back to article Can't get a job? Try plastic surgery

US jobseekers have shown a committment to supporting the country's plastic surgery industry in these troubled economic times by indulging in a bit of nip and tuck for more than just cosmetic reasons, Reuters reports. While the industry shrank nine per cent in 2008 to a mere $11.8bn, there's "increased interest" in going under …


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  1. Master Baker
    Thumb Down

    "wide awake facelift"

    But it won't make your cock bigger

  2. Phil Endecott Silver badge


    Very appropriate Dilbert yesterday:

    - "Do you want to lay off the highly skilled whiny jerk who is toxic to the workplace, or the pleasant but incompetent guy who will lead us to ruination?"

    - "Which one is uglier?"

  3. Camilla Smythe

    Sub Prime?

    "In case you're wondering where the Yanks get all the cash for these ops, Greenberg said that "a lot of his patients view the surgery as an investment and are financing it with loans"."

    Just a moment. I had heard that one of the reasons for the present economic climate was irresponsible lending. Now the victims of the situation are borrowing more in an effort to get themselves out of it....

    Perhaps a bit harsh but..........

  4. Steve Sherlock
    Jobs Horns

    Legal Loansharks?

    "a lot of his patients view the surgery as an investment and are financing it with loans".

    Hi, Mr Jones. We're here to repossess your face....

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Marcus Aurelius said, "All is vanity."

    I don't think he meant it as a challenge.

  6. Bassey

    Hang on

    These people look in the mirror a dozen times a day?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Personally I don't consider any activity that would involve someone taking a knife to my face as an investment. Unless I had something genuinely wrong with it that is.

    And to finance cosmetic surgery with a loan? No wonder the economy is in trouble when people are that irresponsible with their money.

    So the employment situation is pretty bad, we've got scores of people fighting over the same jobs. The way things are going it'd make more sense to simply throw all your candidates into a boxing ring and let them duke it out for the job.

    It might even be healthier for the jobseekers. I'd rather take a beating and know what I'm up against than spend months sending job applications into a black hole. It might even motivate me to work out a bit.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If you've ever wondered...

    Why US execs have the Joan Rivers / weasel-in-a-windtunnel, permanently surprised look here's the answer. `:-o

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Legal Loansharks?

    "Hi, Mr Jones. We're here to repossess your face...."

    said Steve Sherlock, or is that Shylock?

    (Bloody hell, did I learn something in English Lit after all?)

  10. Hugh_Pym


    ... the money would be better spent on education and skills. Possible even a holiday to help de-stress.

    If anything represented form over function in the jobs marketplace it's the guy who thinks his best asset is looking good. No wonder they are redundant.

  11. Laughing Otter
    IT Angle

    Another legal drug!

    Oooo. That way lies Octo-Mom...

    Thing about plastic surgery is the somewhat expensive maintenance bit. And the fact that age will eventually out any amount of plastic surgery.

    There was a Tony Orlando commercial not too long ago. Guy has to be around 70 now, but he had Teflon hair to rival Shatner's, a permanently surprised expression, and a very orange complexion. Of course most of his footage was shot in soft lighting. His female friend was not much better, the way one corner of her lips would rise noticeably higher than the other when she smiled. The commercial, by the way, was for a collection of the Greatest Hits of Something-Or-Other, most of which are featured in Dave Barry's "Book of Bad Songs." It would have been pure comedy if not for the scary surgery...

    I don't know where some of these people get the idea that nobody knows they've had surgery. Bloody obvious most of the time.

    I think that a lot of these doofuses should have a look at the Awful Plastic Surgery website before proceeding. Now That's REALLY Scary!

    IT Angle: Never heard of anybody getting a facelift to compete for a true IT job. Project managers, yes. Programmers, no.

  12. Anonymous Coward

    Simple solution

    Since vast chunks of the US population seem to be brain-dead buffoons or cash-happy f*ckwits, and since there is a job shortage, I have a solution.

    Let those pesky Islamic Terrorists kill vast chunks of the US population using dirty bombs and stuff. They'd then be quite happy and content that Allah would reward them in heaven.

    There would be less competition for jobs and plenty of morons would be dead. No-one would want plastic surgery - they'd be concentrating on more important things (like survival)

  13. Don Sinclair

    It did me no harm!

    What's the problem?

    I underwent surgery to look like Michael Jackson, I'm playing the O2 arena for 27 nights in a row later this year!.......this is really is, no you don't understand....this is it!

  14. Alistair

    But seriously folks

    Makes a funny story but think about it, faced with a dozen sharp-dressed final round candidates, which would you select, the chubby ugly slob or the Tony Curtis lookalike? Nobody ever got fired for hiring a "stunna".

    From experience in the job market of a few years back, I believe you may be able to increase your chances in this shallow image-obsessed world by going on a diet.

    As for me, I'd rather be fat and idle

  15. Tom

    not only...

    Are the plebites borrowing to have a new face, THEY'RE FUCKING UNEMPLOYED, will someone just nuke the US and have done with it please.

    Taking care to properly string up the lenders, ffs, FFS!!!!1111!!11

  16. LaeMi Qian Silver badge

    Thank goodness... present employer was explicitly looking for the older won't-be-intimidated-by-the-users types.

  17. Andy Bright

    Err what?

    Why does anyone care that much about Americans having plastic surgery? I get the feeling that many of my fellow Angles were abused by incredibly smooth-looking relatives when they were children.

    Seriously though? This upset because a few people in the US are stupid enough to spend the last of their money and credit on a nose job? Where was this anger the last time something important happened, like an election after a whole bunch of illegal activity by our glorious government? Spy on me, take away my civil liberties, illegally invading an entire country? No worries, I'll forgive you as long as you don't get botox injections.

    @Master Baker - And that's where you'd be wrong. Adding a few extra inches in the todger department is most definitely possible with plastic surgery. And think of the possibilities.

    "I don't care if you lot don't give me the job, my cock is bigger than yours.. look.."

  18. Badsector


    Zydrate comes in a little glass vial..

  19. Charles Manning

    Scruff up for a tech job

    A few years back you were supposed to not shave or shower for a few days then wear a stained T shirt to "look geek" at interviews. Nobody believed that a well scrubbed person was any good at tech stuff.

    Has that all changed?

    If I was in middle management, I'd worry that the neat bloke with a silk tie, manicure and gold cufflinks had his eye on my job and would feed him to the wolves ASAP!

  20. Loran Nass

    The real laugh

    The real laugh I'm having is how concerned you people all are about what the people in the US are doing. You all seem to be very emotionally involved with what regular Americans are up to and about. Don't you have something -anything- on your tiny, rejected, tooth decaying, has-been island to concern yourselves with? Or is "nuking the US citizens" your absolute best fantasy? It's a bit unnerving how obsessive some of you seem about us over here.

    Do you have any idea how much of our time over here is wasted to thinking about you and your daily lives? None. That's right; none. You're simply not that important. Certainly not important enough to call for 'killing vast chunks of the UK population"; no matter how retarded or ignorant you display yourself.

  21. Booty003
    Thumb Up


    @Steve Sherlock

    You just made me snort out a bit of snot.

    Top one.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re:Scruff up for a tech job

    Scruffs were tolerated but this usually had an unofficial £ value associated with it - the same person could often have earned £10K more if they played the game and conformed more closely to corporate standards. Anyway company savings and all that.....

  23. Josh


    Don't nuke the US til I can escape, please!

  24. Lionel Baden

    well that answers it

    Thats why ive always been able to get a job !! :)

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