back to article Man coughs to sex with donkey and horse

A 66-year-old man today pleaded guilty in Leicester Crown Court to charges of "buggery of a donkey between February 2 and February 5, 1999, and buggery of a horse between March 15 and 18, 2004", the Independent reports. Joseph Squires, formerly of Overpark Avenue, Leicester, also coughed to two charges of damaging property, " …

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  1. DrewHew
    Paris Hilton

    Too easy

    No "stable" address????

    So where did he take his equine lovers?

    Paris...obviously

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    No "stable" address...

    oh dear... very poor!!

  3. Aaron Em

    Eleven years?

    Holy crap, that's some statute of limitations!

  4. Olafthemighty
    Coat

    May I be perhaps the 89th to say...

    What an ass.

    Mine's the donkey jacket, obviously.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Stable address

    "The defendant does not have a stable address.... "

    Did his lawyer keep a straight face when saying this?

  6. Eirik Hektoen

    Shame on you

    For publishing this man's name and details. Seriously, this is in the worst tradition of the British tabloid media.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    He's obviously a real stud

    Type your comment here — plain text only, no HTML

    1. Linbox
      Stop

      Discovery

      I'm not 100% sure, but I always understood that most statute of limitations impose a time limit from when the crime could have reasonably been discovered. In a contract dispute, for example, both parties have 6-years to bring an action which they would have known about as soon as the contract was breached. In the event of bestiality, the discovery could only have occurred when he confessed to it and any time limit would have started at the point of confession.

  8. Arkasha

    This reminds me

    of a story my dad once told me of a police friend of his who moved to Norfolk and the first case he had to take to court was "Pig buggery." Coming from London where these things aren't very common he was a bit nervous of what to expect. The prosecution lawyer told him not to worry as half the people in court wouldn't know what pig buggery was and the other half wouldn't know what the problem was!

    '...also coughed to two charges of damaging property, "relating to the two animals on the same dates".' Ouch is all I can say to that! :oS

  9. flying_walrus

    statute of limitations

    um... what's the statute of limitations on horse buggery these days? I mean, really, how is this not a huge waste of the court's time? did the horse even particularly mind?

  10. Giddy Kipper

    Muffin the mule....

    Hopefully that's the last straw, he'll never make bail now...

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wha...

    Will be insteresting to see what kind of a punishment he gets verses the guy who plead guity over the 6 second extreme porn clip, which if rumors are correct was a beastiality clip. So punsihment of doing the act verses watching the act. To me, it is obvious which one should get the biggest punishment. Over to you justice system to be logical.....

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Vicarious thrill

      "To me, it is obvious which one should get the biggest punishment. ..."

      watching!

    2. Mike48US
      Thumb Up

      Shame on You!

      Hahahahaha!

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    It would appear

    this guy needs to get his gear in ass.

  13. joshimitsu
    Coat

    address??

    If he's been cohabiting with horses then maybe he does have a stable address?

    I wonder what the neighbours said.

    Etc. Etc.

  14. Stevie Silver badge

    Hah!

    No, you make a mule silly by hitting it hard between the eyes with a cricket bat.

  15. Mr Brush
    Joke

    A Stable Address??!!!

    That's another keyboard ruined.

  16. Hermes Conran
    Coat

    man coughs,

    was he feeling a little horse?

  17. Les Matthew
    Thumb Up

    "stable address"

    I had a real hee-haw at that.

  18. Niall 1

    Not surprised

    That after going at it for three days in 1999 it took him until 2004 to recover.

  19. Tony The B
    Happy

    Loose in the paddock?

    "The defendant does not have a stable address ......"

  20. itnomad

    Buggery

    I wonder about the possible sentence if he just slaughtered the horse and donkey.

  21. Annihilator
    Coat

    Careful what you say

    Donkey: So what do you do then?

    Man: I shag donkeys

    Donkey: Well, bugger me!

  22. Volker Hett
    Pint

    where's the playmobile?

    Pictures or it didn't happen!

    Beer, because smoking is prohibited

  23. Graham Bartlett

    "Damaging"?!

    If this bloke has larger equipment than your average donkey or horse such that "damage" occurs, why hasn't he already gone for the obvious career...?

    Mind you, I think his time in clink is going to be interesting.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    CPC and Baristers in on it...

    by making such ASSinine jokes about such an abhorrent ASSault!

    but then the law is an ASS...

    though i would have thought the defendent would have been a MP, as they are renowned for their ASStute lack of taste and decency.

    it was nice to see the Judge ASSessing the the situation and giving the defendant a STABLE abode to cool his heels. Im sure he will find the other residents giving every ASSistance to help him settle in comfortably.

  25. Chris Seiter
    Thumb Up

    Classy, at least

    "On the same dates". At least he took them out to dinner first!

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Be the first to post a comment!

    Oh hell no. I'd get a horsewhippin'

  27. irish donkey
    Unhappy

    I would love to see the eCRB check for this

    Safe to work with Children but don't leave him in charge of...................

    me................

    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

    Would somebody think of the donkey's

    1. Anonymous John

      @ Buggery

      Add flagellation, and he could have been convicted of flogging a dead horse.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      No, no, no - the other way around

      It was the donkey's equipment which was damaged when he tried to insert it into his own [censored], after which it took him five years to recover before he attempted the same with the horse, after which it took him six years to recover enough to stand trial.

    3. Bucky 2
      Pint

      Quel Damage

      I'll give it 3 to 2 that the gentleman was on the receiving end.

      Not that there's no career in that, also...

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    cough splutter, bastards...

    'does not have a stable adress'

    Bloody chicken madras everywhere, bastards.

    Who says the law is an ass..

  29. D 13
    Coat

    I think I found his web site

    here http://www.deagostini.com.au/ilovehorses/

    Mines the one with a riding crop in the pocket

  30. Alan Ferris
    Coat

    I'm envious!

    "buggery of a donkey between February 2 and February 5, 1999, and buggery of a horse between March 15 and 18, 2004"

    How did he make it last so long?

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Getting caught for such acts...

    I bet he feels like a bit of a foal now

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Neigh Lad!

    This guy obviously wasn't very adventurous, he should have gone for a bit of oral.

    And Paris because I'm not very adventurous myself, but temptation might get me.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Donkey Hottie

    @ Neigh Lad

    How does the old saying go? Is it not something like "Don't dick a gift horse in the mouth"?

    Mine's the one hanging on the sail of the windmill.

  34. Seventh of 7th

    Ménagerie à trois.

    Such unbridled passion could lead to the clippity-clop of tiny little Centaur feet.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      WTF?

      Biology

      Since when could BUGGERY of anything lead to offspring?!?

  35. Andy Hards
    WTF?

    How did they even find out?

    It was years ago. Did he cop to it? Did he take photos which someone found? You fuck a horse ten years ago and you think you've gotten away with it and all of a sudden....

  36. Scouser
    FAIL

    Equus...

    ...Neigh, methinks he doth protest, too much...?

  37. Anonymous John

    I don't see how he did it.

    Unless someone put him up to it.

  38. kissingthecarpet
    Thumb Up

    Don't think we have them

    Statute of Limitation is a US thing I think. In the UK there's no time limit AFAIK.

    This reminds me of the case where this guy was shagging a goat in a field near a railway line, and a train came along & stopped right opposite him. "Mummy, what's that man doing?"

    He was quoted as saying "I don't know what my mates are going to say" like anyone would admit to knowing him after that.

    1. Alan Gregory 1

      Sheep shagger

      I remember the whole train and the sheep shagger story well.

      Not for the obvious reasons, but because my boss at the time had the misfortune to share the same first, middle and surname of the individual in question.

      The suns headline 'xxxxxx. Xxxxxxx sheep shagger' found itself on the message board rather quickly.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    his lawyer is useless

    The obvious defence is to claim the accused couldn't tell the difference between a donkey and an inhabitant of Leicester: an easy mistake to make. After all, even the local football team puts 11 donkeys on the pitch every week. The judge would have to agree and dismiss all charges. Case closed m'lud.

  40. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just horsing around

    They are just looking into this now 10 years later?

    Was the horse or donkey hurt in any way?

    Were they even offended?

    Neigh I say. This is just a bunch of political horseplay. A needle in a haystack of much more important things. The courts should move on to greener pastures.

    1. Jim Morrow
      Coat

      that's no way to treat a lady^h^h^h^hhorse

      > Was the horse or donkey hurt in any way?

      Of course they were hurt! It wasn't supposed to be a one-night stand. And the guy never phoned them afterwards. Or sent flowers.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        No way to treat a lady

        Mine already has a facebook account. I guess I need to get the family plan so she stops borrowing my cell phone.

        Flowers are always good. You can cover the gift and dinner at the same time!

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If you want a stable address...

    have a stable relationship. Marry a horse.

  42. Goat Jam
    Coat

    That's Some Performance!

    "buggery of a donkey between February 2 and February 5, 1999"

    Even Sting wouldn't be up for that!

  43. The Grump
    Coat

    What happens in Boston stays in Boston...

    Too bad it didn't happen on Boston in the good ol' US of A. In Boston, it's legal to marry anyone to any or anything - they cannot discriminate. Marry your horse - fine. Marry your car - fine. Marry 2 guys - it's more disgusting than sex with a horse, but - fine. Marry your pet rock for all they care.

    My coat is NOT the one with the sugar cubes, rope, KY, and rubbers in it.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Why would you need one

      Why would you wear a rubber? Afraid you would get a little horse afterwords?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Badgers

        why wear a rubber...

        So you dont get horse shit on your cock, gets behind ur bellend and is a nightmare to scrub off. plus the staw fibres can stick in like splinters...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          why a rubber?

          Which is a good reason to choose a lady who takes pride in her hygiene and if your going to get all romantic why not at least share a bath first? Considering overpopulation and the chance of catching something Clorox can't cure these days its safer to date outside of ones species

  44. Mark York 3 Silver badge

    Missed Opportunity

    "That's not how you make a mule, you silly ass."

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Missed Opportunity

      Yeah, but often in writing it's very sensible to put your hands in the air and step away from the quip.

  45. Geoff Campbell
    Coat

    I wonder if it went a bit like this?

    Judge: "Buggering a donkey? How low can you get!"

    Defenden, after some thought: "I don't know, your Honour. Perhaps a Dachshund?"

    I'll get my coat....

    GJC

    1. Tom 7 Silver badge

      How low can you get?

      I've got a nice mole that's really dirty!

      Trouble is it eats worms...

  46. Absent
    Paris Hilton

    some people... a lot of people

    If you type "can i get" into the Goolge search box the top suggestion is "can i get pregnant from a dog". How many people look up this sort of stuff?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Ahem...

      You do realise the Google search is personalised don't you?

  47. Ken 16 Silver badge
    Joke

    does not have a STABLE address

    LMAO

  48. Pete 43

    Donkey Ride?

    And only £2 a go.

  49. Francis Offord
    Pint

    Cor, (or if you are a crow CAW)

    What a waste of energy and time but it could have been worse, it might have been with a chicken. Would that make him a fowl fornicator?

  50. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    hmm

    he aw he aw to know better

  51. wolfmeister

    hehehehe

    reminds me of that other report some time ago - remember it? the guy was caught shagging a ripe pumpkin in the usa? the report said that the police arrived after a complaint of a disturbance in a garden plot, and the Police said the guy was so engrossed in stuffing the pumpkin that he didnt notice them approaching - the officer said:

    "Sir, are you aware you are having sex with a pumpkin"

    and quick as a flash the guy looked up and retorted:

    "Is it past midnight already!?"

    ha ha ha classic!

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