back to article US woman attacks missus with sperm-filled syringe

A Massachusetts woman has appeared in court on a domestic assault and battery rap after allegedly attempting to impregnate her wife with a plastic syringe containing her brother's sperm. Stephanie K Lighten, 26, of Pittsfield, was reportedly “all liquored up” when she made unwelcome advances towards her other half, 33-year-old …

COMMENTS

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  1. Eponymous Cowherd
    IT Angle

    Time to get the Playmobil out.

    Not IT.

    But who gives a damn. Top story.

  2. Sweep

    don't need a title

    "her MySpace page is now "set to private""

    and we don't need no stinkin IT angle either!

  3. Alex
    Dead Vulture

    Darn it El Reg!!

    PICTURES!!

    I wanna see them (or a Playmobil re-enactment)

  4. Juan Inamillion
    Coat

    And it's not even Friday!

    I had to read that twice. You really couldn't make that up, could you!

    Oh, and errr... semen doesn't survive for long outside of the body. When you have to take a sample to the hospital, you have to keep the container at body temperature (i.e. under your armpit) and get it there within the hour after ejaculation, otherwise your little soldiers don't survive.

    Unless, of course you're in the car in the hospital car park....

    Apparently.

    /with the snips in the pocket...

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    "Wife"?

    Wouldn't be her wife I suspect. Civil partner, maybe? According to my dictionary anyway.

    I wonder why doesn't she just get pregnant herself if she's so desperate...albeit with the steaming white love piss of someone other than a close relative preferably.

    Paris...because even she looks classy by comparison.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Sorry, has to be said.

    Clearly Stephanie should stop being such a prick and lighten up.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    One teeny question...

    ...how did she get her brothers semen? Or maybe I shouldn't ask.

  8. Richard
    Paris Hilton

    I know this is an over simplification but...

    Why didn't she just impregnate herself? OK, not with her brother's juice, for down that road oversized foreheads and webbed toes lie, but she could have just gone to a clinic.

    There sure are some crazy people from Lesbos.

  9. This post has been deleted by its author

  10. Andy
    Paris Hilton

    Only in America!

    ... I hope.

    Anyway, if you want kids, being lesbian seems like a relatively fundamental error.

  11. Ivan Headache

    OK

    Where's the picture?

  12. robbie
    Heart

    Unholy Trinity

    Thank God for the prescience and vigilance of our Scottish Parliament and that this sort of thing will never happen here: even if it did noone would be able to keep the photographs.

    Laughing all the way to the sperm bank (they're still handling the odd depositor unlike two other famous Scottish establishments).

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    (No title)

    Why wasn't the story broken here first, considering this is a Lesbian magazine?

  14. al
    Paris Hilton

    Is there a youTUBE version of this story ?

    yup.. bad pun.

    Paris, coz she might've helped her by swallowing the evidence.

  15. Ralph B

    It must be his fault

    Obviously the brother should be imprisoned for his crime of attempted rape-by-proxy.

  16. lansalot
    Go

    shocking !

    It's quite a tale - and one that, frankly, I'd have paid cold hard cash to watch.

    Liquored-up lady-licker lamps lover over minor, mucky, man-goo misunderstanding ?

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    in the words of the Digg hive mind...

    Photos or it never happened.

    Paris because, well, you know.

  18. Andus McCoatover
    Coat

    Wow.

    Don'tcha just luuve Merkan trailer-trash behaviour. Which is why I watch it.

    Cupid Stunts.

    Must admit, she obviously had some spunk.

    <coat/>

  19. Hedley Phillips

    Who on earth

    Who on earth chugs off and then hands the sperm over to their sister?

    Or maybe I don't realise how popular sperm swapping is between siblings.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    I guess the yanks would say ...

    "that gal got spunk"

  21. Whitter
    IT Angle

    Grow up

    Seriously people: this is a very sad story. A woman has been abused here (allegedly of course) - it's not funny.

  22. kain preacher Silver badge

    @ac

    Wouldn't be her wife I suspect. Civil partner, maybe? According to my dictionary anyway.

    Nope Massachusetts allows same sex marriages.

  23. Boz

    picture

    Here is a picture of the girls, from when my local radio station reported on it.

    http://www.wxdx.com/pages/tim_benz/index.html

    The picture is near the bottom.

  24. Matt Bradley

    POIDH

    ^^^^^ You know the drill.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Another sad story

    And I don't know why i'm laughing...sorry old git.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Is it...

    Available on Video yet?

  27. Andus McCoatover

    @Boz

    Thanks, but this video can only be seen by 4.85% of the world.

    Oh, well. Merkans as behavioing as usual .

    (Not @ you, Boz. Just the way protectionism/isolationism works.)

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    You couldn't make it up

    If a man had tried to do something similar, it would have been called RAPE, and it wouldn't be a laughing matter. Apparently, lesbian rape is OK, though.

    I was actually approached once by a lesbian couple (both good friends of mine) with a view to providing a sperm sample. I had visions of mayonnaise jars (why mayonnaise in particular? Why not a jam jar?) and turkey basters, and soon-to-be-regretted drunken teenage gossip from the existing child within the relationship ("You know my little brother? Well, my mum's friend ****** jacked off in a mayonnaise jar one time, and she got a turkey baster and .....") Anyway, as it turned out the one who was going to carry the baby was actually bisexual and would have been OK with more "traditional" methods.

    But other things got in the way, the relationship went through certain changes and my trouser tadpoles were never required in the end.

    Posted as AC, because I am still friends with the other parties concerned.

  29. Bad Beaver
    IT Angle

    Reminds me

    The whole description reminds me of the opening scene of the Dawn of the Dead remake, with the chase, doorbashing, jumping on cars and all. I demand a reenactment.

    In other news, the weblink posted by Boz contains a clip from Family Guy that Hulu won't let me check out because I'm not 'merican. FUCK YOU, HULU!

  30. ThinkingOutLoud
    Paris Hilton

    Pictures?!

    Guys,

    There are enough clues in the story to convince me these "ladies" are unlikely to be the most glamorous creatures in their neighbourhood... (Dungarees, Hush Puppies, crew-cuts, get the idea?) Playmobil reconstruction please.

    Paris because we'd love to hear such a story featuring her & LiLo! Then we can demand photos.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    We need pictures!

    Or at least a Playmobil.

    You really just can't beat a "inebriated dyke with a turkey baster, a pot full of Harry Monk and a glint in her eye" story, can you? Someone's going to spend a long, long time living this one down, probably not least the guy who had a tug into the tinfoil.

    Paris, cos I'd love to baste her turkey

  32. LaeMi Qian Silver badge
    Coat

    @ al

    "Is there a youTUBE version of this story"

    No, but it's on gooTube.

    Ba da dum

  33. KansasGirl

    Artificial pregnancy.

    Another great example of social engineering. Thank God she wasn't successful.

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ooooooh! Oooooooh!

    White wee-wee!!

  35. Youngdog
    Gates Horns

    Oh come oneWhitter...

    ...If they arrested everyone who got drunk and chased lesbians around with syringes full of fresh semen this site would be a lot quieter.

    No?

    Just me?

    I'll get my coat - its the one with the dubious stains on the pockets

    Bill - because he's been trying to do the same to us for years

  36. Telecide
    Paris Hilton

    Confusing

    So the victim armed herself with a turkey baster and her brothers sperm? Bearing in mind that the majority of US shootings occur with the victims own gun, couldn't she see what was 'comming'? Its like something out of a porned-up Carry On film. She could have had someones eye out with that 10cc!

    Paris because she wouldn't allow any of that fresh protein to go to waste.

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Virgin Birth

    With access to the Internet, surely she could have been more effective in her attempts at once removed proxy birth. Some ethyl, a bit of GHB, whambamthankyoumaam, replace the Pills, and why did the periods stop? OMG another Magdalene event?

    Probably work better in Utah though, they believe in that stuff AND are high flying porn consumers.

    Mines the one marked 'amateur theriogenologist' on the back.

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