back to article Extra large condoms hit UK supermarket shelves

Tesco started selling a new range of Durex Extra Large condoms today, in what it insists is a response to surging consumer demand. Tesco's healthcare buyer claimed that customer research had show there was "growing demand for an extra large condom" with the store apparently receiving 200 calls last year from customers …

COMMENTS

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Width is a linear measurement

    Width can only mean diameter. If it's not, they're liars or idiots.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    a token size change

    seems to be nothing more than a token size change, given the fact that latex is stretchy and all.

    I think these will sell best to men who'd like to impress a woman with the label saying "EXTRA LARGE"

    /me chuckling as I write this.

  3. Antony 2
    Paris Hilton

    Head issues

    Does this mean I can finally fit one over my whole head?

    Paris, because she'd never make me use one...

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    YEY!!!!

    You obviously have never had to wear condoms that are tight an uncomfortable.

  5. Sebastian Brosig
    Jobs Horns

    sizeTard premium

    it's creaming off extra money (presumabily XL are dearer) from people who need to show off.

    Just like AppleTards...

  6. Don S.
    Joke

    Wouldn't you know

    I guess I shouldn't have been ignoring all those enlarge your johnson emails.

  7. Michael O'Malley

    Propaganda

    Looks to me like propaganda by the UK government, to lift the people's spirits in bad times.

    We foreigners all know the truth about Anglo-Saxons, but a bit of lying never hurts. (Julius Caesar described the Brits as weeny, weedy and weaky.)

    Remember the old story from the Cold War between the Russians and the USA. The Russians claim to have run out of supplies of their standard sized condoms, then they order a huge consignment of XXL condoms from the USA. The USA supplies them, but every pack is marked "small".

  8. eJ2095

    Woot

    We Can make bigger Cone Heads!!

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    WMD

    "And if keeping up with the Joneses wasn't hard enough, what will British customers say when they realise that US customers already have the opportunity to buy Durex XXL size rubbers - designed to be '20 per cent large than standard condoms'."

    The US have had these XXL 'Johnies' since Vietnam when they were reportedly shipped to the troops large numbers and deliberately allowed to 'fall into enemy hands'. The thinking was that the already generally lesser endowed Asian locals, seeing the size of the US rubbers would quake in fear of the size of their 'weapons of massive destruction'.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Trouser snake

    And for the unlucky they will be bringing out 3/4 length....

  11. Alan Esworthy
    Alert

    Dimension?

    "Though again, there's no indication as to exactly what dimension we're talking about here."

    More often than not, I imagine the dimension to be either depth of inferiority complex or height of ego.

  12. Hermes (nine inch) Conran
    Welcome

    Reminds me

    .. of the old story about British troops using them to protect their machine guns in norway during WWII.

  13. adnim Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Too little too late...

    See title.

    Paris because it would be like throwing a hotdog down a corridor.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Finally

    An end to my split condom nightmare.

    I can roger the mistress in the happy knowledge that my new condom will not rupture like the old "standard" type.

    Happy days !

  15. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    IT

    Don't get me wrong as an enormously schlung IT type this story is right up my street. It's great that there is one place where i can get both news about IT and condoms for the well endowed. I was saying only the other day that i wished there was a place that could satisfy my IT news and my need for enormous penis updates.

    but for the rest of you, what exactly is the IT angel?

  16. Tim 30
    Stop

    Just look at your shoe size!

    "And if keeping up with the Joneses wasn't hard enough, what will British customers say when they realise that US customers already have the opportunity to buy Durex XXL size rubbers - designed to be "20 per cent large than standard condoms".

    Odd, my shoe size in UK is 10, in EU its 44 and in US11.5

    So who is doing the exaggerating here?

    Not us Brits exactly. So our XL is probably bigger than the American XXL. . .

    BTW, a size 10 is of course as everyone knows 1.1786 Linguine in standard measurements

  17. Tony S
    Pint

    Yeah, right

    During the 1960s, the astonauts had to have rubber accoutrements to retain urine bags (In Space, no one can hear you pee, but it buggers up all the equipment). They were issued in 3 sizes - extra large, huge & enormous. If they couldn't win the space race, they were certainly going to win the dick swinging contest.

    Bearing in mind that you can take a standard size lettre francais and put it over your head, anyone that thinks they need an extra large durex is fooling no-one but themselves.

    Perhaps all of the 200 callers were Australian and Tescos didn't realise? (Durex is a popular brand of sticky tape downunder.) G'day miss, can I have a 50 metre roll of Durex?

  18. Pev
    Coat

    At long last....

    ... I am getting tired of rolling my own using clingfilm and sellotape.

    Mine's the dirty brown mac by the lav door.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Heart

    About time!

    Whilst I'm sure there are plenty of people who would consider it a nice problem to have, those of us who are above the curve when it comes to girth do have serious issues with the 'standard' sizes of condoms available. About damn time they god a larger range on the shelves!

    Anon to avoid accusations of bragging.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    Valid question

    Does this have to do with the rise in immigration?

  21. Ian Hunter
    Megaphone

    Bragging

    Those who feel the need to brag and buy these, are usually the people who are lacking in the length department.

    Says me with the size ten feet.

    /smug

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    @Propaganda

    Cold war, huh.

    Wasn't it Churchill in WWII who suggested sending 'large' marked 'medium'?

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    How to make them even better!

    "Bluetooth, cause everythings better with bluetooth!" lol

    Just came to mind for some absurd warped reason.....

  24. Andus McCoatover
    Coat

    Wowzer!

    OK, see a nice chick in a supermarket, make sure you're behind her in the queue, and slam a couple of packs of them XXL nodders on the conveyor. Make sure she sees. Helps, natch, if you've re'membered' to stick a pair of rolled up socks doon yer troos. (not at the back, EPIC FAIL!)

    Of course, we all know what they say about men with big feet.

    Big shoes.

    (OK, everyday's Friday for me-on-the-dole). I'll get another coat from the Sally Army. Once I've collected enough bottles to recycle.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    Trojan has had XL in the US for a long time

    ...and it is MUCH nicer if you have to wear one of these silly things at all, if it actually fits instead of, well, let's say, cramping your style.

    FYI, my shoe size is 15. (not kidding)

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Stretching the point

    Finally, an answer to those of us with huge (and I mean, truly ginormous) willies.

    But:

    Surely we need our pride underlined with a little more va-va-voom than than "Durex XL size", a typically restrained and British christening? Is it a condom or a power tool?

    If I'm going to metaphorically wave my priapric superiority about (can't afford the Porsche), then I want to be ordering the "Maximus 2000 GirthMaster Extreme" over the counter at Boots. That's sure to impress.

  27. Annihilator
    Coat

    And if keeping up with the Joneses wasn't hard enough

    Think you meant "and if keeping it up with the Joneses wasn't hard enough"?

  28. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    pah

    Latex maybe "stretchy and all" .. but anyone whose had a numb f'k cos the blood is all but cut off by regular sizes will welcome this.

    I'll still get mine mail order though thanks ...

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Immigration

    Bloody foreigners, coming over here with their big dangly bits, dangling them all about for the women to gorp at all day long when they should be getting on with sewing, cooking and cleaning, etc.

    Or is this an unforseen side effect of all those spam emails offering enlargements? Oh, that's the IT angle on this story, obviously.

    I use a tarpaulin from an old lorry meself... eh, eh? Awright son, stay lucky.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Hur Hur

    I'm quite old so had to check the size of 205mm in real money so I could tell if I "measured up" so to speak, found a nice widget for my iGoogle and it turns out that 205 mm is actually 0.04076 of a rod!

    Seriously, 205mm turns out to be just a shade over 8", I must update my online dating profiles, I've been putting my size down as "avaerge" all these years, turns out I am XXXL!

  32. Mike 61
    Happy

    Its all about

    proudly slamming them down on the counter at checkout and then saying something along the lines of "still snug, but workable" to the hot checkout girl ;)

    And, like the above poster already said, regular ones are a bit too snug for comfort.

  33. Andus McCoatover
    Coffee/keyboard

    @Too little too late...

    Friend of mine described a previous boyfriend - with a particularly small penis - thus:

    "It was like waving a pencil in the Albert Hall"

    Priceless!!!

  34. Number6

    @Antony 2

    There's a party trick practised by some (not me) where the person puts a condom over his head so his nose is inside, then inflates it to bursting point by inhaling through his mouth and out through his nose. Not sure how many pints you need to imbime before trying it though.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Reminds me

    ...of the Mike Harding ditty "Albert And The Condom".

  36. Art Smith
    IT Angle

    Condoms in the Cold War

    There was a joke going around back in the Cold War:

    In an attempted propaganda move, the Soviet Government place an order for a large quantity of condoms with an American manufacturer. The specified dimensions were considerably larger than the average male anatomy. In a brilliant counter move, the manufacturer filled the order but stamped them "Medium".

    Cheers,

    Art Smith

  37. Jonathan White
    Stop

    @AC post 2

    "I think these will sell best to men who'd like to impress a woman with the label saying "EXTRA LARGE""

    Er... isn't the woman in question going to spot the amount of exaggeration going on at a certain obvious moment? At which point the dastardly fibber is going to be out on his ear.

  38. Tzael
    Alert

    So...

    This raises a few serious questions:

    1: Are we to believe the possibility that penis enalrgement pills really work?

    2: Some schmucks actually bought them?

    If yes and yes, then it's nice to know that someone is benefiting!

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    @Andus re:too little too late

    Surely it would have been better for her to say:

    "It was like waving a pencil in a drain pipe"

    To say his pencil pecker didn't touch the sides of her Albert Hall sized cavity doesn't put her in too good a light...

    As for all those bragger comments...having lived in Hong Kong and used their condoms...it doesn't matter how much they stretch, if they cut off the circulation then it don't stay hard...

    Must say i preferred the XL durex when they were out years ago...not sure why they went off the market though...

    Paris...cos she has had more visitors than the Albert Hall (Allegedly)...

  40. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "surging consumer demand"

    fnar, fnar.

  41. raving angry loony

    pricks

    I'm guessing that all it means is that there's just more big pricks in the UK than there used to be. My observation is that most of these pricks somehow got elected last time around.

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Ancient joke

    Where do they put the best before date on a condom?

    Dunno.

    Well, you must not roll them back as far as I do ...

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    Less sniggering like schoolboys, please

    Condoms are serious business as they can make the difference between having an unwanted child and not, and between life and death.

    Being a perv who likes boy-boy sex, I've probably seen more erect willies than most of the commentators above, and can assure everyone that penises do indeed come in a wide range of sizes. When I was a young lad, the urban folklore was that the erect penis varied less in size than any other body part, but experience has shown that assertion to be complete and utter nonsense.

    There are little ones, very little ones, very, very little ones, and big, bigger, biggest, gigantic, and humongous ones. Plus a good many that are merely "average".

    Having the right size condom is important: too loose, and they're prone to slipping off. Too tight, and they're uncomfortable and more prone to splitting. There are sex educators who demonstrate how stretchy condoms are by putting one over the crown of their head, but whenever I've seen this demonstrated, it's always been a woman who lacks the first hand experience to know that a tight condom is an uncomfortable condom.

    As for available sizes, to quote the infamous Wikipedia on the topic "Magnum (condoms)":

    "Most standard condoms are designed to fit erections of up to 7.25 inches in length and 1.375 inches in diameter. Magnums are made to fit penises 8 inches long and 1.5 inches in diameter. ... Trojan later introduced the Magnum XL, for erections 9 inches long and 1.75 inches in diameter, 30% larger than standard condoms."

    For those at the smaller end of the size range, some Japanese brands are distinctly narrower.

    So lads, go buy small packs of several sizes and try them out to find out which fits best. Snug without squeezing is perhaps the best description of what you want. Remember when donning your rubber johnny to unroll it a turn or two first so as to allow space for collecting your essential bodily fluids without leakage, backup, or bursting. Putting a drop of liquid silicone lube inside the tip will improve comfort considerably, even with pre-lubed condoms.

    What peeves me is that condom manufacturers are notably shy about stating the size of the goods on the package in objective terms, such as those given in the aforereferenced Wikipedia article.

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Only boys care how big

    Just let me say that as a female and therefore on the receiving end of various size 'bits',

    bigger is not better, sometimes bigger is painful

    as I've said before anything over about 4inches is wasted.

    Unless you're gay....................................

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Re: And if keeping up with the Joneses wasn't hard enough

    "Think you meant "and if keeping it up with the Joneses wasn't hard enough"?"

    Surely that should be 'and if keeping it up the Joneses wasn't hard enough'. (Of course I refer to the delectable Jones twins I had the pleasure of going to college with.)

    And in my own personal experience I've found that US condoms are generally smaller than the regular British ones, and have happily purchased XL hats during my travels across the pond.

  46. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    ever tried BigBoy brand....

    they really wernt very big!

    unless you were of oriental descent....

    even Durex XL's are rather tight TBH ;p

    i may not be long but i make up for it in girth :D

    the viagra does help keep the presure up, but boy the headaches are a nightmare.

    and if she complains in the morning about being utterly knackered, sore(down there) and having a early .! well good result for the night i say :)

    least she knows she's experienced multiple orgasms and cannot complain about me shirking off my maritial duties to her in the bedroom dept.

  47. Charles Smith

    At the checkout

    Will there be a big flashing light at the checkout when the barcode for XXL sneaks by?

  48. jake Silver badge

    @AC 13:21

    "Width can only mean diameter."

    Could be half the circumference. Put it flat on a table before measuring. Regardless, 1mm isn't going to make much of a difference ... I'm willing to bet that in a "double blind test" neither partner would be able to tell which is which.

    "If it's not, they're liars or idiots."

    Well, yes, and probably both. It IS all about marketing, after all.

  49. asiaseen

    Leeches

    Back in my flying days, long time ago, jungle survival packs fitted to ejector seats included condoms. Their official use was to keep leeches out of one's todger while trying to find the way home.

  50. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    @ Michael O'Malley

    "We foreigners all know the truth about Anglo-Saxons, but a bit of lying never hurts. (Julius Caesar described the Brits as weeny, weedy and weaky.)"

    If J Caesar was commenting on the Britons of his period he was more likely to be talking about Britons of Celtic origin as the Anglo-Saxons didn't arrive on British shores until quite a few centuries later. He couldn't abide bad Latin puns either.

  51. James O'Brien
    Coffee/keyboard

    @Too little too late...

    ROFL!!

    You owe me a keyboard and monitor. Awesome post.

  52. hi_robb
    FAIL

    Well I won't be buying them...

    As I used to think I had a pubic hair until I pissed out of it

  53. Brad Ackerman
    Grenade

    Skynet runs the ad server, again

    I've got a Jaguar ad appearing next to this story. Hmm.

  54. Anonymous Coward
    Troll

    Re: Valid Question

    > Does this have to do with the rise in immigration?

    I don't think so...

    Condoms 'too big' for Indian men

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/south_asia/6161691.stm

  55. Anonymous Coward
    Coffee/keyboard

    RE: Andus McCoatover

    And for the other angle on insults, if a girl was a bit of a stop-out and presumed to have a cavernous, erm, crevice, her boyfriend allegedly had to strap a plank of wood to his backside to stop him falling in.

    Either way, I think sales will rocket, with Porsche drivers buying two packets - the XLs and the normal, throw away the XLs and decant the normal ones into the XL box. False advertising, yes, but no more so than the wonderbra or fillets!

  56. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    More thoughts

    How can they electronically test Durex?

    And why did those 200 wallies call Tescos and not Durex?

    And will Durex send me some free samples if I mention Durex again?

  57. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    (perhaps) more qualified than most of your readers

    Being a spender of the so-called Pink Pound, I feel perhaps, I've had more experience with the Male Member than most of your readers - on both sides of the pond

    And boys, rest assured, the Brits have nothing to fear from their long distant cousins.

    Well, not in the one eyed purple headed spitting trouser snake department anyway

    Your body hygiene, teeth and muscles need work tho.

  58. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    sizing

    In keeping with the 'vanity sizing' we're seeing on clothes these days, surely condoms should come in 'large', 'extra large', and 'surely Sir is exaggerating?' sizes. :-)

  59. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Only 1mm wider?

    Guess I'll have to keep waiting then...

  60. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    condom width/diameter

    The standard way of measuring the "width" of a condom is the width as it lies flat. Sometimes they call this measurement the "diameter", which is a bit confusing as it's half the circumference, really.

    Yes, it's a shame they don't always print the dimensions on the packet, but the width isn't all that much use to the customer as it's only one factor. There's also the stretchiness, the texture, the type of lubrication, etc. In practice you in any case have to experiment to find which type is most comfortable. It does make a difference, in my experience.

  61. Olaf 1 Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Too late

    Never had much bother with the length of johnnies but could do with a few with wide fitting.

    You might get some of the buggers over your head but I can't get some of them onto my chum.

    And it's not nice of they're really feckin tight.

    But now I'm married and trying for a baby it's bit of a waste to me quite frankly.

    P.S. the phrase up here is "Like a sausage in an alley".

  62. TeeCee Gold badge
    Joke

    Re: Head issues.

    Gosh, I commend your bravery sir.

    If I was going to say something round here that outed me so publicly as a dickhead, I'd probably have posted anonymously.

  63. Lionel Baden
    Flame

    WTF!!!

    bit bloody late ive got two kids now !!!!

  64. alyn
    Thumb Up

    Penis enlargement pills

    Yes, penis enlargement pills DO work, but it damn well hurts inserting them.

  65. Andus McCoatover
    Joke

    59 comments. Can we get this to 69? Appropriate?

    I agree with Hazel 'upstairs'. My Old Cigar's but 6" - we can't change that even with pills, spam ads., "Meds" (god I hate that term. Sounds so stupidly 'merkan) etc, - , but no need - can't get more than 3/4 in till I hit her cervix, and the missus doesn't like any more.

    I'll stick with the 'regular' size (read:small) - not that at our age we need to.

    OK, old joke. Man at a supermarket checkout asks the young girl cashier for a packet of condoms. "Which size"? "Dunno" - so she gropes him. OK, XL, and sells him a pack.

    Next guy does the same and gets the reply "L", and gets a pack.

    Young teenager sees this, and tries the same trick. A second later, cashier goes onto staff intercom "Mop and bucket, aisle 2".

    OK, coat icon. I know.....

  66. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sizing

    From the rubber link in the article...

    "From the makers of Durex, the world's leading condom brand, with over 70 years of quality experience. World's # 1 Condom Brand! Durex XXL provide protection you can trust. It has 215mm length and 56/63mm width."

    So the US XXL are 215mm long. Surely that's the normal 205 plus the 10mm being offered for the UK XL.

  67. Michael O'Malley
    Headmaster

    @Mahatma Coat

    It's so frustrating trying to make decent puns in or on Latin. Sometimes you think no one learns the language anymore.

    Oh yes ... no one does learn the language anymore. O me miserum.

  68. Andus McCoatover
    Thumb Up

    @Michael O'Malley - Latin.

    <<Oh yes ... no one does learn the language anymore. O me miserum>> (And no-one learns to phrase English anymore. "no one does learn?? FFS!)

    (Totally OT, but...) You'd be surprised!

    Try http://www.yleradio1.fi/nuntii/id50.shtml

    A Finnish Radio station putting out news in Latin??? You couldn't make this up!

  69. awomanfromVenus
    Coat

    But Shurelly

    The size of the hammer is not important....

    It's whether you can hit the nail on the head.....

  70. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    @Sebastian Brosig

    "creaming off extra money"

    Brilliant, quite brilliant! I take off my hat to you sir!!

    :-)

  71. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    sizes

    Eg. You have a nine inch boner and a seven inch condom.

    Will the juice leak ? Eh, No. You have 6 inches of coverage from the exit point !!

    So the point of XL condoms is what ?

    Anyway - let's be honest, she's probably on the pill and it's going in her mouth anyway. Just like Paris (coz she's a good girl).

  72. steve 136

    UK vs USA

    "And in my own personal experience I've found that US condoms are generally smaller than the regular British ones, and have happily purchased XL hats during my travels across the pond."

    I came (huh) here to say the same thing. The 'normal' ones are painfully tight over there.

  73. rick buck
    Pint

    ex lg con

    Sounds more like an American car...

    Room to stretch out, but still no HEAD-ROOM!!!

    HEAD IS HEAD!

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