back to article Hollywood to totally recall Total Recall

Columbia Pictures is in "final negotiations" with producer Neal H Moritz to develop a "contemporary version" of 1990 Arnold Schwarzenegger sci-fi romp Total Recall, the Hollywood Reporter, er, reports. Moritz - whose production credits include I Am Legend and Prison Break - expressed the hope that "advancements in technology …

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  1. Dave
    Stop

    odfo

    sigh. That is all.

  2. Nic
    Thumb Up

    Hey man I've got 5 kids to feed

    Makes me wish I had three hands.

    PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE say they leave in the tripple nipple....

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    TWOOOOOOO WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKS

    TWOOOOOOO WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKS

  4. Andy Worth

    Benny....

    "We'll stump five bucks to see that character at the wrong end of a tunnel-drilling machine"

    If Eddie Murphy is playing him, I'll stump up another ten if they do it with a real drilling machine and no added visual effects......

  5. Luis Ogando
    Stop

    Wanted...

    Person capable of thinking up new ideas for films.

    Please apply to Hollywood, USA.

  6. Matt Bryant Silver badge
    Stop

    Lack of new ideas?

    What tech advancements? The original had all the required effects just fine, thanks. Maybe it's a five-hour-long Bollywood coproduction with singing and dancing digital aliens. Hollywood needs to produce new stuff, not continually rehash the old, otherwise the decline in cinema ticket sales will just continue.

    PS: And I can't think of any current Hollywood actress that could get even close to Sharon Stone as she was then! Right off the top of the phwoar-scale!!!

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    fucking blasphemy

    may their souls get no rest in hell

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Keanu Reeves for the Arnie role!

    He can bring the same expressive range and depth of emotion to this that he brought to the remake of The Day The Earth Stood Still.

    These people are idiots if they think that Total Recall would in any way be improved by modern special effects. Apparently they have forgotten that movie making is about plot and character, and not about a more realistic depiction of Arnold Schwarzenegger hiding inside the fat lady. You would have thought that the comparison between the first Star Wars trilogy and the second one would have cured people of the idea that better special effects == better movie...

  9. Ben
    Coat

    Man ive got 5 kids to feed

    Can i see Ricther at the after party ?

  10. David Simpson
    Flame

    OPEN YOUR MIND

    OPEN YOUR MIND, OPEN YOUR MIND

    Much like "The Day the Earth Stood Still"

    I think if we just remove the plot stick in a bit about the enviroment then go all 21st century on their asses with CGi it will rock.......umm no.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    When..

    ...will somebody in Hollywood realise that they are allowed to have original ideas?

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Why, why, why?

    Is it such a simple concept to grasp: Newer is NOT always better. Leave it alone. Has Hollywood so run out of creativity that all they can do is rehash existing stories?

  13. Matthew
    Thumb Down

    Oh man, this sounds almost as bad...

    As the proposed remake of Smokey And The Bandit (which is to use a Mustang instead of a Trans Am)!

  14. Anonymous John
    Unhappy

    "contemporary version"

    Argh!

    I suppose it will feature Earth ruined by global warming and Martian bacteria huggers who stop Quaid turning on the terraforming machine.

  15. Nick

    Why?

    Why the heck does this need redoing? Its fine as it is, and doesn't look too dated.

    If they're remaking old sci-fi films, I'd like to see a reworking of Soylent Green, perhaps with the after effecrts of the 'discovery' covered.

    And rehashing? Has Hollywood run out of ideas?

  16. radian

    casting

    I suggest Jordan as the bimbo with 3 baps and Jo Brand as a mutant. I also quite like the idea of Tom Cruise playing that robotic cabbie and Woody Allen as Quade.

  17. Ed Blackshaw Silver badge

    WHY?

    Why do they need to remake ANY of the recently gamut of hollywood remakes? Unless it's done by Verhoeven himself, it will be utter tripe, and I seriously doubt he'd want his name put anywhere near it.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Three Nippled Hooker?

    Paris, a chance to re-boost her acting career.

  19. Sooty

    @AC

    "Has Hollywood so run out of creativity that all they can do is rehash existing stories?"

    yes, yes they have!

    http://www.denofgeek.com/movies/166239/55_movie_remakes_currently_in_the_works.html

  20. Alistair
    Alien

    Demure, athletic, voluptuous ... be honest?

    Why oh why oh why?

    There are several thousand other great PKD stories they could raid. How about The Days of Perky Pat? Quite prescient I should say. Now there's a role for LiLo. There was a very good one about toys I seem to remember. And all those god-in-my-head ones ..?

    Keanu is ineligible because he's already played a PKD main character in 'Scanner Darkly.

  21. Roy Stilling
    Thumb Up

    At this rate...

    Soon they'll be proposing remakes of films that haven't actually been made yet, though at least that means we'll actually start getting new films again at last.

  22. jeffrey
    Thumb Up

    I Say

    Why bother, but should this go ahead then I vote for El Reg's inspired casting choices.

  23. David Hicks
    Unhappy

    So they murdered I am Legend

    And now they want to re-abuse one of Dick's stories?

    I have come to dread sci-fi movies these days. I *love* sci-fi books. But so many times they take the book, borrow a theme and then totally miss the point of the story to the extent that they're effectively pissing on the authors ideas.

    Take "I Robot" for instance. Fscking travesty. They took a cerebral exploration of the ramifications of seemingly simple laws for robotic behaviour and turned it into a noisy, Will Smith laden advertisement for Pepsi, Converse trainers and Audi. Asimov must have spun in his grave.

    TR was a cheap enough rip-off of the book, lets not cheapen it further, please.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    Advancements

    The original was pretty good for technology, as mentioned. Can't beat some of the modelling present in the film, especially the exterior views of Mars. The only weakness in the original watching it now is the use of CRT displays on the tube, etc... a Minority Report-style reworking of display tech would be pretty good but hardly worth a big budget remake.

  25. Shades
    Happy

    @AC; RE: Why, why, why?

    "Has Hollywood so run out of creativity that all they can do is rehash existing stories?"

    Well, if its good enough for El Reg these days then why not Hollywood?? ;-)

  26. Toastan Buttar
    Dead Vulture

    Frank Zappa had it right.

    In The Real Frank Zappa Book he said

    "When you compute the length of time between The Event and The Nostalgia For The Event, the span seems to be about a year less in each cycle. Eventually within the next quarter of a century, the nostalgia cycles will be so close together that people will not be able to take a step without being nostalgic for the one they just took. At that point, everything stops. Death by Nostalgia."

  27. Ash
    Stop

    Get your ass to Mars!

    We can put the Hollywood execs outside of the dome.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sack the suites

    So in essence a bunch of people in suites with no ideas are wasting a lot of money? Like Star Trek MMV1 Nemesis, where a genetically enhanced human (Kahn/Shinzon) comes back and takes revenge on the captain (Picard/Kirk) with an amazing weapon that could kill everything (Genesis Ray/Super blaster energy thingy with added cloak)?

    i.e. they had a meeting, the men without ideas in suites decided to remake Star Trek 2, Wrath of Kahn because that sold well. Slap a bit of CGI on it and it'll be fine....

    Does that ever work?

    Isn't it time for Die Hard 5? or Raiders of the Lost Ark 5? 6? Goonies 4? Bond 25?

    How about something totally wacky, like a Romantic comedy staring Julia Roberts and someone.

  29. Paul Murphy

    Ringworld

    If you want to do an original story with CGI effects then look no further than the Ringworld, or in fact any of the Larry Niven books (Gift from Earth, Protector, Long arm of Gil Hamilton etc etc.) would be a good start, let alone so many other authors.

    Just make sure you do it properly, maybe as a 4-parter or something.

    There are SO many stories out there, why oh why do they insist on re-doing the past.

    ttfn

  30. Barn

    Why oh god why?

    That's one of the best Arnie films ever made! Why does Hollywood think they can improve upon it?

  31. jai

    actually i like this idea

    i'm usually against holywood rem(ist)akes but i think this one might be alright

    the original film was an absolute classic, yes, but the f/x look soooo dated these days

    it'd be nice to see the story told with modern f/x

    that said, the cgi f/x will probably end up looking worse than the old animatronics

    still - if this does well then maybe they'll get the idea to remake the Running Man and this time might stick even vaugely close to the original book

  32. Ad Fundum
    Unhappy

    The Wayans Brothers

    As every role of all genders and species - that's about as much as this project deserves.

  33. Haku
    Flame

    Q: How do you make a film fan's blood boil?

    A: By reading this list of 55 remakes that are proposed/being made/in the can:

    http://www.denofgeek.com/movies/166239/55_movie_remakes_currently_in_the_works.html

    How the fuck can they re-make The Karate Kid with Will Smith's son?!? it'll suck more than a truck of Dyson's

  34. al
    Paris Hilton

    Will still Star Arnold & Sharon ?

    BI:2 and T3 did.

    Paris: coz she would be a popular destination for "mind travel".

  35. Maverick
    Dead Vulture

    Repetition

    "Hollywood to totally recall Total Recall"

    "Hollywood Reporter, er, reports"

    I'd like to register my disapproval of the register's rubbish puns.

  36. Evil Auditor Silver badge
    Pirate

    Re Lack of new ideas?

    @Matt Bryant

    "...otherwise the decline in cinema ticket sales will just continue"

    I'm sure - and I'm equally sure almost every hollywood producer would confirm - the decline in ticket sales is solely due to all the film-pirating bastards out there. And it has definitely nothing to do with rubbish films and ticket prices of up to £40.

    EA

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I have but one suggestion for the buffoon that came up with this

    "Get your ass to Mars"

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Oh man, this sounds almost as bad...

    > As the proposed remake of Smokey And The Bandit (which is to use a Mustang instead of a Trans Am)!

    See, that's why GM is in the trouble it's in.

    If it were me, I'd get one of the new Camaros and have the Trans Am turkey painted on the hood. A little custom tail light treatment, poncho emblems -- done.

    A Mustang? Give me a break.

    Paris, because someone should paint a turkey on her.

  39. Chris

    Just checking that...

    ... as a collective group of people who don't truly believe in working on a Friday, that we've got all the memorable lines from the film sorted out and on here. It would a crime of hollywood-remake magnitude if we didn't!

    May I start the ball rolling with "If things have gone wrong, I'm talking to myself, and you've probably got a wet towel wrapped around your head. ".

  40. Yorkshirepudding
    Flame

    fuck you asshole

    twatmongering Hollywood! its a product of its time! may the fleas of a 1000 camels crawl up their exhaust pipes!

  41. Goatan
    Thumb Down

    Undoubtedly . . . .

    Shia LeBeouf will be Quaid and thus ruin another movie with his "contemporary" annoying idoit character type casting.

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    why

    Why don't they ever bring back or remake good shows, like 'BJ and the Bear.' Now there's a concept I can't get enough of, a man and his monkey.

  43. Trygve Henriksen
    Unhappy

    Want to know how Hollywood picks a movie idea?

    First they gather at team of brilliant young minds in a secluded getaway, stuffed full with all they would ever need of books, computers, beer...

    No...

    They have a small cart of books that a manager once 'liberated' from the local library.

    And now they just take turns throwing darts at the books to decide which one to turn into a movie.

    The reason they make all these remakes is that they always forget to REMOVE the books they've already used, or in the case of Taxi and other popular European movies, some rookie in the office left his copy of it in the cart, thinking the cart was for 'sharing good stuff'...

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    how about

    Anne WIddicombe as Kuato (who gets shot in the head)?

    Paris can be the triple breasted whore (who gets shot in the back)

  45. Thomas Silver badge

    Not so much a rehash as a hash?

    Better special effects make a better movie only if your main interest in movies is the special effects. In which case, the rest of the industry is now so adept at taking your money with week after week of films about superheroes that you're not likely to be especially interested in a film about a man that can't fly.

  46. Andrew Campbell
    Joke

    Makes me wish I had three hands ...

    ... Two to cover my ears, one for my eyes!

    Who could they possibly get in to rival Arnie?

  47. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
    Flame

    I don't care

    they can waste their money on re-making whatever they want - why should I give a shit?

    as long as they don't fuck up the original by re-doing anything then everything is just fine.

    if they want to waste their money, let them.

    Flames: because really, these people ought to know where they're going.

  48. Smallbrainfield
    Coat

    This is terrible news.

    McDonalds could cash in though... http://www.b3tards.com/u/899d78c16b9bb1676226/kuato_pounder_sml.jpg

  49. John HInchliffe
    Thumb Down

    NOOOOOOOOOOO

    Just no.

  50. Eric Hood

    Benny

    Michael Jackson for Benny . he will be right at home with the small people in the bar.

  51. Mark McC
    Thumb Up

    I think you're onto something...

    "We at Vulture Central favour Zac Ephron as Douglas Quaid..."

    Hollywood, forget the CGI advancements and give us Total Recall: The Musical, featuring the songs

    - I'll Remember You (Wholesale)

    - Kuato's Lament

    - Just Another Dream?

    - Johnnycab Rap

    - Air Today, Gone Tomorrow

    - Mutant Martian Miner Medley

    Not sure who could play the leads, but Verne Troyer is a shoe-in to play the stomach-dwelling psychic Kuato.

  52. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Tax remakes.

    Isn't Hollywood in Arnies territory?

    Can't he scupper their plans somehow?

  53. Conrad Longmore
    IT Angle

    Have you got a PKD side?

    Why remake a dubious adaptation of a PKD short story anyway? Why not re-adapt the ORIGINAL short story? It's certainly one of my favourites. But you're hardly stuck for material with PKD as he was a prolific writer.. but there have been annoyingly few good adaptations.

  54. Ed Blackshaw Silver badge

    On second thoughts

    I hope they make this, spend ridiculous amount of money on pointless special effects and then it completely flops at the box office and goes straight to betamax. Asshats.

  55. Stef

    Most of you seem to be under the impression...

    ... That Total Recall was a masterpiece. Let's be honest, it was average at best. It was no Predator or Robocop.

    So what if they remake it? WE STILL HAVE THE ORIGINAL AND NO ONE IS GOING TO FORCE YOU TO WATCH THE NEW ONE.

    Hollywood has never had an original idea. There are no original ideas. Take you favourite 'original' movie, and you'll find it was based on a book, or a Shakespeare play, or a Pangean cave painting. Hollywood was built by turning out 600 westerns a week, what do you expect?

  56. Alien8n Silver badge
    Pirate

    stupid remakes

    The most stupifying bit of all this is the sheer quality of unmade sci-fi out there. David Brin, Carl Sagan, E E Doc Smith et al.

    I actually like I Robot tbh, but they should have stuck to the Asimov timeline a bit better. Later books by Asimov would be good to see as well, the Foundation series for example.

    And why stick with Sci-Fi? How about a Jackson style blitz on the other fantasy authors out there, like Eddings and Feist and Brooks. Actually now I think of it, Feist would be an amazing choice, his books often seem more like thrillers set in a fantasy world that a fantasy book with murders thrown in.

  57. RainForestGuppy

    Based on a PKD story

    As with all PKD movie treatments they only taken certain elements, e.g. in Total Recall the idea of having memories implanted/covered up. In the original PKD story, they don't go to mars but they found that Quaid had prevented an Alien Invasion as a child and the earth was safe while he was alive , or was that an implant as well???

    However Total Recall did have one of my favorite movie scenes, Sharon Stone saying to Governor Arnie, that he could tie her up if he wanted. Cold shower time I think.

  58. Nomen Publicus
    Thumb Down

    Brighton Rock ?!

    So, they think that they can find better writers than Graham Greene and Terence Rattigan, and a better director than John Boulting?

    I doubt it.

  59. Tom

    Spoiler Alert

    A remake might be interesting if they were going to stick closer to the book plot.

    The Arnie movie, while enjoyable, certainly bore little relation to the book. Oh sure, it borrowed some plot devices, but other than that they were sufficiently different that even if the movie hadn't been licensed, they couldn't have been successfully sued for copyright infringement.

    Of course, I don't expect Hollywood to ever make a movie where the hero dies and then the Earth gets blown up.

  60. Andy
    Paris Hilton

    SCREW YOU BENNNNY....!

    How can anyone even dare to think of improving on this perfection?

    Oh well, at least ITV4 will have something new to show every week.

    Parris becasue she knows the only way to "get your ass to Mars" is to film it on a cheap camcorder in night-vision mode.

  61. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Cameo roles expected by Sharon Stone...

    Arnie and JohnnyCab.

    Verne "Mini Me" Troyer to play Kuato.

  62. Chika
    Pirate

    wHollyWeird strikes again

    Let's face it, wHollyWeird hasn't got a clue. I forget when they last made a show that I wanted to watch, and that includes the increasing number of remakes to add to the volume of sequels, prequels and other crud they make.

    Having said that, this is what to expect when you let the beancounters loose. They have little imagination and no guts, so anything new is likely to scare them shitless, hence the slew of "guaranteed moneymaking schemes" such as... remakes, sequels, prequels and such.

    Why bother with a live action remake? Crank up the CGI at Dreamworks, Pixar or Blue Sky and do it that way! Whoops, that's an idea! It'll cost money! It's risky! KILL IT! KILL IT!!!

    Okaasaaaaaaan!!!

  63. Scott Swarthout
    Boffin

    RE: Alien8n

    I ould love to see aome E. E. Doc Smith movies, I believe the Lensman series would translate quite well. but I would fear the Skylark series - They'd probably turn it into a romantic comedy.

  64. Mr Lodestone
    Thumb Down

    Cirocco Jones, not Indiana

    Why not John Varley's Gaea trilogy? (SPOILER ALERT) Lesbian scenes, topless titanides fighting a living god in the shape of a fifty-foot marilyn Monroe, giant snakes. With all the film allusions in the novels Hollywood would love it.

    But please don't Hollywood. You'd screw it up royally. In fact I'm sorry I gave you the idea. Here, look into this while I put my sunglasses on...

  65. Bod
    Thumb Down

    No... No... No... No... and... No

    It's wrong in just every way. The original may have dated in some ways, but you still can't remake a classic like this and have it work.

    After all, look at all the attempts to remake Rear Window or Psycho. The originals are dated, but still remains the best. Same goes for a pile of other Hitchcock films.

    Without Verhoeven behind it either it will lose the satirical piss take of US culture that goes way over American's heads and makes it all the more funny (see Starship Troopers for an even more funny example of this. Unbelievable how many people just don't get that one and think it's a serious sci-fi. lol!).

  66. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    @Anonymous Coward - What's wrong with the "suites"

    I, personally, have little problem with the "suites". I would miss the suites during a football match for example. What if the suites hadn't been available for "One night in Paris"!!! Now, it's those damn SUITS that I blame in Hollywood, and also, within our Banking system, that's where I lay the blame ("@#!!@# is a banker, and he banks all day")!!!

    Just tossing my threepence ha'penny into the debacle.....

  67. Kevin Campbell

    Re: Ringworld

    Absolutely! Agree completely. Excellent choice. Or the Lensman series. Or the Dragonriders of Pern. Or any of a HOST of classic sci-fi novels that HAVEN'T YET BEEN BUTCHERED, er, I mean, MADE INTO MOVIES.

    If they can do a credible job with LOTR, then these CAN be done right - so long as the right people are involved. My personal faves would be the Larry Niven classic, "A World Out of Time", or even better "Inferno" by Niven and Jerry Pournelle. I re-read those two every couple of years.

  68. MinionZero

    They come from the same planet, but are from different worlds...

    Writer: I've got an original idea which I think is great.

    Rich Exec: So your idea is unproven in the market then.

    Writer: But they are crying out for something original!

    Rich Exec: They are, that's why we cast someone new in an old successful film idea.

    Writer: But that's not original!

    Rich Exec: Our marketing team say that's a 18.37% different film. 15%-20% sell, >20% too risky.

    Writer: But I want to sell a 90%-100% original idea.

    Rich Exec: I'm sorry, but until you can show its a success, we are not going to make it.

    Writer: But how can I prove it can be a success, without making it?!

    Rich Exec: Have you considered adapting an existing film idea?

    Rich Exec's seek positions of money and power to rule over others. They are not interested in developing an imagination. That's someone else's job. Problem is, without much of an imagination, they cannot imagine new film ideas. All they can do is imagine existing film ideas adapted. Which is exactly what most of them do ... I've actually had this kind of discussion with their kind more times than I can remember. They cannot see (and don't want to see) beyond what has already been done before.

  69. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Whatever Happened to the Making of...

    The Talisman by Stephen King and Peter Straub?

    A LOTR quality remake of Battlefield Earth in 3 Movies or Made to TV Miniseries.

    CGI Clone Wars remake of all the last Star Wars movies. Is it being developed?

    The Stainless Steel Rat by Harry Harrison - Slippery James De-gritz would make a great movie character. James Woods would be perfect.

    The Spell Singer - CGI.

    Much better than remaking the cult classic Total Recall.

    Why Paris? Because she would do better as a voice actor.

  70. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I read it somewhere...

    ... that they were only remaking TR because some idiot thought a movie+game would be a good idea. Got to say I'd be more appreciative of the game than the rehashed movie (how can you get anyone to match the baddies in the original - Ronny Cox, Michael Ironside and - of course - Sharon Stone).

    Still if you don't like it, just don't pay the dosh to see it at the flics and definitely don't buy the DVD/BlueRay.

    But then again, I am the same person who thought "I, Robot" was quite entertaining. Just wish they'd make a good version of "Shockwave Rider" (John Brunner) - especially now that George W is outta-Dodge.

  71. Bad Beaver
    Thumb Down

    No.

    Awww, WHY?! The movie is pretty perfect as is. Any "improvements" would likely rise the PC-factor, and what is Total Recall without all the boobs, MP-wielding dwarfs in stockings, gore and general fourletteredness? The original cast is outstanding. Whom would they cast now?! Vin Diesel & some plastic bunnies?

    Tell you what, they can feel free to pull a "special edition" on it and replace some of the more corny effects with CGI. That would be ok but also — unnecessary. I like Arnold's puppet head quite well.

  72. Chris
    Alien

    RE: Cirocco Jones, not Indiana

    Oooh, I like it! Or any other Varley. Ophiuchi Hotline has much the flavor of H2G2. Oh wait, They already screwed up Millennium. But then again, Varley asked for it himself by turning an excellent short story into a mediocre novel.

    I also second the Niven idea. They could make a whole series of just the adventures of Beowulf Shaeffer alone, although a tall skinny albino isn't right for an action hero.

    Let me also be the first to nominate Ursula K. LeGuin, particularly "The Left Hand of Darkness".

    The there is Gordon R. Dickson's Dorsai trilogy (or the whole Childe Cycle), or Harry Harrison's "Stainless Steel Rat" or Deathword Trilogy.

    Phillip Jose Farmer's Riverworld series, and more.

    Alien, because... well, duh!

  73. Daniel B.

    Get your ass to Mars

    While I do think it might benefit with new FX stuff... I doubt it would be even half as good as the original one.

    Funnily, I frequently pass through one of the filming locations (Mexico City's Chabacano Subway Station) and I've sometimes joked on that topic, like hitting the ground if you ever see Arnie running up the long escalators (which I also frequently use). Wonder if they'll use it again this time...

  74. John Dougald McCallum
    Alien

    SF&F films/Movies

    If they must make films with CGI in them then how about any of the following :-

    The Deeds of Packsinarion (3 books) Nine Princes in Amber(6 Books?) The Serano Legacy(3 books)There is enough work to keep an army of screen writers busy for a couple of decades even if they start right now Alien cos well just COS

  75. Deadly_NZ
    Happy

    Stainless steel Rat anyone??

    Instead of remaking Total Recall (a classic movie) why dont they make the SSR series of books into a movie all the parts are there for a good movie explosions special effects and a story line that runs for quite a few books

  76. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Chika

    "Why bother with a live action remake? Crank up the CGI at Dreamworks, Pixar or Blue Sky and do it that way! Whoops, that's an idea! It'll cost money! It's risky! KILL IT! KILL IT!!!"

    Have you ever actually seen anything Pixar has made, or are you just being angry at The Man to make yourself look cool?

  77. kain preacher Silver badge

    New Ideas

    Hollywood is cared of them. They rather do remakes and formulaic moves than take a chance. I think in the last 4 years of renting moves I saw 3 that I would of paid to go see in theaters. Seriously I dont know how holly wood is staying a float. I wouldn't bother down loading %99.99 of the crap that passes as entertainment . Its like asking a Linux zealot to run windows .

  78. Nic Hoy

    @David Hicks

    The I, Robot film is a bit of a mash-up but the main plot is based on the Asimov book Caves of Steel.

    As others have said Total Recall (much like Minority Report) is far enough removed from the source material for a 'Re-imagining' rather than a remake; like Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes.

  79. Kevin

    I'll bet

    $1000 they will blame online piracy as why the movie tanks

    not the fact that almost 60% of the movies I heard about recently were horrendously done remakes of the originals that there blaming piracy for.

  80. OrsonX
    Alien

    @Paul Murphy re:Ringworld

    Partly agree. I was enjoying Ringworld until about 2/3 of the way through when Larry clearly got bored and finished it up mid action... "and they all went home happily ever after" The End.

    Here's a better suggestion: Consider Phlebas

    I suggest spending every cent left in Hollywood making this epic, the Orbitals being zapped would look awesome (& make the Halo fanboys cry... "but, but": no, Iain got there first, er, after Larry, sort of..)

    Here's another suggestion: re-make The Phantom Bollox, I don't know, for starters leave out robots that say "Roger Roger", .......... (could go on for ever on this one).

  81. Doug Glass
    Go

    The Book Was Better

    "I Can Remember it for You Wholesale" by Philip K. Dick was a much better book than the govenator's flick. Maybe the new version will turn out to be OK. The book deserves a better screen presentation than what currently runs through people's mind concerning this story.

  82. Dave Silver badge
    Heart

    My first thoughts...

    ...were WTF? Why?

    My second thoughts were less focused, more fuzzy and musing on Sci Fi, loosly aimed towards Paul Murphey (but aimed like a friendly orange, not a board-eraser):

    Sci fi films are a dissapointment these days; the only hope I have is that James (Aliens Terminator Abyss) Cameroon's *Avatar* will be all it promises to be, you can do it JC! Computer games offer a good way to present novels since they take several days or weeks to digest, not hours- though really, I just want to crash/shoot things; Bungie, creators of Halo, say they are more influenced by sci fi literature than by Sci Fi movies. Just read the book. Niven rocks, though until recently I had only come across his concepts through Iain M Banks, Halo and Arthur C Clarke. The best film adaptations take huge liberties with the original novel because they want to make a good FILM (or just becuase they HAVE to, in the case of PKDick or William S Burroughs). Blade Runner and Total Recal fucking rock. Is Baxter a cYOUnt? I haven't decided but I'm leaning towards Yes. (Baxter as in "Asimov, Baxter and Clarke" "Aren't you forgeting Bradbury?"- Bart Simpson. )

    How would you like a move of Consider Phleabus to be made? "With a fucking large budget" - Ian Banks.

    WTF? Why remake Total Recall? Make something new, it might work!

    / focus returning

  83. Chris Malme

    @Doug Glass

    That should be "*We* Can Remember It For You Wholesale", and it was a (long) short story, rather than a book. Not to be mistaken for the novelisation of the film, by Piers Anthony.

    You are right that it was far superior to the film (which stuck close to the original for about the first 20 mins, up to the first attempted memory implant). However, it (the short story) was really a bit of a shaggy dog story, so I reckon it would have been pretty much unfilmable in the original form.

  84. Nordrick Framelhammer

    Oh shit

    Why can't those smalldicked asswipes in Hollywank leave good movies alone?

    Twats.

  85. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Well if it's SciFi authors you're after

    ...Why doesn't someone do some L. Ron Hubbard stuff? It's not like there's any of his fiction anywhere visible at the moment.

    Oh hang on...

  86. Claire Rand

    cash in...

    on LOTR by making dragonlance

    ringworld would be good, if done right, but footfall may be better, and has the advantage of allowing them to reuse the 'asteroid hitting the earth' bit as a trailer

    mote in gods eye would be nice but i;d bet they would change the name to avoid 'offence', the sequel would be better but you would have to do the first one first

    the heir to the empire triology would be excellent as well, if done right (i.e. letter the badies loose as opposed to the goodies win)

    there are a lot of good stories out there, i guess the remakes are seen as 'safe' somehow

  87. John Bailey
    Paris Hilton

    On the bright side..

    If the Hollywood movie industry dies, then all the other countries where quality is not calculated in total minutes of CGI might get a look in. Some of the Korean horror, and other far eastern stuff is pretty good. A slightly bigger budget in places, would help. They already have some great plots that don't involve teenage girls running from psychopaths in their underwear.

  88. Chris Seiter

    NES Remake

    You want scary? Try the rumors of a "Neverending Story" remake. If they touch "Labrynth" or "Dark Crystal", I'm outta here.

  89. Eric Crippen
    Thumb Up

    Remake Actors

    As average as the original was, I can't imagine a remake being any better. Either way, I can wait until it hits the dollar bins at the video store.

    Now, if they did a southpark version, I might go see that. They could have a scientology tangent with the whole alien thing... have a bit with Tom Cruise in a closet... maybe some Mormon or ginger people as a sub-plot...

  90. Richard Joseph
    Pirate

    @Kevin - No, the crap movie is a new form of Anti-piracy...

    ....they're calling it HUMDRM. Basically, they save money during the production phase (low budget script, actors, effects etc) and when you've seen the movie once, you don't want to see it again. As the movie is so bad in the first place, there's no need to pirate it, distribute it amonst friends, and once the word is it out that the movie is so poor, your local car booter can't sell it, either. Remember, HUMDRM, it has already been used on the remake of "The Day the Earth stood still".

  91. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Ringworld, etc.

    Seeing decent adaptations of Nivens' books would be good; I'd also like to see the same for Keith Laumer. There are enough Retief stories to make a few years of weekly episodes; for the CGI fans, the Bolos would be perfect. In addition, he did several novels that would be great movies.

    netgeek

  92. Dr Patrick J R Harkin

    I think most Arnie films...

    ...could reasonably to remade by casting Graham Norton or Joe Pasquale in the Schwarzzenrole.

  93. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If it's Hollywood making it...

    ...it's probably better that they stick with a remake. Can you imagine the horror of them butchering a Larry Niven story? Another feeble attempt to convert some of William Gibson's work into a piss poor film?

    Let Hollywood have the remakes, it's about all they're good for. Get a decent British film maker to have a go for a change - they'll probably do a monumentally better job for significantly less cash if the Hollywood suits aren't involved!

  94. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    I dare Hollywood.....

    ... to make a SERIOUS attempt at making "The Mote in God's Eye" or even (god forbid) "Footfall", two of the best sci-fi stories ever written. They did a very good job on "2001 : A Space Odyssey" and "Blade Runner" (regardless of Harrison Ford's dislike of the voice-over), but have messed up so many others that I fear even a remake of TR would be total and utter dross !

  95. Alistair

    Battelfield Earth

    Time to revisit this one, methinks. I read the book once years ago and it was a right rollocking roller coaster of a read. This was long before I'd heard of LRH's other excess of course.

    The first film "imagining" was a travesty, but the first half of it is reasonable. Just stop the disk at the point where the humans learn to fight back, as the shitewood ending has them throwing off their alien oppressors (thereby removing any possibility of a sequel).

  96. Francis Fish
    Boffin

    Not just "We can remember it"

    The whole starving of oxygen Martian tunell thing comes from the little-known Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch (spelling). Also by PKD.

    I wish they would make a proper version of what became Blade Runner, but it would be too dark for Hollywood I think.

  97. Sam

    Nah

    It was shit the first time around.

  98. steven kraft Silver badge
    Go

    While we are updating late 80s/early 90s films

    How about remaking "Die Hard" as the saga of honest mortgage holder/taxpayer John McClain cleaning evil bankers/derivatives traders out of the Citibank building! The UK version could have him exterminating financiers out RBS' headquarters with the finale being McClain dropping that "Fred the Shred" guy out of a window from 30 stories up!

    Or Lindsay Lohan/Amy Winehouse starring as a drug-addled former celebutante trying to resurrect her once-promising career in a new run at "Less Than Zero".

  99. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    Well...

    If they want to go batshit crazy on the special effects then why not do something that no ones seen before like some Ian M Banks?

    'Consider Phelbas' is begging to be made into a movie!

  100. mittfh

    A couple of additional suggestions

    Why not do movie versions of Teletubbies or ITNG? They're considerably more intelligent than much of the stuff that gets churned out these days...particularly films labelled "Comedy" (i.e. aimed at MTV fans [Jackass, Pimp My Ride [1], PH's BFF, 'nuff said])

    Or how about one where the hero valiantly attempts to stop the ex-banker walking away with a pension worth £14k a day...

    Since said hero seems to be AWOL IRL...

    Actually, a good one to make nowadays, especially given the number of people surgically attached to their phones, would be Stephen King's "Cell" - and Wikipedia claims there will indeed be a film, and it will probably start shooting this year :) Let's just hope the director doesn't trash it...

    [1] Read: A Team film, new Knight Rider, etc. etc.

  101. wim
    Flame

    why ? here is why

    For everybody asking why they do remakes here are some suggestions.

    1 they already "own" the idea so they don't have to pay for an idea anymore.

    2 Holywood does not make movies they make a product. That product has to be as marketable as possible. Hollywood will tell you what is good and you will believe it. As a fine example look at dark knight. I admit it is a well executed movie but was it really impossible to have an original idea in the Batman universe ? But now they remaked the first batman so they have a license to remake the rest.

    3 Holywood hates risks. They think that because a movie was succesful in the past any remake will automatically successful in the future.

    So unless the majority of movie consumers shifts away from remakes and hollywood crap you will keep seeing the same movies again and again. Most people now go to see a movie to spend (waste) some time. they don't go to see movies because they appreciate the beauty of a perfect shot or the challenge of a movie that makes you think about society/morals/whatever.

    I sugest you start looking at non US movies. Korean movies for example they are fresh and the directors are not afraid to use shots and ideas hat would be impossible in Hollywood. Have a look at Sex is zero (Korean) The brassiere (Hong Kong), Left turn right turn (or right turn left turn can't be bothered to look it up also Korea). Romantic comedies but so refreshing compared to the hollywood crap as what happens in Vegas. those three movies are also watchable with your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse.

    For a very good martial arts movie look at chocolat (vietnam) amazing fight scenes. I think the movie is about 80-85 percent action. Compare that to most modern fighting movies.

    Rant over

    end of the line

    don't look at Hollywood crap anymore if you want to see some changes.

  102. unitron
    Coat

    @ Matthew

    "Oh man, this sounds almost as bad...As the proposed remake of Smokey And The Bandit (which is to use a Mustang instead of a Trans Am)!"

    They've already done it. It's called Knight Rider.

    I just wish that the recall TV series had lasted longer.

    (mine's the one with the personal O2 supply in the pocket)

  103. blackworx
    Go

    Could be good, could be awful

    The only thing I have to say about the original is that it has not ONE single wasted frame. A rehash has a lot of potential, but it also has a feck of a lot to live up to.

    While we're on the subject, does anyone know what happened to planned remake of Edge of Darkness? Please tell me it was killed off.

  104. pctechxp

    flogging a dead horse

    The original was crap, why do they think it'll be better second time around

    Next one to be remade is The Running Man (which wasn't a bad film), place your bets now!

  105. Martin Glenn
    Heart

    Who loves you and who do you love?

    You beat me to the suggestion of the Running Man, But I agree with a lot of posters on here in both respects, If it bothers you that much don't watch the remake. Also there is a myriad of fine Sci-Fi out there that could be used for original ideas to base a good movie on.

  106. Inachu
    Thumb Up

    The original was awsome!

    The original TV show was awsome and I used to be able to find the reruns online but can't find them anymore maybe on hulu dot com.

    But the american version was also awsome and I hope with todays technoly they make it even better.

    I hope the plot still revolves around the planet mars.

  107. Glenn Amspaugh
    Happy

    Remakes worth watching?

    "How about something totally wacky, like a Romantic comedy staring Julia Roberts and someone."

    Julia Roberts and Drew Barrymore?

  108. James Hughes

    Good titles to film

    What about Peter Hamilton's books - any of them, but starting with one of the Greg Mandel ones. Rollicking stuff.

    And the people who thing EE 'Doc' Smith books should be filmed. Ug. Cheap space opera. Read some decent SF, unless you are under the age of 14 when they are probably OK.

    City and the Stars - A.C. Clarke. Cracking good stuff.

    Strata by Terry Prachett - just to give the Intelligent Design people something to crow/argue about.

    I like the idea of Iain M Banks Consider Phlebas, but perhaps Use of Weapons, just to confuse everyone?

    Ohh, so many good stories to film., Roll on the time when we can plug a book in to the computer and it films it for us....hmm. not that's an idea. I claim copyright on that.

  109. Anonymous Coward
    Gates Horns

    This is television, that's all it is ...

    ... It has nothing to do with people, it's to do with ratings!

    Running Man get my vote for a remake but only if it stays true to the book.

    CGI effects of a plane crashing into a tower should be more realistic since 9/11

    Bill 'cos we're both going to hell

  110. Red Bren

    One for the MPAA lawyers?

    If I already own a copy of the original Total Recall movie, can I download a copy of the remake for free?

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