back to article UK space programme suffers serious setback

The UK's space programme suffered a serious setback yesterday when its most ambitious project since Beagle 2 ended in the loss of a 300g lump of Somerset farmhouse cheddar somewhere over the south of England. According to news reports, the West Country Cheesemakers space cheese was hitched to a weather balloon and launched …

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  1. michael W
    Alien

    cough

    hahaha, even though it's a joke article it sort of hurts how much it rings true :(

  2. Eponymous Cowherd
    Coat

    Should have got that Wallace bloke to do it.

    Him being a well known cheese aficionado and having previous experience in cheese orientated space exploration.

  3. Tzael
    Alien

    Hospitality

    Well if you're going to insist upon sending tasty cheese up to the edge of space, then you have to accept that one of the many members of the alien population in orbit around the planet monitoring our activity will be tempted to swipe the cheese.

    I say we prove the existence of aliens by sending lots of delicious treats attached to weather balloons up to the edge of space. At the very least we would be demonstrating a level of courtesy and hospitality to our alien friends.

  4. Tom 7 Silver badge

    Theres a small crater in my back garden

    with what looks like a mouse in a pressure suit in it.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "The GPS isn't coming through on the web"

    What?

  6. Neil 23
    Alien

    Fools!

    Haven't they seen Dr Who? Aliens will now use this cheese to establish mind-control over cheddar-lovers around the globe.

  7. Richard IV
    Coat

    Big Truckle in Little England

    nuff said, coat fetched.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Welcome

    I for one welcome ...

    ... our new cheese eating alien overlords .... unless they are not only cheese eating but also surrender monkeys in which case we'll have not of these overlord ideas from you thank you very much

  9. Anonymous John

    A small step for a cheese,

    a giant leap for cheesekind.

  10. Matthew Smith
    Thumb Up

    Not a failure

    Joking aside, the cheese still managed to reach 20 miles, about a tenth of the way to the ISS orbit height. No small achievement.

  11. Stef 4
    Pint

    Eddie Izzard was right...

    ... when he talked about our British space program being a guy with a ladder.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Overengineered

    Wouldn't a low power APRS transmitter have been a much better option?

  13. Rusty Warrior
    Coat

    Blessed are the cheesemakers*

    *and all other manufacturers of dairy produce

  14. Martin 49
    Paris Hilton

    Poor choice...

    They should never have used a Somerset Farmhouse Cheddar.

    A Double Gloucester or even a mature Stilton would have been far less likely to go missing.

    And which wine did they send up to accompany it ?

    AMATEURS ! - I'm at a loss for words.

    ......Paris, For the Cheese Angle !

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Gosh, I'll bet they're cheesed off at that

    Should have put stilts on or jacked it up...

  16. John70

    Hitch Hiker's Guide

    Does this mean that the mice have found the answer to Life, The Universe and Everything?

  17. Adrian Esdaile
    Boffin

    Clearly....

    ...they forgot the crackers.

    Simple mistake.

  18. TeeCee Gold badge
    Alert

    I see the problem.

    Next time ditch the Cheddar and use Stinking Bishop*.

    Then, when you lose track of it, just wait a few days and then head for the point that any warm-blooded creature that isn't either naturally anosmic or suffering from swine flu is doing its level best to avoid.

    *I'd suggest Le Vieux Bologne as it's the holder of the world championship for eye-wateringly unpleasant cheese stench, but this is a British space effort so we'll have to go with second best**.

    **As usual.

  19. Les Matthew
    Joke

    We once had Blue Streak

    Now we have Blue Vein.

  20. Doug Glass
    Pint

    "Who ...

    ... Moved My Cheese", Spencer Johnson. Happens to the best of us.

  21. Annihilator
    Thumb Up

    Moon 2.0

    Ha! Britain have once again proved they are the leaders in innovation. Why try and get to the moon when you can create your own moon within (supposedly) easy reach? NASA are kicking themselves for not thinking of it first. An orbiting cheeseball that you can reach with a balloon.

    I applaud the ingenuity. Well done team GB!

  22. Alfonso Vespucci

    @Overengineered

    More likely overprocessed.

  23. Jon G

    Allen

    This is clearly fake - we couldn't launch cheese into space as it would fry in the Dave Allen belt....and did anyone notice the dairylea wrapper blowing around in the gale force wind as Neil Armstrong planted the flag in the moon landing footage? There is a cheese conspiracy happening here.

  24. Havin_it
    Alert

    RE:Hospitality

    But should we send Marmite?

    Scenario A: New era of peaceful interstellar yeast-extracting coexistence

    Scenario B: Death-rayed from orbit, very damning writeup in the Gastro-Guide To The Cosmos

  25. Havin_it
    Coat

    RE:Not a failure

    Shurely "acheesement"?

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    HALE Project...

    Did this with LEGO... and theirs worked.. (James May would be proud) I cant help but think the incompetance is actually the only reason this is in the news...

    High altitude cheese is not news whereas Lost High altitude cheese IS News!

    (especially for the 'I was hit by cheese meteorite' crowd..)

    GPS didn't come through on the web? would that be because the web dont work in space? They really should have used thier own sky to ground transmitter system for the GPS like all other sensible peeps...

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Cheese Grommit!

    They should have used Wensleydale

  28. Nick Kew Silver badge
    Alien

    eny fule kno

    The moon is made of ... a different kind of cheese. They collected this cheese, only to throw it away when they discovered it was wrong.

  29. Jay Castle
    Joke

    I don't think the cheese was lost.....

    I bet he just couldn't go through with it - he was too yellow.

    Thanks, I'm here all week. Try the veal.

  30. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    Fools! Did *no-one* watch "The Quatermass Experiment" before this ill-advised Cheddite Probe was launched?

  31. ian 22

    Quelle fromage!

    Clearly radar would not have detected the cheese! They should have used ched-dar instead.

  32. StillNoCouch
    Paris Hilton

    This could be a serious liability

    A 300g frozen cheese brick falling from 18.6 miles up ?

    Even after terminal velocity was reached, that would still go through a car or roof ...

    Rule #1 for model rocket enthusists: Never put your name, address or phone number on anything you launch.

    Paris: Her cheese never freezes.

  33. Andus McCoatover
    Coat

    A possible location to search...

    Cheddar Gorge. Natch.

    OK, gorrit. TTFN.

  34. Paul RND*1000

    Space Cheese?

    Isn't that what you find between astronauts toes after the ISS plumbing craps out again and they can't shower?

    They should have had Clarkson, Hammond and May do it. At least that way they'd have ended up with pre-spread spreadable cheese when it failed.

  35. Anonymous John
    Happy

    It's been found.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/somerset/8175347.stm

    Why can't we have clickable links?

  36. Andus McCoatover
    Joke

    No rocket scientists?

    Seems like the cheese finally slid off their cracker.

    Now, the French effort (Ariane?) might have a better shot. With a tasty bit of Camembert. Unless it gets eaten by a missing Beagle.

    @TeeCee "I'd suggest Le Vieux Bologne as it's the holder of the world championship for eye-wateringly unpleasant cheese stench, but this is a British space effort so we'll have to go with second best"

    Disagree. Munster is surely the worst. If left in a garden shed for a week. In summer. Once I'd brought a kilo home, my then-missus threw it back in the shed. Then, me - as I'd partaken of a large chunk of it.

    Why not launch a can of Surströmming*, that'll pop the ballon as well as your eyes.

    *http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surstr%C3%B6mming

    "...which some people consider a delicacy and others think it is the worst thing they had ever eaten..". Surströmming REALLY does smell like a rotting corpse. I've seen people vomit the instant the can's opened.

    As a necrophiliac, I don't mind. But this comment is becoming dead boring.....Gerrit???

  37. Mark Nelson
    Black Helicopters

    Rule #2 for model rocket enthusists:

    Always put on anything you launch your address as #10 Downing Street or Buckingham Palace. If launching in the USA put your address as 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC.

  38. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Happy

    95 per cent of Britain's space budget for the next five years

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

    Sad but nearly so true.

  39. jake Silver badge

    Wensleydale I can get

    Here in Sonoma, I can get Wenselydale (Whole Foods Market, on 2nd St West at Napa Street) ... true, it's Wallace & Gromit branded, and it's about US$40/kilo ... but it's close to what I remember from my childhood in the Dales. Goes great with my Gravenstein apples (now in season), my homemade bread, and a nice sov blanc or IPA ... But what I have been craving for several months is a real farmhouse Red Leicester. I don't know why, I just want some.

    Can someone point the British Space Program at the Sonoma Valley & change cheeses?

    Please?

  40. Anonymous Coward
    Linux

    This cheese is 'high'

    err... it isn't even Friday guys, we need to break out of this mold !!

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