back to article US deputies taze traffic dodging rogue emu

Sherriff's deputies in Mississippi were forced to taze an emu on Sunday at the culmination of three days of Dromaiusine mayhem on the highways of Scott County. Scott County law officers were first alerted to a pair of rogue emus bothering traffic last Friday, but could not track down the huge flightless birds for two days. On …

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  1. Will Shaw

    Hah!

    "Taze the emu"

    That's got to be an entry for our modern lexicon. I suppose it could represent any application of inappropriate but bizzarely comedic methods when faced with a situation beyond your capacity to absorb on a level commensurate with your normal grasp on reality.

    "Why is Dave hitting the server with one of his shoes?"

    "He's probably just tazing the emu."

  2. LuMan
    Paris Hilton

    Dodging Traffic

    The emu was "apparently dodging traffic"?? Come on - what else would it be doing on the on-ramp of an interstate highway????

    Paris, 'cos she's a long-legged bird, too!

  3. Pyros
    Thumb Up

    Something tells me...

    ...that I should insert some "Sesame Street" in this article, thanks to the subtitles.

    And I still have *no* idea why tazing Big Bird is so danged funny.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    WTF?

    "..supportive healers of human despair..."

    What in the hell does that even mean? Seriously, I know those words but they make no sense in that order/context!

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Video?

    I so wanna see the video of this, especially after seeing the one of the american oinker zapping a dog for "barking in a menacing way"...

    Trigger happy muppets..

  6. James O'Brien
    Joke

    Has to be said

    Wont somebody think of the emus?

  7. The Indomitable Gall

    Re:WTF

    @AC

    Simples: modern hope is injuring traditional human despair. Pigs the world over are trying to help despair recover its natural supremacy by tazing all and sundry, scanning phones and confiscating cameras.

    With the filth roaming our streets, the prognosis is looking bright for human despair.

  8. Jason DePriest
    Unhappy

    @ an AC

    I'd rather have my dog tased than have it shot with a handgun.

    Having been on the wrong end of a police officer telling me to get control of my (old, nearly toothless, arthritic) dog or he would have to shoot her, I'd have been happy if he had a taser at his disposal.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Em TurDucin

    A recent Thanksgiving meal in the US is a Chicken stuffed in a Duck which is then stuffed in a Turkey. Now the Turkey can be stuffed in the Emu.

    Now where to find a pot big enough to put that in so that it can deep fried on the fire.

  10. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    drumsticks against despair

    Indeed, a bit of properly roasted emu might help heal the despair induced by watching another Detroit Lions game on Thanksgiving. And I did used to see emu steaks at farmers markets Over Here.

  11. northern monkey
    Paris Hilton

    @John J

    That sounds like some sort of bizarre zoophilic porn!

  12. lglethal Silver badge
    Joke

    As an Australian...

    As an Australian i am outraged by this disgraceful use of excessive force on our beloved national emblem. I demand the opportunity to use a tazer on any american wildlife i see in the future - preferably those incredibly feral creatures you see at every tourist site around the world, being loud, obnxious and trying to find the nearest McDonalds!

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    @Will Shaw - taze the emu

    I guess that's better than "whipping the lizard".

    She knows all about it.

  14. Richard 102

    Well now ...

    "Come on - what else would it be doing on the on-ramp of an interstate highway????"

    Begging for money, of course.

  15. Aaron Em

    Jason, that wouldn't have been much better --

    First, what you were dealing with there was a cowardly police officer, of whom we have far too many. Second, would a taser jolt be that much less likely to kill a dog in that shape than a handgun round would've been?

  16. Dive Fox

    @ John J

    You got it all wrong, Johnny! It's an Emosbusturduckencorphail. An Emu, stuffed with an Ostrich, stuffed with a Bustard, stuffed with a Turkey, stuffed with a Duck, stuffed with a Chicken, stuffed with a Cornish Game Hen, stuffed with a Pheasant, stuffed with a Quail. Serves fifty, or 4 really fat American individuals. Can't be deep-fried, as deep-frying poultry needs to have an open body cavity for the oil to fill. I cook mine on a rotisserie over medium heat for 2 hours per pound, or approximately 72 hours.

  17. Tanuki
    Paris Hilton

    Euphemistically speaking.

    To "taze the Emu" soulds like an euphemism for some depraved sex-act.

    Paris. Because she probably knows how to taze the emu.

  18. Richard 102

    BTW

    I heard that the emus were cuffed. How in the name of David Attenborough is a skittish flightless bird cuffed, and what good would THAT do?

  19. Chris King Silver badge
    Linux

    Showing initiative ?

    Maybe the cops realised how long it would take to cook an emu with a taser for Thanksgiving, and decided to start early ?

    Tux, because a smaller bird won't take as long to roast.

  20. Winkypop Silver badge
    Unhappy

    Emus in America?

    We know they didn't fly there....

  21. Matt Newton
    Linux

    boop beep this is a title

    Don't taze me, bro

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Emus taste dreadful

    Emus have a gamey oily flesh which seems to be rejected by even hungry dogs. I would not wish this on anyone. One could use the parrot stew recipe - place the parrot and a stone in a pan, add water, cook until the stone is tender then throw away the parrot and eat the stone.

    With an emu a fairly large rock is required.

    Much more amusing to put them next to a river and watch them swim. They look like submarines at periscope depth but seem to be good swimmers.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    Taze? Taze?

    They couldn't find anyone with a tranquilizer gun?

    They were looking for the emu for two days and during that time no-one in the pig pen had the brains to call the local zoos/vets/etc and ask for a little help?

    Mind you, it doesn't really surprise me that much - they're from Mississippi after all! They were probably too busy listening to "Dueling Banjos", knobbing their sisters and persecuting black people.

  24. Cortland Richmond
    Linux

    Bird to be charged with

    Unlawful flight to evade capture.

    Umm...

  25. LateNightLarry
    Paris Hilton

    Emosbusturduckencorphail...

    @Dive Fox said... You got it all wrong, Johnny! It's an Emosbusturduckencorphail. An Emu, stuffed with an Ostrich, stuffed with a Bustard, stuffed with a Turkey, stuffed with a Duck, stuffed with a Chicken, stuffed with a Cornish Game Hen, stuffed with a Pheasant, stuffed with a Quail."

    You forgot the bacon wrap on the emu.

    Paris, coz she'll try anything...

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