back to article Large Hadron Collider in multi-magnet quench hiccup

A technical hiccup has delayed the planned restart of the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), the titanic subterranean magno-doughnut particle smasher situated deep beneath the Franco-Swiss border. The LHC, most outrageous matter-rending machine ever assembled by the human race, had been expected to fire up its circulating hadron …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    "titanic subterranean magno-doughnut particle smasher "

    First class work Lewis, keep it up

  2. John I'm only dancing
    FAIL

    Following through

    I always thought that was what an 'Abrupt dump' was all about. It would appear I've been wrong all this time, not being a physicist and all that.

  3. Am
    Pint

    Am I the only one who read

    "the titanic subterranean magno-doughnut particle smasher" as the titanic subterranean maNGo-doughnut particle smasher?

    Anyone else?

    No?

    Ah well. My excuse is it's lunchtime

  4. Liam Johnson

    XMas

    Just back from the Christmas holidays??? I really should have stayed in Physics.

  5. Gordon is not a Moron

    And...

    cue the luis sancho technobabble filled, end of the world, rant in -

    .....3

    .....2

    .....1

    1. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge

      Nearly ...

      ... not much technobabble, but someone claiming to be Sancho has posted forecasts of doom below!

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!

    we're doomed!! DOOMED!!!!

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    abrupt dump

    "....though presumably it would have caused an abrupt dump incident had a powerful beam been circulating."

    I'll bet it would have!

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    Yesterday?

    Odd...

    http://hcc.web.cern.ch/HCC/cryo_main/avg_temp_evolution.php?mode=month

    1. Ed Blackshaw Silver badge
      Boffin

      Why odd?

      If you look at the magnet temperature graph for sector 78, you can see a sudden increase in temperature for some magnets from 2K to 5K at around 18:00 yesterday.

      http://hcc.web.cern.ch/HCC/cryo_main/cryo_main.php?region=Sector78&sector=78

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Blatantly obvious and simple reason.

        Whoever came through the dimensional portal nipped in, turned the heating on and went back again, they'll be back next week when it's warmed up a bit.

  9. Kugutsu
    Pirate

    rammed by an aircraft carrier...

    going how fast?

  10. Scott 19

    Wimps

    Why are scientist such wimps, when i get a new car first thing i do is see how fast it goes, come on guys wack it up to 11 and hit the on switch, i'm hoping for a Sam Beckett type result.

    oh and 'won't anyone think of the inter-dimensional children'

  11. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. William Towle
      Joke

      Re: Wimps

      > when i get a new car first thing i do is see how fast it goes

      I assume from the fact you're still here that said car isn't a Toyota.

      ...hey, maybe they should take over the LHC - it'll be accelerating consistently in no time!

  12. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    Hopefully...

    In a few years time, after all the extended holidays and mechanical failures; this overblown piece of Meccano might just start to provide some results.

  13. Jamie Jones Silver badge
    Joke

    Mr.

    You realise that it's aliens / people from the future who keep sabotaging this thing, because they don't want the galaxy to cease to exist?

  14. Clinton
    Alert

    Keep well informed

    http://hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com/

  15. Nick Davey
    Grenade

    About time...

    That I go out and buy a hazard suit and a trusty new crowbar.

    1. Version 1.0 Silver badge
      FAIL

      Aliens from the future

      Wot, like they woke up one morning and said, "Oh dear, we don't exist ... we'd better go back in time and fix this so that we can have breakfast"

  16. Luther Blissett

    Science and society - making knowledge useful

    Following the diversion of funding from physics to large hadron colliders, surely it is appropriate for universities to phase out the teaching of physics in favour of large hadron collider studies. Looks very much like we need that now. And for those without the faintest ability in maths, the consolation prize of a humanities degree in the history and philosophy of large hadron colliders. In the hyperreal, everyone can be a winner.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Unreliable?

    Ok, I admit that this is (or one of) the most advanced tech on the planet right now...but dammit, when are they actually gonna get it working? Is anyone else wonder "IF"...not "WHEN" ?

    Yeah, yeah...expensive...hi-tech...complex...millions of components....blah, blah, blah. This HEV suit cost a fortune you know - I still plan to use it before I retire, but it's touch and go at this rate.

    Mines the orange one.

    1. Emil Perhinschi
      WTF?

      it's about the engineers

      all these problems the LHC has are engineering problems ... maybe somebody should use the "money back guarantee" ? They had enough time to make it work ...

  18. ratfox Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Rube Goldberg was a beginner

    When you think of the complexities involved just in quenching the system...

    PH, because she is much simpler to figure out

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Err, point of order yeronner...

    "Hyperpowered lightspeed particle beams"? Shouldn't that be "nearly light speed"? I suspect that if they did manage to accelerate owt else other than.. well.. photons to the speed of light, there would be some brown trousers in the control room, and maybe even A Fuss made.

  20. AceRimmer1980

    Nothing can go wrong

    Do we *have* to use the word 'Titanic' to describe it?

  21. drfreak

    Other dimensions would be cool, but what about the simpler parallel universe?

    Another dimension is difficul to visualize, but for me a parallel universe is not so hard. Image looking at a friend while you draw a spiral with your finger in front of them. In your friend's perception, your spiral is opposite of the way you are drawing it. Kind of like seeing "CENALUBMA" directly on a vehicle, then seeing it in your rear-view mirror, and realizing it is an AMBULANCE.

    Parallel universes may manifest to us in different ways than that, but my example is the easiest way O have found to visualize one.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Parallel universes, no problem

      It's just spelling that's difficult for you to visualize?

  22. Barbara in Austin
    Big Brother

    'round and 'round the mullberry bush...

    "Such brutal treatment is expected to force tortured hadrons to cough up many of the universe's secrets. In particular, visitors from other dimensions (albeit extremely small and shortlived ones) may be on the cards"

    Poor little protons... what's next? Water boarding?

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Terminator

    Have they learnt nothing from Star Trek!!!

    I welcome our new extra dimentional overlords!

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