back to article Celebrity goat declines Britain's Got Talent gig

A "gifted" goat elevated to YouTube stardom by a short vid of his ability to greet schoolkids down on the farm will not appear on Britain's Got Talent, despite producers' desperate attempts to lure him before the cameras. Anglo-Nubian goat Darren has sadly "waved goodbye to a chance to become the next Susan Boyle" after …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Should that be "Britain's GOAT Talent"?

    uhhhh ...

  2. Martin 49
    Pint

    It Depends....

    " The question of what is the maximum acceptable distance for a goat to travel for a "five-minute trick" remains provocatively unanswered. "

    It depends entirely on the quality & cleanliness of the destination red-light district lady-goats.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    WTF

    Only PETA could try give fish a new PR image by naming them Sea Kittens!!

    Time they got a grip on reality, and maybe a life.

    AC because everyone's out to get me

  4. Bluewhelk
    WTF?

    Sea Kittens?!

    I mean which brain dead idiot thought that one up. It fails to work on so many levels that I just don't know where to start counting!

    Oh yeah, PETA, as you were.

  5. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Should that be "Britain's GOAT Talent"?

    Yes. Yes it should.

  6. mafoo
    Pint

    Umm... Tricks

    I saw this great trick with goat once where they smothered it in five spice and grilled it.

    Served with hoi sin and iceberg lettuce, it was truly something to behold.

    I'm sure the goat traveled a few hours, and was to amazing it only lasted 5 mins on my plate.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Badgers

      tut tut...

      Really shouldn't you be using the new Reply to facility? or is there an internal rebellion ensuing?

  7. criscros

    goats have feelings too

    And no self-respecting goat would go on BGT.

  8. pctechxp

    scraping the bottom of the barrel/trough

    While I'll admit its rather impressive, surely its time BGT was axed if they are having to resort to waving goats to bring in the viewers?

    Mind you, it along with X Factor shouldn't have really been commissioned.

  9. lukewarmdog
    Badgers

    Maximum Acceptable Distance

    Would that be laden or unladen?

  10. James O'Shea Silver badge

    what a waste

    That goat shouldn't be stuck on a farm, it should be in Parliament. It certainly seems brighter than half the NuLab backbench...

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Even hell must be getting some snow!

    A celebrity with some self-respect! I don't believe it. Maybe he's just trying to get them to up the appearance fee.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Coat

      Only half?

      It's probably brighter than most of the front bench too..

      I'll get me goat..

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just as well

    Just as well, I dont think goats should be doing five minute tricks on the telly. That sort of thing may be OK in a red light district but not on family TV shows.

    Thats all I have to say, I'm off out to get a medium battered sea kitten and chips take away.

  13. Ian Ferguson
    Thumb Up

    Amazing!

    Goes to prove yet again that YouTube holds many more fascinations than BGT.

  14. shay mclachlan

    maybe

    Maybe the goat turned down ITV because its hoping to get the Woss slot thats up for grabs over on the BBC.

  15. Steven Raith
    Coat

    Goat talent?

    I hear tales of goats doing *far* more talented things in certain progressive dutch media. Such as finding the G-spot. Hell, if you believe the womens press, most men can't do that. Must be pretty talented then?

    As for the PETA/sea kittens - I saw that, then went down the chippy to get myself some rock and chips. Lovely.

    Steven R

  16. SaulM
    FAIL

    Britain's Future Boyles Collectively Relieved

    No doubt there will be sighs of relief from the next round of muppets lining up for BGT. Those few that actually have sufficient brain cells to make the connection will have realised they won't have to prove they they are more talented than a goat. Probably just as well.

    Mind you, it hasn't stopped Piers Morgan.

  17. James 5
    Happy

    It'd be worth it...

    .. just to see Darren wave goodbye to SiCow !

    In this part of the UK it's always been "Britain goat talent" :

    http://news.scotsman.com/scotslanguage/The-coo39s-goat-sluppra-in.5674836.jp

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Steven Raith (surely anonymous coward)

    "finding the G-spot. Hell, if you believe the womens press, most men can't do that"

    And if you've followed recent research, it doesn't exist which is why men can't find it. Expecting partners to remember and celebrate certain dates and anniversaries is acceptable, locating that which does not exist is not.

  19. Apocalypse Later

    Simon Cowell...

    ...always gets my goat.

  20. Havin_it
    Badgers

    The question...

    "* The question of what is the maximum acceptable distance for a goat to travel for a "five-minute trick" remains provocatively unanswered."

    Shurely a job for the El Reg Standard Measurements team. Now would that be in/absent a vacuum, and impeded/unimpeded by Bulgarian Airbags?

    PS, @ Ms. Bee: I'll have you know here in Subo's part of the world (the Loathians) we've always called it Britain's Goat Talent. 's'aw'n the accent, ken?

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Stupid Goat

    Stupid goat...

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    To paraphrase Charlie Brown

    He wanted to be a goat but ended up the hero.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    5 Minute Trick - How far to travel

    Two thoughts here:

    1. If its "five minutes" as stated by my Mrs when she's "almost ready" and we are due to be somewhere else, then any distance seems to be worth that length of time. Especially if she's not doing the driving

    2. If it is a give minute "trick", then I beleive that you need to travel just far enough to ensure you wont be recognised by friends as you hire/ply the necessary trade.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Easy answer

    >acceptable distance for a goat to travel for a "five-minute trick"

    It all depends how much the trick is prepared to pay.

  25. Matt Martin

    A whole day

    and not a single cat fish joke.....

  26. Evil Auditor Silver badge

    Sea Kittens? WTF

    As long as it tastes like fish I really don't care how you, PETA or anyone else calls it.

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