back to article Moderatrix quits El Reg: Latest

Well, you've really outdone yourselves this time, haven't you? Earlier today, your comments to this sensitively-handled piece on the sad case of the Florida satnav lake incident prompted our Moderatrix, Sarah Bee, to quit her job at Vulture Central. We're obliged to those of you who immediately rang the office to seek …

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  1. Paul

    offered tea and a sympathetic ear

    Tea? I thought you normaly offerd a double and a full strength superking? Always works for me.

  2. Chris
    Heart

    No!

    Please get her to come back.

  3. Tim

    Oh dear

    You offered her tea and an ear? It should be tea and biscuits, no wonder she cleared off sharpish.

    I do hope she comes back. Tis hard to find a moderatrix that enjoys the grumbleflick art-form.

    Tim#3

  4. Alex Osmond
    Stop

    Sarah, Sarah, wherefore art thou Sarah?

    Tea and sympathy? No wonder journalistic standards are slipping. In the good old days it would have been several large gins, a stiff rogering from the editor and straight back to work.

    This is political correctness gone mad.

    Now where's my Daily mail gone.....

  5. Mike
    Happy

    You had me until.....

    £30 for a pair of shoes?

    The woman has more style than that......

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    You can't go Sarah

    If you do, please take me with you.

    Anonymously, but unanimously,

    Forever, etc.

  7. A J Stiles
    Paris Hilton

    Does this mean Lester Haines is going, too?

    "Sarah Bee" is obviously just the name Hainesey uses when he's pretending to be a woman.

    Paris because ..... er ..... that's just the name she uses when she's pretending to be a hotel?

  8. Al
    Unhappy

    Well, she was right....

    Assuming this isn't a further jape by the rapscallions of Vulture Towers, Ms Bee did have a very valid point.

    I do hope we see her back. I think the lads got a little out of hand and have been suitably chastened for it.

  9. A. Coatsworth
    Thumb Up

    Let me be the n-th person to say...

    You got me for a moment with the sat nav story... I should not read the RSS feed before the first coffee in the morning.

    Sat navs failures, tasers, PMS, overwheight Americans... That's what Odds and Sods is made of!

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Nooo, tell me it's not true

    My life would not be complete without the Moderatrix. I'm hoping this is all some elaborate April 1st joke - like the RAF for example...

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    £30 shoes?

    Is there somewhere we can donate to the Sarah Bee shoe fund? She can do better than that.

  12. E_Nigma
    Happy

    Ho-Ho-Ho

    Happy April's Fools Day to you too, El Reg!

  13. Martin
    Thumb Up

    glad to help

    'Some dumbass Limey hack made the whole thing'

    corrected for you, no need to thank me

  14. Paul Murphy

    RAF - Real April Fool

    Those initials aren't a co-incidence you know.

    Hopefully SB will be back soon to tell us off properly (oh yes!) since we obviously need controlling.

    Of course us blokes could always say that it's our time of the month (I have my time of the month in 10-minute periods oops sorry, intervals.)

    :-)

    ttfn

  15. Secretgeek
    Joke

    Noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

    Ermm...yes well, we..ermm...quite like...hmph...you know....erm...having you around...kind of...ermm...yes. Anyway. Good.

    Oh god, I've turned into Hugh Grant. Kill me now.

  16. N Silver badge
    Heart

    No, no, no, Please come back...

    Please tell me its an April fool?

    Being moderatrixed will never be the same again,

    we will mss you Sarah, sob!

  17. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
    Heart

    Just to put the record straight

    I'm married. To a woman. So there.

    Mind you, my wife is so insane that when she's on the rag it's like a holiday :)

    Great flame btw Sarah, you purged a good bit of rage in that one.

    Heart : because we know from the shit that gets through moderation that the stuff that doesn't must be truly hideous.

  18. Steve Swann
    Heart

    Even if its not...

    ... we're all entitled to opinion, whether the editors like it or not.

    They have the power to remove/prevent posts they fall afoul of their guidelines, and I praise Sarah's judgement (she's never stopped one of my posts, and they often tread a fine line!), but it's not an easy task to allow us freedom of expression whilst retaining some degree of journalistic integrity at the same time.

    Heat. Kitchen. If you stay in, Sarah, more power to you.

    If not, at least you'll leave *nice* shoes to fill.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Must be...

    Her time of the month.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    what, so moderating comments is actually her job?

    i always assumed it was some kind of gig she had going on the side. then again, always thought it was strange for a woman to have a real job. all becomes clear...

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    What we need is a Ms Sarah Bee picture

    If it gets enough "hits", will she come back?

    Frankly, the timing sucks; having the painters in for April 1st is just too convenient.

    Oh - and she sounds like she could be my wife. Let's see if her email is bouncing...... ;-)

  22. Steven Jones

    The Jesteress

    In medieval times it was the occasional and special privilege of the jester to be able to say what he really thought of the monster that reigned and oppressed him for most of the year. Ms. Bee has clearly let go her bonnetfull under somewhat comparable circumstances. It may appear to be an appropriately seasonal jest, but don't be fooled. If you were young rams, she'd be after you with the rubber bands.

  23. g e

    yikes!

    If she doesn't come back how can I apologise to her if Hello/OK/etc *don't* cover the Goody funeral for an undisclosed sum??

    I hope it's just a Poisson d'Avril like the G20... I just heard that Gordo and Obie actually stood up and said 'NAHHHHH we haven't got a CLUE about how to fix the financial fuckup really.. APRIL FOOL!'

    :oD

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    If Bee doesn't return...

    You'll not be getting my business no further.

    I'm on the point of suggesting a whip round for a soothing spa break for her, as a rehabilitation exercise. Or an afternoon in the pub, whichever would work best.

    On a serious note- is it really wise to have a single individual modding all comments? Isn't that just begging for a stress-induced stroke claim on yer corporate health insurance.

    And further- why doesn't Bee get more actual news stories/analysis pieces to do? She was a great writer back at the Melody Maker- waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay above the Maker's usual standards (which were always better than the NME's), and I refuse to believe she couldn't contribute better than some of your other bods

    Also: If this is leg two of an April fools joke- you are evil.

  25. Seamaster
    Jobs Halo

    Birds!!

    What can you do?

  26. CockKnocker
    Paris Hilton

    is it just me?

    Or did her rant make everyone else excited as well. Bet she wears leather and carries a whip! Punish me Sarah Punish Me! Or maybe I just outed myself as some kinda depraved weirdo either way, im still excited!

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    oh boo f**kin hoo!

    why she take the job?..

    She seems to have a problem reading the same comments time and again, so what!? we going to have some kind of filtering in place just in case someone at some point said the same thing and its on the 'pisses SBee off' list?

    Honestly you'd think she'd never seen the interweb before.

    *\. yeah yeah getting my coat.

  28. John Macintyre
    Thumb Up

    after midday?

    Well fooled none the less. nice one

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    What

    <snip>the afternoon off to ponder her future.</snip>

    Is that some sort of euphemism?

    But Ms Bee hasn't been in contact with me over this incident, and in future please use a capital P when spelling my name.

    I'll get my coat and join Sarah for tea and ears.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Disinformation?

    On the one hand, tradition dictates that April Fool's jokes are only played until noon.

    On the other hand, Sarah Bee flames out over a comment about PMS, and is placated with... shoes? Way to break away from the stereotypes there.

    On the gripping hand, this is El Reg, so who knows *what* to believe?

  31. Peter Kay

    Current moderator

    So, who is moderating now? Is it perhaps.. Queeg? ;)

    (wiki it, for those unfamiliar with old Red Dwarf episodes)

  32. Dan
    Thumb Down

    Shame on you lot

    Despite what would appear to be a genuine (and genuinely angry) rant from Sarah, there's still the moronic comments on this story about it being 'her time of the month'. Yeah, that's gonna make her job easy to come back to. Let's see who can push her out permanently. Way to go, guys.

    It hadn't occurred to me how bad the nixed comments might actually get. I hope your rant was an April fool, Sarah.

  33. Ash
    IT Angle

    So what?

    If the moody hag can't handle it, why the hell is she even here?

    It's an IT website. IT is a sector dominated by men, stereotypically with either poor social skills, narcissistic tendencies bordering on Napoleon Complex, or outright misogynistic superiority.

    Either Sarah failed to grasp that when she applied, or El Reg failed to asses her ability to handle it when hiring her. Either way, shucks. Guess there's an opening.

  34. alan
    Joke

    Where do we send the CV's??

    See title :)

  35. pastamasta
    Unhappy

    the long arm

    Aargh... "John H. Armblaugh"... have only just spotted the obvious. Can't believe I was hooked, lined (?) and sunk for this long.

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A better way to deal with the commenters today..

    Only show the comments of people who believed the April fools.

    Is it just me or does that make a load of comical sense.

  37. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

    If Miss Bee leaves ...

    ... it will not be a complete and utter disaster. If she does not have to waste her time dealing with commentards then she may have more time to spend on something useful like this: http://www.noliberties.com/book.htm

  38. sig

    Who's moderating now?

    I'm watching my peas and queues.

  39. Dan
    Thumb Up

    @If Bee doesn't return

    "And further- why doesn't Bee get more actual news stories/analysis pieces to do? She was a great writer back at the Melody Maker- waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay above the Maker's usual standards (which were always better than the NME's), and I refuse to believe she couldn't contribute better than some of your other bods"

    I had no idea she was already an experienced journo - what are el reg playing at then? Surely you can't expect her to stick at a job which only involves moderating crap comments? Give her some proper stuff to do.

  40. Toastan Buttar
    Paris Hilton

    Ah, Sarah.

    Her smiles, her frowns,

    Her ups, her downs

    Are second nature to me now;

    Like breathing out and breathing in.

    I was serenely independent and content before we met;

    Surely I could always be that way again ?

    And yet ...

    I've grown accustomed to her look;

    Accustomed to her voice;

    Accustomed to her face.

    But I'm a most forgiving man;

    The sort who never could, ever would,

    Take a position and staunchly never budge.

    A most forgiving man.

    But, I shall never take her back,

    If she were even crawling on her knees.

    Let her promise to atone;

    Let her shiver, let her moan;

    I'll slam the door and let the hell-cat freeze!

    But I'm so used to hear her say

    "Good morning" ev'ry day.

    Her joys, her woes,

    Her highs, her lows,

    Are second nature to me now;

    Like breathing out and breathing in.

    I'm very grateful she's a woman

    And so easy to forget;

    Rather like a habit

    One can always break-

    And yet,

    I've grown accustomed to the trace

    Of something in the air;

    Accustomed to her face.

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Who's moderating now?

    My guess is aManfrommars. Everybody look out!

  42. Pete
    Happy

    Aw, the poor lamb...

    Please tell Miss Bee that if she wants a longer break away from the madness that is London, I would be more than welcome to act as host up here in Aberdeen (that's Aberdeen, Scotland for any of our transatlantic cousins whose minds may have immediately wandered away to the plethora of Aberdeens that exist over there). I have a wide selection of teas, a sympathetic ear (I keep it in a jar) and an almighty crush on her. On second thoughts, perhaps you shouldn't tell her that last bit. Just tell her to get on the train.

  43. Mike Dyne
    Unhappy

    @Alan

    "CVs" doesn't require an apostrophe. I don't think you need to bother... ;)

  44. Tim
    Coat

    Sad Orwellian and mysoginistic references?

    So if Ms Bee stays, does this mean i have to reduce my knee-jerk rants to considered witticisms?

    I am absolutley not standing for it, and will tell my girl so as soon as the rubber solution sets and the patch is once again airtight.

    (Mine is the one with the clever IT related geek strapline on it!)

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    iS tHER A Bee?

    I tried to send flowers but the florist thought I was taking the piss.

  46. alan

    Re Mike Dyne

    That depends each of my personalities wants to send in their own one, so thats about 4 I will be sending in, hence the need for the apostrophe.

  47. Chika

    Sarah? I though he was called Eric!

    Lah de dee, one two three, Sarah the Dominatrix Bee! :)

  48. Hans
    Happy

    Oh c'mon

    You just don't get it yet

    A moderatrix called Sarah Bee?

    Perchance that would be be an anagram of Bah Erase?

    Yup, that explains all the nixed comments.

  49. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Dearie me.

    It's true - we *are* evil.

    Before anyone cries post-midday-fool foul - this story was intended to be a sidelong fess-up. Obviously my esteemed colleague was a little too subtle, and rather than letting the cat out of the bag as was the idea, it seems only to have added more and more cats. Which we were then loath to disturb.

    I can't say I haven't enjoyed and appreciated the accolades, sympathy, support, ears and increasingly outrageous offers, but I can't let you suffer any longer. It's actually been very touching, in all seriousness, and I feel a tiny bit mean. Only a tiny bit, mind.

    So just to confirm, I'm not going anywhere, and it was all just larks. Although I'll happily take any shoe or spa vouchers going, and flowers are always welcome. I like lilies.

    Happy April 1st, you 'orrible lot.

  50. Simon Langley
    Stop

    Don't go Sarah

    The original story was quite clearly a joke and those of you who didn't immediately notice that

    a) it was very silly, and

    b) the only classic reg element it missed out was the Bulgarian airbag angle,

    are rather dim.

    Sarah's rant OTOH looked genuine I'm sorry to say. Please don't over-react Sarah. Yes, the PMS "jokes" are pretty pathetic. The "mines the..." jokes are frequently lame, but the contributors to this site are pointy heads not comedians so what do you expect. Lastly, try reading some of the comments on YouTube and then come back here. You'll see it really isn't as bad as all that.

  51. Richard
    Heart

    @ Sarah

    ...And you call us 'orrible!!!!!!

    Least you aren't leaving the Kindergarden without a nanny :)

  52. Steven Raith
    Heart

    Huzzah

    The threat of a hard spanking for rank misogyny returns.

    Were there no offers of drinks, beyond the spa vouchers and flowers? I'm shocked....

    Steven R

  53. Ian Johnston
    Thumb Up

    Picture?

    I've always assumed that she was the Eee model.

  54. Anonymous Coward
    Linux

    *phew*

    So it's OK for me to resume trolling? Excellent.

    This never would have happened if you'd be using Lynx......

  55. Hans

    @Dearie me

    [quote]I like lilies[/quote]

    I like lilies too, but I can rarely get them off her

  56. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Dearie me.

    Oh and of course - well done to the sceptical few who didn't buy it. Kudos. You win a thing.

  57. psychochief
    Thumb Up

    nice one lol :O)

    that' ll be WHITE lilies i take it then Sarah, your just MAGNIFICENT when in full *cough 'flow'

  58. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: nice one lol :O)

    See, how could I possibly leave when there are such gems to be moderated?

    Sigh.

  59. Richard
    Coat

    Re: Dearie me.

    I already have a thing, can I have some of the other instead?

  60. Robert Ramsay

    Although...

    Your rant was 100% accurate. (unless the anti-semitic wanker was made up)

  61. Craig
    Alien

    How funny would it have been

    If Sarah managed to see a slither of the funny side of all of this and signed off in true reg style:

    "Mine's the one with the p45 in the pocket"

    I really can't tell if this is serious or not but would be a shame if real.

    I do have to say that if real you need to get a grip though Sarah!

    I won't bother with my rant yet just in case she never returns meaning i save myself the effort of a good couple of paragraphs...

  62. weirdcult

    misandrist

    that is all.

  63. JayB
    Happy

    To Bee or not to Bee

    There's gems to be moderated????

    Where???? When????? Bollocks, must have missed it.

    Ahh, Ms Bee, that was very cruel and unkind..... and really, really funny :D

  64. David Adams
    Coat

    Don't know about...

    ... a Spa voucher but I've got a Spar voucher for 50p off windolene if you're interested?

  65. Roy Stilling
    Thumb Up

    Yay

    Glad you're not really going Sarah, and I agree with those that say you should get to write more actual stories.

  66. Graham Marsden
    Coat

    Can someone sign for...

    ... a tanker-load of Evening Primrose Oil, please?

    (Mine's the one with the target on the back... ;-) )

  67. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    @Sarah Bee - Dearie me.

    Ooh Sarah - you are evil.... :-)

    I loved the flame that you posted on the other thread. Truely genius and I'm really sure deep down that you do get that annoyed at some of the comments posted.

    Well done - that was a superb April Fool.

  68. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Would it have been acceptable

    ... if a man resigned in such a fashion after a bunch of women had posted anti-male stuff?

    Just wondering, not excusing any misogynistic stuff that may have been submitted.

  69. Hein-Pieter van Braam
    Coat

    Didn't buy it for a minute

    Still, I hope that thinking back on this prank will allow you to forgive more often :P Although I suppose that would sort of take the fun out of it ;)

    Mine's the one with the 30 pound shoe voucher

  70. Huw Davies
    Happy

    @Sarah Bee

    Well executed indeed.

    Could I offer you a non-paid position moderating a bikers forum? We could do with someone of your calibre :D

  71. James Pickett

    CV

    "CVs" doesn't require an apostrophe

    Yes it does - to indicate the missing letters between the V and s. As in doesn't.

    Glad to hear the Sarah is donning her moderatrix gear again, though. I hope the straps are nice and tight... ;-)

    (not a wink - it's an eye watering)

  72. Sillyfellow
    Heart

    you had me there

    full marks for that one Sarah. lolz..

    this may have been an april fools joke, but your rant (and descriptions of some of us) was just spot on.

    we (and el-reg (take note)) would be lost without your patience, wisdom and no-nonsense approach (and we do love you plenty in a non-stalking way).

    oh, and if you do leave, can i have your job please? i get great amusement from reading all the comments, and sometimes learn much...

    ... hang on, better not. i am sillyfellow after all so who knows what i might say or do. hehehe.

  73. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Now that...

    ...was an impressive prank and has kept me amused checking the comments periodically for much of today.

    The shoe voucher comment nearly had me cleaning coffee off the monitor again as I somehow get the impression that should anyone dare to make such a comment to Ms Bee they would end with a slightly higher pitched voice and she'd have some new jewellery.

  74. RW

    Only a new pair of shoes?

    Come, come, surely the estimable Ms. Bee deserves better than that! In view of her continual attempts to herd the cats of el-Reg's commentators, doesn't she deserve, say, that pair of crotch-high, lace-up leather boots she's had her eye on to complement her wardrobe of leather bustiers?

    They can be justified as a business expense on the grounds they protect against ratttlesnake bites. Or something.

    Oh, wait, that's right: bootses is a form of shoeses. Bad me.

    Why no "old shoe" icon?

  75. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    ~claps~

    Yayyy for April 1st at El Reg, I love it. BTW I didn't buy for a second you were leaving Sarah. While it was a great rant I can't see you taking off like that. Besides the readership here would drop by half (if not more) if you did leave. However you can make it up to us by providing us shoe on head pics :-).

  76. Nano nano

    Slashdot days...

    Who's the Meta-Moderatrix ?

    And how many Mod points have you got ?

  77. Peter
    Happy

    Well played

    I visited the reg today specifically to see what April fools there might be, and thought for a while I was going to have to settle for the somewhat predictable Google CCTV story. This may be almost as memorable for me as the 'anechoic chamber simulation' plugin from Smartelectronix and associated threads on kvr-audio.

    Still not sure why I ever come and read or write comments here - I'm sure I lose a few IQ points each time...

  78. Chris Seiter
    Happy

    New Here

    I've only been visiting the Reg for over a year now and posted a few comments(mostly I don't comment because of my lack of intelligent humor); I have no idea how the 'coat' thing even started so most of it goes right over my head anyway. Ms. Bee, glad to see you stay and look forward to more.

  79. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Foot Spa and a trip to your local Spa

    To avoid such incidents in future, please can all sexist and other 'stupid b***h' comments be limited to the Rt Honourable 'Wacky' Jacqui Smith MP.

    k thx bye!

  80. Anonymous John

    Re Dearie me.

    <Wipes brow>

    Now where's the story I gave you about the two murdered scammers in the US?

  81. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    To all of those commentards....

    www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ux3DKxxFoM

    Paris... Even she comes across as smarter...

  82. Marty McFly
    Heart

    @ Ash

    Ash wrote:

    "It's an IT website. IT is a sector dominated by men, stereotypically with either poor social skills, narcissistic tendencies bordering on Napoleon Complex, or outright misogynistic superiority.

    Either Sarah failed to grasp that when she applied, or El Reg failed to asses her ability to handle it when hiring her. Either way, shucks. Guess there's an opening."

    Naw. Sarah is a hottie. The slobbering geeks which run El Reg hired her based on looks alone. In quiet tones they whisper among themselves; "That's a girl, dude, haven't you seen one before?"

    Sarah, will you please provide photographic proof of my conclusion? I would hate to default my vision of you to a bunch of downloaded images: Sarah_001.jpg, Sarah_002.jpg, Sarah_003.jpg, etc.....

  83. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This calls for ...

    Playmobil!

  84. Daniel Bennett
    Happy

    LMFAO!

    Was reading the original comment from Sarah... And as much as I agreed I thought ... Nah ... I can't see any mods on "Da Reg" to suddenly lose the fucking plot like that! So i left until now to comment :P

    Well done Sarah - Best April Fools i've seen all day!! Beats the Funeral offering anyway...

  85. Chris Lovell
    Thumb Up

    Lazy gits

    Alas, some of us actually had to work today rather than sit on El Reg all day participating in these fun frolicks, but thanks all the same as they've been most fun to catch up on this evening. Full marks to you Sarah, and long may you reign!

  86. Poopie McStinklestein
    Alert

    Not enough

    PVC thigh-highs cost at least £70, more if you want them in latex. What'll she do with £30?

  87. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Ultimate sacrifice

    Sarah,

    OK, so I disabled NoScript and even clicked on a few adverts in your honour - what greater accolade can a geek offer?

    Won't stop the lame jokes though...

    Mine's the one with ODFO embroidered on the lapel.

  88. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How could you tell?

    ...about the anti-semitic wanker? Did he attach pics showing the activity?

    In fact, don't you think it more probable that he was an anti-Simantec wanker?

    (wanders off muttering nort on your life....)

  89. Maverick
    Happy

    @ Sarah Bee

    can we have an " 'orrible lot " icon - but restricted to those of us who made bad boy remarks?

    go on Sarah, you know you want to :)

  90. Maty

    better leave my coat where it is ...

    Good as it is to read that Ms Bee's comments were indeed due to it being that time of the month (i.e. the first, it being April), I could only wish that our Moderatrix had not expressed her rant with quite such splendidly Shakespearian eloquence. It was a wonderful read, and given the nature of the commentards(TM) on El Reg, I do hope that the gentlemen will refrain from Bee-baiting in the hope of an encore. I'm not holding my breath though.

    I join the ranks of those crestfallen readers who will never be able to make the necessary despicable pro-nazi comments apparently required for the opportunity to kiss the Moderatrix's undoubtedly delectable derriere.

    sigh

  91. Liam Johnson

    @Sarah Bee - Dearie me.

    Ha - I knew it wasn't true.

    Although after the wee fracas last week, there was a tiny little bit of doubt.

    Mysogenistic, hrumpf.

  92. The Dorset Rambler
    Thumb Up

    Just brilliant social engineering

    If that was all planned: story has PMS element ensuring comments referring to that, massive hissy-fit in middle et al then it was just brilliant.

    If, however, the hissy-fit in the middle was done on the fly, then it was extremely brilliant.

    Hats off to you all.

  93. Codge
    Coat

    Blob strop?

    OK. We should have seen it for what it was.

    1} Women with rampant hormones should be barred from positions of power. Always! It's just NOT RIGHT!!!

    2} See 1} above...

    Grape oil and cinnamon massage?

    Yes, I know, I'm going already...

  94. Dr O'Pfickse-Dwydth
    Happy

    Attack of the Killer Bee

    Sarah, I caught this story after you'd confessed and had to go back to the earlier story to see your rant. Nice!

    I like to think I'd have seen through it, but am very happy Ms Feisty's still in town.

    How about a subscription service for fast-track access to your future flames, or a paypal-gated link for pay-per-flame?

  95. Graham Marsden
    Boffin

    @Poopie McStinklestein

    > PVC thigh-highs cost at least £70

    Sheesh, do some research, you can get them from £55!

  96. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I just have to say...

    ...that my self delusional sense of anonymity has been torn away like plastic wrap and now i feel naked and exposed in front of you all with my prepositions dangling in the wind for all to see.

    How can I regurgitate my plain-chant screeds knowing that somewhere there is some sentient entity applying their critical thought to my words? Judging them. Measuring them against some yardstick of decency and silently judging them. Publishing those words with contempt and pity for the author simply because that author chose not to think about what they were saying.

    Am I to moderate myself to protect myself from the disdain of this self -or other self - appointed moderatrix? Must I begin considering my thoughts before anonymously broadcasting them to the world? I think not. If this is what the world has come to, what hope have we for humanity? What sort of thoughtful, literate, dystopia lies in our future. A terrible world where word and deed must be preceded by thought. No child of mine will grow up in such a world.

    No. Joke this is not, though foolishness it most certainly is. You have torn down the fourth wall - the dirty bamboo screen behind which the naked vicar inside all of us skulks. Oiling himself and humming Jerusalem. And now the vicar is gone. Grabbed up his cardigan and slacks and fled, glistening, into the night. He may never return - and all for a fool's day prank. Happy now? I thought not.

    I have a good mind to cancel my subscription.

  97. unitron
    Unhappy

    Don't complain, guys

    In the UK you have Sarah Bee.

    Over here in the US we get Sarah Palin.

  98. Codge
    Thumb Up

    @ I just have to say

    Absolute classic!

    WMCIS!

    Brilliant. This is why I keep coming back here for more!

    Cheers!

  99. Steve Spiller

    @unitron

    You owe me a new keyboard! Do you realise how much pain cola causes when it squirts out of your nose?

  100. SisterClamp
    Flame

    Piling on

    After all that, it's obvious that Samantha can't be expected to shoulder this burden on her own. Just the impetus I needed to join this rowdy crew.

    Flames because -- as someone married to someone somewhat famous once said (XY, btw) -- sometimes throwing gas [sic] on a fire makes it worse ... sometimes it puts it out.

  101. Anonymous Coward
    Alien

    She's Back....

    I for one welcomes (back) our whip wielding moderatrix overload in tight spandex and shiny leathers.. and oh yeah, wearing brand new £30 shoes...

  102. Trevor Pott Gold badge
    Dead Vulture

    I can't believe it.

    So many comments. Not a single "I for one," a mere handful of Paris, and most people seem coatless.

    Well: I, for one would have been deeply depressed and saddened had Tea and Ears not kept the lovely and intelligent Moderatrix around. I'd rather a lunch with the Killer Bee than a night 'in Paris,' and yes, why thank you, that IS my coat.

    (Truethfully though, I'd have been heartbroken if you left for anything otehr than a fantastic new job Sarah. Always a delight to have you minding the madhouse and keeping us lot in check.)

  103. Clint Sharp
    Paris Hilton

    @Unitron

    "In the UK you have Sarah Bee.

    Over here in the US we get Sarah Palin."

    Yehbut, you're yanks, you deserve Sarah Palin.

    Us Brits however, well, %deity% save our gracious Moderatrix and if she decides to go commentard hunting in a black helicopter, good luck to her I say.

    Paris 2012... You know she deserves your vote.

  104. Chris Matchett
    Paris Hilton

    @Graham Marsden @Poopie McStinklestein

    >> PVC thigh-highs cost at least £70

    > Sheesh, do some research, you can get them from £55!

    Yes. £70 for used.

  105. Law
    Thumb Up

    @ I just have to say

    "You have torn down the fourth wall - the dirty bamboo screen behind which the naked vicar inside all of us skulks. Oiling himself and humming Jerusalem. And now the vicar is gone. Grabbed up his cardigan and slacks and fled, glistening, into the night."

    Most disturbing visual in a long time.... *high fives*

  106. Mr Brush
    Thumb Up

    Many a true word spoken in jest.

    I'm sure there was some truth in Sarah's rant. Must be nice to get it off your chest once a year eh?

    Nice to see El Reg keeping up the April Fool tradition. It was a pretty bleak day for humour yesterday everywhere else. Must be the recession.

  107. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    this'n'that

    Aw, you guys. Just a couple of things:

    - Yes it was all planned. It was an entirely manufactured and manipulated self-parodic kind of hissyfit. (Sorry to disappoint the conspiracy theorist who surmised that the rant was real and the "ha ha, April Fool" was just an excuse. Although of course it's true there are a few rotten apples with views I er, can't get with, who do gross me out on occasion - just not very many, hearteningly.)

    - Yes, the anti-semitic comment I rejected was real, over on Lewis's killdozer story. But this is one of the rules of the threads: Any story mentioning Israel and/or Palestine shall beget a thread bearing many dodgy things about Jews. (I'm not completely Jewish, tho, since it's matrilineal - just Jew*ish*. But whether I was or not I'd still nix the nastier comments because it's the thing to do. I nix the nastiest stuff about anyone or any group, as far as possible.)

    - 'CVs' should not have an apostrophe - strictly speaking yes there are letters missing, but this does not cause the possible confusion which would necessitate a mark for clarification. In other words, it's obvious it's a plural.

    I mean, I think it's allowed now to use one if you really think it's necessary, but it ain't proper, as far as I'm concerned.

    - Sub-editing is half my job here - moderating is the other half. With the odd bit of writing whenever I manage to slip enough sedatives into Lester's tea. I don't moderate *all* the comments - the other sub does too, sometimes the writers here and there. I'm just the only one who stamps around shouting at people in the threads. Well, so far no one's told me not to...

    - You really don't need to conclude that I'm a misandrist because I deplore some of the attitudes towards women on display here and there. It doesn't compute. If I'm ever roused to go "oi" then it's a specific beef, not a generalised swipe, and it's about the opinions and the individuals, not the gender at large. Misandrists hate men. I don't.

    Besides, as should now be obvious, I don't always literally mean everything I say.

    - There is still a distinct lack of shoes around here. And ears.

  108. Trix Bronze badge
    Thumb Up

    Seconded

    "- You really don't need to conclude that I'm a misandrist because I deplore some of the attitudes towards women on display here and there. It doesn't compute. If I'm ever roused to go "oi" then it's a specific beef, not a generalised swipe, and it's about the opinions and the individuals, not the gender at large. Misandrists hate men. I don't."

    Compare:

    a) Don't talk such sexist tosh, you morons

    b) All men are testosterone-poisoned Neanderthals, and should not be allowed out of the house unescorted due to their ungovernable urges to assault and rape women (or anything that stands still long enough), and I wouldn't let one of them touch me with a bargepole... or any kind of pole...

    Only one of those statements represents misandry (hint: not a)

  109. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    Latin!

    Actually, CV never requires an apostrophe, curriculum vitae as the singular and and curricula vitae as the plural.

    I don't know, does no one know Latin any more?

    </language geek>

  110. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Anyway, about that thing I won

    where do I pick it up?

  111. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Anyway, about that thing I won

    Go to the top of the tower and await further instructions.

  112. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    I like the coat jokes

    Mine's the one with flogging a dead horse on it.

  113. Jimmy

    Choose shoes.

    A derisory £30 for a pair of shoes? This kid has to be worth at least a pair of Jimmy Choo stilettos at £300.

  114. Matthew Joyce

    Peasant's Corner...

    Sarah, Jack et al:

    - 'CVs' should not have an apostrophe - strictly speaking yes there are letters missing, but this does not cause the possible confusion which would necessitate a mark for clarification. In other words, it's obvious it's a plural.

    I mean, I think it's allowed now to use one if you really think it's necessary, but it ain't proper, as far as I'm concerned.

    -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

    Just to be pedantic for the hell of it, there are no letters considered as missing in the abbreviation CV. Otherwise, you'd have to use its correct plural form - curricula vitae - which would still have to be abbreviated as just CV. Without a letter S anywhere to be seen.

    Finally, no comment would be complete without the obligatory attempt to make Sarah feel dribbled on, so should The Moderatrix ever feel the urge to visit Holland, I'll stand her an "I've Quit El Reg Hissy Fit" drink over here. The rest of you El Reg buggers are welcome too, but since you all still have your jobs, you can also pay for your own round.

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