back to article Steve Wozniak, your time is up

It's time to file each and every story about Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak into the circular "Does it really matter?" bin. The latest Woz news clogging the intertubes is that - quelle horreur! - his Royal Rotunditude's new favorite gadget is Google's Nexus One smartphone. Two words: Who. Cares. As much as I'm loathe to …

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  1. Danington the Third
    Jobs Horns

    Better Pandas and lollipops than...

    pricks like S Ballmer beating his chest, and S Jobs stroking his cock and saying boom all the time. I can understand that Wozzy has only really done one HUGE thing in his career, but he is still the guy who co-pioneered the industry that is not only responsible for your job, but the jobs of most who read this site.

    I don't see the problem with a nice guy finally being involved in an industry. Not to mention by your logic we should make Richard Stallman irrelevant too, because all he did was invent gnu and whine about freedom for a few years. He's still a fucking legend no matter what.

    1. Steen Hive
      Flame

      Spot on.

      I love El Reg as much as anyone, but this sort of thing really gets my goat. As if the only thing that imparts relevance is being a one-dimensional, cardboard-cutout of a ruthless cunt suckling at the atrophied teats of Ayn Rand, or something.

      Give me Wozniak's geeky naffness or Stallman and his epileptic folk-dancing any day.

      1. Shannon Jacobs
        Dead Vulture

        Greed is NOT the be all and end all

        I concur with you that the Woz doesn't deserve this flack from the hack, whoever the author is. At least people still remember Wozniak after all the years. I've already forgotten who this writer was.

        In general I kind of like the 'attitude' of the Reg, but this piece wasn't worth the inconvenience caused to a few elections.

      2. Shannon Jacobs
        FAIL

        Whoops

        Whoops. I meant "electrons", not "elections", but that too. I sure wouldn't vote for this author, if I could remember who he was.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Why do you think he's a nice guy?

      All the evidence appears to be that he's an over-inflated ego.

    3. Eddie Edwards
      Thumb Down

      Oh come off it

      Don't be silly; no-one is responsible for anyone's job apart from the person doing it. Woz did not create an industry, he designed circuits, without which the current industry would be much the same as it is anyway (just look how many other companies were making microcomputers back then). He is a classic case of right place, right time.

      But then I don't see much legendary about Stallman either. We already had BSD-style and MIT-style licenses; all Stallman did was add reactionary politics. He is a legendary propagandist, though, I'll give you that.

      1. Steen Hive
        FAIL

        Reactionary

        In what sick, bizarro universe can endowing individuals with more rights, rather than fewer be described as "reactionary"?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          I know that was rhetorical but ...

          The sick, bizarro, rightard universe where liberalism and communism mean the same thing. They try not to think too much about what they're saying, lest things start to unravel ...

      2. Danington the Third
        Megaphone

        No I won't come off - lol inuendo

        I don't fully agree with your statement on the creation of our industry as we know it; While we did have other companies designing chips and software, they were all boring suits who had no sense of market forecast in this division - after all there WAS no digital age then. Look at IBM, they laughed Apple and their ideas out of the boardroom. What Jobs and Woz bought to the industry was accessibility, affordability, and style. They aimed to have these things in the homes of Joe Retard, who is by far the largest consumer base available. So yes they did revolutionize the industry. We still would have had an industry without them, just one left to die by a bunch of fumbling old farts who had no idea.

        On a side note, don't be so fecking pedantic, i'm OBVIOUSLY not talking about job responsibility here, I'm talking about the creation of the jobs in the number they are now. You think El Reg would be here without a billion IT geeks around the world to read it?

        On a secondary side note, Stallman is awesome, and you can't touch him. That is all.

  2. corestore

    Jeeze what did Woz ever do to you?

    Must have been something terrible. He's a geek, he's a nerd, he's a hacker. He wrote a LOT of early Apple software too, don't forget. And he was pretty fcked up after a plane crash in 1980 or so - cut the guy some slack, will ya. He's enjoying a life you or I would enjoy, if we were talented enough to do it.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      So what?

      He's done nothing but fail in the last 20 years so the article's author is simply arguing that he's actually not very interesting and doesn't merit the attention he gets.

      I've read Wozniak's risible biography, iWoz, and it's one long yawn fest of failure and attempts to claim credit for the work of other people (he tries to claim credit for the Mac despite having nothing to do with it).

      So it's not a case of hating him it's just that I, and the article's author, find him boring and not worthy of notice.

  3. Michael 66

    Oh, ya, mm, WHAAAAA?

    Wow, did he actually piss in your Cheerios? Bad day much?

    "Polack?" Is this 1975?

  4. heyrick Silver badge
    Grenade

    The Google phone?

    So let me get this right... one of the founding fathers of Apple is getting all bothered by Google's new toy and *NOT* the iPhone?

    Wow. I gotta go tell every iPhone fanboi I know. Byeeee!

  5. heyrick Silver badge
    Flame

    So what's so bad?

    So he danced. Badly. I dance. Badly. I kinda wish I had the balls to just roll with it and not give a damn about what the rest of the world thinks. Yeah, he does look like he's enjoying himself. More power to him. There's a lot of people in the world that should lighten up and dance... even if badly.

    Sorry El Reg guy, your argument does not convince.

    If you want to ban mentioning a real twit, try Mark Zuckerberg. I've heard little from him, and even that was too much.

  6. James Haley 2
    Paris Hilton

    Keep Steve

    I was on the ban bandwagon, what with Segway and Dancing with the Stars, until Kathy Griffin paragraph. All is forgiven.

    Now I think he deserves his own icon, right next to Paris.

  7. Ed Vim

    Wozniak has earned a spot in computer history

    i disagree with this article and its tone. Steve Wozniak has been a major influence on the consumer computer market. He crafted really clever, innovative engineering tweaks in the early days of what we now call desktop computers, something that has significantly changed our society. For whatever reason Mr. Myslewski has some problem with Wozniak and has chosen to emphasize what he views as minuses while ignoring and minimizing the pluses.

  8. ZenCoder
    Unhappy

    Thats a little harsh ...

    If the media is willing to treat him like a minor celebrity, why shouldn't he enjoy it.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Grenade

    You serious man?

    Wow; whole lotta hate going on here, and an unhealthy obsession with body mass.

    panda-like

    Burgher of Big-Boned

    Crown Prince of Chubby

    corpulent competitor

    tubby terpsichorean

    beer-bellied boinker

    lumbering Lothario

    heavyset hubby

    porky exemplar

    well-upholstered guest

    paunchy entrepreneur's

    beefy businessman

    sturdy storage savant

    paunchy pundit's

    Suggestion: if you're going to go with an alliteration theme, stick with it. You missed two in the middle and the first weight reference "panda-like" doesn't follow the adjective-noun pattern.

    You also used paunchy twice; that's just sloppy.

    That said; wow! Did he run over your dog with a Segway or something? Was this article the result of a competition in a frat-house to see how many different ways of saying 'He's fat" you could come up with?

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

  10. jake Silver badge

    Ban the Woz? OK. Works for me.

    How about you ban Bob Metcalfe at the same time?

    Unless either comes up with something new & relevant to modern reality, that is.

    1. Matthew Anderson

      and..

      Banning all comments by Graham Cluely would be good too. His 2 cents worth on the end of every security related incident is getting booring.

  11. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Steven Walker
      Thumb Down

      But not by Rik Myslewski

      I would rather have a beer with Woz than Rik who seems to have some sort of personal problem,

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

  12. E Haines

    Heavyweight

    Why the constant digs at his weight? He's not THAT huge, and seems to be reasonably mobile, the aptitude of said mobility notwithstanding. And doesn't collapse into a bubbling blob of flop sweat at the slightest movement, unlike the other Steve. (No, the other other Steve. The Uncle Fester one.)

  13. charlie wallace
    Paris Hilton

    seems fair enough

    But man i think you better start hiding out, the fanboi's are going to be foaming after this...

  14. 95885771
    Happy

    Without Steve Woz, Apple will not exist

    Steve Woz is the technical guy and Steve Job is the marketing guy. Both of them make Apple successful and both of them become millionares.

    Woz is not good in business ventures but before Job went back to Apple. Steve Job also failed in many business ventures. Failure is part of all business ventures.

    So why don't you give him a break ?

    Woz is more successful than most people in world because he do what he love and love what he did.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Jobs Halo

      Err..

      You do know Wozniak left Apple in 1987 and Apple is still in business more than 20 years after he left. Which rather disproves your thesis that both of them make Apple succesful.

      Wozniak was lucky to know Jobs, without him we'd never have heard of Wozniak. Hmm. In contrast I think Jobs would have been just as successful with another geek partner.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Gates Halo

    Relevance

    But the main gripe is Woz doesn't actually do anything relevant any more - surely the antithesis of geekdom is people who are famous for being famous. Jobs and Ballmer are relevant because they still actually do stuff rather than just falling over on TV. Well, Jobs is...

    I hope the moderators get paid over time...

  16. Iamfanboy
    Paris Hilton

    I will admit

    I'd never even HEARD of him before your article.

    Don't see why we should ban him, I mean it's not like we've banned PH for being something of a trainwreck, or the other Bootnoters of fame...

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Woz

    I really didn't like reading this article - I thought the author came across with a bit of a chip on his shoulder.

    Woz did some amazing engineering whilst at Apple - the guy changed a computer design from 35 chips down down to 8 and did other things with Apple as also designed the Apple 1 though from what I understand this didn't use a PCB design (I think it used like a breadboard design if I remember right but this was basically a prototype design to impress his friends at The Home Brew Computer club).

    The other thing that gets me is that most people involved with computers don't tend to be the fittest of people (software engineers are a prime example of this).

    If you look at a lot of electrical design now a days it's all designed on computer; it you look at Woz he did this in his head and with paper!

    I'm currently reading "On the edge" and it's interesting reading but if you think of modern chip design we've come to a point that it's not really that interesting any more and x86 isn't interesting.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I put it to you...

    ...that Wozniak represents a thoroughly benign but vital character in the pantheon of tech.

    He may not be the man at the helm of the next big company, but nor will tens of thousands careers be disrupted or destroyed over one of his decisions.

    He may never again have his creative finger prints on "the next big thing", but his frequent resurfacing reminds folks that the next big thing is waiting to be created.

    He is not a Gates, or a Jobs, or a Ballmer, or an Ellison or even a Shwartz or a McNeally, but, in his favour, he will never be.

    Wozniak may only be relevant for the space he takes up, but where his space is, is important. Alongside the obsessive business brains that make the industry profitable, Wozniak represents that equally important force of human imagination. He may only be a figurehead nowadays, but so are the other guys. They are the icons and newsbites that stand for a complex stack of complicated technical, industrial, and economic processes that they are really not in control of.

    Wozniak is one of the few visible personalities who represent the creative energy that is equally important to prevent the IT industry plowing itself a rut into irrelevance. In the pantheon, he is the god of the awkward, blinkered, geeks who are too busy trying to realise a vision to worry about profit, or feasibility, or showering. All of the companies mentioned above, were founded, in part, by them and if they forget about them, they risk falling into irrelevance and decline. *cough*sun*cough*. They will end up being little more than diversified investment funds building profit through aquisitions and pathetic rejigging of service contracts *cough*oracle*cough*.

    Woz may be a twit, but he's our twit. We, the fat, obsessive, dysfunctional, nerds, will not see him brung down!.

    Bring me my dancing pants. The rhythm is about to take me.

  19. jerry 4

    Woz is great.

    Is this post of yours a joke? I hope so.

    Because if I'm forced to choose, and if anyone has to be bannished Rik, I'd prefer it be you.

    Woz is okay.

    What have you done? Do you even have any tech on your resume or are you just a journalist wannabe?

    See, that's the difference isn't it?

    Woz is was and always will be an engineer. Your resume seems to reveal you're most likely some sort of liberal arts / photography student wannabe who trotted around on Woz's coat tails and went from one Mac magazine to another, somehow stumbling your way to the Register.

    As such, you'll never be an engineer.

  20. Raymond Cranfill
    FAIL

    I'm confused...

    If indeed the Woz is no longer newsworthy (clogging the infosphere I think you said), why have you devoted a further two pages of drivel to the fact? The most delicious and appropriate approbation of a celebrity seeker is simply to ignore them.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      WTF?

      Exactly...

      "We should all ignore him, so here's a big article about him."

      Ummm...

  21. Reverend Brown
    Thumb Up

    Re: Steve Wozniak, your time is up

    I peed a little.

    Thanks for the big fat laughs.

  22. wim

    Tip for journalists

    If you want someone to disappear you should not write about them.

    as simple as that.

  23. Tim Roberts 1
    Thumb Down

    OUCH!

    I can't work out whether the article is tongue in cheek or serious.

    Whichever, I prefer to read about a geek like Woz who has actually produced something of worth in his life than a tart with an overinflated impression of what she means to the world ..... eg Paris Hilton and wealthy non producers.

    If the article is serious, as someone else above noted, if you hate him so much why spend time thinking about him? Doesn't strike me as being particularly clever. Or maybe you prefer to think about the contributions Paris Hilton has made to world culture and technological progress.

  24. Maty

    geez ...

    What's got into you?

    People are interested in the Woz because he's an interesting character - is that hard to understand? And you come across like the whiny creep in the back of the class who can't understand why some other guy is so popular.

    Rik - and I'm speaking as one 'Polack' to another - give it a rest.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    I agree with the article.

    Steve Wozniak is a boring has-been with nothing interesting to say. It's a shame his over-inflated ego (read the risible iWoz for many examples) isn't matched by any talent at all.

    Even is one real achievement, the Apple II, is hardly unique. The Commodore PET was both first to market and hugely out-sold it.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nothing Changes

    Woz came up with the idea for the Apple I whilst he was employed by our favourite ink manufacturer HP, and legend has it that he took his idea to the company, who figured that there would never be a place for a personal computer. And so he left, took his ideas with him, and the rest is history.

    HP has gone on to bigger and greater things like eeking a living out of stitching people up on ink pricing, wrecking what had once been the crown jewels of employment recognition, buying also-ran companies like the ex-Digital Equipment, and not least providing employment for corporate timewasters who know how to steal the bottom dollar like Curly and Turd.

    HP are also re-engineering the earths environment don't cha know? The corporate wreckers engaged in recent years have caused so much spin by Bill and Dave who are furious that what they left behind has been ruined that the earths magnetic polarity is changing.

  27. Richard 51
    Grenade

    Amazing

    How many people will rise to the bait! It certainly got the plebs talking !

    So who's next for the hatchet job to get some debate going!

    Chuck a grenade into the room and see what happens!

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Keep Woz...

    I did enjoy reading the article however, I think Woz is one of those figures who will be around for a long time yet. So he had a couple of big hits at apple. Billy G only had one at Microsoft and he bought that, maybe we should stop talking about him?

    Steve J and Steve B are just marketeers, yet you give them miles of text...

    I like woz, maybe its cause he is furry and doesn't give a monkeys about what other people say, good for him and long may he remain on el reg.

    M

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    ... mostly harmless...

    Keep him in the boot notes - he should be able to squeeze in there.

    In this rotund mans defence, he's probably done more with his life in terms of success, than most of us ever will. Sure, without Jobs, he possibly wouldn't have amounted to much more than an IT nerd - much like many of us - but Jobs saw some genius there and the rest is history.

  30. Chris Bidmead

    Woz and the Segway

    A year or so back I quizzed Woz for PC Plus about this obsession he has with the Segway. The exchange went something like this:

    Woz: Not just polo. It's practical. I use it for getting about. Typically I'll lift the Segway into the trunk of my car, park a mile or so out of town and then Segway in to do my shopping.

    Me: So you can carry bags, stuff like that?

    Woz: Can, do and in fact must. Since I hurt my back.

    Me: What, that plane crash back in the '80s?

    Woz: Oh, that. That was nothing. No, this was a new thing, and real bad. Serious back problem.

    Me: Shit. How did you do that?

    Woz: Musta been lifting the Segway into the trunk.

    --

    Chris

  31. mrmond
    Boffin

    Not cool

    Not a cool guy, but then neither is the article.

    As some one said he had a tough time recovering from the plane crash and this affrected his work after, but don;t forget even after he left apple,he still had a job doing he what loved doing, just for fun advising and working of things behind the scenes for token pay.

    There was no Apple ocmputer without him, Steve Jobs was and is a marketing man. Yeah,apple needed him or it might have got nowhere but Steve Jobs wasn't the one who made,built or even understood how to make the apple computer.

    As to the failed music festivals, you're defining success in terms of money. He never expected to make money, he hoped he would,it would have been nice, but just like everything he's done since, he does it because he wants to and because he can afford to.

    BTW. Not an apple fan boy, I've never had or desired a mac or an iphone but I realise they had a big part in where PC's are today as an acceptable thing when all other people were saying home computers would never catch on.

  32. pctechxp
    WTF?

    Poor fella

    I'm by no means an Apple fan but I do respect the technical achievements of Woz, he has contributed far more to the world of tech than Steve Jobs could ever hope to.

    The other thing I respect is that he does not take himself too seriously (why else would you appear on the yank version of Strictly Come Dancing when you actually have a brain which obviously he has).

    The guy is enjoying the wealkth he acquired fair and square, let him be.

    Can II propose a ban on Paris Hilton coverage as she has contributed nothing of value to the world EVER.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Ouch baby! Ouch! Yeah-ee-ah?

    I suppose it is a sad article made even the more sadder because of its limitation and understanding (or is that delimitation and misunderstandings?).

    You know, people age and age tends not to arrive on its own.

    Is a once great person (in generalities now) an always great person and what happens when those once great virtues encounter ageing in a person or changing in the circumstances in which once greatness were manifest or some happenchance of eventualities?

    Maybe it also has to acknowledge the view, perspective, imaginings and admirations of the spectator writer.

    For once and for alas, a person does not live up the ivory tower encasement of act and aspiration one might have committed another to and in the passing the other even made a mistake or more.

    How tragic is my world view, aspirant aim and I will run and I will bleat say to whomever and whomsoever and in the passing wax upon a waning of ways, perchance all the more for mishappen hopes and yester yores dreams of can do ability now dashed so horribly dashed in my mind's eye view of things gone, missed and never to be?

  34. Christopher Cowan

    Woz

    Woz helped launch the PC industry, that's a big achievement, how many people can claim to have done something that has had such a big change on society? HP rejected the Apple I design when Woz tried to sell it to them, IBM didn't think there was a future in personal computers and neither company was exactly short of bright people. Very few people ever come up with two ideas that create such big changes. Furthermore his designs were elegant.

    As for Woz going around and being happy, well more power to him, there are enough bad tempered miserable people in this world. Perhaps he should spend his time throwing chairs around rooms to make himself someone worthy of your admiration Rik? Not one of your better articles.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Paris Hilton

      The Woz

      Perhaps the Woz took electronics to where it could never have gone in the expected and predictably predicted happenings of those times gone by?

      And by taking electronics into that nether ether it needed salesmanship as no others were quite willing or envisioned to take it there?

      If so, happenchance that the Woz needed the Jobs and the Jobs needed the Woz and, of course as a truism, both needed the other else Apple sure footed into non-existence?

      One without the other would make for non-happen-ness and dashed dreams of proper circuitry wired for, to and in support of creativity beyond bounds (or at least limited to what the technology could do)?

      {I read far too much G M Hopkins :-) }

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerard_Manley_Hopkins

  35. David Webb

    Nope

    I don't believe you should ban the guy from your pages. So he's chosen the Googlephone over the iPhone, big deal, 87% of people prefer smartphones not made by Apple (and 100% of people prefer non-smart phones made by companies other than Apple) and over 90% of people prefer a computer not made by Apple.

    This wouldn't even be an issue if, like Jobs, he failed failed and failed again before going back to Apple, the only reason Jobs is in the public perception is because engineers and designers at Apple make him look good, Woz doesn't have that, but he's harmless, leave him be, and if he thinks "hey, this product is better than an Apple product" more power to the fella, shows he's not a brainwashed apple-tart.

  36. Robert E A Harvey
    Dead Vulture

    contrdictory

    "It's time to file each and every story about Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak into the circular "Who Gives a Flying Fuck?" bin." - or, indeed, to write two sides of A4 about him?

  37. Andrew Newstead

    And...

    I note that there is no comment about his school activities. For those who don't know Woz has been very active in providing and teaching about technology in the schools around where he lives, trading on his name to get kit in. As a tech teacher myself I can only approve.

    Ok, so Woz enjoys himself. I got no problem with that, he's happy and his heart is in the right place so leave him alone!

    Andrew Newstead

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Never heard of him before

    But that video was pretty fuckin funny. If you wanted to have a go at him, he'd have to be a lot more famous, and since he appears to be a basically self-aware happy loser, you probably couldn't go over a paragraph of dripping sarcasm without coming across as a jerk yourself.

    Ill-judged nasty article from someone who's already easily the most dispensible writer on the reg

  39. nickrw
    Black Helicopters

    Geeks

    Is there a secret industry club of Steves? Seems a very common name in IT. There are two of them in my office as well!

    1. Steve Lonie
      Happy

      Maybe

      I could tell you all about it but i'd have to cut out your tongue afterwards.

  40. Peregrine
    FAIL

    Rik

    Biggest. Troll. Ever.

  41. Lawrence 7

    Harsh!

    Harsh!

  42. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    Fail...

    I'm not a fanboi by a long chalk (check my previous posts for evidence of that).

    Woz is something that is sadly lacking at most corporate entities not least Apple, he seems a decent human being.

    He earned his place in history and it looks like he's just enjoying himself a little now, he deserves a lot better than that article and so what if he's not newsworthy anymore, he doesn't need to be unlike marignally talented hacks who deride him.

    1. Brutus
      Joke

      oh, just put something clever here

      "I'm not a fanboi by a long chalk (check my previous posts for evidence of that)."

      Would that be when you're posting as Anonymous Coward, or when you're posting as Anonymous Coward? Because sometimes you seem to somewhat self-contradictory!

  43. Robert Ramsay

    Ban Zuckerberg instead

    now *there* is a waste of space.

    If Woz was English, he'd probably be Mayor of London by now...

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Very funny article

    This article should have a joke alert icon at the start of it because it's hilarious. I'll admit although I'd heard of his name, I didn't know off the top of my head why until I read the article. You really should start writing with Simon T on the BOFH column.

    UNLESS

    If you really meant it I think your a complete and utter nutter. You yourself should be banned from El Reg.

    Which is it?

  45. kissingthecarpet
    FAIL

    Doesn't deserve it

    Whatever he's failed at since Apple, it doesn't really matter. If he's on his way down, then why kick him. I'd much rather read an expose of Ballmer's dodgy personal stuff, except he's such a corporate waste of carbon that he probably hasn't got any.

    The chair throwing is mad enough for me anyway

  46. John 120
    Thumb Down

    Homage to a fellow techie?

    Well as much as I like your usual work - this is a man who said 'Fuck it' to the corporate bullshit and pursued his dreams all the while remaining technical. Yes he's an Apple yes-man, but a techie non the less, doesn't he deserve better?

  47. Brett Brennan 1
    Thumb Up

    Relevant in so many ways

    The Woz needs to be kept in the pages of El Reg until the day he shuffles off this 1000 mH mortal coil. If for no other reason than to keep the younger generation aware of the History of Tech - that there are many, many "minor" characters that made the world change and are as idiosyncratic as you are; no matter how pathetic, your life *DOES* count.

    Hats off to a big man that lives his life out loud - regardless of how off-key he might be.

  48. Stef 2
    Thumb Down

    Here we go yet again

    Myslewski - your stories are getting increasingly desperate, why is that, couldn't you get a job at Google?

    The walls of your dark and dank tiny apartment aren't covered with newspaper clippings about Google, are they?

  49. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    NO U.

    So, he's fat is he? Think I got that after the first couple of dozen times you mentioned it. That horse was not only dead, but long since hauled off to be minced up for dogfood while you were still pounding furiously at the empty spot on the ground where it had once been.

    Anyway, you've got a silly name, Mr Rik "Conjoined Twin" Myslewski, and you probably smell bad. And that's probably because you probably pooped in your pants. So there :-P~~~

  50. John_C
    Thumb Down

    WTF?

    Been reading The Register for years but have finally been motivated to register and post a comment.

    If crap like this is the way El Reg is going I'll find another source for tech news. It reads like an article written for the Mail or Sun and rejected because they didn't know who the hell Wozniak was.

    I can't see what the point is of two pages of highly personal bile about his weight and what he chooses to do with his life. By all means point out that his personal profile/fame doesn't seem to be justified by anything he's done since leaving Apple - but don't do it like some gutter journalist.

    1. Trevor Pott o_O Gold badge

      AMEN

      AMEN

    2. Lawrence 7

      Unfortuneatly

      I have to agree with this.

      I love the reg for being tongue in cheek, not give a fuck articles (Miss the Ted D stuff) and sarcastic tone, couple with well writing analysis.

      But this doesn't seem to make any sense.

  51. Jon Wilson
    WTF?

    I get it

    He's fat, so he's wrong.

  52. Bernie Cavanagh
    Thumb Down

    Sombody fell out of the wrong side of bed.

    OK Mr. Rik Myslewski, what's with all the completely pointless vitriol. A whole article just to have a go at Mr. Wozniak. Did he slight you in some distant conversation or is it because he's never heard of you.

    I think you may have been carried away with the latest famous for fifteen minutes, let's get some humour by humiliating someone culture. Not good and not funny, take a chill pill and relax before you pop an artery in a vain attempt for some cheap fame and humour.

  53. MrSnakeOil
    FAIL

    You are a nonsense, Rik Myslewski

    Joking or not, this is a piece of hateful nonsense. Attacking Woz is equivalent to stamping on a puppies head. And whilst I do understand this is an opinion piece, I believe you've missed the mark entirely.

    Woz is harmless, happy in himself, and make a lot of people chuckle with him even if sometimes at him.

    Being frank, this /article/ has no place on The Register. Your attempt to use the usual El Reg style of satire and sarcasm has failed. Instead of evoking humour you end up pushing the view of a playground bully.

    Go be a journalist would you please?

  54. tardigrade
    WTF?

    What's that all about then??

    Oh dear Rik did Woz nick your smarties or something?

  55. Jaques Croissant
    FAIL

    Rik who, again?

    Why all the insecure toys-out-of-pram action, and panic over girth? Feeling a little inadequate and porky today, are we?

    I suspect that an aging geek who actually did something interesting once rates slightly more highly than one of the lest impressive authors working on a somewhat third-rate gutter press IT scandal rag.

    I suppose what I am trying to say is that if you were both on fire, and I only had enough bladder contents to save one of you, I'd rather see Woz live. He may not be a reincarnation of Alan Turing, but he's a darn sight more useful than you, sir.

  56. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Grenade

    The "fat people not good" background music...

    ...is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zMT3SqgRfk

    You can get through the whole shmarticle while listening to it.

  57. Dick Pountain

    Irony of Ironies

    Either this article is heavily ironic, but it isn't all that funny. Else it's serious tabloid shite, in which case it isn't that funny either. In short, it isn't that funny.

  58. Bad Beaver
    WTF?

    What is wrong with you?

    Rik, without the genius of people like old Steve-o you would likely be canning coleslaw on a band-conveyor somewhere in Leeds. So cut him some slack, will you?

  59. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How about a face off

    between Woz and Captain Cyborg (whom I notice has not been getting the El Reg attention as of late).

  60. This post has been deleted by its author

  61. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Appearance

    Wow, so many hilarious 'fat' references. As you think it's so funny, can I put to the vote that someone who, to coin a cliche, has been hit pretty hard with the ugly stick, should perhaps think twice before criticising someone's appearance.

    Exhibit A here: http://mydreamapp.com/img/judges/techmedia/rikmyslewski.png

    Perhaps paying more for your haircuts and some new glasses might lessen the impact.

  62. jai

    re: dancing with the stars...

    "He's enjoying himself. He's the little kid performing in the grade-school talent show."

    dude, if i was dancing opposite a pair of legs like that, i'd damn well be enjoying myself and grinning for all i'm worth as well

    i know our comments get moderated, but sometimes i think that the El Reg articles ought to get moderated before they get published too. this one is clearly due to Rik Myslewski being too lazy to do any real journalism and instead decided like to laugh at the fat geek - thereby probably alienating 90% of El Reg's readership

  63. SpecialGray
    Welcome

    Agree with the commentards

    Yeah, not sure what the authors issue is and tbh. Well below the standard of journalism normally reserved for El Reg... that said...

    Woz used to be someone interesting to hear about, but that stopped a long time ago...

    No more Woz for me, thanks.

  64. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Is Rik Myslewski...

    ...a fat bastard? That's the only reason I can possibly think he would make so many references to Woz's weight. The twat doth protest too much... Crawl back in your hole, dickhead, Wozza has done more than you ever will!

  65. Paul Murphy
    FAIL

    Gutter journalism

    Go work for one of the red tops...

  66. iworm
    WTF?

    Weird article

    I'm torn between this being an attempt at humour, but failing. Or it's serious and thus just sad.

    If the former - epic fail. Not funny. If the latter - the writer has significant personal issues he should deal with.

  67. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hate Mail

    Well I guess if you are going to to apply for a job at the Daily Mail you might as well make some money from the hate ridden application too...

  68. Sidzilla

    Woz at least had a time.

    I think your rant about Woz sounds like an Apple fanboy pissed that Woz likes something other than the Apple iPhone. You forgot a few of Woz' acheivments.

    From his Wikipedia article:

    Honors and awards

    Wozniak received the National Medal of Technology in 1985 from Ronald Reagan, the President of the United States[2] at that time. In December 1989, he received an honorary Doctor of Engineering degree from the University of Colorado at Boulder, where he studied in the late sixties.[10] Later he donated funds to create the "Woz Lab" at the University of Colorado at Boulder. In 1997, he was named a Fellow of the Computer History Museum. Wozniak was a key contributor and benefactor to the Children's Discovery Museum of San Jose (the street in front of the museum has been renamed Woz Way in his honor).[11]

    In September 2000, Wozniak was inducted into the National Inventors Hall of Fame[12], and in 2001 he was awarded the 7th Annual Heinz Award for Technology, the Economy and Employment[13]

    In December 2005, Wozniak was awarded an honorary Doctor of Engineering degree from Kettering University, in Flint, Michigan.[14] He also received an honorary degree from North Carolina State University, Nova Southeastern University, Fort Lauderdale, Florida, and the Telluride Tech Festival Award of Technology.

    Patents

    Wozniak is listed as the sole inventor on the following patents:

    * US Patent No. 4,136,359 - "Microcomputer for use with video display"[15] - for which he was inducted into the National Inventors Hall of Fame.

    * US Patent No. 4,210,959 - "Controller for magnetic disc, recorder, or the like"

    * US Patent No. 4,217,604 - "Apparatus for digitally controlling PAL color display"

    * US Patent No. 4,278,972 - "Digitally-controlled color signal generation means for use with display"

    Maybe you should STFU, get your nose out of Jobs' bum, and start checking facts instead of ranting like a two year old. You are not a journalist.

  69. J 3
    Happy

    Uff...

    Gee, sounds like Woz fucked someone's girlfriend... on a Segway!

    Article does not sound much like the author's regular style. Must be a joking troll-bait thingy, yeah, that's it.

    Anyway, had I done only half of what that Woz guy did (and earned one tenth of the money), hell, yeah, I wouldn't give a rat's ass about people's opinion out there and just enjoy myself too.

  70. gr8mousclickindsky

    No love for the WoZ?

    Founding (co-founding in this case) a hugely groundbreaking company is something most people, as privileged as they may be, only do once in the course of their lifetime. I say, Give credit where credit is due. I'm certain Apple computers and the philosophy around these computational devices have influenced many, as I can say for myself: they really have. Good article nonetheless.

  71. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Leave him alone!

    He's harmless and friendly, like Chewie.

    If you've got nothing nice to say about someone, don't say anything!

  72. Anonymous Coward
    Troll

    Woz is a troll?

    Founding (co-founding in this case) a hugely groundbreaking company is something most people, as privileged as they may be, only do once in the course of their lifetime.

    I say, Give credit where credit is due.

    I'm certain Apple computers and the philosophy around these computational devices have influenced many, as I can say for myself: they really have.

    Good article nonetheless.

  73. Slappy Frogg

    Woz must go

    Woz must go, not because of how he pains the readers of 'El Reg' but because his appearances in The Register and other technical publications gives him a veneer of authority with the "non-technical public."

    He is not a good message carrier but is given an inordinate amount of respectability.

  74. uninventiveheart
    Grenade

    He is what he is.

    While he's no Steve Jobs, there's something that can be said about Woz' accomplishments, which admittedly are few, and why Woz has appeal at all: he may be a dork, but he definetly is not a jerk.

    There seems to be an undertow in the technical community and a type of eyerolling given to past entrepreneurs and moguls... If you haven't invented anything recently, you deserve absolutely nothing. There is no reverence in technology: if everyone in this generation was born with color TV, no one cares that you invented it; worse, people will insist you retire for even mentioning it.

    I'm not impassioned about Steve Wozniak, in fact, I never liked Apple. But remember that not too far along in this world, there will be a point where your children will be contemptuous of your life's work. And when it happens you'll be lucky if people your own age dare validate your existence at all.

  75. Scott 9
    Stop

    Lighten up a bit

    By the end of the article I was more counting all the creative ways to say Woz is overweight than paying attention to the hatred dripping off every word.

    I actually thought the dancing clip wasn't half bad, considering Woz's aforementioned weight and computer geekiness. Still, him and his partner had a decent sense of timing and chemistry. At least it wasn't Steve Ballmer up there.

    And as other people have said, the Woz is harmless, he had his 15 minutes of fame and now he's just having fun.

  76. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    Damn

    What is wrong with you people? Did the queen die this morning or something? Stop being goons and calm down.

  77. barfridge
    Heart

    I was never really a fan

    Never gave a shit, to tell you the truth. But reading that article, I'm starting to like the guy, and really dislike the author of the tawdry article.

    So what if he's tubby, socially-awkward and yet comfortable with who he is? Isn't that a good thing?

  78. Siraf72
    Thumb Down

    where is the love?

    utterly pointless and harsh.

  79. Peter D'Hoye
    Dead Vulture

    #define El Reg APPLE_FANBOIS

    Another proof that El Reg has become a bunch of sorry Apple fanbois... I already missed some Google bashing in the article, maybe the writer forgot to copy it from the main El Reg share of Google bashing articles?

    The only one kicked down by this article as El Reg itself, not Woz. If this continues like this, I'll just stop reading and go to another news site.

  80. Version 1.0 Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    Banish Jobs instead

    If you'd had Steve Jobs as a friend when you were a teenager how well do you think you'd have fared? Banish Jobs instead.

  81. 123456789

    Stop the insanity - What for?

    No more words.

  82. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge
    FAIL

    Bitchin' from a platform of jealousy methinks

    For everyone who has done something notable or important there probably comes a time where nothing of equivalent note comes forth.

    Is that any reason to get the knives out ?

  83. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Am I the only one?

    Am I the only one who gets the feeling the author wrote this in a sea of bitter tears at how "the Woz" - the man to whom he once built a shrine - could betray the JesusPhone and all that the author's Apple fanboy club hold dear to their hearts?

  84. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    One for the crapper

    "In between he designed the Apple I, the Apple II, a nifty floppy-disk controller, and some other stuff.

    That's it, folks. No cure for cancer. No peace agreement in the Middle East. No fat-free chips or zero-calorie ale."

    Well, let's see. The Apple I was the first home computer to support bit-mapped graphics. There were larger, much more expensive machines which had this, but they cost more than a new car at the time. Woz shrank the number of chips needed (which many engineers had claimed was impossible, at the time) and made it affordable.

    The Apple II pretty taught generation of school kids about computers. I learned Applesoft Basic, then taught myself 6502 machine language, then learned Apple Pascal. Thank you, Woz!

    He also succeeded in squeezing a floppy controller into a single chip, reducing the price enough that a home computer could have a floppy drive without doubling the price.

    He basically invented the home computer. Prior to that, we have people like Ken Olson (DEC) saying things like "There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home." I'm willing to bet you're posting this rant on a personal computer, with a bit-mapped graphical screen. You're using stuff he created. While floppies may be obsolete today, they were indispensable back before the widespread use of networks.

    I agree that I don't care about what his favorite phone is, his favorite sport or who he has boffed. Mind you, I wouldn't turn Kathy Griffin down (if I were still single, that is).

    One of the early titans of the computer industry, who now spends most of his time teaching computers to children. Why? Because he wants to, and he can afford to do pretty much anything he wants.

    Your rant earns a "WTF?" from me.

    1. jake Silver badge

      Uh ... no.

      "He basically invented the home computer."

      I had a PDP-11 at home before Apple existed.

      Don't get me wrong, I like the Woz, he's a good guy, but he's no $DEITY ...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        re: Uh ... no

        Yes, there were other home computers, but usually Woz's machines are viewed as being a 'computer for the rest of us' compared to the ones that came before.

        Whereas the earlier machines served a small amount of hard-core hobbyists, the Apple II really did open up the home computer market – and I think that PBS/Channel 4 documentary by Robert X Cringley did a good job at pointing this out, as a number of writers have done.

        Michael Malone’s Infinite Loop makes some other good points like Woz going to HP with the Apple I (out of loyalty to the company) before agreeing with Jobs to form Apple, but being turned down because HP felt there would be no market for a home computer – and there’s a good argument that the Apple II, unlike earlier machines, had a massive part in people being interested in a computer for the home, thus spurring the revolution on.

  85. rcorrect
    FAIL

    GO AWAY!

    This article is morbidly obese due to massive amounts of fail clogging its arteries. Sounds like someone is a little butt hurt about Steve Wozniak. Please keep your hands off my beloved El Reg or at least try to fake a British accent.

  86. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Oh dear

    Sounds like someone's suffering sour grapes........

    Nothing like using a "public" forum to display your own insecurities and petty jealousy.

    So the Woz is more famous than you - there there!

    So he actually contributed something to the industry and you haven't? There there.

  87. Jac 1
    FAIL

    Fanboy

    If you're writing a 2-page article about Wozniak and you call him Woz throughout the article, you're a fanboy no matter how negative the article is.

  88. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    why so serious?

    really, it is a funny piece of humor, that's all!

  89. Mike VandeVelde
    Thumb Up

    Woz is awesome

    He did something useful and world changing. More than most people can say. Now he's having the time of his life. Good on him. I wish there were more like him. He's doing whatever he wants to do without giving a flying fornication what people like Rik think. Rik is mad that people still write about Woz, and expresses his anger by writing about Woz. Almost amusing.

    More Woz, less Rik.

    Let's have a "Woz on a Segway playing Polo" icon for "Soooo dorky, you wish it was you. ADMIT IT."

  90. Jay 2
    FAIL

    Nobody's perfect

    The author obviously has been slighted by Woz in some way... OK so maybe in the commercial world Woz hasn't been a complete success post Apple, but I don't think he's worthy of an article like this.

    So a slight tweak on a well known saying; "Those who can do, those who can't just write jealous bollocks articles about those that can (and have)".

  91. bloodx

    X

    Jobs ripped him off in the early days. That says it all about Jobs and Woz.

    One a evil little shit and the other an honest guy trying to create.

  92. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Character assasination

    Clearly beats sarcasm to the 'lowest form of wit' spot. Especially when it isn't actually witty. If he really isn't worth writing about in your view, do us all a favour and don't write about him.

  93. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    England

    LOVES a loser.

    Eddie the eagle Edwards anyone???

    1. Peter Kay

      Eddie wasn't a loser

      Eddie wasn't a loser - he was simply the lowest ranked ski-jumping athlete at the Olympics. That didn't stop him being the best ski jumper in the UK and according to wikipedia the world number 9 amateur speed skiier.

      There's sometimes a large difference between the highest and lowest ranked Olympic athlete, but the gulf between the lowest ranked Olympic athlete and a reasonably qualified amateur is huge.

      Similarly with Woz, even if his subsequent efforts have been a little sub par that doesn't take away from what he achieved.

  94. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What the fuck?

    Inappropriate language? Inappropriate for what?

    I'm complaining about the lack of inappropriate language, so put it back. Tell the Puritans to fuck off back to America.

    Anyway, regards the article: Woz is interesting for all the reasons you listed, therefore, more articles please.

  95. Daniel 1

    Boy, mommy got all the vinegar, when you were concieved, didn't she?

    How's the cure for cancer coming along? Making much progress?

  96. Neil 6

    Cure for cancer?....

    ....he went one better than that, he went on to invent the Universal Remote Control.

    Seriously, just because a man hasn't done anything "notable" (i.e. invented an entire field of computing, again) doesn't mean you have to prod your keyboard with the bitter stick.

    By the same token you could be writing about how Einstein was a bit of a letdown in the years following his theory of relativity.

  97. BinaryDad
    Heart

    Woz the great fake

    Woz was and still is, a hopelessly inept engineer. I reccomend that many of the posters defending Woz, read "On the Edge - The spectacular rise and fall of Commodore". Then you'll get an idea of just how bad he really was/is and how little credit he deserves; especially when compared to real genius innovators of the 70's and early 80's like Bill Herd, Bob Yannes, Bill Mencsh and Chuck Peddle.

    1. Lawrence 7
      Thumb Up

      Lets 'ave an article about this, please!

      Lets 'ave an article about this, please!

  98. Sean Hunter
    Thumb Up

    For calibration...

    My 4yr-old daughter saw this over my shoulder and started mocking woz and the other segway polo-ists.

    The scorn expressed in this article is what the Woz deserves.

  99. This post has been deleted by its author

  100. Barney Carroll
    WTF?

    I don't get it

    He is kind of funny and adorable, and did several things. You'd need to talk about his achievements a bit more comprehensively though, otherwise you're just relying on people being as enthusiastic as you are about the subject matter. For example, I don't really know much about him, and only know slightly more now. Is it better for hardcore fans?

  101. goggyturk
    Paris Hilton

    Difference between Woz and...

    Nuff said.

  102. Caspian Prince

    Fatso

    Indeed he may have done fuck all of note for 20 years but it might be prudent not to take the piss out of how fat he is (and he isn't massively fat anyway). I bet half the Reg readership are in the "overweight" or "obese" BMI categories anyway.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

  103. MrHorizontal

    Two sides of the coin

    On the one hand, Steve Wozniak did actually do something, and all credit to him for being a 'tech celebrity' despite the fact he's not done much since he left Apple. Unlike an infinite list of other celebrities (Uri Geller? Paris Hilton?) who have done absolutely diddley squat, he has got the decency to have at least one bit of credibility that he's done something.

    On the other hand, the reason I love The Vulure is because it has the balls to do this, and fire up a discussion that may cause acidic hatemail from companies, readers and press and who ever else, and for that reason - even if it's unjustified in the court of public opinion - thank you for raising it as a debate.

    No one's guilty here, neither Woz or El Reg. It's a discussion that had to be put out there regardless.

    But the real wrath should be directed to the complete airheads, not people who do have even a hair of credibility, because even that's more than most.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Raising the debate?

      Do you think Woz is some sacred cow? There's nothing new being raised here!

      If you looked at more than a few Mac forums, although Woz has a lot of good feeling for his ground-breaking work, the fanboys don't really care what he's up to these days - and quite a few people think the (very limited) coverage about him is pointless.

  104. Tim Jenkins
    Paris Hilton

    ICT Year Zero

    Good idea; let's take it wider:

    Gates/Allen/Balmer ; who they?

    Berners-Lee; what's he done lately?

    Jobs; still alive?

    Moore; no more

    Brin & Page; no results found

    Dell/Ellison/Hewlett; American billions aren't worth as much anyway

    Having got rid of any memory of these has-beens (if they ever were that significant in the first place) we can fill up the vacated brain space with the far more significant thoughts and deeds of bloggers, Web 2.x shills and those who use the word 'cloud' in any non-meterology related sentence...

    Paris because, oh, hang on, who was she anyway?

  105. Inachu
    Jobs Horns

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    I used to print to his internet enabled printer and tell him how cool he was and

    that he should keep inventing stuff.

    He got sour after that and password protected his printer.

    Grrrr!

  106. transientcylon
    Grenade

    Ban the G4 video instead...

    That entire station is so painful to watch, I don't understand how it's still on the air? It's like the crappy IT version of MTV. It wants to be hip, but you just feel hopelessly uncomfortable watching it.

  107. stupiddairyfarmer
    Happy

    Re: Steve Wonziak

    The Apple II was basically invented by Shatner ands his cronies over at Commodore. The US Festival wasa nothing but a bunch of brunt-out disco bands. And who cares if he invetned the floppy drive? My uncle invented the burpless cucumber. Should he be worshipped like a god?

    Wonziak needs to be eathenized

  108. david freeman

    Unicycle Polo is superior to Segway Polo

    As a member of the 1976 MIT Unicycle Polo team, I consider Segway Polo to be an inferior derivative. Unicycle Polo is, however, equally uncool.

  109. elderlybloke
    Jobs Halo

    Wos still has appeal

    Just look, 138 responses to the article..

    Wos HAS got staying power.

    I must become a Mac or Apple user- or whatever they are called.

  110. Chris Bradshaw

    Jealous?

    Hey, what's the problem? Woz made a chunk of money and then retired to have some fun with his life, rather than trying to beat Bill Gates by running a big corp and making money. He's not a businessman, he's a prankster geek who made it (one of the first) and dropped out of the corporate world.

    It really doesn't matter that he isn't extremely competent at a lot of the things he does. So what? He's enjoying his life, doing what he likes doing. How many of us, in his situation, would have the courage to do that?

    Keep the Woz in el Reg - I'd prefer a world full of him and Jobs than a world full of Gates and co. And no, I'm not a fanboi...

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