back to article Russian blows off ex-boyf's todger with firecrackers

A spurned Russian woman whose boyfriend declined to take her hand in marriage responded by blowing off his penis with firecrackers, Mosnews reports. Victim Alik D. had been shacked up with Kira V. for about two years when she began to suggest that they should tie the knot. Mr D declined, and indicated he'd rather go back to …

COMMENTS

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  1. Dennis
    IT Angle

    ohhhhhh

    And the moral of the story. Stay with your wife and kid.

  2. Richard
    Joke

    pun intended

    "Kira faces 12 years' hard time - even if her ex survives."

    Although it looks like he wont ever get a hard time ever again!

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Ouch!!

    She should be glad the law isnt "an eye for an eye".

    Flames, for obvious reason.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    Good grief

    A guy lands up in intensive care, and just because his todgewr was involved people find this funny?

    I haven't been offended by a lot of the sex related coverage lately, but this is downright vicious. It isn't big, and it isn't clever. The damn man nearly died, and still might yet.

  5. Jimmy Floyd
    Dead Vulture

    Er ... no

    "...even if her ex survives."

    C'mon El Reg; a bit of light hearted genital mutilation is only funny if it's all over and everyone laughs about it afterwards. When the guy is still in intensive care, that's bad.

    Unless it wasn't about our amusement and there is actually an IT angle? My mistake.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Ouch!

    One paramedic to another "here's another bit"...

    Would it affect your personality if your left bollock was sewn back where the right one should be and vice versa?

  7. nick
    Unhappy

    even harder time guaranteed for victim??

    Surely, the poor victim will not be having a hard time, for some time

  8. Marvin the Martian
    Flame

    "ex-boyf"?

    As far as we know, they didn't split up --- he was with her, was going to return to his family, but he may have planned to keep her as a bit on the side. And being at the IC unit, he may not have awoken yet to dump her.

    And admit it, such a fiery lass, would you dump her?

  9. Ian Rogers
    Coat

    Dinner

    Did they have Coq au Bang?

    Mine's the jacket without the trousers...

  10. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Alert

    In before "blowjob" headline suggestion

    A comment is required, in addition to a title.

  11. Jonathan

    What do you mean?

    ....hes in for a hard time? He'll never be hard again!

  12. Scott Broukell
    Joke

    This story is .....

    just a flash in the pan(ts).

    Move along there it's Friday and there's plenty of work to b dun.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    Ouch...

    This on the same day that the Times is asking if men are more prone to revenge...

    http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article6374452.ece

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Good grief

    > ...It isn't big...

    But it used to be....

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Hard time!

    She'll be doing hard time?? He'll never have a har .... oh you implied that joke when you wrote the article?

    Ah. Ok then. Sorry.

    (joins queue for coats)

  16. groovyf

    Euphemism...

    Pocket Rocket anyone?!

  17. Ian Hunter
    Coat

    The Daily Sport's Headline could be:

    Firecracker Knacker Explodes Boyfriend's Tallywhacker!

  18. The Jase
    Flame

    sexism

    And if a bloke did the same to a married woman he was having an affair with, it wouldn't get treated as a joke.

    Equal right... HA.

  19. Dennis
    Coat

    Whoops

    So he tried to say farewell to his girlfriend and ended up waving goodbye to his loved ones.

    Mines the one bought from Lacrobat.

  20. Dodgy Geezer Silver badge
    Happy

    Can I patent any...

    Shot Down in a Blaze of Glory puns?

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Even harder?

    Surely it is the end of 'hard' times for the victim?

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    El Reg not doing its job

    Picture(s) of Kira are required.

    Don't care about a pic of Alik, and you can find a blurry (or Blu-Ray) pic of him using Google® anyway.

    I guess the humorous part is that the fool was stupid enough to tell Kira that after two years with her he'd be going back to his wife after all. Because it's sure not the fact that he's in ICU fighting for his life.

  23. Dimitrov
    Coat

    Video games are to blame

    I bet she played way too much Fallout 3 and just wanted to try the Exploding Pants thing in real life.

    Quick, somebody think of the children!

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    unwise comment though

    "indicated he'd rather go back to his wife and child"

    Not a reply that would endear him to her in the circumstances.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Well....

    I guess that's an alternative type of blow job.....

    I'll get my coat

  26. Zid
    Alert

    New Feature - WWSD

    At the end of all stories like this, I think there should be a boot note with "What Would Sarah Do?"

  27. Rob
    Go

    @Zid

    It's friday afternoon, I'm winding down for the weekend, I'm not sure I have the stomach for Sarah's reply.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I blame sanitized news

    If journalists are only allowed to report stories where dangerous activities result in minor injuries then people are going to think that grenades and machine guns are harmless. Imagine what the world would be like if "The A-Team" had been in the top ten shows for five seasons.

  29. Hollerith

    she knew he was a scumbag when he moved in with her...

    ...deserting a wife and children. Those who dump someone for you tend to dump you for someone.

    It sounds amusing, but it's actually appalling. If she had blown off his feet so he couldn't walk out on her, it would have been seen for the crimninal multilation it is.

    @The Jase -- why do you think it would have been treated differently if a man had done this to a woman? Anatomically it would have been worse -- a woman would probably die from internal bleeding -- but I think the jokes would have been coarser and crueller.

  30. MinionZero
    Unhappy

    Marry her?!

    No wonder he didn't want to marry her?! ... Being married to someone that violent would have been hell.

    I consider fireworks (or women who can strangle cats they claim are pets!), is a good clear warning sign to stay away!

    e.g. Here's another one: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/05/28/dearest_tinkebell/

    Its bad enough just living in a world with crazy/evil people like that, let alone having to actually live with crazy/evil people like that.

  31. Stratman

    re Hollerith

    "Anatomically it would have been worse -- a woman would probably die from internal bleeding"

    Why is the probability of dying from internal bleeding any worse than the probability of dying from external bleeding?

  32. P. Lee Silver badge
    Pirate

    to both of them

    Here's a piece of ancient advice: "Thou shalt not!"

    They would have both been happier.

  33. The Jase

    @Hollerith

    I doubt the jokes would be coarser, I would wager people would break out in sympathy. It seems that women can get away with domestic abuse.

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    sociopaths

    That's what I like about the interweb, really gives the

    sociopaths a place to express themselves...

    sick.

  35. Doug Glass
    Go

    Gives Whole New Meaning ...

    .. to the phrase blow job.

  36. Nick L

    I'm just curious

    to know the nationality of the various commenters. Some of them seem to be lacking in the traditional British ability to extract irony and black humour from any situation, however unfortunate. Is it possible that we have a few overseas readers in our midst who, as is apparently traditional for them, have Missed The Point ?

  37. lennie
    Thumb Down

    so she wanted to hurt him that badly?

    I tihnk she tried to give him a piece of her pain: like "you hurt me this much, so I'm gonna make you feel the pain too...." so she blew off his dingaling. she wanted revenge? I wonder how she's feel is someone put a load of firecrackers in her hole and lit it....then she would know its really not the same pain. I'm honestly think she should of gotten more than 12 years. and if it was a guy who did it, he would prolly get life in prison.

    if a guy had done it to a woman, I'm sure no one would find it funny, it shouldn't be funny on both sides. it is a serious matter.

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    all i can say

    is OUCH. not good to get a woman that mad at you whilst you are drinking and fooling around.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    I suspect he'd have preferred to

    bang her.

    I've already got my coat, thanks.

  40. Mithvetr

    Can't see the joke

    Nothing quite so hilarious as a bit of near-fatal domestic violence, eh?

    I agree with The Jase: had it been the other way around, this wouldn't have been considered funny. Howls of outrage - and rightly so - if a woman is viciously mutilated by her partner. If a woman does it to a man, though, that's comedy. Apparently. Well, no. It isn't funny either way; not even a little bit.

    That the guy was having an affair is irrelevant. We don't know the full story; we know nothing about his circumstances. Or hers, for that matter. Either way, even a cheat doesn't deserve this kind of savagery.

    Oh, and Nick L? I'm British. And I'm perfectly happy to indulge in that black humour you mentioned in situations where there's nothing else to be done, but I won't use it to excuse violence. As for irony, I see none here. Maybe I should listen to more Alanis Morissette?

  41. Pierre Silver badge
    Coat

    More than 30 comments and I'm still the first...

    ... to make a stupid pun about Russian blowjobs...

    What is wrong with you guys?

  42. Mithvetr

    @ Pierre

    Sorry, but (bearing in mind the hold for moderation) Destroy All Monsters, AC@11:55 and Doug Glass all got in before you.

  43. Hud Dunlap
    Flame

    at A.C. Ouch

    Thanks for the link. I haven't laughed that hard in years. Maybe in England women aren't prone for revenge but they sure are in the U.S. Loreena Bobbit anyone.

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Heads and Tails,

    While this sorry Russian tale sounds horrific, in the words of Angus Deaton, "None of the people involved were English". This story should serve as a reassurance to the 99% of el-reg readers who can't get a date, that they're probably better off that way.

    There was an English case five years ago when a girl made advances on her ex boyfriend, he declined, she tore off one of his testicles and tried to eat it... She was sentenced to two and a half years... If anyone has a girlfriend called "Amanda Monti" now would be a perfect time to leave the country, right now, don't stop to pack and do not under any circumstances tell her that she's dumped.

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    other peoples todgers

    What is this obsession the elREG staff has with other peoples todgers and/or appliances or inter-species sex ... slow weekend ?

  46. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Wonder if she worked for the

    Russian Space Programme and fancied launching the first todger(on its own) into space? Bit of a rookie error doing it indoors though. Expect it just decorated the ceiling.

    That's not a flame, it's an after-burner.

  47. Big Al
    Paris Hilton

    Re Heads & Tails

    Ah yes, John Wayne Bobbit...

    What's really surprising is that he was subsequently tried for three incidents of domestic abuse against his third wife.

    Now is that someone who failed to get the hint, or what?!

    Paris because she'd never do something like that. Probably.

  48. Jason Yau
    Paris Hilton

    Paris

    Cause she knows how to blow up a todger without explosives

  49. Andus McCoatover
    Joke

    Whew!!

    Don't wanna read too many of these...

    http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/criminal_mind/sexual_assault/severed_penis/6.html

    Mercifully, my penis has been cut already, with me following the Jewish faith (In principle. I do fuc*k-all on the Sabbath. Isn't that every day of the week?).

  50. Don S.

    SPAM Time

    Alik D

    Penis now too small?

    http://yetanotherspamlink.com/enlarge.html

  51. Jack
    Boffin

    Oooh...

    Boom... Headshot?!

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