back to article Large Hadron Collider briefly back on over weekend

The Large Hadron Collider (LHC), mightiest particle-masher ever assembled by the human race, briefly circulated its first hadron beams of 2010 at the weekend. However the vast machine has now been shut down again to remedy further technical snags. Following last week's unfortunate multi-magnet quench incident, which saw large …

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  1. jnewco81
    Pirate

    What?

    We all gonna diiiiiieeeeeeeeeee

  2. Arclight
    Terminator

    Plagiarism?

    The more I read about this large hadron colander, the more I think Valve should sue for copyright infringement.

    I for one, welcome our new combine overlords.

  3. Dodgy Geezer Silver badge
    Unhappy

    Was this bought with a credit card?

    "The LHC was designed to be capable of firing two even more outrageous 7 TeV beams into each other for an ultimate collision energy of 14 TeV, but following previous superfluid explosion disasters engineers now consider that a major refit will be required before such power levels are safe."

    Doesn't the EU have Customer Protection legislation?

    We ought to be able to send it back it it's not of merchantable quality, and get a replacement, or our money back....

    1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

      Know what ?

      There's a reason it's called "research" - it's because it's never been done before.

      Not on such a scale, not with such complexity, not at such temperatures.

      When you can buy an LHC off Ebay, then you can complain about it not working 100% on the first go.

      And at that point, Ebay will probably tell you to re-read the 2.5 trillion page manual before logging the complaint in the first place.

      Fnarr, fnarr.

      1. Crivens
        Thumb Up

        What manual?

        I didn't know the LHC had a manual. I though they were making up as they went along. Like all great people of science.

  4. Mikey
    Alert

    Its finally real...

    Retina-scan door locks? Particle beams of ludacris power? Boffins playing with the very fabric of space and time? Bloody hell, and we all though tBlack Mesa was fictional!

    I have a goatee, and I can swing a mean crowbar... wonder if they'll let me have an HEV suit...?

  5. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

    Lets face it

    There are a lot of people who could be improved by the addition of a head crab.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    Techno-babble

    Doesn't "large hadrons" sound more grand that "protons" in the article. Its clear that the former term is correct (protons being of the baryon variety, and also falling into the fermion class), but the reality is that it is streams of boring old protons that are being circulated,

  7. H 5

    Black Mesa

    Why do we all have to wear these ridiculous ties?

    Gordon, its your turn in the test chamber today.

  8. H 5

    The prophecy continues

    http://img717.imageshack.us/img717/2020/gordonfreemanspottedatc.jpg

    Where's that crowbar?

  9. Bill B
    Flame

    The *Real* reason Dinos aren't around anymore

    "mightiest particle-masher ever assembled by the human race"

    Sorry Lewis ... what are you implying here? that the dinosaurs were, in fact, intelligent enough to build such a device and it was the use of the Dino LHC that resulted in their mass extinction?.

    Gets my vote anyway.

    Flames cause that's what we'll get when it all goes wrong.

  10. Jeff 10
    Paris Hilton

    Superfluid Explosion

    Paris, obviously.

  11. SoltanGris
    Flame

    Don't worry, be happy.

    Not to worry.

    This will all be fixed up and ready to rock

    by 2012.

    SO chill.

  12. ian 22

    Coincedence? I think not.

    LHC : Chile earthquake?

  13. Misoriented
    Coat

    You know what we need...

    ...is some more Half Life jokes. Cuz those never get old. Oh, and maybe somebody could complain about the end of the world. Yeah, that'd be schweet.

    Mine's the HEV with a head crab, a crowbar, a tinfoil hat, a strangelet, and a Combine overlord in the pocket.

  14. elderlybloke

    You lot

    should all go down to the Pub and after a dozen beers your brains may be capable of intelligent though.

  15. Bobster

    A 'Live@ eyeball is required eh?

    So someone from CERN has watched Angels and Demons then...

  16. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    Another World?

    Sounds like "another world" from the amiga days.. if anyone remembers it :)

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