps, since his desktop is in the Cloud(s) already.

  58. Bigpatc
    FAIL

    A salami under one arm and a weiner dog under the other.

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    The penguin said he would jump after he updated his will. Being unable to decide between Emacs and VI he was parylzed.

    The fanboi, lacking a crowd of lemmings to follow, was unable to find the exit.

    The Windows user had his critical system files deleted by McAfee and was stuck at a grey screen.

    As the plan neared the ground suddenly someone leaped to action. As the pilot left the plane he cursed the load of idiots so enamored with their toys that they forgot to live in the real world as the aircraft spiraled to the ground and burst into flame.

  59. Robert Heffernan
    Joke

    I can't jump because...

    *Shove* AAAaaarrrgghhh!!

  60. Marcus Fil
    Jobs Halo

    because..

    once you've gone Mac there is no going back

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.......

      Thump!.....Noice one.

  61. Grubby
    Happy

    umm

    ...I won't fit out the door of Apple Airlines plane as I forgot my official Apple adaptor. £29.99 at all good retailers...

  62. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    because...

    iCANJUMP isn't available, despite information to the contrary leaked on the Interweb.

  63. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Can't Jump

    I can't jump because you didn't tell me how high.

  64. daniel hobson
    Paris Hilton

    jump...

    the fanboi cant jump because he/she is too busy bumming steve jobs, the linux penguin is worried about support and the windows luse... BSOD!!!!

    paris... because shes a slag

  65. flir48

    and the fanboi says....

    Good show. Readers are invited to provide the ending for another poser: There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    ...... "then I'll be gone in a FLASH!".....

  66. Michael Langner
    Joke

    I can't jump because...

    If I land in the ocean, the moisture sensor on my iPad will void my warranty!

  67. bart

    . . . because of the wonder-ful things he does . . . (something about a wizard)

    Because . . .

    His mom wants him back before dinner.

  68. the spectacularly refined chap

    because...

    ..falling apples led to the discovery of gravity. We don't do those technological advances any more.

  69. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Jump? Why jump??

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I won't jump because...

    I know enough to walk back into the terminal and to wait for a real plane. Same way I know how to buy a real computer.

  70. Il Midga di Macaroni

    I can't jump because...

    ... Steve Jobs will sue you if I die, it's in my EULA. And brother, when Steve Jobs sues you, he sues you good.

    And then the Windows luser says "Hang on, Steve Ballmer is lawyers just as big as Steve Jobs, that means I can't jump either!"

    And then the Linux penguin says "If I die, all SCO's lawyers won't have anything to do and they'll turn on the hand that feeds them... you boys better watch out!"

    So none of them jumped and the plane crashed.

  71. Simpson

    This is too easy

    Because it's properly pronounced joomp...

  72. Simpson

    and I quote

    He would say:

    Because "Jump" is a song recorded by the rock group Van Halen. It is the only single the group released in their career to reach number one on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100. It was released in 1984 as the second track on the album 1984. The song breaks the mold of earlier Van Halen songs, mainly in its rolling synth line (played on an Oberheim OB-Xa), although the song contains the standard Eddie Van Halen guitar solo, which Eddie claims as his favorite solo he never wrote. This refers to the fact that the producer spliced parts of two different takes to create the one heard in the song....

    Then the other two jump off the plane.

  73. Simpson

    I really want that photo

    aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

    Sent from my iPhone.

  74. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Flight

    The fanboi says "I can't jump because it wouldn't provide a good user experience".

    The luser says "I'm told I can't jump without administrator rights".

    The penguin says "Who needs a plane when it's free to wave your arms up and down. I'll show you..."

  75. CorruptedShadows
    FAIL

    uh oh

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go,

    The fanboi says, "well, I can't jump because i'm really the Windows luser trapped in boot camp which means i'm destined to crash"

    The Penguin looks at the Apple Fanboi/Windows Luser and simply says "Screw you I can't jump because that violates one of Microsofts unknown patents that I have been taken to court for in the past" then just dumps all his packages that he doesn't need except for GIMP so he can doodle how much he hates the Mac/Windows Fanboi for installing the Full Adobe Creative Suite in both Windows & Mac OS

  76. jake Silver badge

    Three types of hardware owners ...

    fanboi (fangrrl): Someone who takes personal exception to anyone criticizing their OS/platform of choice. For the most part, comments from these people can be safely ignored. Seriously, fankids, the OS and hardware don't give a rats ass about you, personally, nor does the billion-dollar multinational corporation whose shareholders you keep happy with your disposable income ... Why are you so emotionally attached to your kit? Seek help.

    user: Someone who just uses their OS/platform of choice. May or may not be technically inclined. The cognizant reader can usually separate the wheat from the chaff when users comment. Most have a preferred OS/platform, but aren't emotionally attached to it.

    admin: Someone who knows that all hardware sucks, all software[1] sucks, all OSes suck, all fanbois/grrls suck, but occasionally a user can become enlightened. Comments from admins usually walk the blurry line between trolling and cold, hard reality.

    [1] There is no such thing as software. Software is merely the current state of the hardware.

  77. Herby Silver badge

    I can't jump bacause...

    I'm the BOFH, and my friend is PFY, so out you go Luser!

    Look, it IS Friday (here in sunny California), so it is proper!

  78. FanboisCannibal

    because...

    ... I have to pick up my turtlenecks at the dry cleaner.

  79. Jar_in_hand
    Go

    because

    Fanboi is locked in and doesn't have the choice to jump. Windows jumps because they can and Linux penguin can jump, but doesn't they don't want to.

  80. FanboisCannibal

    because...

    ... you both are too blind iic.

  81. FanboisCannibal

    BeeCuaze...

    ... I'll pay you IIgs to jump first.

  82. FanboisCannibal

    'cause...

    ... we made Amiga, they f'd it up.

  83. elopenseason
    Jobs Horns

    Cupertinian overheard mysteriously saying

    "We're all going to hit the ground eventually, so who cares how we hit it?"

  84. jamie m
    FAIL

    I can't jump because

    "The doors are locked and Steve says I'll be safe in a locked down environment."

    The Linux penguin flapped his flippers indicating that, as usual, he didn't have the the ability to do standard tasks like opening doors.

    The windows user put on his paracute, opened the door and jumped... crashes are a fact of life.

  85. windywoo
    Jobs Horns

    I can't jump because...

    this is an Apple plane, and Apple products never crash! Boom boom!

    OR

    an Apple fell once before and landed on someone's head!

  86. Tam Lin

    What? No entiendo. Это не имеет смысла. Jag talar bara en fanboi dialekt av C.

    Fanbois can't 'Jump' - it's assembly language (a verboten fanboi tongue).

  87. mohits

    because

    it's not in my Jobs description.

  88. HansG
    Gates Horns

    because....

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    we will still crash, Windows is so bloated!

  89. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    My reply

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    The apple fanboi says that Steve Jobs didn't approve the iChute application cause it implies that apples might be prone to crashes.

    The luser then states that his own parachute was never updated to run on windows 7.

    The Penguin then then takes luser's parachute and straps it on his back using wine, jumps out the plane only to fall to his death after wine crashes due the parachute not to not being fully tested on wine.

    Both Fanboi and Luser look out the window to watch penguin fall to his death, Luser says "Do you want to be the one to tell the other penguins about this? Or shall I?" Fanboi says "I'll do it, I have an app for that", then looks at his phone and abruptly states, "I'll do it first thing when I get a steady wireless signal"

  90. rainbowarriorforever
    Flame

    Agree with 'designed for minimally trained individuals'

    In my few years as IT support have seen a stream of mac users who know zilch about using what is otherwise a great piece of kit. All Mac users I have seen seem only to know how to use the interface /keyboard/mouse and not have a slightest idea of how to use mac (eg ask any mac use about cmd+tab to cycle thru open applications or even expose ) .

    For goodness sake if you profess to be a fanboi of something pretend to know a bit more about the product not just the apple spin.

    Disclaimer : I am a apple developer with absolute respect for Microsoft windows in which i dabble a lot. And this is typed on a macbook.

  91. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    I can't jump becasue...

    I've never been fucked by Steve!

    Well ok, he fucked me when I bought an iPod, and an iPhone, and an iPad, oh and that MacBook...and don't get me started on the AppleTV.

    Actually you know what, fuck Steve Jobs - *jumps*

  92. Slipoch
    Joke

    Joke

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    The world wants me to innovate more and resell the same crap re-badged over and over again, cause that's what innovation is, hey what's xerox doing?

    Windows luser gets all frenetic and says "But I'm the standard! I should be deciding who will jump! and how high! and then they should pay me royalties for it!"

    The Linux penguin looks at both of them and jumps from the plane in a fit of suicidal despair, lest he become as detached from reality as his two companions.

    The plane crashes because it's still overloaded.

  93. Chronos Silver badge
    Linux

    Oh, come on!

    The Penguin jumps. It's bloody obvious because he's the only one that has a Launchpad account.

  94. Anonymous Coward
    Linux

    I cant jump because...

    ...I'm so massively full of hot air that I can help keep this plane aloft whereas the linux penguin is so much of a "down to earth" guy that he's pulling the plane down too much!

  95. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Suggestion

    I can't jump because.... F*ck you.

  96. Sabre
    Gates Horns

    I'll go

    It turns out that the parachute app was translated from flash and the app store pulled it. It wouldn't help if I jumped said the penguin I'm too damn small to make a difference. Fuck it then i'll go said the luser, I've had more experience of crashes than you two bastards put together anyway

  97. Gilbert Gosseyn
    Jobs Halo

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane...

    ...and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because the landing will spoil my beautiful face. The penguin says I can't jump because it'll take too long to change into my jumping-out-of-an-aeroplane skin. The luser says I'll jump - you land, drop off the penguin and the fanboi and swing back round for me. I won't have progressed from where I was when you left me behind, the gas and bloat will keep me up and I cam amuse myself flipping through this spreadsheet or colouring up a flow-chart.

  98. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    well...

    ...maybe they're all screwed, Nokia got a patent on jumping in 1872.

  99. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns

    Because

    Im secured to the seat, i cant be moved, undone, loosened or generally made useable in any way at all.

    Fuck the lorra 'yas

  100. Bill Bennett
    Joke

    I can't jump because...

    ...there's no app for that.

  101. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    penguin, luser & fanboi...

    I haven't finished saving for my shiny new i-Chute yet.

  102. Do Not Fold Spindle Mutilate

    The parachute ...

    The parachute cannot be attached to the fanboi because all fanboi interfaces are proprietary and the parachute uses open standards.

  103. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I can't jump because...

    I can't pull the rip cord. My fingers are deformed because of the clover leaf, period thing.

  104. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I can't jump because...

    I've donated so much to the church of Jobs that I can't afford a parachute.

  105. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I can't jump because...

    ...the parachute cords have this magnetic attachment...

  106. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I can't jump because...

    ...the air moisture will trip my sensor and I'll be unsupported.

  107. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I can't jump because...

    ... I've been threatened with legal action if I operate outside the intended specification.

  108. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I can't jump because...

    ... I've exceeded my lifetime allocation of iChute.

  109. Efros

    Beach balls

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because... The fanboi is suddenly obscured by a large rotating beach-ball, the penguin and luser seize their opportunity and hurl the pratt earthward.

  110. Douglas Norton
    Alien

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and

    the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    I am so full of hot air I am actually reducing the weight of the plane. I've ssh'ed into the plane's systems, downloaded the engine management systems byte code into my jailbroken iPad and I am modifying it to increase the thrust, get more lift from the wings and save us all.

    The Penguin's eye glazed over has he had heard all this before, many many times, and new it would take several attempts to never quite reach the utopia the fanboi was presenting, complete with animated transitions, in his keynote.

    Luser too committed to deliver all this and more, next Tuesday, and set about asking all his fellow passengers for an extra $249 to upgrade to the Ultimate package where he promised airplanes would never crash again.

    That was when DoJ and FTC jumped up from their seats at the back of the plane, helped themselves to a nice chunk of the money Luser was about pocket, laughed openly at the penguin knowing he would never convince anyone of his abilities and unceremoniously shutdown the fanboi, grabbed him by the scruff of his black turtleneck sweater and threw him out the door.

  111. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    iwhat?

    apple haven't released the iparachute yet

  112. flir48

    because

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because......

    "then I'd be gone in a FLASH"

  113. Robbie
    FAIL

    Fuck you

    Yeah, Reg hacks *do* behave like sad little twats. Which is a shame because it ain't a bad little website, apart from the staff attitude.

    So fuck you (again).

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Fuck you

      Fuck you twice, good buddy.

      Oooh, today is going to be FUN. In a horrible, soul-destroying, intellect-sapping sort of way.

  114. Muckminded

    ...a disease of ellipses

    ...I haven't photoshopped my final moments yet.

    ...you didn't tell me to in Objective-C.

    ...I would need to lance my ego to fit through the door.

    ...I like watching penguins fumble with windows.

    ...the door doesn't respond to pinching or squeezing.

    ...I still have 23 months to go on my AT&T contract.

  115. Anonymous Coward
    Big Brother

    Soooo............

    There's a Linux penguin, a Fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the Fanboi says, "well, I can't jump because...

    ...I'm filled with shit, my shoes are filled with semen, my iParachute looks great but isnt designed to open, and besides, the UK version of the Jump app wont be out for another year and is ten times more than I can afford.

    The bloated Windows luser waddles over to the viewing screen and looks out at the blue, freezes for 30 minutes for no apparent reason, then says "I cant jump because you wouldnt just be killing me, youd be killing the hundreds of thousands of parasites that live inside me.. and besides, my russian control centre wouldnt allow it."

    The Linux penguin shakes its head and says "I love the open, and Im flexible enough to land from here without crashing", and jumps out...

    ...but despite the exceptionally light weight of the penguin, it's community made Wings arent actually robust enough to fly in a real environment. It crashes to the ground, and looks up at the plane overhead, thinking "after all these years of waiting for my ticket, Ive gotten absolutely nowhere once again".

    Windows luser and Fanboi mop up the gravy on the inflight meal, chuckling, as the plane flies off into the distance... but what neither of them have realised, is that the pilot isnt a human at all...

    ...the one in the driving seat is an Android.

  116. Moz
    Linux

    Obvious, really.

    "There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because..."

    "the iParachute isn't released in the UK until next year".

  117. Venturo

    I can't jump because...

    iDie

  118. Muckminded

    Singletonians

    One liners are apparently beyond the mental grasp of so, so many.

    What a shame they are generating the code we will suffer for.

  119. Pentacle

    I can't jump because...

    ...i have a feeling it won't end well... its on the tip of my tongue... somethin 2 do with my message pad and a dude called isaac... in any case, that flag of yours would make a good parachute... and YOU've got wings for job's sake! AND... this is all new to me... surely you 2 must b used 2 crashing by now...?

    <shove...>

  120. This post has been deleted by its author

  121. Dale Richards
    Jobs Halo

    Windows and Linux should..

    Jump off the plane. Not that big of a deal.

  122. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    lol

    The Penguin looks up from his bottle of vodka and says 'apt-get moo'... http://www.theregister.co.uk/Design/graphics/icons/comment/pint_32.png

    The Apple user just clicks 'Time Machine' and goes back to a state before they took off..... http://www.theregister.co.uk/Design/graphics/icons/comment/happy_32.png

    ...The windows user, feeling rather confused about the blue outside the Open Windows, takes a Dump...... http://www.theregister.co.uk/Design/graphics/icons/comment/alert_32.png

  123. Magnus_Pym

    Well

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    I don't have a parachute. iChute was not approved because it was created using a third party interface as c# strings where not strong enough. Anyway there are always far more apps on Windows the luser must have something he can use.

    The luser says I can't jump because although there are a lot of app, iChute was not released so we have nothing to copy. I will be able to jump in another 5 years when Windows 8 has it built right into the OS but I prefer to wait another year or so until SP2 comes out.

    The penguin sees that a parachute is required but that current a parachute does not exist. Using freely available tools he creates his own. He (or she) then offers them free to everyone else. The pilot takes one as he can recognise a good thing when he sees it. after all if the plane was OK a few minutes ago but now will not support all of them there is a good chance it's not going to make it.

    The fanboi doesn't like the look of t as it is not officially endorsed and is sure that his Steviness will not let him down.

    The luser doesn't take one as he is sure that if he doesn't have to pay for it, it must be a trick. After all they are going to die here who in their right mind would not extort him for all he was worth.

    The Penguin and the Pilot jump and although the parachute is a bit crap at first, by the time they reach the ground many modifications have been added by many other Penguins and their lives are saved (as are the lives of other Pilots and Penguins in later Planes-too-heavy jokes).

    The fanboi and the luser plummet to their deaths with their eyes closed and their fingers in their ears shouting 'Ha ha, stupid Penguin trusts his life to home made crap. Our superiors told us everything will be OK if just do as we are told, they will never lets us down.'

  124. Robert Baskerville
    Stop

    "I can't jump because...."

    ...there's no (approved) App for that...

  125. Syren Baran
    Joke

    Related joke

    The pilot comes into the passengers cabin with a parachut on his back and tells the pengiun, the fanboi and the luser the following "The planes about to crash. Unluckily there are only 2 parachutes left. You have to decide who gets them" and jumps out of the plane.

    The pengiun, the fanboi and the luser look at each other shocked.

    Before the others can say or do anything the fanboi says "I´m too inteligent, sexy and rich to die. I need to live to spread my genes!" grabs a parachute and jumps.

    The pengiun looks at the luser and says "Well, i have allways been good. If there is anything like an afterlife it will probably be plesant. You take the chute."

    The luser looks at the penguin and says "No need to choose. The inteligent, sexy and rich guy just jumped with my fancy looking rucksack."

  126. Recaffeinated
    Jobs Horns

    I can't jump because...

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows user in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because... a fanboi may not install or launch himself by any means, including without limitation through the use of a plug-in architecture, calling other frameworks, other APIs or otherwise.

  127. Anonymous Cowherd 1

    Well,

    I can't because doors are like Windows, and I don't think my coat is a mac.

  128. Christopher W
    Coat

    from niche to the mainstream...

    and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because my weight only contributes to about 3% of the market - if I jumped out, it'd hardly register!

    Mine's the one with a copy of Q110 industry sales figures in it

  129. b166er

    because

    I have an appointment with a Genius this afternoon.

  130. Campbeltonian

    I don't get it.

    Is El Reg trying to imply that Nigel Farage is a Mac user?

  131. Walking Turtle
    Stop

    So riddle me this:

    So Stevie-Poo, Tuxie-Boo and Ole Ballsmer aren't even ON the plane yet. They approach the Security Screening Image Scanner as a group.

    So which of the three is imaged in "Test-Mode" and their Anatomical Details sold for Easy Cash over the IntarTubes by the TSA perv-on-duty, and why? ;)

  132. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Because....

    The plane ran out of fuel and crashed before anyone could jump. The pilot calculated his fuel load using Excel 2007.....

  133. shade82000

    I cant jump because...

    ...the Windows luser should jump. It's his expensive excess baggage that's weighing us down.

  134. Don Rickert

    ...and the fanboi says,

    .. I can't jump because I don't see a door, there's only Windows and a Console.

  135. Mips
    Jobs Horns

    I can't jump because...

    I don't weigh anything. Nothing. Zilch. Nowt.

    Why don't one of you heavyweights get out.

  136. Kristin
    Happy

    Can I suggest an alternative?

    I wanna be known as the fangoil - in the accent of betty boop of course!

  137. Raspy32

    I can't jump because

    "There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because..."

    ....the other two, having been stuck in a room for a while with the fanboi, have already jumped.

  138. Kiarr

    Because...

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    Jobs needs to jump first!

  139. MAD
    Jobs Halo

    I can't jump because...

    ... it looks like the parachute will fit the penguin also and I will only wear a personally tailored one! I know it sounds silly, but if I wear it I might not land safely. It's ok though, I'm happy to go without a parachute in the mean time. But next time the plane is about to crash, I should have my parachute made just to my specifications and I'll be able to save the day then. But in the mean time, let's all pretend that no one acutally wants the parachute and this whole problem will go away.

  140. Daniel Bennett
    Happy

    The fanboi says

    I can jump but it'd be pointless as i'll just keep going and going.. I never crash... NEVER.. NEVER!

    *jumps*

    Weee.. lalalaaaa...

    Hmm, the ground is getting close..

    *KERNAL PANIC*

    The Windows User: "Theres a quick work around for that and a patch will come on Tuesday"

    The Penguin: "Choose another distro if this one isn't right for you"

  141. Mark Scorah

    it's not aaron kempf again is it

    the 3rd fotw (that I'm aware of anyway) if it is. must be some sort of record.

  142. smeddy

    bo

    ... The fanboi says: "I can't jump, I'm locked-in!"

  143. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I can't jump ....

    "Look", says Windows, "there's a shiny new iThingy in that field".

    The fanboi is gone.

    "Look", says Windows, "that shiny new iThingy with a fanboi splattered next to it can apparently be hacked to get telnetd running and then, if you can find the sources, create a build system, do six impossible things before breakfast, it can be re-flashed to run Ubuntu Netbook Edition".

    The open source fanboi is gone.

    "and it can run Chrome", says Windows.

    A third, previously unseen, fanboi dashes from the toilet and dives from the plane.

    "Look!", shouts Windows, "clouds!"

    A dozen stowaway fanbois exit.

    As the plane returns to horizontal flight the pilot announces, "business as usual".

  144. Alexander Vollmer
    Jobs Halo

    and the fanboi says ...

    ... don't bother about it, I will use one of my iProducts and buy an app in the AppStore which will do the jumping for us. That's the way Steve saves us all and the world and the tomorrow. Blessed art thou among men, and blessed is the fruit of thy lab, the iThingy.

  145. Paul Hates Handles

    I can't jump because...

    ...I don't crash!

    (The plane then gets three bombs and blows up)

  146. Scarborough Dave
    Happy

    Because

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows User in a plane, and the pilot says, "we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go!"

    Apple Fanboi - "being an Apple Fanboi, I am educational sub normal (retarded), so I am incapable of legally making a decision for myself! So Windows User you have to go!"

    Pilot - "Steve Jobs just called me and asked you to JUMP fanboi!"

    Faboi -"Sorry, did you say Steve Jobs said I should jump?"

    Pilot - "Yes!, you will also get 72 Virgin Ipads to sleep with in Fanboi Heaven!"

    Faboi - "Ok, Geronimo!"

  147. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Brown Trousers Time

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    ...my god is still alive and wont be waiting for me when I die. Several seconds pass before the penguin and windows user throw him out of the plane. The windows user says to the pilot "We've thrown out the fanboi, will that save enough weight to save us?" - "Oh I think we're going to be juuuust fine." said the pilot, Captain Adobe.

  148. Richard 120

    er

    I sold my legs to buy an iPad

  149. Neoc

    I can't jump because...

    ...I already jump the gun whenever Apple releases a new product.

  150. sanity
    Go

    I can't jump because...

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    Jumping is not a feature that I see as appealing to the mass market. Sure, walking is useful, everyone does the Walk. The Running is useful also, there are times when we need to run, so I have Running fully implemented. Jumping is only used by about 1 out of 100 people on a daily basis, so I don't do that.

  151. Arhu
    Pirate

    iJoke

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows user in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because I tried downloading the iRelease app for my iParachute using the plane's on board WiFi and my 3GS(ear) burned my hands. The penguin says "well I can't jump because I haven't finished recompiling my kernel for the 1,265th time". The Windows user realises he can use pretty much anything he can get his hands on, grabs the nearest parachute and leaps out the door...

    "Do you wish to scan and fix PARACHUTE?

    => Scan and fix (recommended)

    => Continue without scanning"

  152. Joe Cincotta
    Joke

    ...blame windoze...

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows user in a plane, and the pilot says, "we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go", and the fanboi says, "well, I can't jump because it's against the terms of the Apple Developer License Agreement... Anyway, its that fucking Windows user that has all the bloatware - get him to jump!"

  153. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    *cough*

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows user in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go..

    The Linux penguin says "I can't go - Ubuntu is just about ready for the mainstream. I have to be around to see the desktop revolution!"

    The Apple fanboi says "I can't go - the iPad is a genre-changing leap forward in tactile computing. A bidirectional sense-interface can only be around the corner!"

    The Windows user shuffles his feet and says "Those things are all pretty cool. I don't know that I can compete with those right now. But I can't jump either!"

    "Why not?" ask the penguin and the fanboi.

    "I don't know how, unless you guys show me the way..."

    Post script: The pilot, listening in over the intercom listens to each story of hope and aspiration and feels pity for the three. He thinks of his own life - successful, fruitful, and all goals complete. He thinks of his kids, now full grown and out on their own. He thinks of his wife, independent and successful in her own right. He thinks of his career, once brilliant but now in its autumn ebb. He thinks of all these things, and then of the three hopefuls. He is suddenly steeled by resolve. He unbuckles his seatbelt and pulls himself out of his seat. He strides to the nearby external door and, with a great effort, flings it open. The wind and cold batters him as he struggles into the doorway. With one last glance astern, he flings himself into the gale...

    ...taking the only parachute on the plane.

    "Ive worked too damned hard to let my wife and kids live in a world run by those sad freaks!" he thinks as he floats gently down to earth...

  154. Dom Davis
    Flame

    It's a fanboi so clearly the answer is:

    I can't jump beacuse... I use Macs, so I'm better than you

  155. Select * From Handle
    Stop

    I can't jump because...

    i havnt got an app for that...

  156. Rumcajz

    can't jump because...

    that would be an interpreted command.

    Linux jumps. Windows crashes...

  157. max allan

    The pilot saves us all....

    If the pilot were a real hero, he'd let the plane crash and extinguish 3 OS bigots in one go.

    (says the chap who runs OSX on netbook & imac, android on iPhone & hero, IOS on GNS3 & routers and has IOS, OSX, XP, Solaris and occasional Linux all running at home. I've bought 2 versions of BeOS and liked OS2. You can't accuse me of bias.)

  158. Anonymous Coward
    Linux

    and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    "...wait a minute: my boarding pass says Mr F Anboi. WTF ? I've been using Macs for years, why the hell should I be considered a fanboi ? You fuc..."

    At which point the penguin has had just about enough, and pushes him out the door.

  159. Arclight

    I can't jump because....

    .... I paid way over the odds average tech and a pretty OS. You need to get rid of the Windowsman and linuxboy, they paid far less and their wallets are so much heavier than, plus the extra wads of cash will cushion their fall

  160. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    ... and is cut off brusquely by the Windows user, who says: Nobody is going to jump unless I say so. This whole carrying excess weight thing was MY IDEA and I happen to think it's a damn good one. Besides, the vast majority of planes around the world are carrying excess weight so it MUST be a good idea.

  161. Minophis
    Jobs Horns

    I can't jump because

    Steve Jobs had my legs broken after I was seen using my iPad to read the iPhone 4G review on Gizmodo.

  162. chivo243 Silver badge
    Alert

    I can't jump because...

    Windoze says: "I can't jump because I've already crashed!"

  163. JSC

    I can't jump because...

    there's NOT an app for that!

  164. DG 2
    FAIL

    Typical response

    <inserts generic applecentric comment about windows "Crashing">

    And I'm a Mac.

  165. Kingprawn
    Paris Hilton

    the fanboi jumps because...

    ...his iPad has wings!

    Paris because shes wide set with a heavy flow and needs wings.

  166. Al fazed
    Happy

    the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    It's Red Bull that gives you wings, and there's no app for that.

    ALF

  167. HaydnH

    Mac OS X

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows user in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    ... I send other UNIX boxes to /dev/null **push**

    ** That's an old Mac OS X PowerBook ad slogan in case you were underground in the early noughties!

  168. Stewart Haywood

    No app for that.

    There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

    There's no app for that.

  169. Pendragon
    Linux

    I can't jump because.... #

    The Linux Penguin has already thrown me out of the plane, alone with the windows user "Just in case"

  170. Chris Holt

    I can't jump because...

    'Parachute' is over 10Mb and requires a wireless connection...

  171. Anonymous Coward
    Gates Halo

    I can't jump because...

    ...whenever I get in trouble its usually Windows that has to bail out.

  172. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    ...because...

    "There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows user in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because..."

    because I'm a Linux/Winblows fanboi - there are only two of us here now, does that solve the problem?

  173. JC 2
    Alert

    If you write "Fuck You"...

    ... then yes, you are emotionally tied enough to a benign topic that you qualify as a fanboi. Those less insane about their jobs and the tools they use to do them, simply ignore those who spend more time complaining about not being able to get the same work done. Whatever OS or hardware you pick, in the end it just has to keep YOU as productive as needed.

  174. Mark Graybill

    because...

    "I can't jump because non-U.S. fanbois all over the world are counting on me to sell them the iPads I've got stashed in the boot!"

  175. Mark Graybill

    because... (perhaps a better phrasing...)

    "I can't jump because I've got a wife, two kids, and 200 kilos of gray-market iPads stashed in the boot."

  176. bangers
    FAIL

    I can't jump because

    If that was a proper one, I would jump, but sorry that's not a signed parachute.

    (lols@scan & fix parachute)

  177. Rouxenator

    I can't jump because

    I can't jump because I'm jailbroken and if I die it will be out of warranty.

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