back to article Immigration spy centre hit by staff delays

The opening of the operations centre at the heart of a new £1.2bn computer system - planned to monitor every person who enters or leaves of the UK - has been delayed by staff training. The National Border Targeting Centre (NBTC), the Manchester clearing house for the e-Borders programme, was scheduled to open this month. …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    The calibre of their staff will be epic...

    I can see it now

    Fathers carrying their daughter being reported as "peadophile kidnapper"

    Sikh followers being reported as "Islamic extremists"

    And the conversation will be something like "Aye, look @ dis geezer? he look wel dodgee!

  2. kosmos
    Alert

    And lo....

    We are become the tools of the tools of oppression.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I got arrested at the border...

    ... and all I got was this lousy t-shirt, saying "I'm with stupid".

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    two GCSEs

    No wonder the training is taking longer than expected, got to teach them to read and write first!

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I've got a match for them to analyse...

    Their plans and my scrotum. They'll be pushed to see any difference.

    1. pedrodude
      FAIL

      Matching by the lowest bidder...

      Agree with that; as if 2 GCSEs is going to sufficiently differentiate a candidate from one with 0 GCSEs...

      What worries me is the wage offer. I don't want to be pulled up by the cops for invasive cavity searchingness just because someone who wasn't intelligent enough to realise that they could make more cash as a sales assistant in Next didn't realise that I wasn't the same person as Osama bin Pedrodude.

      And the sodding icing on the cake is that this is OUR bloody taxes paying for these slack-jawed yokels to finger the button that determines whether WE get fingered by PC Jobsworth looking for our massive stash of coke and semtex that we've supposedly picked up on holiday in the well known terrorist training camps of the 18th arrondissement.

      No sir, I don't like this at all.

  6. Your alien overlord - fear me
    WTF?

    £300 a week to stop terrorists?

    They'll get more in backhanders to let the scum in.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Business as usual"

    Pretty cynical conclusion! She should move to an employer who will value her obvious intelligence.

  8. JohnG

    Chaser's war on everything

    I wonder how these analysts would cope with those Australian guys, Al Kayder and Terry Wrist.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    Good to see the border agency ignoring the border.

    How's this going to work on the N1/A1 then?

    maybe the 1.2billion computer could check people stopped in the traffic jam going to Newry, but I doubt it'd work on the cars heading home with our not as much cheaper as it was yesterday drink.

    What have Paisleys crowd to say about a borders agency that are ignoring the only actual border?

    How do they deal with houses like Slab Murphy's where the Kitchen in in Armagh but the living room in in Lough?

    maybe it's time to remove the border....

    didn't know whether to use the beer or fail

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Alien

    they will earn less than £15,000

    and more than that a week to let the dodgy daytripping geezers in the huge 4x4's full of white powder stashed under the back seats.

    not forgetting the popular day trips for all them eastern European girlys that fail to take the return trip back.

    rate offered is £10k per girly to the driver to import one.

    I should know i was asked by such dodgy 4x4 drivers if i was interested in some passengers on the return trip!!!!

    with free trial for a few days afterwards prior to handling them to their new owner...!

    oh and dont take the right turn down the spiral ramp at dover by the idiot french customs, unless you got a serious leadfoil suit on, cos ur gonna get xapped in a xray truck scanner!

    NU(clear)-labor welcoming Illegal Aliens to the UK since the 90's

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    As much as £15,000 you say?

    I wonder if they realise that they could save even more money if they offshored these jobs to India?

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