back to article Department of Homeland Security to destroy swine flu victims

It's evident that the US of A's Department of Homeland Security is taking the H1N1 threat very seriously indeed, and we reckon that Secretary Janet Napolitano may have been taking some advice from Condoleeeeza "Waterboarding" Rice as to how to apply a "Guantánamo Bay" solution to the menace posed by swine flu. Here's an …

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  1. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  2. Alex
    Go

    Nukes, knives, sharp sticks...

    Harsh, but fair.

  3. jon
    Thumb Up

    wonderful typo

    well placed and just the right one too :D

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    What was that Zombie film called...

    where remains from a previous zombie outbreak had been sealed in drums, but some how one had leaked and started a new outbreak. Right at the end of the film, the survivors were in a cellar where some of these drums were and there was an emergency phone number on the side of them. In desperation & hope they called the number. It connected to a Big Red Phone on some military chief's desk. The chief asked their location and then the scene cuts to B52s being scrambled and the survivor's location being nuked off the map. Classic ending to the film, but can't remember the name of it :o)

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    well..

    shouldn't they be saying go for a "shower" instead of go to your destruction?

    Good to see the americans finally showing their true colours!

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What's that smell?

    Is the delicate aroma of over reliance on the spell checker?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Fantastic.

    Absolutely fantastic. It just doesn't get any better than that.

    Let's hope New Yorkers don't get wind of this - they're panicked enough as it is.

  8. Nick Palmer
    Black Helicopters

    And they thought...

    ...the new administration'd be softies, eh? You have to admit, it's the hard-assed way to quell any possible comments about not taking security seriously! Black helicopter, cause that's the only way I'm travelling anywhere near there in future...

  9. DZ-Jay

    Land, sea, and air ports

    I understand sea and air ports, but "land ports"? Are those bus depots and truck stops?

    -dZ.

  10. DZ-Jay

    Unfortunate choice of words

    I cannot imagine that sentence meaning what I think it does. However, after reading the entire press release, I cannot find any context which would offer a different meaning. I can only think that it was an unfortunate and very wrong choice of words.

    That, or the U.S. government is being very candid in its approach towards immigration. Talk about "transparency in government." Wow.

    -dZ.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    It's truly amazing

    How people over-react to flu. It would be one thing if this were a repeat of the 1918, but come on folks...it's not even close.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    its all ManBear^h^h^hirdPigs fault :)

    Must say its a bit OTT given there only dieing of the flu, happens all the time. Some years more than others. Always new strains but alas this time we have the global interactive edition. What next, knee-graz watch gone up a level as little jonny fell over 2 minutes ago and a minute after that pier in france also hurt his knee, though details are scetchy atm if he actual fell.

    Have to love the media's take, global warming the next hinting at overcrowding of populations and then crying in the other direction because somebody died of the flu. How many people die of the `flu` each year overall worldwide, anybody actualy looked at the whole picture. Lets face it, more people die in African of the flu each year than some would care to admit.

    I personaly crisin this event Manbirdpig after the southpark episode http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ManBearPig

  13. Brian Miller

    Proceed to final destination...

    Wow! Never thought that "security" would go this far! They do realize that this influenza strain is all over the U.S., right?

  14. Ash
    Joke

    Oblig.

    You have no chance to survive make your time.

    Ha ha ha!

  15. Luis Ogando
    Go

    Hooray!!

    Three cheers for America!! Thank God that they are here to protect us from all evils and act as fair, unbiased, non-paranoid police for the whole planet. Our world would be rubbish without them telling us, quite rightly, how fantastic they are and how we are all better off letting them rule us as they do.

    God bless them, each and every one!

    </tongueInCheek>

  16. Dan
    Pirate

    Best. Typo. Ever.

    Assuming it is a typo. Isn't it?

    Hello?

    Hello?

    ...

  17. Bassey
    Thumb Up

    Who else?

    Who else has images of BSE-esque pyres of burning Mexicans?

  18. Steve Swann
    Boffin

    erm....

    Beg Pardon, Secretary? Is that *really* what you meant to say?!

  19. DZ-Jay

    Damn you! Damn you pork to hell!

    It must be stopped! Soylent Pig is... PEOPLE!

    -dZ.

  20. Martin Lyne

    Meant

    Is it meant to be Destination? They are very dissimilar words.. comedy gold but also kinda scary.

  21. Peyton
    Alert

    What's truly alarming...

    I notice on the linked page there is no color coded Avian-Porcine Threat Advisory level!

  22. Chris C

    Transparency

    I sincerely hope she meant "destination" as opposed to "destruction", but this *IS* the U.S. government, so I cannot safely assume that. Perhaps it was a Freudian slip? I know Obama said his administration was going to be more transparent, but this might be taking it a bit TOO far :)

  23. Matt
    Black Helicopters

    Fired

    Proceed to your destination, proceed to your destruction -- tomato tomahto...

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Aww

    They've corrected the typo (or series-of-successive-typos-leading-to-a-completely-different-word!) - it now says "Destination". With the correction as a footnote.

    Freud must be turning in his mass^H^H^H^H^H grave.

  25. Tim Jenkins

    That film was

    The Return of the Living Dead (O'Bannon, 1985)

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Return_of_the_Living_Dead

    Braaaaaiiiinnnsssssss!!!!!!!

  26. Paul Leroux

    Typo?

    Looks like the DHS fixed the typo errrrrrrrrr Freudian slip.

  27. Aaron

    "Destination" -- OR IS IT???

    If you follow the link to the transcript, you'll find that they've corrected the typo from 'destruction' to 'destination', and explained the change in an asterisked footnote.

    Obviously, though, this is merely the US Govt's attempt to fig-leaf their actual policy, accidentally leaked, of murdering everyone who comes through a US airport and has a sniffle or a cold; people who sneeze will be summarily judged guilty of spreading bioterror weapons and be shot on sight.

    It all makes sense now!

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Bad typo

    Of course if you are on the way to destruction, then it would be correct. After all, you might have a really bad case of swine flu, in which case you have no chance to survive make your time anyway.

  29. DZ-Jay

    They fixed it already

    Wow, that was fast!

    It's been corrected on the DHS site to say "destination" with the following note:

    "*corrected typo; changed destruction to destination"

    http://www.dhs.gov/ynews/releases/pr_1241056994692.shtm

    -dZ.

  30. A J Stiles

    @ Bassey

    That would certainly be about the quickest way to make sure everyone caught the virus.

    Remember the foot-and-mouth outbreak of 2001? The rate of infection only began to slow down when we stopped throwing infected carcases onto bonfires, where live viruses would be carried up intact by the updraught to be spread far and wide, and began burying them.

  31. M7S

    Blast, they've corrected it

    but in recognition (I think) of the fact that this has gone around the world (Yup, I did my part) there is an acknowledgement at the end of the original wording.

  32. Robert Moore
    Pirate

    Waste

    First an exam, then destruction.

    That is very wasteful. If you are going to destroy them anyway, why bother with the exam?

    Look at all the money I am saving the US gov. They should send me a cheque... Not that I would touch it without a biohazard suit.

  33. John Savard Silver badge

    Spell Checker

    Someone already pointed out that it's probably a typo for destination that a spell checker turned into destruction. It isn't often that such results are obtained, but that is a security risk with spell checkers.

  34. Elrond Hubbard

    Alien 2

    Definitive proof that they were "supposed to use harsh language".

  35. davenewman
    Happy

    Typo corrected

    But they put a footnote admitting the boo-boo, so it is still funny.

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Pirate

    @AC - Send more paramedics!

    That movie was called "Return of the Living Dead"

  37. Anonymous John
    Unhappy

    Now corrected.

    It reads "destination".

  38. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Dammit

    She has slipped up an revealed the actual plan for reducing the problems of food/water/land shortages, green house problems, and over population in one fell swoop. Oh well I guess it's ok to tell everyone now. See they pump out a strain of the flu that will kill off the people that the government has determined are "redundant"... for the good of all man kind of course. Yeah good of all man kind, that's it. Those that are deemed worthy of surviving will then enjoy a happy life inside a US Government approved bubble.

  40. joe

    @DZ-Jay

    They're talking about the border checkpoints - San Diego has the world's busiest border crossing, handling about 50 million people each year.

  41. Disco-Legend-Zeke
    Paris Hilton

    But the sooner you catch the new Flu, the lower your chance of dying from it.

    Typically, flu deaths are in the heartland, after the new virus has built up virulance by passing through several people.

    Those on the coasts tend to get milder cases.

    So... the better a job we do i preventing infection, the more ppl will die.

    Paris just because.

  42. Vic

    Word 2003 autotext

    Yes, I think we can blame that divine intervention. How do I know? Well, mine (strangely) says 'destination' instead of 'destruction' when I get to d-e-s-t.... But there's no accounting for autotext tastes in the various Departments of Horrors.

    One can become heavily reliant on this natty little feature when stuck behind a PC typing technical tomes all day, hence the non-compliance with upgrade to newer version and quiet putting-back of 2003 version.

  43. This post has been deleted by its author

  44. Dean H.
    Thumb Up

    What next?

    I think Janet should hire amanfrommars to write all her speeches and statements from now on.

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Freudian...

    ...slip...

  46. storng.bare.durid
    Stop

    ManBird Pig Flu is Serious Business

    I'm serial

    I'm super serial.

  47. Ty Cobb

    @AC at 13:58 GMT

    You are looking for "Return of the Living Dead"

  48. Sue Zinck

    Swine flu? Get a grip

    Here are a few facts from an MD disgruntled by all the hysteria and worse, the posturing by politicians which is fueling the fear:

    -swine flu is NOT the cause of the deaths in Mexico; another flu strain (likely good old influenza A) is. Influenza A kills 4000 Canadians a year: GET YOUR FLU SHOT! (it doesn't work on swine flu though...)

    -the virus is very low virulence but easily spread: so, if you get it, just stay home for 7 days if symptoms are mild.

    -the reason everyone is excited at CDC and WHO is that this swine flu is a NOVEL (new) strain and bears watching but is NOT currently dangerous

    -Oh,. and if you missed it on CNN: it is spread like regular flu through sneezing, touching nose, etc. NOT from pork.

    Relax and enjoy the coming warm weather.

    Dr. Dooomless

    Add your own comment

  49. wim

    islam anyone

    So who is in favor of Islam now where they don't eat / keep pigs ?

  50. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    Consider panicking at this point

    The following was posted on a US forum:

    ---------------

    His Saviorness, El Presidente Obama, had one of his thuggish lieutenants, Napolitano, send a secret memo to the Department of Propaganda stating it is Obama's policy to kill and disappear people infected with pig flu, or "H1N1" as it is known by its secret CIA/FEMA codename! Then when the plan was discovered they claimed it was just a mistake and changed the part where it said people would be sent to "an isolation room ... before proceeding to their destruction" to saying they would proceed to their "destination." I think we all know where that is.

    Obama is clearly using this to purge his enemies! Did the government create this "H1N1" project as a tool to induce mass hysteria and as an excuse to impose martial law and a Stalinist dictatorship ruled by Obama together with Hugo Chavez like has been Obama's plan from the beginning? These are questions that must be answered!

    See the whitewashed memo here!

    http://www.dhs.gov/ynews/releases/pr_1241056994692.shtm

    The Register courageously broke this story. They must know how much danger they are in for having done so! Obama's jack booted henchmen will not let them escape!

    ----------------

    So my question: does FEMA still have its own fleet of black helicopters, or does it charter the UN's?

  51. Paul Murphy

    Living Dead....

    Is it cancer?

    Doc: if we're lucky...

    I also liked the girl dancing on the grave, a great series of films, very educational.

    ttfn

  52. Jonathan Dixon
    Thumb Up

    RE:- What was that Zombie film called...

    Night of the living dead 2.

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