back to article Man uses meat cleaver to fashion UK-ready iPad

The MicroSIM being used by Apple's iPad is smaller than a normal SIM, but that's easily solved with a pair of scissors, or a meat cleaver if you'd prefer. Certainly that's John Benson's preference: he got hold of a US-issue iPad 3G, sliced down his Vodafone SIM and managed to squeeze it into the MicroSIM slot on the iPad. He …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    man cuts big piece of plastic, makes it fit in small hole.

    cool story bro

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    I'd go with a meat cleaver too

    Nail scissors would require too many little snips and risks fracturing the plastic. With a meat cleaver you just rest it on the point you want to cut, give it a good whack on the top and let the weight of your massive tool do the work. Hey presto! One nice clean cut in one go.

  3. johnnytruant

    that's no meat cleaver

    it's a vegetable knife.

    I'll get me own coat.

  4. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge


    I'm impressed with the level of accuracy required when delivering a meat cleaver blow to trim a sim card.

    I doubt if I could even hit the sim at all, let alone accurately slice an edge off.

    1. Anonymous Coward

      Heh Heh

      You said Massive Tool. He he! Actually in the back of my mind I was linking massive-tool and the head of Apple, what's his name now, it escapes me, Stan...Stewart...Something?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      Or what we call a "cook's knife"

      That's all

      1. Oz

        A proper meat cleaver

        Agreed, it's a cook's knife. This is a meat cleaver - A totally different beast altogether

      2. Anonymous Coward

        over here in pedant's corner

        We call the Global G-5 a vegetable knife (or vegetable cleaver). A cook's knife has a different blade profile.

        Did someone mention something about that being all? :-)

        Mine's the one with the knife roll in the pocket.

  5. SuperTim

    nail clippers?

    Aren't they concave? wouldnt your sim end up round?

  6. zedee

    Just showing off

    that he's got a fancy GLOBAL knife with it's "samurai" heritage

  7. Kolin


    Hes only using the cleaver to score the card with a nice straight line for a scissor cut. Did ANYONE read the artice?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      Mans cuts down sim card is not exactly news is it, it's not even interesting. I only clicked the article link because I thought there would be a funny picture or delicious pun...But I was SO wrong.

    2. Jaruzel

      Are They ?

      As I'm left handed, I find that all nail scissors come convex. Most Annoying. My toenails look very odd indeed.

  8. Anonymous Coward

    Why use a "meat cleaver"?

    Because it's made by Global - and they are sharper than a very sharp thing.

    * OK - the G-5 is a veggie cleaver really...

    Mines the one setting off the metal detectors...

  9. Rob 101

    Aggreed, no meat cleaver

    As stated it's a vegetable or Chef's knife. The good reason for that is that you do not swing it you place it on and push to get a nice straight line, rocking a little if need be

    If it's from a decent brand and looked after will be as sharp as any craft knife but with a heft that allows you to apply the required pressure.

    1. TeeCee Gold badge
      Thumb Down

      Supersharp knives.

      Yes, but. You can get fancy alloys that preserve an edge like nobody's business, I have some knives like this. The problem is that when said edge does eventually blunt, they're a bitch to sharpen. The ceramic "steel" that came with is useless, a standard steel won't sniff at 'em and the only workable solution appears to be trotting off to use the bench grinder in the garage(!)

      A set of Sabatiers can be made sharp enough to shave with* at the drop of a hat, courtesy of a few easy swipes with a standard sharpening steel. One of the best presents I ever got in the "things that don't have a plug on the end" category.

      *Presumably and cut a SIM with too. Gotta stay on topic you know......

      1. Edwin

        Tangent alert!

        The 'steel' you get with your knives isn't for sharpening them - it's for removing small burrs and making the cutting edge nice and straight again. All that flash swishing with knives & steels is just bollocks too - a nice, gentle motion and a few swipes is enough.

        If you want your knives sharpened properly, go take them to a proper knife sharpener.

  10. Penguin

    A suitable analogy….

    Seems to me that meat cleavering a network operators SIM to fit within the Apple device is quite apt.

    The iCleaver? Developers beware, Jobs has got a new ‘Human Interface Device’

  11. Ken 16 Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Use a samurai sword or chain saw

    Anything else is just arts and crafts and better left to the women of the household.

    Paris: she doesn't know what a SIM is but she'll recognise a big chopper

    1. Paul 4

      Lets be fair now...

      A big axe or circular will also do the job.

    2. c0rruptd


      Hmmm, my mind went immediately to something along the lines of a claymore or broadsword...

  12. Annihilator

    Cheap SIMs and Stanley knife

    "our advice is to practice with a cheap SIM first, and stick with nail clippers, unless you don't mind losing a finger or two in the process"

    Sorry, what's a "cheap SIM"? They've all been free whenever I've needed a replacement.

    Besides, every manly-man's tool of choice is surely the trusty Stanley knife. Nail clippers?? I despair... I know my nail clippers by a different name anyway - "teeth".

  13. RyokuMas Silver badge

    Should've used the meat cleaver

    ... on the iPad

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    iPhone SIM

    Not locked... so can I use my O2 iPhone, "as much data as you like" SIM in the iPad ? or will 02 require me to pay for the "tethering" option ?

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns

    Why a mini-sim anyway?

    I still can't see any reason for the non-standard SIM. It's not as though the iPad is so small that you can't fit a regular SIM in it. However it means you can't swap your regular SIM from your phone if you want to use it Ad-Hoc.

    It almost feels as if Steve just wants people to jump through hoops, get operators to bend over backwards and make his customers feel forced to do it the Apple way just to further his power-trip?

    There must be a sound technical reason, surely?

  16. MattW

    Everyone knows that

    electricians diagonal cutters are the tool of choice for SIM customisation.

  17. Graham Bartlett

    "Far be it from me..."

    Yeah, I wouldn't argue with a guy holding a razor-sharp cleaver in his hand either.

    1. jai


      if you cut it down to size

      and then it'll be too small for your iphone anymore

      1. Annihilator


        Once you've cut it down to size, you can boost it back up to mini-SIM if necessary:

        Fiver for a bit of plastic tho... you've got to wonder at the nerve.

        1. Andus McCoatover


          Absolutely no BOFH skills.

          What's wrong with a dried-out beermat and a pair of toenail-snips as 'support'.

          OK, tell me tomorrow when mine's stiffened on the radiator.

          (or, simply cut up unwanted credit cards. Since the election, there's bound to be plenty lying about).

          Friday for an election result? Nice addition to the (late) gummint's tax budget. Reason to get pissed twice.

  18. Tim Jenkins

    New Keyboard Please

    ...give it a good whack on the top and let the weight of your massive tool do the work...

    Ouch; hot coffee/nasal cavity interface; not good

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    See it now

    Lorry drivers are you tired of using that meat-cleaver to carve up prostitutes you've picked up late at night and buried in shallow graves outside Redcar? Well now there's a new use for that tool in the exciting field of IT!

    Put that chopper to better use trimming back phone cards for the latest Apple gadget! Our highly trained staff are standing by to help you learn. Call today! You won't be disappointed!

    Think different? Think Apple! Think Massive Tool!

    1. DavCrav Silver badge

      Carfeul now...

      Even Jeremy Clarkson got in trouble for talking about lorry drivers and prostitutes.

    2. Andus McCoatover

      Better than a meat-cleaver (Sabatier's my pref.) would be..

      Lob the card it over your head, Results guaranteed!

  20. heyrick Silver badge

    Nail clippers!?!?

    There are so many better options - solid big scissors, or more preferably a few competent scores with a Stanley knife.

    Come on, surely no self-respecting techie would use (most likely rounded) NAIL CLIPPERS for a task like this. Whatever next, blunt scissors to undo screws on the back of a PC?

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How to use again as ordinary SIM?

    I would think the answer is to start with 3 SIMs. Only one needs to be active.

    take one sim and cut out the area occupied by the contacts to leave a hole.

    take one sim, reapeat and then trim down to the reduced size

    take one sim and cut away everything but the contacts and the chip below.

    You know have a very micro-sim and two holders for it.

    I wouldn't use scissors or craft knives though- fine drills, Dremel, rat-tail files and emery boards. If you're not up to it, find a friend whose hobbies include Airfix kits.

    1. c0rruptd


      Yup, done the scissors trick before. You try getting a purchase order for something as expensive as a 'screwdriver' around here...

  22. Chris McFaul

    micro sim

    actually - i think this is more to do with the fact that the micro sim can have additional functionality built into it - more levels of authentication.

    This trick works because the microsim card slot in the ipad is backwards compatible with the electronics of a regular sim, but in future its perfectly possible that you could just take a microsim and put it in a plastic container to use it in your regular mini-sim phone.

  23. typeo


    I only clicked on this article to see a mashed up iPad after the meat cleaver had seen to it. Very disappointing article.

  24. Anonymous Coward


    Free thinking users are an anathema to Apple. They will surely put out an update to brick his iPad.

  25. Lennart Sorensen
    Jobs Horns

    Ehm, sure, a title can go here.

    Why would you want your phone's sim card in an ipad? It doesn't make phone calls. You want a sim with data only service after all (no need for a phone number or anything like that). So why not use the latest and greatest sim format for it?

    Or you could just not care because well, it's an ipad and who cares about a locked down computer with overpriced applications that only exist if some unknown group of people happen to think they are permitted.

    Oh and don't some phone companies claim to own the sim card? Are you allowed to go cutting them in half in that case?

  26. Goat Jam
    Paris Hilton


    Firstly, agree with the comment re: that being a vegetable knife and quite clearly *not* a meat cleaver.

    Secondly, WTF? Why does the iPad require a MicroSIM card instead of the normal ones? Is it space constrained? Somehow I doubt it going by the pictures I've seen of the vast empty spaces inside an iPad, which is basically a bigger screen iphone with a few more batteries inside.

  27. Willum08

    Best thing to do with any 'i' product.....

    ...Hit it with a meat cleaver!

    Mine's the one with the sharpening stone in the pocket - just in case the first blow doesn't completely trash it.

  28. Mage Silver badge

    ROTM revenge

    This is the future otherwise

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