back to article Playboy TV offers 'Jacq off' special package

The ultimate demotion of Home Secretary Jacqui Smith, from grim-faced scourge of individual liberty to national joke, came one step closer last night with the launch of Playboy TV’s Jacqui Smith VIP package. Responding to the press furore over the nocturnal viewing habits of Jacqui Smith’s little helper, Richard Timney, they …

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  1. Ad Fundum
    Linux

    Scat + BDSM seems most likely

    I don't know the titles but I believe one 'additional feature' was scat-related, whilst the other was a BDSM title.

    Which makes sense when you think about it; as Home Secretary, Smith has been shitting on us all for years whilst trying to shove a ball gag in our mouths at the same time.

    Please sign the petition:

    http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/Sack-Ms-Smith/

  2. Eponymous Cowherd
    Thumb Up

    Top class.

    ***"The ultimate demotion of Home Secretary Jacqui Smith, from grim-faced scourge of individual liberty to national joke"***

    Brilliant, John! Pure class.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    You must be JOKING

    if you think that a little humiliation like this will make any of the current load of parasites leave the trough.

    The only way to get rid of WJ is to drag her (screaming) from the building.

  4. Liam Johnson
    Unhappy

    sweeeet

    Couldn't have happend to a nicer person.

    Frowning icon because I am "at work" and should not really be rolling on the foor at all.

  5. Chief Engineer
    Paris Hilton

    Genius

    Pure Genius

  6. Julian I-Do-Stuff
    Happy

    You owe me a coffee...

    "is* Mr Timney prepared to come clean..." [*shurely past tense required?]

    Anyway, having wiped the coffee off the keyboard and screen...

    lest Mr T, having been exposed...

    ... to the corrupting influence of that sort of thing should succumb (fnarr, fnarr) to its pernicious influence, isn't some Re-Educashun in order? Strict re-educashun... please mistress?

    Or is it all dirty-water-under-the-bridge* now?

    *Troll porn

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Sex changes too?

    "his is an odd observation to make in a week when the arrangements of other well-known female MP’s, most notably Tony McNulty and Harry Cohen"

    Am I missing something here?

  8. David Adams
    Coat

    But seriously...

    ... where do I send the money to.

    I'm happy to pay for this poor man's Pr0n.

    As Wacky Jacqui is so puritanical they obviously won't have sex, ever, so there is no-one in this country who can demonstrate a greater need for some quality "Me Time".

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Meanwhile...

    ... the rest of the cabinet can be seen on Bravo at 10:00 is "The World's Greatest Disasters"

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    The Sexism Card

    "In interviews since, Jacqui Smith has attempted to play the sexism card: people are only focussing on her and her home arrangements because she is a woman."

    Any links to such interviews, please?

  11. Martin Lyne

    Hmm

    Have they done a study on the usage of porn related to being married to a haggard, domineering, privacy-hating beast?

    The downfall, so sweet to watch. Holier-than-thou public servants - never ends well.. for them, anyway.

  12. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Scat + BDSM seems most likely

    http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/nobodyispayinganyattentiontowhatyouwantorwhenyouwantit

    http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/ifyouthinkallyouneedtodoissignapetitiontoeffectchangeyouareanass

    http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/sogetofftheinternetanddosomethingmoreproactiveinstead

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    der

    everyone has teen offerings, becouse everyone wants to be an 18 year old stud ramming delicious school girls. Sadly in the real world we are anything but 18 year old studs, and we are most certainly never going to be ramming anything delicious, except maybe and pie.

    Remember the hurrar over the school girl image being used to sell something or other in a paper not so long back.

    Oh well, I love our puritain ministers, I thought we'd got rid of them a while ago after they banned music and dancing (that'll be on the agenda sooner or later - music and dancing making people misbehave...)

    I was thinking the other day, about how getting put on the sex offenders register basically invalidates the rest of your life. Wonder why so few of them decide to take up serial murder to pick up the slack, can't get a decent job, can't travel abroad, run the risk of being ran out of your home, treated like a monster, may aswell become a monster right? Where would all the "but we do it to protect the children" types be after some guy/girl murdered and dismembered 50 people at random over the course of a few months, becouse their lives were over thanks to modern justice?

    Anyway back on point - lol, the more lulz the better, we don't get much opportunity to do that anymore.

  14. Big Bear

    I'm DISGUSTED with PlayBoy

    Consarnit!! More Government corruption and pork! Why should they get cheap pr0n, paid for eventually by the public purse that pays their wages (assuming they don’t fob it off as another expense) when I have to pay my hard earned, halved after tax dough into providing my own cheap and nasty viewing pleasure????

    AND I CAN’T EVEN CHUCK IT INTO MY COMPANY’S EXPENSES AS “BUSINESS ENTERTAINMENT”!!!!!!!!!!

    Seriously annoyed with PlayBoy now… off to rejoin the world of Hustler… it’s like Apple vs MS, but just bouncier…

    Where's the Evil Heff icon?

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    Liquid assets

    As a potential offender, has Jacqui's husband deposited a sample of his DNA in her 'database'? Or did he just blow off at the media? Perhaps after the expense row, she could do with a swift transfer of liquid assets.

    There's more where that came from.

    Etc... etc...

  16. Mr Ropey
    Gates Horns

    Wackoff Jacqui package?

    So our so-called over worked MPs and their staff may now have the opportunity to indulge in some "educational adult films" to help them unwind for a reasonable rate? Does this mean there may be fewer complaints about expenses abuse?

    Paris, becuase she may help our parliamanterians de-stress!

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    Muahahah

    The article could only be Rated: Oh Orgasmic!

    But not for you jacqui, not for you ! Nothing to Hide ?

    Never mind, you could always turn to the "weed".

    /Black Helicopters coz i doubt she would be impressed to read the comments coming her way.

    /OT, seeing as Nu Lab are hell bent on incorporating themselves into our daily lives, when will the Reg be implementing a daily mail shot of readers comments to our leaders to save them from the EU with regards to Deep Packet Inspection.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Hahahahahahaha

    Oh the irony, hahahahahahahahahahahaha

  19. Pete Silver badge

    dose of her own medicine

    Let's talk about surveillance. Given that the urban population of the UK is under nearly constant scrutiny from the moment they leave the safety of their own homes and the CCTV cameras zoom in on them, like vultures watching a dying cow. it's nice to see that our wacky friend, who's department is responsible for prying into all our private lives, gets some intrusion into her own private life. I wonder if she'll ever make the connection between the way we all get hacked off when observed and the way she feels when the spotlight is turned on her.

    Maybe what we need is a little more investigation in to the private goings-on of our politicians. How about starting by publishing, in the original unexpurgated form, all their expenses submissions. We could continue with websites listing every trip they make - whether it's to their constituency, the kebab shop (complete with armed guard), or a late night tryst. Finally we could put all their phone conversations on youtube, so that we can really get to know them and maybe vote on them, too.. Afterall if we're paying for all these things through their limitless expense accounts, isn't it just fair and proper that we can see where our money's going. You never know, it might even cut down some of the more blatant abuses.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Rulebook of the Britards

    Don't get too excited, everyone. The rulebook of British government is that despite egregious betrayal of the public good in the name of security or morality, the downfall of our public servants never actually occurs in connection with any judgement of their actions - instead, a little scandal of peripheral interest is whipped up to embarrass and ultimately "disgrace" whichever interchangeable cabinet minister or MP it is that is struggling with the PR offensive necessary to push through whatever unpalatable measures are on the government agenda.

    Of course, the tabloid-reading Britards love their "sex scandals" and may even muster views about some supposed hypocrisy, but there was never any chance of having, say, Tony Blair removed from power and prosecuted - at best, the rulebook states that a financial impropriety or dodgy liaison would have brought about any premature downfall. If Gordo has to step down, it'll be about his profile or "public confidence" in him, with a little scandal might help him go: maybe he didn't get his planning permission for a shed back in 1982, or something equally banal.

    Pay attention Britards: the replacement for this interchangeable figure will be pushing the same agenda. Will you be too busy celebrating a false victory to even notice?

  21. Tony

    Wow

    They make flavoured porn now? Why was I not told about this revolutionary breakthough??

    Or was this some racial comment? (Vanilla as opposed to chocolate?)

  22. Andy ORourke

    @ Chris Monteiro

    "his is an odd observation to make in a week when the arrangements of other well-known female MP’s, most notably Tony McNulty and Harry Cohen"

    Am I missing something here?

    Yes, Should have read:

    <sarcasm>"his is an odd observation to make in a week when the arrangements of other well-known female MP’s, most notably Tony McNulty and Harry Cohen"</sarcasm>

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    We couldn't find that petition | Number10.gov.uk

    We're not sure which petition you're looking for. Please try the following:

    * If you typed in the location, check it carefully and try typing it again.

    * Look for the petition on the list of all petitions.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Crooks!

    I dont care if he was watching High School Musical - the fact is the Home Secretary has once again been caught red-handed fiddling her expenses.

  25. Mad Mike
    Joke

    'Jacq off' special

    What is playboy implying?

    Is it suggesting, with some sort of inside knowledge, that Jacqui also uses the same services as her husband?

    Or, is this a special channel featuring only Jacqui for others to 'jacq off' to?

    Off to sit down now.................................I suddenly feel rather faint, dirty and in need of someone to talk to.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    Here's what really happened....

    Ms Smith was out somewhere (or staying at her sisters...). Mr Smith (or whatever his stagename is ??) decides to "pop out" for the evening playing "mums and dads" somewhere else. The protection boys guarding the house decide it will be a wheeze to watch a couple of adult orientated promotions in order to stay awake......Mr Smith gets back, realises what has happened, and in order to protect his "popping out" decides its easier to cough watching pr0n than having to face the Mrs......about where he has been. You couldn't make it up...

  27. John Ozimek
    Paris Hilton

    The sexism card

    I knew I wasn't imagining it...but for a moment could not remember where I found it. Last week, in an interview in the Telegraph and speaking about her expenses, Jacqui Smith is reported as saying:

    "She is clear that she will be fully exonerated, hinting that she thinks a male home secretary would not have been questioned for opting to live away from a young family for much of the week."

    Full interview at:

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/lawandorder/5061422/Jacqui-Smith-Interview-I-know-where-balance-lies-with-civil-liberties-and-security.html

    Oh - and for those questioning my description of Tony McNulty and Harry Cohen as female...er, that's irony, that is. Or sarcasm. Or some sort of literary device. I know we're not supposed to use literary devices. My apologies.

    Paris. Cause she's not allowed to use literary devices either.

  28. George
    Happy

    George Likes This

    I think this is great sport, and I love the way politicians are so emboldened now by all the laws they have created for themselves that there is no question of her resigning or Gordon Brown sacking her. He is standing by her and making himself look like a twonk.

    At least in Major's day they resigned eventually.

    Imagine going to a meeting yesterday knowing that your bosses husband watches porn and you have proof, now that would be a meeting, you could pretend it never happened or just about about him and smirk. Now imagine it for a really very important job and somebody who represents our country...oh dear. Lets hope nobody important is coming to town this week for important meetings.......oh dear.

  29. This post has been deleted by its author

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    ROFLMAO

    I still haven't stopped laughing at this.

    Couldn't have happened to a worse person.

    Arrogance.

    Politician above the law

    Corruption

    Hypocrisy

    Smoke and Mirrors

    Sleaze

    This story's got the lot and the arrogant scum still won't resign!

    That is by far the biggest problem with this government's corruption; they take no personal responsibility for their actions - but are happy to spy on all of our actions (for our own good, of course)...

    I do hope this story never goes away.

  31. Markie Dussard
    Thumb Up

    @Rulebook of the Britards

    Hear, hear!

    As a Britard myself, I can't help wondering why we reduce such an important political revelation to such sniggering crap about what movies were watched.

    That's not the real issue. The real issue is the arrogance underpinning all these corrupt behaviours (whether by Wacqui, McNutty or whoever). They seriously believe that this is acceptable behaviour and that the tax-payer doesn't need to know about these systematic abuses - on the grounds of national security, I believe. The tax-payer is a lesser being. How does it feel to have the scales pulled from your eyes, cash cows? That's all we're worth to these people - whatever their political stripe. Vote up, pay up and shut the fuck up!

  32. Prag Fest
    Stop

    Stop

    Will you guys leave it out, don't you realise 'she's doing a great job'.

  33. Jonathan

    @David Adams

    Agreed.

    Lets start a chartiy pot to pay for Wacky Jacky's husband to be able to watch some good porn. If his wife is too strict to pay for it, or get the taxpayers to pay for it, I think its only right we step in and help a fella in need.

    Besides, he married her, he needs all the help he can get.

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Vanilla sex? Fnarr! Fnarr!

    ...requires a confident grip and some dextrous licking to avoid drips, trying not to get your fingers sticky before a quick nibble on the chocolate bits. Dont get the nuts stuck in your teeth.

    Then you bite the bottom off and suck for all you are worth. Finish with lots of tissues. If you're with your mum, she will most likely spit on them first.

    Filth!

    The dirty brown mac, please.

    In the words of Lee Marvin, "Oh, the shame of it all!"

  35. Juillen
    Coat

    Karma

    Can be truly entertaining for onlookers..

    For almost anybody else (can you imagine trying to embarass Boris with this?), there'd be a sheepish apology about it being an oversight in the complexity of keeping things in place, and people would have passed on a good natured ribbing and forgotten about it (well, all the sane ones anyway).

    But for Wacky Jackie, the Puritan Princess..

    Dear lord, Laruel and Hardy couldn't have beaten the comedy value from this.

    Incidentally, when do her rebuttals appear on the Comedy Channel?

    Mine's the one with the wallet in the pocket to help out with the cable bills to show my appreciation of the entertainment value.. Long may it last!

  36. EdwardP
    Flame

    Mod parent up...

    @Rulebook of the Britards: Nailed it.

    Now, lets make an issue of this...

  37. Alistair
    Paris Hilton

    I think its fine

    As long as he has to pay tax and NI contributions on his masturbatory material.

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    Re: Scat + BDSM seems most likely - WRONG PETITION!

    WRONG PETITION!

    The petition referred to in the very first comment is one that criticises Jacqui Smith for not doing enough to support the police: http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/Sack-Ms-Smith/

    "Jacqui Smith has overseen the most destructive period of activity by this government on the moral of the various British Police Forces and should be sacked and replaced by someone who actually understands how important the police are for the safe operation of a society."

    Do you really want to help Jacqui Smith claim that the public demand she do even more in her efforts to build a police state?

    A better petition could have been this one: http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/sackjacqui/

    "Since taking the post of Home Secretary we, the public, having become increasingly alarmed at her inordinately extreme actions with regard to various events. The latest being to question the European Courts' decision to castigate the UK government for the illegal retention of DNA samples of non-offenders. It is to be hoped that the government can find someone of less Stalinist conviction."

    But it was rejected, on the grounds that "It was similar to and/or overlaps with an existing petition or petitions". The site then refers to the first petition - even though it's almost a petition for the opposite! It's as if you're supposed to petition for more of a police state, rather than less of it.

  39. Mike Shepherd
    Happy

    "Vanilla" ???

    I assume this means missionary position only and "in the context of a loving relationship".

    This isn't like the porn I've seen ^H^H^H^H^H been told about.

  40. Dark Ian

    I agree with Ms Bee

    (hey that rhymed!)

    Those Gov petitions are just a ruse. They make web clowns think they're being listened to. After the service went live (they probably used the term 'rolled out') they were popping up everywhere for everything.

    Waste of time.

  41. Sentry23

    On Vanilla...

    Interesting for the Home Office to use the term 'Vanilla', since this word is mainly used in the BDSM scene to indicate 'plain (boring)' sex.

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @ John Ozimek, Re: The sexism card

    Thanks for the link!

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    'Jacq off'

    I love it. I'll buy the T-shirt. Let the chant reverberate across the rooftops of Old London Town this week:

    'Jacqui,Jacqui,Jacqui...

    ...OFF OFF OFF!

    ..etc.

  44. Eponymous Cowherd
    Paris Hilton

    Re: Britards

    I am, for one, hoping that Brown keeps the current sorry, pathetic bunch of Ministards until the next election.

    Best way of ensuring a Labour defeat.

    Paris. Smarter than your average MP.

  45. George

    You know the internet petition thing is rubbish...

    ...when the first big one on fuel was met by the response "We are listening to you but I have decided to ignore you like the other partitions I receive. Thank. Tony"

  46. Dave
    Boffin

    @Sentry23

    Actually, the comments seem to indicate that it was Mr Smith himself who used that phrase, thereby strongly suggesting that he is familiar with the terminology of BDSM, if nothing more...

  47. Graham Marsden
    Paris Hilton

    So...

    ... Wacky (whack off?) Jacqui and her friends want to control everything we do and see and read and download.

    Given that it's now clear she can't even control what goes on in her own home, perhaps she'll learn to mind her own business and get out of *our* bedrooms?!

    Of course, as the AC in the "Britards" post points out, even if she is replaced it will no doubt be a case of "here comes the new boss, same as the old boss"

  48. This post has been deleted by its author

  49. Gianni Straniero

    Porngate

    It's difficult to strike the right balance here. On the one hand, given Smith's puritanism, it seems "in the public interest" to know what kind of porn Timney was watching.

    On the other, the basis of all objections to the Home Secretary's ongoing War on Porno, including The Register's, is "what people do behind closed doors" etc. Ergo we should leave him alone.

    Smith's transformation from "grim-faced scourge of individual liberty to national joke" is not particularly unusual. It's a job that invites precisely this transformation, with the added proviso that the incumbent is usually considered a capable individual before they take the reins.

    It's instructive to consider the list of the past few Home Secretaries: Howard, Straw, Blunkett, Clarke and Reid, all of whom started out as individuals of great promise, turned into foaming fascists, and slunk off in ignominy when they cocked it up.

    If only 'heystoopid' were still around. He'd have a fine opportunity to mention the Peter Principle.

  50. RW

    "She is a woman"

    Has that assertion been proven, either scientifically or in a court of law?

    At the very least, Mrs. Timney is so inhuman that neither "man" nor "woman" seems an appropriate epithet. But let's give credit where credit is due: she (it?) would have made an excellent commissar during the bloodier and more compelling episodes of the Bolshevik revolution.

    [Just as His Holiness Pope Benedict would have been an excellent pope ca. 1350.]

  51. MnM
    Heart

    @Dave

    I was wondering about who piped up with Vanilla, as they were way too familiar with the vernacular. If it was Two Tugs himself, what a smoking gun! The tabloids will be infiltrating VM HQ as we speak. If their DBA is reading this, you know what you have to do ;)

  52. Arnie

    if she had any sense

    she'd get an ssl usenet account and download her filth from there. That way she can say they were linux distro's or maybe a game patch.

  53. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    oh to be a fly on the wall...

    ...in the smith household. He must be relegated to sleeping on the sofa by now (unless his porn problem was so serious he'd already taken to doing that on account of his "night-screaming").

    I bet it was raw meat 3 and he's got a big fat black dildo in the bottom of his sock drawer with some poppers and lube. Possibly bought on HM.gov's expense!

  54. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Virgin Media pr0n

    A neighbour tells me that they have this on-demand porn like BBC's iPlayer or Sky's Box Office so you wouldn't have to watch the linear broadcast porn anyway... you know, if it was the middle of the day or something and the mrs was out at an important "hoodies cause cancer" briefing and you couldn't get your internet to work so went looking on the tv instead...

    And given that the other films he bought were pay-per-view on-demand affairs, maybe he was just "testing the menu systems" and had an accident, putting in his pin-number and pressing confirm a couple of times?

    That's what my neighbour speculates, anyway...

  55. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    @RW

    I'm not aware of her status as a female ever being proven in a court of law, however in the court of public opinion...

  56. Throatwobbler Mangrove
    Thumb Down

    I am very disappointed at the reaction here

    You are all being incredibly short-sighted. If anything, this whole affair just reinforces the need for some of the government's security plans to be brought forward as soon as possible.

    None of this would have happened if there had been a National ID card and proper use of biometrics. The grot-watcher would have simply swiped his ID card through the set-top box and provided a quick saliva sample, at which point the box would have been able to cross-reference his viewing privileges with National Pornography Access Register and provide him with a list of movies which are appropriate for a man of his age and interests. If he chose to watch a film, the set-top box would have billed his credit card and then uploaded a clearly marked "BONGO FILM - NOT RECLAIMABLE FROM EXPENSES" notification to his employer and tax office.

    It's really quite simple, and there's no need for puerile schadenfreude whatsoever. Thank God the government has the vision to overcome the mental midget porn - I mean, mental midgets here.

  57. Eddy Ito Silver badge
    Go

    potential [what]dangle winner

    Well folks, "Jacq off" certainly comes close to filling the bill but unfortunately for Playboy, and fortunately for the rest of you, at two words it does not qualify. Remember you are competing for absolutely nothing and I can personally guarantee the winner will receive, via parcel post, absolutely nothing from me in four to six weeks.

  58. elderlybloke
    Happy

    Sex Scandels

    in UK, a couple of decades ago was dozens (true) of Tory MPs , who were found to be sexual deviants .

    It may be better to stick to Labour.

    Also , as I live down in the South Pacific, east of Australia, I have no idea what / who Scat and BDSM are.

    Could someone enlighten me, in rest period between falling over laughing.

    Ta, TTFN

  59. James Pickett

    Mind's eye

    "links between porn and the acting out of sexual fantasy"

    Perhaps it's the only way she can get Mr Timney to co-operate... :-)

  60. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ann Summers

    Currently have an MP special on too - 40% off certain DVDs....

  61. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    well its probably safe to say....

    that wacky jaquie's hubby had his "personal liberty" well under control that night....

  62. Mike Bell
    Stop

    Sofa so good

    "He must be relegated to sleeping on the sofa by now"

    "Private Eye" reports we payed for that, too. Apparently she claimed £704 for a sofa-bed for her "second" home. Still, it's probably a very nice, comfy sofa...

  63. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    RE: On Vanilla... @: Sentry23, dave et al.

    I think you will find that the use of "vanilla" to denote "plain", "boring", "standard", "un-exotic" is related to ice-cream and pre-dates the whole BDSM think by quite some years.

    I am not sure where you come from / live but here in the English speaking world (i.e. the world) vanilla is commonly used as an adjective for pretty much anything where there are plain and non-plain variants.

  64. Toastan Buttar
    Boffin

    'Vanilla' in BDSM Terminology

    When I see the word 'Boring' in a sentence concerning BDSM, my mind tends to wander more towards:

    http://www.mytoolstore.com/milwauke/1675-6.html (Safe For Work *)

    rather than the more common use as 'likely to cause boredom'.

    (* So long as you remember to wear safety goggles)

  65. MinionZero
    Joke

    Vanilla?

    I doubt it was Vanilla porn. Considering poor Timney's choice in women, I would guess he's into S & M :)

    ... especially after she told him what she thinks about the porn! ;)

  66. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    @elderly bloke

    Sorry to admit I know this, but:

    Scat - Involving play with fecal matter

    BDSM - Bondage, Discipline, Sadism & Masochism

    I'll go and wash my hands now.

  67. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Is Mrs. Timney really a puritan or a prude? with footnote on the nature of BDSM

    It's possible that she's neither puritan nor prude, but thinks "gee, now I is da Home Secretary so I's got to act tough on da pervs." And meanwhile secretly enjoys in private the delights of an extensive wardrobe of leather and latex (bought, we hope, not at public expense, but keep looking through those receipts, lads!)

    As for BDSM, now that elderlybloke has managed to pick himself up off the floor after being confronted with the facts of life as they are in the 21st century, I can assure him that most of the practitioners are very weak tea indeed. I used to attend the weekly munches of a local kink group, but got tired of their unending emphasis on whip/spank/beat/flog/flagellate with distinct hints of school-girlish giggles over doing "something dirty". In fact, it was all extremely tame and even more extremely boring. Tough ol' pervs like me need stronger meat than that.

    More anent Mrs. Timney: Maybe Sarah Bee should take her shopping?

  68. Andus McCoatover

    Challenge!!!

    When Thorpe was Liberal leader (67-76) wasn't there an expression "I'll be buggered if I vote Liberal"*.

    Excellent!

    Can't some wag come out with something better than "Jacq off"? (Although it's pretty good...)

    * 'Nuther was "Vote Liberal, or I'll shoot your dog"

    Ref: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeremy_Thorpe#Homosexuality_Scandal

  69. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Stupidity

    It's the stupidity that gets me (as well as the potential corruption) - who the hell pays for porn?

    We, the taxpayers, have already bought them at least one PC and a broadband connection. Have they not got the intelligence to find all the porn they want free on the net like just about everyone else.

  70. James
    Happy

    Appropriate ...

    .. as I write this comment the number of comments is shown as 69...

    However, I suggest that from henceforth The Register use the mnemonic JAS (for Jacquis' Additional Services) rather that Pr0n or whatever other rearrangement of letters is in current use. Perhaps the hark-back to JAZZ -

    Quote:

    "JAS, JASS, JAZ JASCZ, or just plain JAZZ

    It is said that the expression -'Jazz'- arose during the late nineteenth century in the better brothels of New Orleans, which provided music and dancing as well as sex. "

    Sounds pretty appropriate to me !

  71. Dan Breen
    Thumb Up

    NO FAIR!

    The link from the front page suggests there's a playmobile reconstruction for this story!!!

    False advertising - I call shenanigans - we want our playmobile reconstruction dammit!

    No idea how you'd spin this using playmobile but it would be fun to see.

  72. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    staying up all night

    ha ha....i get it...erm, you DID mean it that way, didn't you?

    @Big Bear - did you mean the evil heifer icon?

    @Dark Ian - Yes, that's called the rhythm method.

    Paris. Cause she's not allowed to use literary devices either....only battery powered ones.

  73. Juan Inamillion
    Joke

    I wonder

    Does this means Wacky Jacq has vanilla sex with a Flake of a husband?

    Isn't that a '99'?

    Or am I only 'half' right?

    I think I need a little lie down, there there.

  74. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    Can we have a "whip-round" for the poor lad?

    I have an old copy of "boss bitches 3" on DVD he can have - untraceable! Whats her consituency address?

  75. Tom
    Heart

    FAO Inocuous petition masters....

    Please search for 'jacqui smith' on the petition search page, you'll be presented with litteraly thousands of already active petitions.

    Please wipe the foam from your mouths and form a decent lynch mob as least.

    by the way, I saw this lass earlier, I'm ashamed to say it, but the image she protrayed reminded me of the most basic of instincts. Am I going to jail now? I can't work it out these days....

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