back to article Next from Apple: The Pocket iPad

Sources in Cupertino have exclusively confirmed to the Reg that Apple intends to follow up its anticipated iPad success with a miniature, pocket-sized version boasting added voice technology. "The iPad's a great device," an executive familiar with the matter said yesterday. "But think how great it would be if you could carry …

COMMENTS

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  1. jeffrey 1
    Thumb Up

    lol

    I have been reading this story on my beta iPad Nano, keep up the good work

  2. Matthew Glubb
    Joke

    Joke Alert

    Nuff said.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Coffee/keyboard

    Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha

    no words needed really although I am wondering how many comments will be posted before the first serious fanboi comes along with tales of the iPhone etc :-)

  4. Neur0mancer
    WTF?

    You Kids

    With your humour and 'music television'.

  5. lansalot
    Jobs Halo

    wow!

    Wow !

    This sounds like just the ticket ! I was going to buy an iPad, but knowing there's a smaller, more voicey-version just around the corner makes me determined to grit my teeth, gnaw my thumbs and tweak my earlobes until it arrives.

    Is there a shipping date yet ? Where can I put down some sort of deposit on this mythical device ? And am I OK to tell all my mates I'm getting one ahead of any formal announcement ?

    Ah feck it - I'm off twittering and facebooking all my friends with this tale of technological-triumphery !

    (Sorry, gotta run - phone's ringing and bubblewrap needs bursting..)

  6. Shagbert
    Jobs Horns

    iSanitary Napkin

    I was just figuring that Jobs forgot about the announcement til the night before and thought "F*** it, what have we got lying around I can show them??? I know, there's that huge f*cking prototype 'iPod Touch For The Short Sighted' that Bob knocked up when he was drunk that time that when we all laughed at him for it."

    So maybe this is the 'iPod Touch for the Near Sighted with Bonus Voice Features'?

  7. tobyr
    Jobs Horns

    haha

    good one El Reg, shame it's almost true, Apple are just descending into ever decreasing design circles wrappd up in ever increasing hyperbole.

    think I'll go climb a tree.....

    1. Ian McNee
      Paris Hilton

      Mmm...

      ...iDeposit...

      Oh dear, 'multi-touch' takes on a whole new meaning. And is there a gesture for 'wipe-clean'?

    2. brimful

      iPad mini

      Isn't a iPad mini just the same as an IPod touch? Or am I missing something?

      1. Tom Maddox Silver badge
        FAIL

        Yes

        Yes, you are.

  8. SuperTim

    Whoa....

    That sounds BRILLIANT!!!!!! I cant wait for it, my iphone just doesnt cut it, but if i could get some kind of smaller tablet with a phone in it and seriously reduced battery life, i would snap it up!

    I hope that someone thinks of bringing out some kind of portable record player that allows me to listen to music on the move, maybe using some kind of proprietry in-ear speakers.

    I must admit, i dont know where technology is going next....Fire, the wheel, Elastic-trickery....Amazing!

  9. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  10. Richard 81

    Oh you.

    How you toy with us.

  11. takuhii
    WTF?

    Hang on....

    wouldn't a pocket sized version fo the iPad otherwise be known as the iPhone??!!

  12. Lockwood
    WTF?

    WTF?

    Let's make a big iPhone!

    Sure, why not

    Now let's make a small big iPhone!

    Excuse me, sir. Isn't that just an iPhone?

    Hush.

  13. Disco-Legend-Zeke
    Thumb Up

    Have they...

    ...trademarked the letter "i" yet?

    It's so great to start the day with a good laugh. Thanks, Reggers.

  14. TeeCee Gold badge
    Happy

    Aha!

    iRecursion.

    1. deadlockvictim Silver badge
      Coat

      @takuhii

      It seems that we are a little slow today. There is a strong possibility that this article was written tongue-in-cheek, and, as a consequence, one must rnot take it at face value.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      They will once they release the next must have toy

      ,,, the iDiot

    3. Christopher Rogers
      Megaphone

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

      You tit.

    4. Greg J Preece

      2 shillings and sixpence

      Bugger off, shillboy.

    5. Greg J Preece

      Oh dear

      I am rattling my head off the desk as we speak.

    6. Anonymous Coward
      FAIL

      @ AC 13:44

      Looks like it took a grand total of 45 minutes .....

    7. SuperTim

      Sounds exactly like....

      My JAILBROKEN iphone, but not as mobile and more expensive!

    8. Shades
      Troll

      Wow...

      ...you've got copy and paste! Just how long did you have to wait, and how much did you have to pay, for that value adding technological marvel?

      While I'm at it: "The large, high-resolution screen makes iPad perfect for watching any kind of video: from HD movies and TV shows"

      *cough* BULLSHIT! *cough*

    9. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

      Not at all

      "wouldn't a pocket sized version fo the iPad otherwise be known as the iPhone??!!"

      On the contrary, dear sir, on the contrary...

  15. Matt.Smart
    Thumb Up

    hehehe

    Brilliant work guys.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Humble pie

    Should we order it for el reg now?

  17. Sergie Kaponitovicz
    Thumb Up

    Brilliant

    Sent from my iMac G5 desktop - which I love - but the iPad is a joke. See, not all fanboiz are zealots!

    There's a good article in the Torygraph as well:

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/apple/7092013/Why-I-dont-want-an-Apple-iPad.html

  18. Danny 5
    Thumb Up

    lmao

    i've always liked the writing style on el Reg, but not often do i almost fall out of my chair laughing!

    great article!

  19. Ian Ferguson
    Jobs Halo

    Oh wow

    Man, imagine, a MASSIVE iPad on your desk, with a keyboard - it would be just like a common-or-garden iPad in it's dock, standing upright at a slight tilt. The keyboard could connect by Bluetooth, and other things could too, maybe a mouse? Best of all, as you wouldn't need to move it around, you could plug it straight into the mains!

    I'm telling you, Apple is the FUTURE.

  20. Tumbleweed

    Erm, isn't that an iPhone?

    Its yet to be proven how successful the iPad will be. Lack of OSX and no flash card slot are big -ve's for me.

    Weed

  21. Red Bren
    Happy

    Proof please!

    Yet more idle speculation about Apple vapourware...

  22. SmallYellowFuzzyDuck, how pweety!
    Welcome

    Title goes here

    So a smaller version of the iPad with a SIM card in it?

    Hmm, they could call it something like an, ooh, iPhone, or is that a silly name?

    I'm sure I won't be the only person to say that...

  23. Catherine Keynes

    Haven't they already done something like that

    With the Newton.

  24. This post has been deleted by its author

  25. blackworx
    Go

    Bravo!

    And you wonder why Apple's PR department never return your calls.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    Not enough Sarcasm

    1/10 too subtle.

  27. Andrew Moore Silver badge

    Wrong direction...

    Apple are looking to increase the size. The next gen will be called the Max-iPad.

  28. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Hang on....

    *crying laughing*

    I'm sorry to have to throw you to the internet, takuhii, but show me the moderator who could resist.

    *further crying laughing*

  29. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Interesting

    the proportion of readers of this satirical website who don't appear to grasp the concept of satire.

    *no longer crying laughing*

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      We shoud be grateful

      At least they can read.

      Probably all merkins anyway. Most of the ones I have met seem to have trouble with sarcasm, satire, accents, geography. In that order.

      AC, 'cos work for them.

    2. Natalie Gritpants
      WTF?

      Surely The Register isn't a satirical website

      I thought it was more like Private Eye: enough true stuff to be interesting, enough satire to prevent it being sued into oblivion.

    3. Greg J Preece

      Don't worry Sarah

      Some of us keep a few braincells around for articles such as this one. Liked it very much - more please!

    4. Annihilator

      Not crying laughing, just crying

      Ah come on. You know you've got some Daily Mail readers that cross-over here occasionally. It's a statistical certainty. Mainly because they're trawling the internet hoping that there is a site somewhere that provides a register of either nonces or immigrants, or preferably both. They end up here for that hopeful reason.

    5. Chris007
      Thumb Up

      superb comment

      you missed that one El Reg :-)

  30. Richmond
    Coffee/keyboard

    But........

    Isn't the iPad just a Trigger Happy TV iPhone?

    I bet the polo-necked one will still managed to sell the mini iPad to the fanbois!!!!

  31. dave 93
    Grenade

    Oh please, just get on with your lives

    OK, they released it, It is what it is, and it isn't what it isn't. Get over yourselves and actually find new stories about new stuff.

    No one forced all the tech news outlets to keep hyping it in advance of the launch, you did that all yourselves. Lazy boys get lots of hits tho.

    For what it is worth, I think it looks like a pretty useful bit of kit at a reasonable price.

    The real tech news angle is that it uses an Apple SoC CPU - that, at least, is something new, and a canny move to protect their IP investment as you can't just copy and crack a piece of hardware so easily.

    Oh yeah, the iPhone/Touch does seem to be quite popular with users, despite (or maybe because of?) the twatphone, jesusphone mudslinging from some quarters. Go figure...

    Come back in a year and see what happened to the iPad.

    Remember - you do not have to buy one if you don't like it.

    1. sandman

      Not just the tech articles

      The mainstream press seem to have been just as obsessed, two whole pages in the Guardian this morning - the first two inside pages. It did strike me that there are a few more important things happening in the world than the release of a niche product by a technology company but my knowledge of what is importnat to the media is obviously defective. Must drink more kool aid.

    2. Jamie Jones Silver badge

      Mr.

      "Come back in a year and see what happened to the iPad."

      Come back in a year and see if you've developed a sense of humour.

  32. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    iKeyboard

    WTF, another Apple product without the keyboard !!!

    They need to re-think their whole product strategy. In fact the what the world needs is a product centred around the full size clickety clackety keyboard, with a pop out small screen if occasionally you want to see what your typing or what someone else sends to you...if you are not able to keep up with the rapidly glowing keys that type out a message to you in real time, a bit like optical morse code.

    Then a mouse could be hung off, a printer, speakers, mic. In fact a very versatile and interactive iKeyboard.

  33. scottboy
    Joke

    More Apple devices

    I think we need fewer multifunction devices and more specialised gadgets. Could I have something to alert me to the presence of young women in short skirts and low-cut tops? But what to call it?

    <Leslie Phillips voice>

    iSay

    </Leslie Phillips voice>

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Gates Halo

    iDle

    Another product for iDle lazy barstewards you have no real work to do but to f around all day with their latest iCrap product.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    LOL

    Big LOL at the article.

    Even bigger LOL at the idots who missed the joke.

    Should be named and shamed me thinks

    1. Ian Moffatt 1
      Happy

      Fnaaar

      You owe me a new keyboard ;-)

  36. frank ly Silver badge

    Too easy :)

    "Sources in Cupertino have exclusively confirmed to the Reg ..."

    That was too much of a clue, right up front; or were you trying to be kind to the less bright among us?

  37. Jeremy 2
    Heart

    One of those articles...

    ...where the main story is great but some of the comments just make it... Must be Friday... What? It's not? Bugger.

  38. Alex, Leeds
    WTF?

    iPointless

    Indeed... does anyone know what the iPad is actually *for*?

    1. Geoffrey Summerhayes
      Joke

      iObvious

      Psst. It's for making Apple money, of course. What else would it be for?

    2. uncle sjohie
      Coat

      I suggest

      You ask your girlfriend... :-)

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    @Sarah Bee

    That's what happens when we let them Yanks onto our world-wide-web.

  40. Steve 40
    Joke

    I thought the clue was in the first line...

    "Sources in Cupertino have exclusively confirmed to the Reg..."

    Hah, like Apple has ever confirmed anything to the Reg, and exclusively? I think Steve Jobs would sexually harass himself with an Xbox before that happened!

    I'm as disturbed as Sarah that so many people fail to understand satire, though. Le sigh.

  41. Simbooth
    FAIL

    IPads

    Simple enough;

    16gb- Slim Ipad

    32gb- Regular ipad

    64Gb- Max Ipad!

    All of a sudden madtv's parody has gone through the roof!

    And loving how takuhii seems to have deleted his own post in shame.

    Oh well, time to check my email on the awesome Ipad mini.

    FAIL- as well, its a BFO Ipod touch, with an name which sounds like something which should be shoved in ladies underwear.

    1. Tom Adair

      Maxi pad?

      Sounds like a sanitary product, marketing genius if they go with that!

      1. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD

        Bloody iPads

        Yes yes yes but will it have 'wings' ?

  42. Roland Newmark
    Black Helicopters

    a netbook without a keyboard?

    Why not just get a netbook for half the money? I know it won't have all the "cool apps" but you'll still get everything you need done in non-cool Windows for a lot less money. There is nothing you can't do on a Windows netbook that this can do (just add Kindle software). While I do admit to being a Apple/iLemming hater, I do understand their other products and why they succeed. But if this sells to the masses I guess I am completely out of touch and will have to start printing Jobs for president stickers.

  43. Tom Reg

    70" iPads coming soon

    As LCD prices continue to drop, they will be soon be cheaper than walls and coffee tables. Likely already are if you shop in the 'right' stores in London.

    Want the dining room table to look like old pine for breakfast and polished marble for dinner? DONE.

    With iPad/Walls installed, you will never have to paint again. Just pay a little extra and adverts for vlagra and Windows 8 will not follow you around the house. Just imagine how great its going to be!

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Anyone who doesn't get this...

    ...doesn't deserve to get one.

  45. cookieMonster
    Heart

    @Interesting - Sarah Bee

    By any chance can you tell us where they appear to be from??

    One country seems to be pondering the introduction of a dedicated symbol for their special little dears who are .... let's say "challenged"

  46. Shades
    Alert

    Dear Sara,

    Please stop removing my comments. Deriding the abilitity of someone, who is clearly a troll, to copy and paste Apple bumf, after the fiasco that was copy and paste for the iPhone, without levelling any person insults of any kind to the OP is hardly a cause to dis-allow the comment, is it not? I see far, far more off-topic and foul language comments every day on El Reg and yet they remain.

    Please feel free to punish me, with the liberal application of a good spanking, for my temerity to question the decisions of the moderatix.

    Thanks

    Shades

    1. Trevor Pott o_O Gold badge
      Pint

      @Shades

      It's Sarah, not Sara.

      Something to remember too…it’s not always Sarah at the helm. (Which is unfortunate when you spend 15 minutes carefully crafting a comment to troll her, only to have it read by someone else!) The lady does get some days off; your comments may have been moderated by her, by someone else, or by some combination thereof.

      Also: she doesn't remember who any of us are, and probably doesn't care. (Make the appropriate exception for amanfromMars.) The chances that she is somehow purposefully moderating your comments is pretty slim. Besides which, she deals with a lot of comments every day. You could just be a victim of someone else’s comments having put her in a bit of a foul mood.

      Have a pint and relax!

    2. Trevor Pott o_O Gold badge

      Additional reply

      An additional reply, (or maybe not additional if the previous one gets moderated?):

      Don't feel bad, she dinged me too. (A completely innocuous comment on a totally unrelated thread.)

      My guess (based on the comment) is simply that she's read it so many times in so many other comments by now that I'm lucky she didn't crawl through the tubes and stab me in the face with a comma.

  47. Saopaulo101
    WTF?

    already here?

    aren't they just talking about the iphone?

  48. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Dear Shades,

    I'm terribly sorry but I don't know who you are. I moderate up to 500 comments a day with assistance from others, who may have taken exception to your outpourings. Or it may have been me. I don't recall. We strive for consistency but it's a little like freedom, or justice - unobtainable absolutes that we can only work towards, never truly achieve.

    My name has an H on the end. Perhaps you should remove your eyewear when you sit down to write to me.

    Best

    Sarah

    1. Time for a career change
      Happy

      Erm...

      <Thud> The sound of the penny dropping.

      Satire, anyone?

    2. Lionel Baden
      Joke

      app store approval process

      Is now working on The Reg

  49. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    damn

    I fell for it. I liked the idea of the ipad but it fails in so many ways, largely it is far too BIG. I was hoping for something around 8", 16:9, with voice and multitasking. A device somewhere between the size of an iphone and the ipad (with more power) is what I really want.

    1. David Beck
      Happy

      @damn: That would be an N900

      no one here today

  50. Laie Techie

    El Reg or The Onion?

    The past few days, I've spotted articles on El Reg which are better suited to The Onion. Is this to be the norm? I like humor as much as the next guy (can't wait for the next episode of BOFH), but El Reg needs to maintain some decorum appropriate for a news source.

    1. Tom Maddox Silver badge
      Unhappy

      Um

      Not sure if serious.

    2. Trevor Pott o_O Gold badge

      @Laie Techie

      Welcome to El Reg's bootnotes section.

      Onion-like articles are confined here. If you would prefer to read El Reg sans-bootnotes you can browse articles by section, or e-mail the Reg to request a new feature be added to the website. (At the bottom of the page, click on “Company Info,” and the “Contact The Register.” I recommend talking to Phillip Mitchell.)

      This new bootnotes-less version of the site might well be possible to add as a “feature”. (Most readers would call it a “bug.”) Perhaps at http://nofun.theregister.co.uk

      The chances are the “feature” doesn’t exist simply because it has never been requested.

  51. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    I just came in...

    for the clever wit and comments. We have spanking too? Count me in!

  52. Dick Emery
    Grenade

    Wow!

    I SOOOOOOO want an iPad Nano!

  53. Andus McCoatThen
    Coffee/keyboard

    *spews pint at keyboard and screen*

    I'm practically passing out laughing at this article, then it gets better with so many who COMPLETELY miss the joke!

    El Reg. Sarah, et al... Well played.

    I'll be expecting the Fedex man with my new keyboard promptly for the damage this has wrought.

    Keep up the good work!

  54. once bitten

    missing the point?

    Stating the obvious - Wouldn't this simply be the derivative of the existing i-phones?

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: missing the point?

      I could so zap everyone here who didn't get it, especially all the ones after the first one who neither understood the joke nor READ ALL THE COMMENTS POINTING OUT THE JOKE. None of you should be allowed to comment on the internet. Hand back your laminated cards right now.

      1. Steve Foster
        Pint

        Sarah, Sarah, Sarah

        Slope off down the pub and have a stiff drink.

        You *know* these people (I use the term loosely) don't read beyond the second (third, if you're lucky) paragraph of the story before clicking the "Comment" link, let alone read all the other comments.

  55. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Naaaah!

    Yet another piece of 'i' crap to avoid !

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